Tài liệu A Guide to Recovery for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders By Linda Isaacson (pseudonym) ppt

Table of ContentWelcome Who Will Benefit From This Book How to Use This Book SECTION 1: ABOUT THE PROGRAM OF DEBTORS ANONYMOUS DA History of DA New Documentary on Bill Wilson Bill W Prin

GETTING OUT FROM GOING UNDER

A Guide to Recovery for Compulsive Debtors and Spenders

By Linda Isaacson (pseudonym)

Getting Out From Going Under

By Linda Isaacson

Published by Sober with Money Publishing

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Sober with Money Publishing

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free ebook

You are welcome to share it with your friends This book may be reproduced, copied, and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original

form and is distributed at no cost to the reader Thank you for your support

Table of Content

Welcome

Who Will Benefit From This Book

How to Use This Book

SECTION 1: ABOUT THE PROGRAM OF DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (DA)

History of DA

New Documentary on Bill Wilson (Bill W)

Principles of DA

SECTION 2: USING THE H.O.W STRUCTURE TO WORK THE DA PROGRAM

How I Work the DA (H.O.W.) Program

What Does H.O.W Mean?

“DA H.O.W IS Real DA”

It’s Specific, Not Different

YNAB Interview

So, How Much Time Does DA H.O.W Take?

SECTION 3: ABOUT ABSTINENCE AND SOLVENCY

Solvency and Abstinence

Clarifying Abstinence

SECTION 4: FOR NEWCOMERS & THOSE WITHOUT A SPONSOR

Where to Begin for Beginners

If You are New and Don’t Have a Sponsor…

Day Two and Beyond without a Sponsor

SECTION 5: SPONSORS & SPONSORING

Advice VS Experience, Strength, and Hope

Calling Your Sponsor on Time

Sponsors are Not Your Higher Power

Why 3 Slips & You are Dropped?

SECTION 6: ALL ABOUT SPENDING PLANS

What is YNAB?

Can You Out-Earn Your Disease?

Parts of a Spending Plan

How Many Categories Do You Need?

How to Accrue in Categories

Tracking Sporadic Income

Split Transactions

Split Transactions with Both Inflows and OutflowsBank Reconciliation is Essential

Three Important Concepts

Steps to Reconciling with Your Bank AccountMonth End & Month Beginning

2013 Taxes Already?!

How to Start a New Year in YNAB

SECTION 7: USING MONEY SANELY

Pressure Relief Group (PRG)

Living in the Next Month

Willingness and Delayed Gratification

The Conundrum of Cash

Black Friday – The Day for Amateurs

Not Spending Money as a Spiritual Practice

SECTION 8: DEBT REPAYMENT

Savings VS Debt Repayment

Communicating with Creditors

SECTION 9: RELATIONSHIPS

Relationship Challenges & Money

Working Your DA Program When You Have a Partner

A Member Shares Her Family Story

Children, Parents, & Money

Children & Money

Does Money Equal Love?

SECTION 10: HEALTH ISSUES AND MONEY

The DA Dilemma of Disability

Bigger is Not Always Better

Chronic Health Issues & Going Down the Rabbit HoleSECTION 11: BUSINESS DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (BDA)

Should It Be a Hobby or Business?

Creativity & Money

What Does Fame Feel Like?

Helping One or Millions

A Revelation about Art and Business

SECTION 12: THE STEPS

Step 1: Is Your Life Unmanageable?

Step 2: The Glue that Keeps Us in Program

Step 3: The Doorway to Recovery

Step 4: Best Step 4 Explanation Ever!

Step 4: It Gets Easier with Time

Step 4: 4th Step Tips

Step 4: More about Resentments

Step 5: The Easy Part

Steps 6 & 7: Lao Tzu Inspiration

Steps 6 & 7 Made Simple

Steps 6 & 7: Willingness & Our Defects

Steps 6 & 7: Reflection is the Third Key

Step 8: Forgiveness as Amends

Step 9: Amends & Forgiveness

Step 10: Daily Inventory is Important

Step 11: About Meditation

Step 11: Program as Practice

Step 12: Program Burnout … a Plea to Sponsors & MembersStep 12: Giving Service at Meetings

SECTION 13: ABOUT CHARACTER DEFECTS

Comfort is Over-rated

Recovery and Desire in DA

Resentment & Forgiveness

About Fear

Fear of Death

Fighting with the Pharmacy

The Key to Patience

The Value of Silence

SECTION 14: VISIONS

Visions VS Self-Will

Bucket Lists

Prosperity & Abundance Don’t Always Mean Cash

SECTION 15: THE PROMISES

The Big Book Promises

The DA Promises

The Hidden Promises

SECTION 16: GRATITUDE

Disappointment is Not Fatal

Why Me? Why Not Me?

Thanksgiving & Gratitude

Complications

Remembering

endorse any outside enterprise, which this is (Tradition Six) Therefore, the opinions expressed here are purely my own and do not represent the Fellowship of Debtors Anonymous as a whole

I have been in and out of Debtors Anonymous since 1999 But since April 25, 2009, I have been consistently abstinent from incurring any new unsecured or secured debt and working my DA program one day at a time using the tools and principles of DA H.O.W

You can visit the official Debtors Anonymous website for more information:

http://debtorsanonymous.org

You can also download the following documents for more information on DA HOW:

DA HOW information

90 Questions for DA HOW Sponsees

Through this book, I am going to give you tips and inspiration to stay abstinent with money, and

I will explain the specifics of how I work my own program Last, but not least, I will give you lots of training and help on creating and maintaining your spending plan, which is a crucial component of this program

Thank you for joining me on this journey Remember, I am just another compulsive debtor and spender But for today, I am gratefully not using money like heroin And you can do that too

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Who Will Benefit From This Book

My intention for “Getting Out from Going Under” is to help anyone who wants to stop using money compulsively There are tips, tools, and tutorials for basic money management skills, such as creating a spending plan and reconciling your spending with your bank account

For those who are not yet in a recovery program, this book will also help you understand what recovery is about and hopefully, will encourage you to seek out the help Debtors Anonymous offers if you are truly out of control with money

For anyone in Debtors Anonymous, this book provides information on various tools of recovery and how one might use them Working the DA program through the H.O.W (honesty, open mindedness, and willingness) lens is what saved my life But there are many paths to recovery within DA And I hope that this book presents a big picture that is helpful to anyone seeking recovery from the tyranny of compulsive debting and spending.

