Power is the ability of one person to influence what another person thinks or does.
You have power over another person to the extent that you can influence what this person thinks or what this person does. Conversely, another person has power over you to the extent that he or she can influence what you think or do.
Here we’ll look at some of the most important principles of power in interper- sonal communication and relationships. These principles explain how power operates interpersonally and offer insight on how you can manage power more effectively.
Some People Are More Powerful Than Others
In the United States, all people are considered equal under the law and therefore equal in their entitlement to education, legal protection, and freedom of speech. But all people are not equal when it comes to just about everything else. Some are born into wealth, others into poverty. Some are born physically strong, good-looking, and healthy; others are born weak, less attractive, and with a variety of inherited illnesses.
Power is asymmetrical: if one person has greater power, the other person must have less. If you are stronger than another person, then this person is weaker than you. If you are richer, then the other person must be poorer. In any one area—for example, strength or financial wealth—one person has more and, inevitably and by definition, the other person has less (is weaker or poorer).
Some people are born into power, and some of those who are not born powerful learn to become powerful. In short, some people have power and others don’t. Of course, the world is not quite that simple; some people exert power in certain areas of life, some in others. Some exert power in many areas, some in just a few.
An important element of power today is social media power, and the Internet in- cludes a wealth of sites that will analyze and graph your social media power. Sites such as Klout, Twenty Feet, Crowdbooster, Tweetstats, and My Web Career, as well as the analyses available on a regular blog (as well as on social media sites such as Facebook and Google+), make it easy to track social media influence. Although such detailed in- formation is designed for and of most interest to those in marketing, advertising, or some
business venture, it has become part of the interpersonal fabric of our society as well. These sites use informa- tion largely from your Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn accounts, though new sources are explored and added regularly. They track an amazing array of data that many people would never think of. Among the measures of power and influence tracked by these sites are:
• Who do you influence? How many people do you influence? Who influences you?
• How many comments do you generate? How many are from different people? How many are from powerful people?
• How many “likes” do you generate?
• How many of your tweets are retweeted? How many generate replies?
Viewpoints PeoPle with Power Research shows that people with lots of power are less compassionate toward the hardships of those with less power than are those who themselves have little power. Also, those high in power pay less attention (in conversations, for example) to those with little power than in the opposite situation (Goleman, 2013). Why do you think this is so?
• How have your statistics changed over time? Do you have more or fewer follow- ers? Are you being retweeted more or less often?
• How do you compare with others?
• How many friends do you have? How many followers do you have?
• How many @ mentions do you get?
• How often do you post or tweet?
• How many people have accessed your post? From what part of the world are they?
• How many have commented on a post or reposted it?
Power Can Be Shared
Some people would argue that power should be guarded—that by sharing it with others, you dilute your own power. Thus, the research scientist who wants to main- tain the power advantage should not reveal successful research strategies to his or her assistants because that would make them more powerful and the scientist less powerful, at least by comparison.
Another position would argue that by sharing your power, by empowering oth- ers, you actually grow in power. For adherents of this view, empowerment is not just an altruistic gesture on the part of, say, one relationship partner or a company’s man- agement; rather, it is a basic philosophy. According to this philosophy, empowered people are more likely to take a more personal interest in the relationship or in the job. Empowered people are proactive; they act and do not merely react. They’re more likely to take on decision-making responsibilities, are willing to take risks, and are
Understanding Interpersonal Skills
InteractIon ManageMent: the abIlIty to carry on an Interpersonal InteractIon sMoothly and effectIvely
interaction management refers to the techniques and strategies by which you regulate and carry on interpersonal interactions. Effective interaction management results in an interaction that’s satisfying to both parties. Neither person feels ignored or on stage; each contributes to, benefits from, and enjoys the interpersonal exchange.
communicating with Interaction Management Of course, this entire text is devoted to the effective management of interpersonal interactions. Here, however, are a few specific suggestions that are related to power:
• Maintain your role as speaker or listener and pass the opportunity to speak back and forth—through appropri- ate eye movements, vocal expressions, and body and facial gestures. This shows that you’re in control of and comfortable in the interaction.
