Interpersonal chapter 7 listening

Listening CHAPTER TOPICS • • • • Listening Defined Elements in the Listening Process The Challenge of Listening Types of Listening Responses Looking Out/Looking In Fourteenth Edition Listening Defined • Hearing Versus Listening • Hearing • The process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain • Listening • Occurs when the brain reconstructs these electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and gives them meaning LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Listening Defined • Mindless Listening • Occurs when we react to others’ messages automatically and routinely • Mindful Listening • Involves giving careful and thoughtful attention to the messages we receive LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Elements in the Listening Process • Five Elements of the Listening Process • • • • • Hearing Attending Understanding Responding Remembering LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Elements in the Listening Process • Hearing • Hearing is the physiological dimension of listening • Can be affected by auditory fatigue • Loud party, concerts, large crowds • Can be more difficult as a result of physiological problems LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Elements in the Listening Process • Attending • Is the psychological process of selection where we decide what gets through • We would go crazy if we attempted to attend to all messages • Attending also helps the message sender LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Elements in the Listening Process • Understanding • Occurs when we make sense of a message • It is possible to hear and attend to a message without understanding it at all • Listening Fidelity • Describes the degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message sender is attempting to communicate LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Elements in the Listening Process • Responding • Giving observable feedback to the speaker • Good listeners show they are attentive by nonverbal behaviors • Verbal behavior also demonstrates attention • Communication is a transactional process LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Elements in the Listening Process • Remembering • The ability to recall information • Research suggests • We remember 50% immediately after hearing it • We remember 35% after eight hours • We remember 25% after two months • Residual message • What we remember from the original message LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR The Challenge of Listening • Types of Ineffective Listening • Pseudo-listening • The imitation of the listening process • Can take more effort than simply tuning out • Stage-Hogging • Turn the conversation to themselves • Sometimes called conversational narcissists LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 10 The Challenge of Listening • Meeting the Challenges of Listening • • • • Talk less Get rid of distractions Don’t judge prematurely Look for key ideas LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 16 Types of Listening Responses • Prompting • Using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out • Questioning • Asking for information can help both parties • Questions can also be a tool for the one who answers LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 17 Types of Listening Responses • Sincere Questions • Aimed at understanding others • Counterfeit Questions • Questions that trap a speaker • Tag question • Questions that make statements • Questions that carry hidden agendas • Questions that seek “correct” answers • Questions based on assumptions LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 18 Types of Listening Responses • Paraphrasing • Statements that reword the listener's interpretation of a message • Two levels at which you can paraphrase messages • Factual information • Personal information • Can be tool for helping others • Shows your involvement and concern LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 19 Types of Listening Responses • Paraphrasing • You can make your paraphrasing sound more natural by taking any of these approaches: • Change the speaker’s wording • Offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about • Reflect the underlying theme of the speaker’s remarks LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 20 Types of Listening Responses • Paraphrasing • Won’t always be accurate • Gives the other person a chance to make a correction • Factors to consider before you decide to paraphrase: • • • • Is the issue complex enough? Do you have the necessary time and concern? Can you withhold judgment? Is your paraphrasing in proportion to other responses? LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 21 Types of Listening Responses • Supporting • Reveals a listener’s solidarity with the speaker’s situation • Several types of support: • • • • • Empathizing Agreement Offers to help Praise Reassurance LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 22 Types of Listening Responses • Supporting • Cold comfort • Deny others the right to their feelings • Minimize the significance of the situation • Focus on “then and there” rather than “here and now” • Cast judgment • Focus on yourself • Defend yourself LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 23 Types of Listening Responses • Supporting • Guidelines for effective support: • Recognize that you can support another person’s struggles without approving of her or his decisions • Monitor the other person’s reaction to your support • Realize that support may not always be welcome • Make sure you’re ready for the consequences LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 24 Types of Listening Responses • Analyzing • Offering an interpretation of the speaker’s message • Several guidelines to follow: • Offer your interpretation as tentative rather than absolute fact • Be sure that the other person will be receptive to your analysis • Be sure the motive for offering an analysis is to truly help the other person LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 25 Types of Listening Responses • Advising • Offering help or potential solutions • Several guidelines to follow: • • • • • • Is advice needed? Is advice wanted? Is the advice given in the right sequence? Is the advice coming from an expert? Is the advisor a close and trusted person? Is the advice offered in a sensitive, face-saving