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How to Use This Book

This guide is for you to use as an adjunct to working your DA program You can read it through

or just turn to the section that speaks to you

Again, please note that all the material in this book is freely available at the blog:

www.gettingoutfromgoingunder.wordpress.com

The book version is an effort to make the information available off-line in an easy-to-read format, organized by topic

Feel free to give this book away, but I ask that you not alter it in any way

I do not have all the answers, but I hope this guidebook will give you food for thought and assistance on your journey through recovery

This book includes all posts written by the admin “Sober with Money” (“Linda Isaacson”) through April 1, 2013

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SECTION 1: ABOUT THE PROGRAM OF DEBTORS ANONYMOUS (DA)

History of DA

If you don’t know the history of Debtors Anonymous, you might want to read about it

here: http://debtorsanonymous.org/about/about.htm

Struggling for Definition and Membership

John H., DA’s founder, struggled and failed over many years, with the group disbanding and having to restart the program on his own It was a challenge just to figure out a bottom line and physical method to find recovery from this deadly disease They tried all kinds of ideas to find a way out, as stated on the DA website:

“They first called themselves the “Penny Pinchers,” and attempted to control through will power the amount of money they spent Later, the group renamed itself the “Capital Builders”,

convinced that their financial problems stemmed from an inability to save money They tried to cure this by making daily deposits into savings accounts, but this, too, failed to resolve their problems.”

Solving our problem with money seems not as simple and clear-cut as the solution for

alcoholism because we need to use money nearly daily But, in the end, here is what they

discovered:

“Finally, as more years passed, they began to understand that their monetary problems did not stem from an inability to save or control the amount they spent or earned, but rather from the inability to become solvent

By 1971, the essence of the DA Program unfolded in the discovery and understanding that the act of debting itself was the threshold of the disease, and the only solution was to use the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to stop incurring unsecured debt one day at a time, and to stay stopped.”

That is why the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop debting If I never pick up a credit card or unsecured debt for any reason, I will never be in debt again A simple solution … but how we achieve that is the challenge

Some Need Added Accountability

All of us in the program work the 12 Steps of DA for our spiritual recovery Most everyone who stays solvent uses a spending plan of some kind But while the DA founders determined that purely by committing to not debting, you will be solvent, for those of us who find success using the H.O.W format, we discovered that we needed the additional step of committing our money before spending it as our way to accomplish that

DA does suggest using a spending plan and tracking one’s numbers as tools to prevent debting For some people, having the spending plan and keeping their numbers is enough In theory, that works for me, but my disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful in how it will trick me if I don’t commit my spending

I have seen this happen to me too many times I end up justifying spending more than is

allocated in one area and the dominoes fall as I take from category after category until I feel that there is no choice but to debt I watched myself go from hard-won solvency with zero debt of any kind into $33,000 of credit card debt for that very reason

Without the added accountability, and honesty, open mindedness, and willingness to turn my spending over a day at a time to a sponsor before spending it, I slide into vagueness too easily by manipulating the spending plan and moving money from one category to another without

thinking through the implications

Gratitude for Those Who Came Before Us

I am eternally grateful to John H for his persistent determination, in the face of so many

challenges, to create the program of Debtors Anonymous So, too, am I profoundly grateful to those who created the additional instructions and tools for living one day at a time debt-free that

we call the H.O.W format

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New Documentary on Bill Wilson (Bill W)

I just came back from seeing a fabulous documentary on the life of Bill Wilson, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous The movie, called “Bill W,” gave me so much insight into this man who

has saved so many lives, including mine From the producer’s website: Bill W took eight years

of full-time work to complete The filmmakers conducted research in dozens of archives and private collections, and interviewed A.A members and historians in the United States, Canada, and Europe.

I was the only person in the theater, which was great for me, but I wish every person in recovery would see this beautifully done film

If you want to know when the DVD will be available, click here to sign up For more

information, go to Page 124 Productions

To watch a trailer of the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDjTW154WwQ

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Principles of DA

In addition to the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, did you know that there are 12 principles of our program? These were developed by various members of Alcoholics Anonymous and provide a guidepost for practicing the opposite of your defects

Step 1 We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become

unmanageable.

Principle: Honesty

When you become aware that you are about to lie or manipulate the truth, if you remember this principle, maybe you will take a breath and take a chance on simply telling the truth There is a tremendous relief in not living with the guilt of lying, not to mention that you don’t have to keep track of what you said

Step 2 Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Principle: Hope

When you find yourself drowning in self-pity thinking that there is no way out of your situation, making an outreach call to talk about it or having a PRG may give you ideas that you hadn’t had before … if you are open to them They may not be the ideas that you would most like, but they might just lead you out of the darkness Hope is seeing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel

Step 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

Principle: Faith

Faith is not the same as belief Faith has to come first Faith is when you see that others have experienced relief from this disease by following the steps and taking certain actions Belief is when you experience it for yourself As a newcomer, you may have to act on faith But when you want to turn away, get to a meeting or call someone who has been in program awhile and ask them about the miracles they have experienced That is how you can develop faith before you experience belief yourself

Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Principle: Courage

When you find yourself wanting to run away from an unpleasant reality, maybe back into

compulsive spending and debting and away from program, take a breath and instead, run

headlong toward recovery Do your 4th step Take direction from your PRG group even if it is not what you wish it were Do what makes you uncomfortable if you trust that it is the right thing Experience the pain of delayed gratification with gratitude, knowing that you are behaving

in a courageous manner and facing the inevitable pain of life instead of the taking the path of addiction and avoidance

Step 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Stepping up to own your behavior instead of focusing on what others did wrong is character building Yes, it is natural to instinctively focus on what others have done to us, but taking a moment to reflect on where we may have been wrong, and acknowledging it, is integral to living

Step 7 Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Principle: Brotherly Love

Let’s face it, love of others brings far more inner peace than hatred does When we acknowledge that others are no different than we are, no more fallible and filled with defects, then we can forgive them their trespasses with compassion Or at least we can try When you find yourself doing the opposite, take a breath and think about the fact that these are just other humans doing their best, even if their best is causing you emotional angst Aspiring to love, rather than

criticizing, judging, and hating, is all it takes Just try That’s all

Step 8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Principle: Humility

Apologizing, especially when others have done us wrong as well, is not always easy But

remember that you only have to apologize for what you did You are not saying that what they did was OK We cannot control the actions of others But we can own our part

Remember the Golden Rule – Treat others as you want to be treated Or don’t treat others as you don’t want them to treat you Either way, admitting you are wrong when you are can be a huge relief As someone said, “You can be right or you can be happy.”

