What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job Gary Namie, PhD & Ruth Namie, PhD “ is is the best book on what workplace bullies do and how to stop them in their tracks.” — Robert I. Su on, Stanford professor and author of e No Asshole Rule Gary Namie, PhD and Ruth Namie, PhD BullyAtWork2E.indd 1 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM Copyright © 2000, 2003, 2009 by Gary Namie and Ruth Namie Cover and internal design copyright © 2009 by Sourcebooks, Inc. Cover design © Noelle Stransky © Workplace Bullying Institute Internal images © Workplace Bullying Institute Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval system—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks. 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Box 4410, Naperville, IL 60567-4410 (630) 961-3900 Fax: (630) 961-2168 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data for the first edition: Namie, Gary The bully at work: what you can do to stop the hurt and reclaim your dignity on the job / Gary Namie, Ruth Namie. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. 1. Bullying in the workplace. I. Namie, Ruth. II. Title. HF5549.5.E43 N348 2000 650.1’3—dc21 00-024737 Printed and bound in the United States of America VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BullyAtWork2E.indd 2 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM In memory of Lillian and Florence and to Pat, the three women who always gave unconditional love and support. In memory of Heinz Leymann and Andrea Adams, pioneers. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and injustice. —Robert F. Kennedy BullyAtWork2E.indd 3 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM BullyAtWork2E.indd 4 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM Title of Chapter Dear Reader: This book contains information, suggestions, and opinions about improving the quality of people’s lives from the authors. The use, misuse, understanding, or misunderstanding of the material, in whole or part, is the sole responsibility of the reader. Neither the publisher nor authors assume responsibility or liability, jointly or individually, to any person, group, organization, or entity regarding any emotional or material loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in this book. The authors do not represent themselves as licensed psychologists or mental health professionals. Readers are advised to use this material in a safe and logical manner. In some cases, this material is most effective when used in conjunction with professional legal and/or counseling services. Disclaimer BullyAtWork2E.indd 5 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM BullyAtWork2E.indd 6 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM Acknowledgments ix Preface xi Introduction xiii Section One: The Workplace Bullying Phenomenon: Silent Epidemic 1. Bullying at Work 3 2. Understanding Bullies 21 3. Targethood: An Undeserved Burden 53 4. The Irreconcilable Difference 75 5. Witness Paralysis 85 6. Help from Family and Professionals 97 7. Getting Ready to Confront 115 Section Two: After the Assault, Restoring the Lost You 8. Work Trauma: Understand the Injuries Done to You 133 9. Assess the Bully’s Impact 149 10. Establish and Protect Personal Boundaries 163 11. Avoid Unattainable Standards 179 12. Counter Your Inner Critic 185 13. Control Destructive Mind Games 191 14. Escape the Trap of Self-Blame 197 Table of Contents BullyAtWork2E.indd 7 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM 15. Satisfy Your Needs and Wants 207 16. Anger and Shame: Emotions of Bullying 217 Section Three: What Can One Person Do? 17. Make Yourself Safe 231 18. Facing the Future 245 Section Four: Making Employers Responsible 19. The World Declares War on Bullying 255 20. America Wakes Up 267 Appendix A: U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey —September 2007 289 Appendix B: Employer and Co-worker Response Survey —Labor Day 2008 315 Bibliography 323 Index 329 The Drs. Namie: North American Workplace Bullying Pioneers 335 viii The Bully at Work BullyAtWork2E.indd 8 4/9/09 11:11:17 AM Acknowledgments S ome of the most beautiful things in Nature are the giant sequoia and redwood trees that grow in Ruth’s native California. Nature, in her wisdom, only allows new growth of these trees to come from destruction of the seed pod by fire. It was through personal destruction and pain that our cause was born. At the top of the list to thank are the thousands of anonymous people who visit with us virtually at the website or by telephone to share their stories, seek advice, or look for support. They, in turn, launched the Workplace Bullying Institute, the U.S. anti-bullying movement, with their sacrifices. Friend and ally David Yamada, Suffolk University law professor, is the legal pioneer whose treatise on workplace bullying in 2000 launched the legal reform aspect of our work. He authored the language for the Healthy Workplace Bill introduced in state legisla- tures throughout America. We are also blessed by the friendship of overseas experts who encourage the introduction of bullying aware- ness to the United States—Andy Ellis, Susan Marais-Steinman, Michael Sheehan, Charlotte Rayner, Helge Hoel, and Ståle Einarsen—and domestic academicians Loraleigh Keashly and Joel Neuman. The growing group of citizen lobbyist volunteers who comprise the WBI-Legislative Campaign Coordinators inspire and motivate us constantly. BullyAtWork2E.indd 9 4/9/09 11:11:18 AM [...]