manner? LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 26 Types of Listening Responses • Judging • Responses that evaluate the sender’s thoughts or behaviors in some way • Judgments have the best chance of being received when two conditions exist • The person with the problem should have requested an evaluation from you • The intent of your judgment should be genuinely constructive and not designed as a put-down LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 27 Types of Listening Responses • Choosing the Best Listening Response • Gender • Women are more likely to give supportive responses when presented with another's problem and are likely to seek out similar responses • Men are less skillful at providing emotional support and are more likely to respond by offering advice or by diverting the topic LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 28 Types of Listening Responses • Choosing the Best Listening Response • The situation • People are not always looking for advice Sometimes it is better to just listen • The other person • Always remember to whom you are speaking and adapt to the audience • Your personal style • Play to your strengths • Be aware of your weaknesses LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 29 Chapter Review • • • • Listening Defined Elements in the Listening Process The Challenge of Listening Types of Listening Responses LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 30 [...]...The Challenge of Listening • Types of Ineffective Listening • Selective Listening • Only responds to the parts of your message that interest them • Can be legitimate • Insulated Listening • Failing to acknowledge information the listener would rather not deal with LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 11 The Challenge of Listening • Types of Ineffective Listening • Defensive Listening • Take others’... • Listening is hard work LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 13 The Challenge of Listening • Why We Don’t Listen Better • External Noise • Faulty Assumptions • We often believe we are listening when we’re not • Lack of Apparent Advantages • It often seems that there is more to gain by speaking • Listening is reciprocal, so you get what you give LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 14 The Challenge of Listening. .. of Training • Listening is hard work and requires practice • The common belief is that listening is like breathing • Hearing problems • Sometimes a person suffers from a physiological hearing problem LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 15 The Challenge of Listening • Meeting the Challenges of Listening • • • • Talk less Get rid of distractions Don’t judge prematurely Look for key ideas LISTENING: MORE... EAR 27 Types of Listening Responses • Choosing the Best Listening Response • Gender • Women are more likely to give supportive responses when presented with another's problem and are likely to seek out similar responses • Men are less skillful at providing emotional support and are more likely to respond by offering advice or by diverting the topic LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 28 Types of Listening. .. Choosing the Best Listening Response • The situation • People are not always looking for advice Sometimes it is better to just listen • The other person • Always remember to whom you are speaking and adapt to the audience • Your personal style • Play to your strengths • Be aware of your weaknesses LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 29 Chapter Review • • • • Listening Defined Elements in the Listening Process... based on assumptions LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 18 Types of Listening Responses • Paraphrasing • Statements that reword the listener's interpretation of a message • Two levels at which you can paraphrase messages • Factual information • Personal information • Can be tool for helping others • Shows your involvement and concern LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 19 Types of Listening Responses... Listening • Defensive Listening • Take others’ remarks as personal attacks • Ambushing • Listening carefully to collect information to use in an attack later • Insensitive Listening • Responding to the superficial content of the message and not the emotional tone LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 12 The Challenge of Listening • Why We Don’t Listen Better • Message Overload • Preoccupation • Rapid Thought... Look for key ideas LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 16 Types of Listening Responses • Prompting • Using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out • Questioning • Asking for information can help both parties • Questions can also be a tool for the one who answers LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 17 Types of Listening Responses • Sincere Questions • Aimed at understanding others... • Defend yourself LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 23 Types of Listening Responses • Supporting • Guidelines for effective support: • Recognize that you can support another person’s struggles without approving of her or his decisions • Monitor the other person’s reaction to your support • Realize that support may not always be welcome • Make sure you’re ready for the consequences LISTENING: MORE THAN... 24 Types of Listening Responses • Analyzing • Offering an interpretation of the speaker’s message • Several guidelines to follow: • Offer your interpretation as tentative rather than absolute fact • Be sure that the other person will be receptive to your analysis • Be sure the motive for offering an analysis is to truly help the other person LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 25 Types of Listening Responses ... weaknesses LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 29 Chapter Review • • • • Listening Defined Elements in the Listening Process The Challenge of Listening Types of Listening Responses LISTENING: ... remember from the original message LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR The Challenge of Listening • Types of Ineffective Listening • Pseudo -listening • The imitation of the listening process • Can take... gives them meaning LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR Listening Defined • Mindless Listening • Occurs when we react to others’ messages automatically and routinely • Mindful Listening • Involves