Being so attached to being right that you cannot find where you are wrong, or at the least

releasing the resentment, can have lifelong consequences Moving from “being right” to “staying right” can fracture relationships that will cause you pain the rest of your life Seeing your errors and admitting them to others in a sincere apology or living amends (not repeating the behavior) heals the soul and removes the heavy boulder of “being right” off of your back

Step 9 Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Principle: Justice

If you use this principle to emotionally lash out at someone, re-evaluate your amends before you make it I have seen people make an amends and add a “but” at the end, as in, “I was wrong to

call you a jerk … but you really made me so angry when you didn’t like my hat I think you really have poor taste and you shouldn’t be so rude…”

Justice stops at our border when we practice this principle They say we don’t take someone else’s inventory and that is particularly important when doing Step 9 and following the principle

of Justice Justice is not an excuse to cause more harm The 9th step is about our amends, not about our pain Justice is about doing what is right or moral In the case of our program, it is about our internal sense of justice, not judging others We need to just work on making things right on our end That is more than enough for one lifetime’s work

Step 10 Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Principle: Perseverance

When you feel like giving up, don’t It’s just that simple 12 step programs have ebbs and flows, times when it is easy and times when it feels like you are up against the wall I have seen people leave because they felt they had to debt or spend huge money and weren’t willing to sit with the discomfort

This is not a program for just when it feels comfortable That is the point And with money, especially, opportunities seem to come up at inopportune moments Terror fills us or desire What if I don’t get that training now, today? What if I don’t buy that on sale now, today? What if

I miss this opportunity?

For me, I have found that the more I feel compelled to take a big spending action immediately, the more I am driven by compulsion and impulse, the less likely, despite how it appears on its face, that it is the right thing for me to do My program tells me to wait on all big purchases until the compulsion passes, and I do Sometimes it is very hard, and I lean heavily on my PRG team, network, and sponsor to get through it

But I have never regretted waiting, though I have regretting acting more times than I can remember.

Perseverance in this program means that we continue to work our program when it feels easy or hard We don’t change the rules to suit our fancy because our disease rears its ugly head enticing

us with desire or fear

Perseverance means being willing to wait even if we miss an opportunity if acting on it will take

us into disease We don’t look to justify spending our savings just because we want something right now, this minute Finally, perseverance means that we just do today what we did yesterday with our program and keep committed to a life of sane decisions with money

Step 11 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.

Principle: Spirituality

This is a three part program, physical, mental, and spiritual While we have to deal with the idea

of money and spending it wisely, we also have to deal with the obsession and compulsion that can overtake our minds But we cannot forget the spiritual aspect of our program This is the part that reminds us that we are not alone and we are not all powerful Prayer, they say, is asking our Higher Power for guidance and meditation is being open to hearing an answer

The spiritual aspect of this program enables us to learn to sit in discomfort Once you can do that, you can handle anything Meditation teaches us to sit still despite our minds going berserk Prayer teaches us to reach out to something or someone bigger than ourselves or to reach inside ourselves for that still small voice that is bigger than we, our personalities, are.

Using spirituality to help you work the rest of these principles will make doing so much easier

By practicing the spiritual parts of this program, you will learn to soften and become more open and able to hear your Higher Power’s voice coming through others and throughout your life as you need to make decisions

Step 12 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

reminding yourself consciously of what you know subconsciously

Yes, we need to give back what we have been given, but most of us still want to know what’s in

it for us So we may give service because it’s part of the program, but what’s in it for you is that you will feel better about yourself and are more likely to stay sober with money because of it You will be reinforcing what you have learned about recovery and we know that repeating actions creates habits This is a good habit Using these principles and steps will, over time, help you to live a more meaningful life And isn’t that what we all want?

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SECTION 2: USING THE H.O.W STRUCTURE TO WORK THE DA PROGRAM

How I Work the DA (H.O.W.) Program

People are curious about how one works DA HOW So I thought I’d write about how I work this program The one important thing to remember is that this is not a separate program from

Debtors Anonymous It is simply a rigorous method of working the tools

Daily

I read a couple of pages of recovery literature and do writing Together this should take about 15 minutes There is a set of 90 questions that newcomers start with (Click here to download the 90

DA HOW questions for sponsees)

Note: When I started, I nearly quit because there was so much reading and rereading in each question I now only ask that sponsees read a couple of pages so that there is enough time to write within 15 minutes Sponsors may vary in this But I know that if you have a full life, having to take 30 minutes or more may be overwhelming Since you will reread chapters as you

go through the questions, it is fine with me if you read a few pages while doing one question and then read some different pages in the next question that refers to the same chapter

I call my sponsor at 8:15 am every day and we have a call not to exceed 15 minutes

Note: This time limit is so important Just think about your own schedule Most calls are in the morning Just think about the fact that each person you sponsor takes 15 minutes of your

morning when you may have to get kids off to school or get ready to work Please be mindful of your sponsor’s time

I tell her the following:

How much I planned to spend yesterday by category (e.g., groceries $100)

How much I actually spent by category

How much I plan to spend today by category

I write in a composition notebook that I keep next to my phone Here is an image of one page:

At the beginning of the day

Note: “I” stands for income I don’t anticipate getting any income on that day “E” stands for Expense I draw a line down the center of the page

At the end of the day

Note: I also write to whom I paid the money, if a check, what is the check number, and if more than one store, I add up to total it

Since I am finished with my steps, I read her my Step 10 inventory (newcomers won’t do this, of course)

I read my writing to her

We discuss any other outstanding issues

Weekly

I attend and do service at one DA HOW meeting This has become imperative as we are a small group and it is important for newcomers to find sponsors at specifically DA HOW meetings Service includes, leading the meeting, being the timer, doing readings, or sharing

Monthly or less

I participate in one or more PRGs (Pressure Relief Groups) I will talk more about these later, but these are meetings with two other DA members (not exclusively DA HOW) to work with a member on any financial pressures or creating a spending plan, etc PRGs can also be about issues rather than just money

I also have my own PRG every few months where two other members help me

sponsors require that you get a sponsor on the phone (trying at least three before leaving a voice message for your own sponsor), but many (like me) are fine with a text message Now, this does not mean that you can decide to buy a car in the afternoon and text a message that you will spend

$15,000 Use common sense and discretion

I try to practice delayed gratification, which is one of my difficulties So I may ask myself – can this wait until tomorrow? This has been one of the practices that has truly been the most healing for me.