... frustrated the person by ignoring or denying repeated complaints about mistreatment at work That is, when the victims are an EEO officer, a Human Resources staffer, or the boss of the bully, then we can attribute the 17 The Bully at Work violence to unaddressed bullying Sadly, the knee-jerk, simplistic story told is that the shooter was a wacko Reporters interview the bullying supervisor who defames the employee... Introduction bullying All international laws firmly fix responsibility for prevention and correction on employers The United States is dead last The final chapter shares the hopeful story of the WBI-Legislative Campaign and its attempt to have U.S worker protections catch up with the rest of the world xv Section One The Workplace Bullying Phenomenon: Silent Epidemic Chapter One: Bullying at Work All the great... for them, there is no reason to change At work as adults, 14 Bullying at Work they do what they do best—bully others An unknown percentage of workplace bullies have a lifelong record of disrespecting the needs of others Of course, the cues given off in a super-competitive workplace will draw out the dark side of many others who were not bullies in a prior life, witnesses perhaps, but rarely Targets The. .. cooperation and communication, violence has occurred —Bernice Fields, Arbitrator Zero-tolerance workplace violence policy clauses enable a manager to provoke workers over the course of several years and to terminate them immediately if they dare to counter with an emotional verbal threat The workplace has become a police state for some based on irrational fears 16 Bullying at Work One federal worker,... Interviews began The Bully at Work when we offered toll-free advice starting in 1998 Financial complications from the practice compelled its termination, but we learned much of what we know from those who shared their suffering The Namies educate the public Their bullying- related research and work have been featured numerous times on network TV—CNBC, The Today Show, Good Morning America, The Early Show,... require that Targets make tremendous sacrifices to stop the bullying In our WBI-Zogby Survey, we asked what stopped the bullying Forty percent of Targets quit their jobs, which represents the preventable loss of 21.6 million workers (based on the estimated 54 million who are bullied) at a time when employers face critical shortages of skilled workers Further, if one makes the conservative estimate that half... fight for justice began in 1998 with the founding of the Campaign Against Workplace Bullying The nonprofit organization morphed during its first decade into the Workplace Bullying Institute, which serves Americans and Canadians The accomplishments of which we are most proud are that we imported the British term “workplace bullying to the United States, started the national dialogue, and sustain it in... helplessness Bullying is DV in which the abuser is on the payroll Co-workers are the do-nothing witnesses Executives and senior managers are apologists for the bully Soon, the Target comes to doubt her or his ability to get to safety again The paycheck and the perception, real or imagined, that no alternatives exist form the bars that imprison the Target In 2005, the National Institute for Occupational... and strategic assaults to prevent the Target from performing work well It is illegitimate conduct in that it prevents work from getting done Thus, an employer’s legitimate business interests are not met The bully puts her or his personal agenda of controlling another human being above the needs of the employing organization That control is typically a combination of deliberate humiliation and the withholding... Americans are affected by it 4 Bullying at Work According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 146 million Americans were employed in July 2007 That means an estimated 54 million Americans have been bullied at work, using the 37 percent rate Even the more conservative 13 percent rate (those currently experiencing it) places 19 million American workers at risk It’s an epidemic The epidemic is hardly discussed, . Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data for the first edition: Namie, Gary The bully at work: what you can do to stop the hurt and reclaim your dignity on the. protections catch up with the rest of the world. BullyAtWork2E.indd 15 4/9/09 11:11:18 AM BullyAtWork2E.indd 16 4/9/09 11:11:18 AM The Workplace Bullying