Self parenting the complete guide to your inner conversations SELF PARENTING THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO YOUR INNER CONVERSATIONS LEARN TO LOVE, SUPPORT AND NURTURE YOUR INNER CHILD JOHN K POLLARD, III IL.Self parenting the complete guide to your inner conversations SELF PARENTING THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO YOUR INNER CONVERSATIONS LEARN TO LOVE, SUPPORT AND NURTURE YOUR INNER CHILD JOHN K POLLARD, III IL.
SELF PARENTING THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO YOUR INNER CONVERSATIONS LEARN TO LOVE, SUPPORT AND NURTURE YOUR "INNER" CHILD JOHN K POLLARD, ILLUSTRATED BY III UNDA NUSBALJM '^Learning to love your self, f9 What began as one man's hobby in 1970 is now an international phenomenon John Pollard's unique SELF-PARENTING^ Program is supported in cities throughout the United States and Australia, and many therapists are now practicing Self-Parenting with their patients "My initial comment Not only fascinating WOW! is is it I found the book absolutely easy to read and understand, it is no longer find it necessary to judge myself in the negative ways in which I had become so expert." complete I — Georgia "In Engels, Sydney, Australia my ACOA support groups we have talked about the Inner Child many times, but until I read your book I really didn't understand what to or what was meant by the child within Thank you very much for getting right to the nitty-gritty." —Michael Winslow, Wilmington, E you how much your book has changed my life I therapy off and on for most of my life and nothing I've done has helped improve my outlook on life as much as reading your book and practicing the Self-Parenting exercises Thank you, John, the exercises work and they won"I can't tell have been ders for I in my outlook each day know it's like saved a life I a miracle, truly a gift somewhere because —Joanna Valenti, know why they work, but from God You may have don't of the book." Canyon Country, CA "SELF-PARENTING breaks new ground fantastic the experience is I've hard to describe!" —Paul Bernard, Sydney, Australia been feeling so "Your book SELF-PARENTING you've written is is too good to be true somehow exactly what I already felt What but no words before The best part is that it simple but so exhilarating Thank you for explaining "me" book I really feel like I am my own best company." one has ever put into is so in a —Marcia Michelmas, Los Angeles, CA "A blessing on your head for your wonderful work I've been with a therapist for three months working your technique and feel a big —Lydia "I I change." wish to express Goldstein, Tamarac, FL how helpful your book and the sessions have been to me." —Richard Fong, "John, I want you to Vancouver, BC know that reading your book and doing I will now be able the exercises have been very valuable to me to prevent depressions by staying intimately in touch with my inner child and encouraging both inner parent and inner child to express their feelings Win and wants and needs and go for Win/ solutions." —Jack Lopez, Portland, OR "Combining your book with my spiritual part has been unbelievable During one of my spiritual meditations I grabbed hands with my Inner Child and walked straight into the heart of God." — Rodney Roesch, Long Beach, CA "SELF-PARENTING — Susan is the essence of everything!" Garrett, Sydney, Australia SELF PARENTING THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO YOUR INNER CONVERSATIONS John K Pollard, Illustrations Generic m by Linda Nusbaum Human Studies Publishing Malibu, California mmmmm This book memory and works dedicated to the is of Max Freedom Long It is my sincere desire that inspire and teach others as Self-Parenting will much as his amazing discoveries have inspired, and continue to inspire, me PUBUSHER'S NOTE The and suggestions contained ideas, procedures, in this book intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician are not All matters regarding your health require medical supervision ©copyright 1987 John K Pollard All rights reserved No III part of this publication, text or illustrations, reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, except may be for purposes of review, without the express written permission of the publisher Published by Generic Human Studies Publishing 28128 Pacific Coast Highway, Suite l6l, P.O Box 6466, Malibu, CA 90265 Additional copies of this title may be ordered through Ingram, Baker & Taylor or your local distributor Design by Words Printed in & Deeds, Los Angeles the United States of America Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Pollard,JohnK.,1950Self-parenting : the complete guide to your inner conversations Bibliography: p Happiness Self-perception I 3- —Problems, exercises, Self-perception — Problems, exercises, Problem-solving Imaginary conversations etc etc Title BF575.H27P65 1987 ISBN 0-942055-25-X (pbk.) 158M 10 86-83037 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I have many thanks to — to Michael Hesse who made the 1969 and taught — to give: Maryann first introductions in me so much; Ridini and Bro Half for editorial advice and the reassuring guidance of professionals from the — to start; Greg Stanley for his amazing Whitehall Seminar and our many late night conversations inspired, encouraged, follow in which he and empowered me to my dream; — to — to Ralph Strauch, for advice my staff and patients at F.C.C., whose support and dedication enabled me to research and write; and support on the Mac, as well as outstanding Feldenkrais treatments; — to Australia — Di and its