Five dollar limit

Many sponsors allow for $5 over a committed amount This means that if you are at the grocery store and you committed $100 and the bill is $104.53, you can go ahead with the purchase and not contact anyone If it is $105.10, you would contact someone FIRST

However, this is NOT free reign to buy a bunch of different items for $5 It is for an overage of spending and not to be abused

Mistakes

Mistakes are different to me than slips or relapse If you made a calculating error and didn’t know you had less in a category, that is a mistake If you did everything you could to ensure that you didn’t overspend, and again, you forgot about an automatic debit, so you were over, that is a mistake If you go to the gas station and realize as you finish pumping that you didn’t commit it this morning and call immediately, even though you just spent the money, that is a mistake.But if you buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks knowing you didn’t commit and just don’t call because you don’t feel like it, that is a slip to me

In this program, intention is very important DA HOW has a very high bottom That is because those of us who work this program know how insidious the disease is for us In DA, the pure measure of losing abstinence is debting In DA HOW, if I DELIBERATELY don’t call in my numbers, for me, that is the mark of losing my DA HOW abstinence

Summary

So that is how I have worked my program since April 25, 2009 I hope this gives you some clarity It is really clear and simple And doing so has profoundly changed my life for the better.Back to Top

What Does H.O.W Mean?

H Stands for Honesty

In all 12 step programs, honesty is the cornerstone

Without self-honesty, you do not become willing to seek help nor even recognize you have a problem Further self-honesty prevents self-justification for actions that are counter-productive

or will lead to relapse Self-knowledge may avail us nothing (which it states in the Big Book), but self-honesty, raw and deep, will lead us to a life of integrity and recovery

When you are dishonest with your sponsor, you are wasting the sponsor’s time and energy.Making a mistake is one thing, but lying to your sponsor about the mistake keeps you stuck in your illness If you live by #1, above, you will invariably continue to be honest here even when it

is painful or you risk losing your sponsor

Lying at a meeting or to your sponsees about having lost your abstinence is not doing either them

or you any good and if you continue working a recovery program while doing so, you will most likely regress in other areas as well, such as resentment, fear, and abstinence

O Stands for Open mindedness

Most people come into DA desperate for help They may have hit bottom and have lost

everything or they may have hit a higher bottom and there is still time to keep the boat afloat Either way, only desperation leads us to a 12 step program In DA H.O.W., there is a rigor and structure to how we work the steps and tools that is not usually present in the way the program is worked

Invariably, as soon as we are presented with the “suggestions” of the H.O.W structure, we balk

Suddenly, once again, we know best how to recover from this disease We may like this

suggestion, but cannot possibly do that one If we work or have small children, there is no

possibility to fit in 15 whole minutes to read and write, we insist!

But even regarding the one point upon which all DA members agree, that we do not use

unsecured debt, some may balk When told that we accomplish this goal, first and foremost by cutting up our credit cards and canceling all lines of credit and accounts, who among us hasn’t had a moment’s pause? “But what if there is an emergency,” cries one or “How will I rent a car

to travel,” moans another or “what if I need dental work,” whines a third

Being open minded means that we will listen to suggestions This is not overtly an action step But if you are only desperate and not open minded, then you will revert to trying the easier and softer way as soon as the feeling of desperation lifts, even briefly You will continue trying to do things your way And you know how well that has worked out for you

I am a balker It is a terrible defect of mine Invariably at my PRGs, I’ll know how I want an issue to be resolved As soon as I hear a new idea, I immediately panic and feel resistance I feel frightened and instantly think up all kinds of reasons (excuses?) this won’t work and why I don’t like the idea

But because I have worked on open mindedness, my PRG group knows to let me rant on for a few minutes because I invariably calm down And once I am calm, I do finally become open minded This is where meditation has been extremely helpful to my recovery

Now, I am able to hear out my PRG group (or sponsor if an issue we are discussing) and really listen to their reasoning Without being open minded, willingness is impossible

W Stands for Willing

If you are honest and you are open minded, then you can become willing to do what is required for recovery, what has worked for others I heard someone share a great piece of knowledge – I don’t have to like what I have to do … I just have to do it anyway

Willingness means we cut up our credit cards and cancel our accounts even if we are terrified about future need We have faith that we will have enough and if we don’t, we will have help to address the situation We can have this faith because we see that others have had the courage to take this action and it worked out I nearly fainted with anxiety when I took this step.

Willingness means one finds the time to do the writing, even with a sick child or looming work deadline Surely there is time in the bathroom Just making a small effort for a couple of minutes

is better than no effort at all Skim the reading if you cannot focus Because I have an illness where I am exceedingly dizzy and foggy most of the time, I often have no clue what I just read, but I put in the effort anyway

Willingness means not spending what you haven’t committed even if you want to cry

Willingness means at least giving all suggestions presented by your sponsor and trusted PRG team a try

Let me give you one caveat about this from my experience If this is a new sponsor or PRG team for you and you don’t know them very well, I would then say to run their suggestions by your trusted network if you truly disagree with them Otherwise, I would give all suggestions a good hearing and valiant effort, like it or not

I will give you an example from my own life I wanted to make a big purchase My PRG team was very leery and the more insistent I was, the more concerned they became I pretty much threw a tantrum on the phone But in the end, I did what they suggested Weeks passed While I was still interested in the purchase, I no longer felt as if my life would end without it The

compulsion had passed

I brought up this purchase again with each PRG member individually Further, with complete sincerity, I told each that that if they still thought this was a poor spending choice on my part, then I would follow their guidance and stop asking about it

And guess what! Independently, they both said they were now fine with it Both said that the urgency and anger surrounding having to do it at that moment was part of their discomfort Financially, other situations had resolved and it was more feasible for me to use the money as I wanted

So never underestimate the power of willingness

Willingness, as described in that example, is not spending money as soon as I want something It

is often sitting in discomfort until it passes so you can see clearly

This is a huge one for me! When I get a sudden urge for a discretionary item, as large as a car or

as small as a book, I wait at least 24 hours to buy it For me, that desperate kind of yearning is downright painful I can’t think straight and never make good choices when I am in that “gotta have it” mode

Willlingness to wait allows that feeling to die down Once, I agreed that I would not make a certain small purchase until the desperation had subsided It took an entire week before I felt ready to buy it

On the other hand, I have most often found that my joy in the item is inversely proportional to

my desperation to have it Getting something I want, but am not painfully longing for, is always far more satisfying for me

So when you think of something to buy that you have not committed as you go about your day, try to get willing to wait at least one day to buy it.

