Improving Sentences In each of the questions below, part or all of the sen- tence is underlined. The underlined text may contain an error in sentence construction, grammar, word choice, or punctuation. Choice a repeats the original underlined text. If there is no error in the underlined portion, choose a. If there is an error, select the answer choice that most effectively expresses the meaning of the sentence without any ambiguity or awkwardness. 20. According to a recent survey, 62% of Americans use some form of alternative me dicine; significantly more than the previous decade. a. medicine; significantly more than the previous decade b. medicine, a significant increase over numbers from the previous decade c. medicine, which is a significant increase over the previous decade d. medicine, which, compared to the previous decade, is a significant increase in number. e. medicine, previously in the last decade the numbers were much higher 21. N owadays, standard identification tags can be replaced by microchips implanted under a pet’s skin; these high-tech devices contain an owner’s contact information, making it easier than ever to find lost animals. a. Nowadays, standard identification tags can be replaced by microchips implanted under a pet’s skin; b. In today’s day and age, standard pet identifica- tion tags can be replaced by microchips implanted under a pet’s skin; c. Nowadays, microchips implanted under the skin of a pet can replace standard pet identifi- cation tags, d. Nowadays, microchips can be implanted under a pet’s skin to replace standard identifi- cation tags; e. Nowadays, by implanting microchips under a pet’s skin, you can replace standard identifica- tion tags; 22. Internet search engines are revolutionary in their capacity to provide a free service to users, also offering targeted, low-key advertisements that assist users in their search. a. also offering targeted, low-key advertisements that assist users in their search b. while offering targeted, low-key advertise- ments that assist users in their search c. while, offering advertisements that are low key and targeted to assist users in their search d. while they offer targeted advertisements that are low key and assist users in finding what they’re looking for e. as well as offing targeted, low-key advertise- ments to help users find things 23. C rypt ography, the art or science of keeping messag es secret, which is increasingly important in t oday’s ag e of inf ormation technology, was d evelo ped in o r around 1900 B.C. a. Cryptography, the art or science of keeping messages secret, which is increasingly impor- tant in today’s age of information technology, was developed in or around 1900 B.C. b. Developed long ago, as early as 1900 B.C., cryptography, which is the art or science of keeping messages secret, is increasingly important in this day and age of information technology. c. While it is increasingly important in today’s era of information technology, cryptography, which was developed in 1900 B.C., is the art or science of keeping messages secret. d. The art or science of keeping messages secret, cryptography was developed as early as 1900 B.C., yet it is increasingly important in the age of information technology. e. Developed as early as 1900 B.C., cryptography, the art or science of keeping messages secret, is increasingly important in today’s age of information technology. –THE SAT WRITING SECTION– 222 5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 222 24. Black holes are masses of infinitely dense matter that attract and pull in other matter, althoug h white holes are infinite sources of mass that c ontinually pour forth matter. a. although white holes are infinite sources of mass that continually pour forth matter b. while white holes are infinite sources of mass that continually pour forth matter c. likewise white holes, which are infinite sources of mass, continually pour forth matter d. since those that continually pour forth matter and are infinite sources of mass, white holes e. matter that is continually poured forth from an infinite source of mass is called a white hole 25. F ormally known as sleep apnea, more than 12 million Americans suffer from this serious but treatable condition. a. Formally known as sleep apnea, more than 12 million Americans suffer from this serious but treatable condition. b. Formally being known as sleep apnea, more than 12 million Americans suffer from this serious but treatable condition. c. More than 12 million Americans, who suffer from the serious but treatable disease known as sleep apnea. d. Formally, it is known as sleep apnea, and more than 12 million Americans are known to suf- fer from it. e. More than 12 million Americans suffer from the serious but treatable condition formally known as sleep apnea. 26. Er nest Hemingway’s novel For Whom the Bell Tolls takes its title from John Donne’s 1623 Meditation XVII, “No Man Is an Island.” a. Ernest Hemingway’s novel For Whom the Bell Tolls takes its title from John Donne’s 1623 Meditation XVII, “No Man Is an Island.” b. The novel of Ernest Hemingway titled For Whom the Bell Tolls takes that title from John Donne’s 1623 Meditation XVII, called “No Man Is an Island.” c. For his novel For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway used the title he found in John Donne’s 1623 Meditation XVII, “No Man Is an Island.” d. In Ernest Hemingway’s novel For Whom the Bell Tolls, its title being taken from “No Man Is an Island,” of John Donne’s 1623 Meditation XVII. e. For Whom the Bell Tolls is a novel by Ernest Hemingway which takes its title from the 1623 Meditation XVII “No Man Is an Island” by John Donne. 