people: Searle, a Living book Goddess, who made this especially accessible to — Peter & Judy Derig whose nurturing, was so all; love, support, freely given and is and so deeply appreciated; — the Sydney kids, Meredith Paton and Angela Thornton, for being the first to see the light, as well as organizing and co-teaching the first Self- Parenting Trainings; — to Linda Cobb and Judi Andersen advice, editing, feedback, for their insightful and support back in the U.S.A; — to Dan Poynter, Linda Nusbaum and Suzette Mahr for their highly conscious "real world" contributions and — to brilliant Tim support launching Failing, without whose friendship have been able to complete To all this effort; I wouldn't this project of the above and more, thank you; there yet to come is so much CONTENTS ix Introduction Parti YOUR INNER CONVERSATIONS Have You Ever Heard A Conversation In Your Mind? Who Is Your Inner Parent^ 29 Who Is Your Inner Child? 49 Listening To Your Inner Conversations 73 Partn INNER CONFUCTS Inner Conflicts: Problems With Your Inner 109 Conversations Resolving Inner Story Conflicts: One Man's 123 Eight Steps Of Inner Conflict Resolution 139 Self-Parenting Your Inner Conflicts: Your Future 155 Part in THE SELF-PARENTING EXERCISES Opening Up The Dialogue Between Your Inner Parent and Inner Child 177 10 Advancing The Self-Parenting Exercises 209 More Ways To Use The 12 Self-Parenting Exercises 229 Self-Parenting: Final Notes 247 aM • SELF-PARENTINC FURTHER SOURCES OF PROFESSIONAL REFERRAL The harsher your outer parenting your Self-Parenting will as a child, the harsher be as an Inner Parent The most damag- ing outer parenting by far seems to be that given to the children of alcoholic parents The coping mechanisms and defense pat- by these children for survival are equivalent to those needed by concentration camp survivors These emoterns required and psychological issues are extremely deep and to overcome by oneself due to the nature of self- tional patterns very difficult denial and self-isolation required One for survival by the victims out of three families in America currently reports alco- hol abuse by a family member If one, or especially both, of your parents was consistently impaired during your childhood years by alcohol or other drugs, it is recommended that you seek intervention through a therapist or organization that expressly understands and is trained to recognize the psychologi- cal issues of the adult child of these circumstances is an alcoholic Self-Parenting under simply too difficult and exhausting to undertake on your own People who have suffered severe outer parenting will have trouble easily putting the concepts of Self-Parenting to practical use If either of your parents were heavy drinkers, you might not even be aware that you've had this type of problem parenting due to the special nature of denial involved Two books to help you understand these deeper issues of Self-Parenting are: FINAL NOTES • A Book for Children of Alcoholics & Julie C Bowden Holmes Beach, 255 Guide to Recovery: Herbert L Gravitz FL: Learning Publications, 1985 Adult Children of Alcoholics Janet Woititz Deerfield, FL: Health Communications, 1983 Two organizations that specialize in referring or assisting those with problems concerning Children of Alcoholics are: National Association for Children of Alcoholics 31706 Coast Highway Suite 201 South Laguna, CA 92677 (714) 499-3889 Adult Children of Alcoholics Central Service Board 2522 W Sepulveda, Suite 200 Post Office Torrance, Box 3216 CA 90505 (213) 534-1815 SELF-PARENTINa aS6 • CONCLUSION The parent/child relationship humanity Each of us began womb Each mother's worse by parents circumstances ing you is how you of us is life the primary relationship of within the cocoon of our was programmed What your parents did now for better or for that did the best they could given their set of or didn't What of lesser consequence while parentmatters today is perpetuate, within your Inner Conversations, the par- enting dynamics they transferred to you The relationship dynamics discovered sations are those that exist in dynamics of these two all roles in your Inner Conver- parent/child relationships The must be manifested, each side seems obvious to exhibiting their classic strengths Perhaps this you now What may not be so obvious is how successful your life can become when you train yourself to become a better Inner Parent by consciously studying the successful methods of outer parenting Develop the perience ability to give yourself a profound healing ex- Have your Inner Parent cuddle your Inner Child when your Inner Child when he or she is under Use the awareness of your Inner Conversa- crying Soothe it is emotional tions stress and the Self-Parenting Exercises to give yourself a sense of being nurtured and of meeting your own needs rather than waiting for others to provide them Ultimately you can heal yourself completely, I hope my no matter how old the wounds may be book has sharing of the ideas contained in this motivated and stimulated you to provide happiness, meaning FINAL NOTES and fulfillment for You will discover power of these you; we 257 both your Inner Parent and your Inner Child many Inner Truths once the awareness and Self-Parenting concepts have are only • now become part of beginning to understand their potential You have discovered the secret of your universe: within your Inner Conversations Self-Parenting »>»x->»>>:w»»>x->»>:«»>:-:->»>x^>»>:«-»»>x-»:->>>K^^^^^ JOHN POLLARD has researched and developed consciousness growth concepts since 1969 and Self-Parenting