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“DA H.O.W IS Real DA”

Following is an excellent article written by a DA member in my network, which adds another voice of someone whose life has been saved by using the H.O.W structure within DA as well as

an explanation of how this member works the program

DA-HOW IS Real DA

I’m a grateful compulsive debtor, spender, and underearner who’s been involved in DA since November of 2008 I’ve not incurred new unsecured debt since July 12, 2009 This program has saved my family and my life, and I am incredibly grateful to our founder who figured out how to apply the 12 steps to compulsive debting When I started working DA, my family had $54,491 in unsecured debt, and we now have $42,176, even though I’m the only person in my family

working DA, and we’re putting living our life ahead of paying debt quickly We’ve also

increased our savings incredibly during that time and have had an amazing quality of life, taking numerous cash vacations, making cash home repairs, and being able to deal with some very costly medical situations with cash

I’m writing because I work the DA tools using the HOW structure It seems to me that there is a general perception out there that working DA using HOW is not real DA I’ve been on meetings that when someone announced a new DA-HOW meeting, someone else warned newcomers that DA-HOW is not real DA I’ve also witnessed people with long-term solvency come onto HOW meetings and attack the way we work our program I want to talk about what DA-HOW is and why I think that it is no threat to the greater program of Debtors Anonymous

To me, using HOW is just following instructions on a specific, very structured way to use the

DA tools There are no tools that are unique to working a HOW program, just a commitment to use the tools of the program of DA so that we can actually get out of the spending and debting and into the steps and program of recovery I detail below the guidelines for working DA using this method, but as I told someone on the phone today, there are no HOW police, it’s just a method of sponsorship and tool use that some members of DA use

I speak with my sponsor (and my sponsees) daily During that call, I report on the previous day’s spending and pre-commit my spending for the upcoming 24 hours For example, I might say that

I committed 75 for groceries yesterday, and spent 73.25 I would also say that I am going to spend up to $40 on gas, as it’s something I’ve already checked in my spending plan to ensure that I have at least that much left for this month (this, obviously, requires daily use of the tools of record-keeping and spending plan) I also contact my sponsor if I have unplanned spending that comes up For example, one of my kids recently had an urgent medical need I called my sponsor and committed up to $100 for medical, ensuring, of course, that I had that much in my spending plan, or if not, we would have discussed how I could pay for it without debting

As importantly, or even more so, is the fact that every day I do reading and writing, which I read aloud to my sponsor This is how we work the steps – I’ve been through them once, and am currently on step 8 of my second time through We have a set of questions we use as a general guide to help people work their way through steps 1-3 These incorporate readings from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps & 12 traditions After the first 3 steps, we work our way through the remaining steps with guidance from our sponsors

A HOW sponsor is someone who has at least 30 back-to-back days of freedom from using unsecured debt and has answered at least 30 days of questions with a sponsor We take

anonymity very seriously, withholding the names of our sponsors and sponsees as well as those

we talk with, in order to ensure that we don’t inadvertently breach another person’s anonymity

I go to at least one DA meeting per week, most often a meeting with other people using a HOW format (just because that helps me reinforce the way I use the tools) I also make or receive at least one DA outreach call per day That’s it as far as the structure goes We use the other tools

of service, awareness, business meetings, pressure relief meetings and action plans, but there are

no specific suggestions as to how they work within this structure Remaining free from new unsecured debt is considered our primary form of service

I know there are lots of people working DA who don’t need this level of structure in order to recover The thing I’m grateful for is that there is an option for people like me who do need this much structure in order to be free of the mental obsession about spending and debting as well as the act of incurring new unsecured debt It has allowed me to deepen my connection with my higher power and to really experience the promises of DA in my everyday life

So, please, allow those of us who need this type of structure to recover in the way we need to without having to defend it as “real” DA As opposed to being a threat to DA, this is just one of many options for sponsorship We use the same steps, traditions, and tools, and they help us to recover from a life-threatening malady, one day at a time The Debtors Anonymous preamble states, “The only requirement for membership in Debtors Anonymous is a desire to stop

incurring unsecured debt.”

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It’s Specific, Not Different

As stated in the Debtors Anonymous Preamble: “The only requirement for membership in Debtors Anonymous is a desire to stop incurring unsecured debt.“

The DA program gives us suggestions for ways to do so, including:

* Don’t incur any new unsecured debt

* Develop and live by a spending plan

* Record your spending

* Have PRGs when you are first developing a spending plan and whenever you feel pressured financially

* Work the 12 Steps to the best of your ability.

* Work out payment arrangements with creditors, ensuring we meet our needs first

* Go to meetings and share your experience, strength, and hope with other members

If we follow these suggestions, we will keep from debting, ensure that we work the steps, and give service

However, some of us need additional instructions and support Yes, there are DA pamphlets providing more explanation, but even then, some of us need even more specificity,

accountability, and structure to stay solvent That is where the H.O.W format comes in,

providing the following specific ways to keep from debting (#1 and #3), ensure that we work the steps (#2), and give service (#4, #5, #6, and #7):

* We don’t spend any money without committing it first

* We do daily reading and writing, using a series of questions to start

* We call a sponsor daily to commit our numbers and writing (can be a temp or any DA HOW sponsor if you don’t yet have a permanent one)

* We sponsor as we can

* We make one additional call to another DA member daily for outreach

* We attend at least one DA meeting a week (preferably DA HOW if this is how you work your program to show support)

There is nothing about what we who follow the H.O.W format do that is different from the basics of what any DA member does, except that we follow a structured method to accomplish what the DA program suggests we do in a broader way

A Note about Family Members

If you are in charge of the spending plan for the family, you can still only do your best to ensure the other members live by the plan If, for instance, you tell a family member that they can spend

no more than $30 at a restaurant, but they spent $45, it is not a slip of your abstinence You will still need to live with the consequences of finding the additional money to keep your spending plan accurate, but you are not the one who overspent

I have worked with many in program who deal with spouses and children It is challenging, but workable The key is to keep your side of the street as clean as you can, and accept that others may not have your commitment Gradually, many of these situations improve with time But even then, the occasional problem will happen Take a deep breath and remember what your family members went through when you were into your disease Have compassion for them in their imperfection, just as you are learning to have compassion for your own

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YNAB Interview

A few months ago, Jesse Mecham, founder of YNAB, asked if I would do an interview to give his listeners an understanding of how debting can be an addiction, from a compulsive debtor’s perspective, and to share my experience, strength, and hope about how Debtors Anonymous can help Further, I wanted to explain how the YNAB software is a great tool for compulsive debtors

to use to maintain their spending plan and track their numbers

This interview is now up on their YNAB podcasting page:

“057 – When Debt is an Addiction – In this interview, I speak with Linda I (psuedonym), a Debtors Anonymous participant The program deserves a serious look if you, or someone you know, has a serious debt addiction.”

Please note that I did not act as a representative from Debtors Anonymous, but as an anonymous member who is using this wonderful software to manage the physical part of my recovery, and I spoke only for myself

I do not receive any material gain from YNAB I bought the software in 2009 based on the recommendation of other DA members, and I do not receive any royalties or other financial or material consideration from the company for my exuberant endorsement I just love this product and how it has enhanced my recovery from compulsive debting

What’s great is that they give you a 30 day trial to test the software and you don’t have to give them any payment information while you do so If you want to give YNAB a try, go

to http://www.ynab.com Plus, they have a fabulous community of generous users who can answer any questions you have, as well as great training resources FYI – the software is

incredibly user-friendly, so please don’t be afraid to try it That is the point of YNAB, to provide

an easy, simple way to manage the complexities of a spending plan

Oh, and just one favor If you do recognize my voice on the podcast, please respect my

anonymity by not sharing my identity with other members

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So, How Much Time Does DA H.O.W Take?