27. The first interspecies transplant is believed to have been completed in the early 1800s, w hen scientists grafted the tail of a rat onto the comb of a rooster. a. when scientists grafted the tail of a rat onto the comb of a rooster b. with the grafting of the tail of a rat onto the comb of a rooster by scientists c. when scientists, with the tail of a rat, grafted it onto the comb of a rooster d. scientists had grafted the tail of a rat onto the comb of a rooster e. thus, the tail of a rat had been grafted onto a rooster’s comb –THE SAT WRITING SECTION– 223 5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 223 28. Seated high in the amphitheater, ancient Greek actors wore masks so that audience members could see their facial expressions. a. Seated high in the amphitheater, ancient Greek actors wore masks so that audience members could see their facial expressions. b. Being seated high in the amphitheater, ancient Greek actors wore masks so that audience members could see their facial expressions. c. Ancient Greek actors wore masks so that audi- ence members, seated high in the amphithe- ater, could see their facial expressions. d. Ancient Greek actors wore masks so that audi- ence members could see their facial expres- sions, seated high in the amphitheater. e. Seated high in the amphitheater, the audience members could see the facial expressions of the ancient Greek actors, who wore masks. 29. “Bloody Sunday” refers to two different historical events: the 1905 massacre of hundreds of civil- ians engaged in a peaceful march in St. Peters- burg, Russia, w hereas in 1972, in Derry, Ireland, British soldiers killed 13 peaceful demonstrators. a. whereas in 1972, in Derry, Ireland, British sol- diers killed 13 peaceful demonstrators b. and the 1972 killing by British soldiers of 13 peaceful demonstrators in Derry, Ireland c. but in 1972, there were 13 peaceful demon- strators killed by British soldiers in Derry, Ireland d. in contrast, the 1972 killing by British soldiers of 13 peaceful demonstrators in Derry, Ireland e. and in 1972, there was the killing by British soldiers of 13 people who were demonstrating peacefully in Derry, Ireland 30. The numerous side effects of chemotherapy are caused by the fact that the chemicals kill healthy cells as well as cancerous c ells, they are unable to distinguish between the two. a. cells, they are unable to distinguish b. cells because unable to distinguish c. cells, which are unable to distinguish d. cells because the chemicals are unable to distinguish e. cells, which aren’t distinguished 31. H uman beings are taller and stronger than 200 years ago; since 1800, the average adult height has increased by 18 inches. a. Human beings are taller and stronger than 200 years ago; b. Human being’s are taller and stronger than 200 years ago, c. Humans, being taller and stronger than they were 200 years ago; d. Human beings are taller and stronger than they were 200 years ago; e. Being taller and stronger than 200 years ago, 32. Crotalus adamanteus, also known as the Dia- mondback rattlesnake, can g row up to 72 inches as an adult, contrary to popular belief, this deadly reptile does not always rattle before strik- ing its prey. a. can grow up to 72 inches as an adult, contrary to popular belief, this deadly reptile does not always rattle before striking its prey b. can grow up to 72 inches as an adult; contrary to popular belief, this deadly reptile does not always rattle before striking its prey c. can grow up to 72 inches as an adult; contrary to what is popularly believed, this deadly reptile does not always rattle before striking its prey d. can grow up to 72 inches as an adult, and although most people believe that this snake has to rattle before it strikes its prey, this deadly reptile does not always need to do this e. can grow up to 72 inches as an adult; contrary to popular belief, this deadly reptile does not always rattle before striking its prey –THE SAT WRITING SECTION– 224 5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 224 Improving Paragraphs Questions 33–40 are based on the following passage, a first draft of an essay about student participation in cre- ating school rules. Read the passage and answer the questions that follow. For each question, choose the answer that will most improve the passage. Some questions ask you to choose the best revision of a particular sentence or pair of sentences. Other questions ask you to consider how to best improve the overall organization of the pas- sage. In each case, the correct answer is the one that most closely conforms to the conventions of formal writing. (1) Schools that don’t require students to wear uniforms implicitly express a belief that students should be able to express themselves through their clothing. (2) So how come so many schools have dress codes? (3) The reasons include creating an effective learning environment, ensuring the safety and well-being of students, and promoting basic decency. (4) To me, the question isn’t whether schools should have dress codes, because in my opinion, there are many good reasons for that, but the question is how these dress codes should be developed. (5) I believe students should be involved in the development of a dress code and that it should be revised or at least reapproved by students on an annual basis. (6) Students are more responsible and sen- sible than many adults and administrators realize, in addition they will be more likely to adhere to the dress code if they have a role in creating it. (7) Plus there is a sense of autonomy and responsibility both fostered by this direct participation in rule making. (8) As a result, there will also be less disciplinary action. (9) In fact, schools should allow students to participate in the creation of many different rules. (10) As well as in the punishment for the violation of these rules, too; even in elementary school. (11) For example, even kindergarteners could come up with a list of rules for their classroom. (12) Including no pushing or name calling, ask before you take something, put things away, and say please and thank you. (13) With gentle guidance, the teacher could help them include important safety rules or other things that they forgot. (14) Furthermore, parents could do the same at home, allowing children to participate in establishing