• Keep the conversation fluent, avoiding long and awkward pauses. Powerful people always have some- thing to say. For example, it’s been found that patients are less satisfied with their interaction with their doctor when the silences between their comments and the doctor’s responses are overly long (Rowland-Morin
& Carroll, 1990).
• Communicate with verbal and nonverbal messages that are consistent and reinforce each other. Avoid sending mixed messages or contradictory signals—for example, a nonverbal message that contradicts the verbal message.
These signal indecision and hence a lack of power.
• Be especially sensitive to the other person’s conversa- tional cues, for example, to end the conversation, to want to say something, to want you to expand on something you said.
Working With interaction ManageMent
How effective are you in interaction management? Can you identify two or three areas of interaction management in which you might improve your skills?
willing to take responsibility for their actions—all attributes that make relationships and business exciting and productive. In an interpersonal relationship (though the same would apply to a multinational organization), two empowered partners are more likely to meet effectively the challenges and difficulties most relationships en- counter. And when power is shared in a relationship, the relationship proves more satisfying and is less likely to break up than a relationship in which one person has a disproportionate share of the power (Marano, 2014).
Should you wish to empower others (your relational partner, an employee, another student, a sibling) so that they gain increased control over themselves and their environment, there are a variety of useful strategies:
• Raise the person’s self-esteem. Resist faultfinding; it doesn’t really benefit the faultfinder and certainly doesn’t benefit the other person. Faultfinding disempow- ers others. Any criticism that is offered should be constructive. Be willing to offer your perspective—to lend an ear to a first-try singing effort or to read a new poem.
Also, avoid verbal aggressiveness and abusiveness. Resist the temptation to win an argument with unfair tactics—tactics that are going to hurt the other person.
• Be open, positive, empathic, and supportive. Treat the other person with an equality of respect. Be attentive and listen actively; this tells the other person that he or she is important. After all, what greater praise could you pay than to give another person your time and energy?
• Share skills and decision making. Be willing to relinquish control and allow the other person the freedom to make decisions. Encourage growth in all forms, aca- demic and relational.
Power Can Be Increased or Decreased
Although people differ greatly in the amount of power they wield at any time and in any specific area, everyone can increase their power in some ways. You can lift weights and increase your physical power. You can learn the techniques of negotiation and increase your power in group situations. You can learn the principles of commu- nication and increase your persuasive power.
Another way to increase power is with what has come to be called power priming. For example, in one study of students from three different universities prac- ticing interviewing, one group was told to imagine a time when they were especially powerful and the other group to imagine a time when some person had power over them. Those who power-primed (those who imagined a time when they had power) were much more successful according to the interviewers (who did not know who had been primed); interviewers perceived them as more confident and more persua- sive. In another study, voices of those who were power-primed varied less in pitch but more in volume than those who were not power-primed and were perceived to be more authoritative (Galinsky & Kilduff, 2013).
Power can also be decreased. Probably the most common way to lose power is by trying to control another’s behavior unsuccessfully. For example, the person who threatens you with punishment and then fails to carry out the threat loses power.
Another way to lose power is to allow others to control you, for example, to allow others to take unfair advantage of you. When you don’t confront these power tactics of others, you lose power yourself.
Power Follows the Principle of Less Interest
In any interpersonal relationship, the person who holds the power is the one less interested in and less dependent on the rewards and punishments controlled by the other person. If, for example, Pat can walk away from the rewards Chris controls or can suffer the punishments Chris can mete out, Pat controls the relationship. If, on the other hand, Pat needs the rewards Chris controls or is unable or unwilling to suffer the punishments Chris can administer, Chris maintains the power and controls the
relationship. Put differently, Chris holds the relationship power to the degree that Chris is not dependent on the rewards and punishments under Pat’s control.
The more a person needs a relationship, the less power that person has in it. The less a person needs a relationship, the greater is that person’s power. In a love relation- ship, for example, the person who maintains greater power is the one who would find it easier to break up the relationship. The person who is unwilling (or unable) to break up has less power precisely because he or she is dependent on the relationship and the rewards provided by the other person.
And, it should be added, if you perceive your partner as having greater power than you, you are probably more likely to avoid confrontation and to refrain from criticism (Solomon & Samp, 1998).
Power Generates Privilege
When one person has power over another person, the person with power is generally assumed to have certain privileges—many of which are communication privileges.