For the first year and a half in DA using the H.O.W approach to the tools, I hated it most of the time I felt so put-upon and couldn’t figure out how on earth there was time to do it all I wanted

to quit at least a dozen times I got myself into a tizzy at least twice a week over how much time this program took, wasting time that had nothing to do with working my program on being upset about working my program

Each time I lost a sponsor, as we all do, that was it I was leaving I was getting out But I knew that if I did, I would surely go under as this was a way that worked for me

So I kept staying in Each day, I was frustrated with the challenge of finding a sponsor to call, but I did what I had done the day before, working the tools that kept me solvent and free from incurring new debt until I once again found a daily sponsor to call

Now, these practices are a cherished part of my life and I would be lost without them

But I have known too many people who leave because they say working DA H.O.W means an overwhelming time commitment They acknowledged it worked for them, but weren’t willing to see the pain through to the other side.

So, how much time does it take to work DA H.O.W.?

Here are the components of my program along with the timing, whether a H.O.W suggestion only, and their benefit:

Calling my sponsor daily Timing: 15 minutes H.O.W only: Yes for daily sponsorship Benefit: Part of my problem with DA was that there was no regular accountability to a sponsor It just isn’t enough for me to be left to my own devices for a week or so, periodically checking in with someone In DA H.O.W., we call a sponsor daily to turn over our numbers, read our daily

writing, and discuss other issues

Sponsoring Timing: 15 minutes each It is recommended that sponsors have no more than two

sponsees, which then moves it to 30 minutes More than that, for those with other

responsibilities, may adversely impact them and cause program burnout H.O.W only: Yes for

daily sponsorship Benefit: This is 12th Step work at its finest This is how Bill W stayed sober

It is through “giving back” what we receive that we keep it for ourselves

Committing my daily numbers and only spending what I commit Timing: Less than five

minutes – I think about what I am going to spend in the morning and write it down If other spending comes up during the day, I contact my sponsor H.O.W only: Yes

Benefit: This is how I stay sober with money on the physical level It is so tempting to spend more, but because I am accountable for every penny and living in clarity and honesty for today, I

am more committed to my sobriety with money

Doing my reading and writing Timing: 15 minutes total between the two H.O.W only: Yes

Benefit: I couldn’t see this for a long time in program, but now I recognize this is how I work through my spiritual issues Doing the 90 questions felt overwhelming, but I now realize that it was due to all the reading When I sponsor, I have sponsees only do 15 minutes total unless they want to do more That keeps it simple and less likely to overwhelm them However, other

sponsors may ask you to write for the full 15 minutes, which may mean another amount of time for reading But that is not how I work my program

Doing a daily 10th Step and turning it over to my sponsor Timing: Included in daily writing

H.O.W only: No – but yes regarding turning it over to my sponsor daily Benefit: This is Step 10 work (also mentioned in Step 11) Not everyone in DA H.O.W turns it over, but it is of

tremendous benefit to me to live in clarity and remember issues I may want to discuss We do this practice daily once we complete Step 10

Prayer and Meditation daily Timing: Individual – generally 20-30 minutes H.O.W only: No

Benefit: This is not a H.O.W or even DA-specific suggestion, but a Step Step 11 states: Sought

through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood

Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out There is no

way I would stay abstinent without meditation It is how I learn the skills to face pain with equanimity because sitting in meditation is not always comfortable They say prayer is asking for your Higher Power’s guidance and meditation is listening for answers

Making one outreach call daily Timing: 15 minutes H.O.W only: Yes Benefit: Left to my own

devices, I isolate This is the tool I still struggle with, but I do it anyway because there have been times that I was given incredible insight on a call that I never expected I have been told that if I leave messages for five people without reaching one, I can stop for the day I try to keep limits

on how long I stay on the call for health reasons, but also because my day could get eaten up with phone calls and I need to maintain balance

Going to one DA H.O.W meeting a week Timing: 1-1.5 hours a week H.O.W only: Yes

Benefit: Meetings are a vital part of the fellowship of this program We remember where we came from and hear sources of hope and strength that hold us up when we feel weak It is

crucial, as we are not a huge fellowship, that if DA H.O.W works for you that you attend at least one DA H.O.W meeting to keep this fellowship going

Living by a spending plan that accounts for every dollar in and accrues in categories

Timing: Depends.

Reconciling: 15 minutes if all is well to an hour if there is something amiss I do this three or

four times a month

Inputting data in Excel or YNAB: 15-20 minutes a week.

Closing/opening month: 15 minutes

Closing/opening new year: 1 hour

Tax preparation (reports for doing my taxes): 10 minutes

H.O.W only: No Benefit: My spending plan is my lifeline I don’t live by my bank account, but

by my spending plan and categories This was crucial before I was in H.O.W and continues to

be crucial Without accruing in my categories and living by what I accumulate, there is no way I could keep track of spending in clarity I would never be able to pay intermittent bills (like car insurance) and save for discretionary items without it Living by my spending plan takes me out

of vagueness

Having regular PRGs (every couple of months) Timing: 1-1.5 hours every two-three months

H.O.W only: No Benefit: PRGs are great for keeping me humble and solving problems that seem insurmountable! Sometimes I go into them with an agenda That rarely works as my mind

is not right about money and it is the wisdom of hearing two others in program come together that can convince me of the error of my ways, if that is the case (as it often is) At other times, I come into a PRG with a problem that I know has no solution and my team figures one out It is truly a miraculous process where my Higher Power speaks through others Sometimes, you may not have a PRG team that works for you Please don’t stop trying to find a team that is a good fit because when you do, it’s an invaluable part of this process We are not meant to do this on our own and dealing with the physical aspects of money is especially raw for us

Giving PRGs Timing: 1-1.5 hours when you do them H.O.W only: No Benefit: Again, we keep

what we have by giving it away, by doing service I strongly advise people to limit how many PRGs they do in a month to prevent burnout In fact, I would say one is enough You are not the

“hero/heroine” of DA You are just a member trying your best to stay in recovery

Only changing my spending plan in concert with my sponsor and PRG team Timing: 0

H.O.W only: Yes Benefit: This is where the rubber meets the road in recovery for me I strongly suggest that you have an annual PRG to review your spending plan to see if you need to make

changes in categories If I make my own decisions willy-nilly about moving money around, I am

in danger of losing my abstinence If I take from food to pay for gas, then I may need to take from clothing to pay for food And then, maybe from insurance bill to pay for clothing And then, when I need to pay my insurance bill, I’m short because I moved the money That is not abstinence for me

However, if I am short in gas or food, both of which I need, and I talk to my sponsor about it, we can make a measured decision in choosing which category is appropriate to cover the expense with the least amount of fallout

So, how much time does all this take?