rules and determine punishments for breaking those rules. –THE SAT WRITING SECTION– 225 5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 225 33. In the context of the passage, which of the fol- lowing is the most effective revision of sentence 4 (reprinted below)? (4) To me, the question isn’t whether schools should have dress codes, because in my opinion, there are many good reasons for that, but the question, is how these dress codes should be developed. a. To me, the question isn’t whether schools should have dress codes. Because I believe there are many good reasons for that. The question is, how should these dress codes be developed? b. Instead of the question being, should schools have dress codes, since there are good reasons for it; it should be, how should those codes be developed? c. Not asking whether schools should have dress codes, because they should for good reason do so, rather, how should we develop those codes? d. Believing there are many good reasons for dress codes, that’s not the question. What is the question is, how should those codes be developed? e. The question isn’t whether schools should have dress codes, because there are good rea- sons for such policies. Rather, the question is how the dress codes should be developed. 33. In the context of the passage, which of the fol- lowing is the most effective revision of sentence 6 (reprinted below)? (6) Students are more responsible and sensible than many adults and administrators realize, in addition they will be more likely to adhere to the dress code if they have a role in creating it. a. Students are more responsible and sensible than many adults and administrators realize, because of this, they will be more likely to adhere to the dress code if they have a role in creating it. b. Students are more responsible and sensible than many adults and administrators realize, consequently, they will be more likely to adhere to the dress code if they have a role in creating it. c. Students are more responsible and sensible than many adults and administrators realize; they will be more likely to adhere to the dress code if they have a role in creating it. d. Students are more responsible and sensible than many adults and administrators realize; in addition, they will be more likely to adhere to the dress code if they have a role in creating it. e. Students are more responsible and sensible than many adults and administrators realize. Obviously they will be more likely to adhere to the dress code if they have a role in creating it. –THE SAT WRITING SECTION– 226 5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 226 35. The revision to sentences 11 and 12 (reprinted below) that would most improve the essay is (11) For example, even kindergarteners could come up with a list of rules for their classroom. (12) Including no pushing or name calling, ask before you take something, put things away, and say please and thank you. a. place sentence 12 before sentence 11. b. connect the sentences with the word and. c. connect the sentences with a comma. d. delete sentence 12. e. eliminate unnecessary wordiness from both sentences. 36. In the context of the essay, which of the following is the most effective combination of sentences 9 and 10 (reprinted below)? (9) In fact, schools should allow students to par- ticipate in the creation of many different rules. (10) As well as in the punishment for the viola- tion of these rules, too; even in elementary school. a. In fact, schools should allow students to par- ticipate in the creation of many different rules, as well as in their punishments for the viola- tion of these rules. Even in elementary school. b. As a matter of fact, schools should allow stu- dents to participate in creating many different rules and punishing them for breaking those rules, likewise even in elementary school. c. Because of this fact, schools, even elementary, should allow students to participate in making and breaking rules. d. In fact, administrators should allow students to participate in creating rules and determin- ing punishments for breaking those rules— even at the elementary level. e. Rules and the punishments for breaking them should be determined by participation of stu- dents in schools, even elementary ones. 37. Which of the following is the most logical order of sentences within paragraph 2? a. 5, 6, 7, 8 b. 5, 7, 6, 8 c. 5, 6, 8, 7 d. 6, 7, 8, 5 e. 8, 7, 6, 5 38. The best paragraph revision to this essay would be which of the following? a. Combine paragraphs 1 and 2. b. Start a third paragraph with sentence 6. c. Start a third paragraph with sentence 9. d. Start a third paragraph with sentence 13. e. No change to existing paragraph structure is necessary. 39. Which of the following revisions to sentence 14 would most improve the essay? a. Delete it. b. Move it to the end of the first paragraph. c. Move it to the beginning of the second paragraph. d. Change Furthermore to In contrast. e. Combine sentences 13 and 14. 40. The revision that would make the essay most persuasive would be to a. provide several specific examples to support claims in the argument. b. discuss opposing views. c. describe the author’s personal experience with authority. d. restate the thesis at the end of the passage. e. make the overall tone and style more formal. –THE SAT WRITING SECTION– 227 5658 SAT2006[05](fin).qx 11/21/05 6:45 PM Page 227 . describe the author’s personal experience with authority. d. restate the thesis at the end of the passage. e. make the overall tone and style more formal. THE SAT WRITING SECTION– 2 27 5658 SAT2 006[05](fin).qx. codes, because there are good rea- sons for such policies. Rather, the question is how the dress codes should be developed. 33. In the context of the passage, which of the fol- lowing is the most effective. members could see their facial expres- sions, seated high in the amphitheater. e. Seated high in the amphitheater, the audience members could see the facial expressions of the ancient Greek actors,