And the greater the power difference, the greater is the license of the more power- ful individual. Sometimes we’re mindful of the privilege or license that comes with power. Most often, however, we seem to operate mindlessly, with no one questioning the power structure.
For example, a supervisor or boss can enter a subordinate’s office, but the subordinate cannot enter a supervisor’s office—at least, not without being asked. Very likely, this power relationship is played out mindlessly by both the supervisor and the subordinate. Similarly, a teacher may invade a student’s personal space and lean over the student’s desk to inspect his or her work, but a student can’t do that to a teacher.
Touch is another privilege. Generally, in any hierarchically organized group, higher- ups can touch those lower than they are. So a supervisor may touch the arm or rearrange the collar of a subordinate, but the other way around would seem unnatural in any hi- erarchical organization or culture. The general may touch the corporal, but not the other way around. The coach may touch the players, but the players may not touch the coach.
The doctor may put his or her arm on a patient, but the patient would not do that to a doctor. These examples illustrate that, when a higher-up touches a person lower on the organizational hierarchy, it can easily be construed as sexual harassment (Chillot, 2013).
Those with power also have the privilege of having the final word, whether in an argument or a discussion. The person with power, for example, is the one who normally wins an argument or whose thoughts and statements are given the most weight in a discussion.
Still another privilege is that those with power can break the rules; those with little power must follow the rules. The teacher may be late for class, but the students must be on time. The supervisor may be late for a meeting or conference call, but the subor- dinates must be on time lest they be seen as violating the rules of the organization.
Power Has a Cultural Dimension
Cultures differ in the amount of power distance or dis- crepancy that exists between people and in the attitudes that people have about power, its legitimacy, and its desirability (Hofstede, 1983). In many Asian, African, and Arab cultures (as well as in many European cultures, such as Italian and Greek), for example, there is a great power dis tance between men and women. Men have the greater power, and women are expected to recognize this and abide by its implications. Men, for example, make the important decisions and have the final word in any difference of opinion (Hatfield & Rapson, 1996).
In the United States, the power distance between men and women is undergoing considerable changes. In many families, men still have the greater power. Partly because
Viewpoints Power and emPathy Researchers have investigated the influence of power on empathy but have come up with conflicting results. Some research shows that the greater a person’s power, the greater the ability to empathize. Other research shows the opposite: the greater the power, the less the ability to empathize (Bombari, Mast, Brosch, & Sander, 2013). What relationship, if any, do you think exists between power and empathy?
they earn more money, they also make the more important decisions. As economic equality becomes more a reality than an ideal; however, this power difference may change. In contrast, in Arab cultures the man makes the more important decisions not because he earns more money but because he is the man—and men are simply given greater power.
Some cultures perpetuate the power difference by granting men greater educational opportunities. For example, although college education for women is taken for granted in the United States, it’s the exception in many other cultures throughout the world.
In some Asian cultures, persons in positions of authority—for example, teachers—
have unquestioned power. Students do not contradict, criticize, or challenge teachers.
In other cultures, students are expected to interact critically with the material and develop interpretations of their own. As you can appreciate, this difference can easily create problems in many multicultural classrooms.
Panama
Suriname Guatemala
Mexico
In high-power distance countries such as these, there is great discrepancy between those with and those without power. In the workplace, managers will turn to their superiors and to formal rules in deciding what to do. There is also a very clear distinction between white- and blue-collar workers; white-collar workers are considered more important, whereas blue-collar workers are considered less important.
In low-power distance countries such as these, there is little discrepancy between those with and those without power. Workplace managers rely on their own experiences and consult with subordinates in making decisions. There is also less distinction between blue- and white-collar workers; both are highly valued.
Slovakia Austria
Ireland Switzerland (German)
Denmark Great Britain
Sweden Finland
Norway
Romania Serbia
Israel
New Zealand Malaysia Philippines
Russia
How would you describe the power distance in your various classes? Do your classes differ in power distance? How would you describe the power distance at your workplace? In your family?
The Cultural Map
hIgh- and low-power dIstance
Cultures differ greatly in power distance, the degree of discrepancy between those with power and those without power.
Table 12.1 summarizes several principles of interpersonal power.
Relationship, Person, and Message Power