Daily: 1.5 hours This includes:

Sponsor call

One sponsee call

Reading and writing

Meditating for 30 minutes

Reach-out call

That is 6% of your 24 hour day Think about how much time you spent shopping either online or

in person Think about how much time you spent looking for the deal or obsessing about buying something you couldn’t afford Think about how much time you spent agonizing over creditors and debt you accrued

You can reduce your meditation time if necessary if you are truly strapped for time There is no suggestion on how much time we must spend in prayer and meditation, just that it is important to our program of recovery So do five minutes of meditation instead of 30 That takes your daily time commitment to a bit over an hour

Isn’t this time better spent than when you were in your disease?

As for the other amounts of time:

* Reconciling, inputting, and closing/opening the month in my spending plan takes me about an hour a month

* Tax prep took me less than 10 minutes using YNAB

* Closing/opening the new year took me an hour

* PRGs and other service take about 2.5 hours a month I generally don’t give a PRG during the month I get one For me, there are health issues involved and I do other service helping people learn spending plan software that is easier for me, so I average about 2.5 hours a month overall

* I go to one DA H.O.W meeting a week and it’s 1 hour

Together, all these things take a little over 5 hours depending on what month we’re in That’s really nothing in the scheme of my time And I use Google calendar to ensure that I schedule around other activities I have found that free software a God-send

So now you know the truth about how much time this program takes I may be off a few minutes here and there, but you get the idea As I wrote at the beginning, it was a painful process for me

to learn to love this program as I now do I was like the wild horse who had to be tamed

But now, I wouldn’t trade my recovery for anything Working my DA program in this way has created miracles in many areas of my life aside from the financial, including my marriage, my relationship with my son, my spiritual path, and my acceptance of my health limitations

I am so grateful I didn’t listen to that voice in my head that hates discipline and commitment, the voice of my disease

The only requirement for membership in DA is a desire to stop incurring unsecured debt There are many paths to recovery within the program H.O.W is just one of them You are free to explore all paths until you find the right one for you But I encourage you to work through the discomfort if you find a way to work DA that works for you

The DA program is about our being Honest, Open-minded, and Willing around money For those

of us working the tools as DA H.O.W suggests, it is the way we have found to stay sober,

solvent, and abstinent with money one day at a time

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SECTION 3: ABOUT ABSTINENCE AND SOLVENCY

Solvency and Abstinence

Recently, it was brought to my attention that there are some in DA who take issue with the way

we work the tools in DA HOW and one of the complaints is that we use the word abstinence instead of solvency

However, I found this definition on the Debtors Anonymous Telephone Intergroup website:

We use Abstinence and Solvency to have the same meaning: not incurring unsecured debt one day at a time Unsecured debt is any debt that is not backed up by some form of collateral, such

as a car, house, etc

Debtors Anonymous Telephone Intergroup (DATIG) suggests that Abstinence or Solvency is the following:

* Not borrowing money without collateral

* Not using Credit Cards

* Paying bills on time

* Paying for Services when we receive them, except when there is a written agreement

* Not writing bad checks

* Not stealing

It makes me sad that there are people who feel that those working their program through the H.O.W format are somehow not a part of DA All we are doing is rigorously working the DA tools in a way that works for us

Clearly, there is no one path to recovery even within any 12 step program, but we all share a common goal As it says in the Debtors Anonymous Preamble:

“The only requirement for membership in Debtors Anonymous is a desire to stop incurring unsecured debt.”

And that goal is what brings us together

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Clarifying Abstinence

Though I’ve already written extensively about abstinence in DA, I still feel some additional clarification is needed because I continue to find people confused about this issue Sometimes,

we need to hear an idea multiple times in slightly different ways to have it sink in

Debtors Anonymous Definition of Abstinence

In DA, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop debting If you aren’t incurring new unsecured debt, you are considered abstinent (or solvent, though, to me, the word “solvent” implies that I have no outstanding debt so I prefer the word “abstinent”) Note that in DA,

abstinence doesn’t mean that you have no debt In fact, if you are not able to pay down your debt and it is still incurring interest, as long as you are not incurring NEW unsecured debt, you are abstinent According to DA:

We practice abstinence by not incurring compulsive, unsecured debt one day at a time

(Unsecured debt is any debt that is not backed up by some form of collateral, such as a car, house, etc.)

How to Stay Abstinent

While many have been able to maintain abstinence in DA using the tools as they are, some of us need more explicit directions and instructions for how to do so For instance, before H.O.W.:

It was too easy for me justify a compulsive purchase

I had no accountability to another person and would fool myself too often about money

I would move money around from category to category until, inevitably, I ran out of money to move around and debted

H.O.W Definition of Abstinence

H.O.W adds the following additional components as the way to maintain abstinence

We never, ever spend any money without first committing it to a sponsor

For some of us (like me), the obsession that comes over me when I want to buy something is almost physically painful The pause of having to commit it may be enough to keep me from spending it Or my sponsor may suggest waiting Waiting is painful, but compulsively spending

is worse for me So I need this added suggestion of always committing my spending

In order to faciliate this we call in our spending daily to a sponsor We state the previous day’s planned and actual spending and the current day’s planned spending We also tell a sponsor if unexpected spending comes up during the day that cannot wait until the next day

There is nothing fuzzy about this It is absolute … well, sort of

Does Intention Matter?