and resolving Inner PARENTING™ Program the U.S and is is is an expert on Conflicts supported in major cities His SELF- throughout the only one of its kind Self-Parenting represents a quantum leap in consciousness growth awareness and John's warm, personable, yet direct style has influenced thousands towards becoming healthier, saner human beings In addition to his writing, John has made numerous radio, television, and conference appearances to promote the cause of Self-Parenting LINDA NUSBAtIM is a freelance painter, designer, and ilA graduate of the Otis Art Institute of Parson's School lustrator of Design, she works on a variety of projects on both coasts, in- cluding interactive exhibits for children's museums, film storyboards, murals, and her husband oil paintings She lives in Los Angeles with Generic Human Studies Publishing Human Studies defines a new standard conhuman consciousness potential To study human poten- Generic cerning tial there is no need for exclusionary policies, cultist ideas, or groups that claim "exclusive knowledge." Each generic communicates, in relationships, desires happiness, is be healthy, and requires financial human more study of potential Why make the independence difficult human wants to or expensive than need be? Human Generic Studies Publishing supports the condensa- and unique insights of different researchers into what they are generic knowledge concerning the different tion of the diverse — human meta-functions: Human ComHuman Relationships, Human Happiness, Human Health, and Human Financial Independence We are all human beings; we all have common needs It is aspects of the five munication, time for each person, group, and nation to face this reality helping each other to grow through meeting our start and common needs become fulfilled, it is a natural extension for him or her to help other humans meet their needs As a result, fulfilled and happy groups of humans can help other unfulfilled and unhappy people to im- Once the personal needs of one prove their experience of the study of GHS life A individual successful development from philosophy, science, and art would be more and nations carrying their own weight in by not consuming the resources and energies of others individuals, groups, life without contributing in return For a recommended reading functions, please size) envelope Generic P.O list on specific to: Human Studies Publisliing Box CA 90265 Recommended Reading List 6466, Malibu, Attention: human meta- send a stamped, self-addressed #10 (business- A Gift for You $15 To be applied toward tuition for any SELF-PARENTING™ Program Seminar Signature u YES! Please contact me with more information about: D D n SELF-PARENTING Program Seminar n Help with Quantity discounts on Self-Parenting book Having John Pollard speak meeting at my convention or starting a Self-Parenting support group in my own area n Self-Parenting Professional Course materials Name Address- City State Home Phone ( ) Work Phone ) ( Zip f Acceptable as payment along with deposit as registration for any SELF-PARENTING™ Program To redeem Seminar this gift certificate call 213-457-1140 outside of California call 1-800-458-0091 or detach and mail the information postcard below Mail to: SELF-PARENTING Program Seminar P.O Box 6535 Malibu, CA 90265 % Your Guide to SELF-PARENTING Are you tired of feeling unhappy Your Inner Conversations are the constant mental dialogue occurring inside your mind between the voices of your Inner Parent and your Inner Child Everyone has Inner Convcr angry lonely sations! bored Self-Parenting insecure is the way you, as the Inner Parent, parent your Inner Child within your depressed "Inner" Conversations Your afraid? Wouldn't you rather be happy excited positive confident exhilarated carefree content? Self-Parenting style is based on the quality of parenting you received as a child If your outer parenting as a child was ideal, congratulations! But, if your outer parenting was negative or less-than-ideal, then you need this book! By using the methods taught in SELFPARENTING, your Inner Parent can learn to positively love, support, and nurture your Inner Child You can create a new, happy "childhood" once again! SELF-PARENTING be major contribution to the ongoing awakening about the child within us The techniques for talking to our Inner Child are far and away the most advanced technology we have up to this time I wholeheartedly endorse this book." John Bradshaw Author, Bradshaw On The Family znd Healing the Shame That Binds You "I consider to a "Adult Children of Alcoholics will benefit greatly by reading this book At last, here is a step-by-step guide to improve your inner communication and your self-esteem Healthy communication with others begins with healthy communication within yourself My Inner Child loved it and my Inner Parent recommends it!" Jan Lacy, M.A., M.F.C.C Psychotherapist, Encino, It's $9.95 never too late to CA have a happy childhood! ISBN 0-942055-25-X ... internalized the Self- Parenting guidance in your life and becomes Now, as an adult, your Inner Parent uses the stored memories of your upbringing to guide and direct your absorbed your parental... Resolving Inner Story Conflicts: One Man's 123 Eight Steps Of Inner Conflict Resolution 139 Self- Parenting Your Inner Conflicts: Your Future 155 Part in THE SELF- PARENTING EXERCISES Opening Up The. .. Up The Dialogue Between Your Inner Parent and Inner Child 177 10 Advancing The Self- Parenting Exercises 209 More Ways To Use The 12 Self- Parenting Exercises 229 Self- Parenting: Final Notes 247