I love the high bottom of the H.O.W Abstinence definition If I deliberately refuse to call in my spending in an act of defiance, in DA H.O.W., that is considered a break of abstinence As far as I’m concerned, better to be stopped at that point, than debting before I see there is a problem!But what if I am new to program and in my rushing around, am at the gas pump and realize, as I

am pumping the gas, that I forgot to commit it? Is that a break of abstinence? Well, if I then willfully refuse to call my sponsor to tell her (maybe because I’m embarrassed or because I’m annoyed at having to do so or any of a million justifications), then, yes, I would consider that a break It has to do with willingness and humility

But if this same person calls instantly, as soon as she realizes it, then no, I wouldn’t say so On page 60 of the Big Book, it states,

No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles

We are not saints The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines The principles

we have set down are guides to progress We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual

perfection

We are going to make mistakes in a money program It’s inevitable Some may disagree with me

on this point of abstinence, but this is my opinion We are not here to beat each other up, but to support each others’ recovery If someone didn’t intend to deceive, then I don’t feel it is a slip

About That $5 Overage

In DA H.O.W., if you are spending committed money and it turns out to be up to $5 over, you do not have to call it in I find this one very slippery and so ensure there are clean boundaries around it

If you are at the grocery store with a full cart and did your best to guesstimate the amount and it’s $4.95 over, yes, I can see that But this $5 overage isn’t free money to just spend at will For instance, you don’t go to a store and buy something you didn’t commit that is $3 And you don’t use that $5 overage multiple times in a day

However, if the grocery bill is $5.01 over, then, yes, you do need to call it in Why, you say? Well, it’s that honesty and humility thing again If I can get away with one cent, I will, as a severe addict, end up debting I push the limit But there has to be a wall And it’s $5

Other H.O.W Components

Abstinence, in DA H.O.W also means that you:

* Do reading and writing daily

* Call one other DA member daily

* Go to one DA meeting a week (preferably a DA H.O.W meeting to show support)

* Other Overall DA Considerations for Debting

In DA, some people think that if you pay a bill late or return a library book late so there is a fine, that is a break of abstinence

Again, I think it has to do with intention If you have your bills sitting on your desk and just don’t feel like paying them on time, that is quite a different story from a bill you accidentally threw out without realizing it

As for library books, I know parents with young children who take out so many books so often that they simply cannot keep track of them In this case, they have a fund for late library books and use that money for it It is not the parents’ fault if the children don’t give them back on time And yes, you may think that the kids should have to pay, but that is an entirely different

discussion!

Encouragement is Key

On these issues, DA members may disagree As you know, I do not speak for DA I’m just a member recovering one day at a time We have all beaten ourselves up enough for our

imperfections My belief is that rigor is essential, but mistakes happen It is what the addict does about the mistake that shows whether the commitment to recovery is sincere And a sincere commitment to recovery, in my opinion, needs to be encouraged

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SECTION 4: FOR NEWCOMERS & THOSE WITHOUT A SPONSOR

Where to Begin for Beginners

If you are brand new to DA (or new to the DA HOW concept), it may all seem overwhelming But this is your first chance to practice living one day at a time and keeping it simple

As a beginner, here is what I did:

* Cut up all your credit cards and cancel all your accounts Yes, this may seem terrifying, but the only way to stop debting is to stop using unsecured debt Leaving even one (“just for an

emergency”) is like keeping a bottle of liquor in your house for guests when you first get sober

* Write down every penny you spend and the category in which you spent it For instance, $2.07 coffee out Be diligent and vigilant in keeping track of everything you spend

* Get to as many DA or DA HOW meetings as you can Here is a link to live meetings and here

is a link to phone meetings

* Take down phone numbers and email addresses of people you hear on those meetings who have what you want AND CALL THEM! Call at least one person a day and up to five before giving up if no one answers (leave messages with your phone number too)

Now, this is important If someone doesn’t call you back, be persistent That does not mean you should stalk them But give it a few days and then try again Be respectful, please Remember,

we all have our own issues and it may be that this person gets more phone calls than he or she can handle Try someone else Don’t be set on only getting a certain person

* Find a sponsor In DA HOW, this can be challenging I know people find it frustrating that you need a sponsor for your daily calls, but please remember that for each sponsor, each sponsee takes 15 minutes of time, usually in the morning Think about your own schedule and you may understand why there are limits to how many people a sponsor can take on

To find a sponsor, be patient Establish relationships with sponsors so they get to know you Don’t just call to ask for sponsorship, but make your daily outreach call to sponsors just to get to know them and for them to get to know you You may find that someone you thought would be perfect for you, may not really have what you want And someone you thought wouldn’t be a good match, would be

Take on a temp sponsor, if necessary But if all that fails, for the moment, just make calls to different sponsors each day to give your numbers and assignment I have done that We all have

It will make you stronger in your commitment to see that you are determined to stay abstinent.Remember, no one DA HOW member is your Higher Power

If you want to work a DA HOW program, start answering the 90 questions Here is the link for them

After a few weeks, get a pressure relief group (PRG) together to help you set up your spending plan By then, you should feel more comfortable calling people If you don’t know what a PRG

is, you can order a DA pamphlet explaining or ask other members

If you aren’t sure if you need Debtors Anonymous, click here to read the 15 questions to see if you have a problem with debt and click here for the signs of compulsive debting

Remember, you may not think yourself a compulsive debtor if you don’t have unsecured debt, but if you are a compulsive spender, eventually, you will spend more than you have, which will surely lead to debting A compulsive spender is just a debtor who hasn’t run out of money.

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If You are New and Don’t Have a Sponsor…

I wanted to address the issue of what to do if you don’t have a sponsor and want to work DA using the H.O.W approach Although this is covered in the chapter “Sponsors are Not Your Higher Power,” I think it bears more discussion

It is especially challenging for newcomers to become motivated enough to get started without a sponsor because, after all, you aren’t sure what to do and want guidance So you may keep waiting to begin However, all of us have had to continue our daily program without a sponsor at one time or another Newcomers just need some guidance on exactly what to do to get started So

I am going to tell you, which means that there is no longer an excuse to get on the road to a new and better life right now!

Remember, you are committed to recovery and a Higher Power, not to a person

Here is what you need to do on day one to work the DA H.O.W program

committed, we don’t have to call – but if it is $5.01, then yes we do call because that is part of the commitment to recovery we make)

Begin with question #1 from the series of questions (Click here to download the DA HOW questions for sponsees) as follows:

Work no longer than 15-20 minutes total (unless you want to do more)

Split the time between the reading and writing in the assignment

You probably won’t finish answering the question today Question #1 is a history of your

compulsive spending, so it will probably take you awhile to complete

You need to “turn over” this information before you spend any money Here are some

A You are creating a network of people to help you

B You are getting to know people, which will lead to eventually getting a sponsor

C You are meeting the H.O.W suggestion of outreach

As you go about your day, only spend what you have committed If an unexpected expenditure comes up, just text or leave a message for a DA H.O.W sponsor or another member Ideally, when you have a sponsor, you would call your sponsor or speak to another sponsor But you have to make this work for you until you can do so And you don’t have lots of choices at this time

Write down or keep your receipts for everything you spent! This is vital

After you return home, write down your actual spending I write in a composition notebook that I keep next to my phone Here is an image of one page:

At the beginning of the day

Note: “I” stands for income I don’t anticipate getting any income on that day “E” stands for Expense I draw a line down the center of the page

At the end of the day

Note: I also write to whom I paid the money, if a check, what is the check number, and if more than one store, I add up to total it