Copyright Copyright © 2018 by MCSnugz, Inc Cover design by Lauren Harms Cover copyright © 2018 by Hachette Book Group, Inc Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact permissions@hbgusa.com Thank you for your support of the author’s rights Little, Brown and Company Hachette Book Group 1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104 littlebrown.com twitter.com/littlebrown facebook.com/littlebrownandcompany First Ebook Edition: December 2018 Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events To find out more, go to hachettespeakersbureau.com or call (866) 3766591 Illustrations and hand lettering by Lauren Harms ISBN 978-0-316-52917-4 E3-20181114-JV-NF-ORI Contents Cover Title Page Copyright A note on the title Introduction Shit happens What, me worry? Feat The NoWorries Method I can’t deal with this shit (Or can I?) I SO YOU’RE FREAKING OUT: Acknowledge the real problem and rein in your reaction What seems to be the problem? Everything is a tarantula The evolution of a freakout The Four Faces of Freaking Out Anxiety, Sadness, Anger, and Avoidance Mexican Airport Syndrome Survey says: y’all are a bunch of freaks Welcome to the Flipside Feat Freakout Faces: the Flipsides Freakout funds Time, energy, and money 3 ways in which overthinking wastes time, energy, and money The Fourth Fund Goodwill Hot take, coming right up! Mental decluttering and the One Question to Rule Them All This is your brain on puppies Quick reminder II CALM THE FUCK DOWN: Identify what you can control, accept what you can’t, and let that shit go Pick a category, any category Feat The Sarah Knight Shitstorm Scale Can I get a downgrade? Logicats, ho! The gathering shitstorms: a list 10 what-ifs I may or may not need to worry about 10 what-ifs I may or may not need to worry about: ranked by probability What’s your status? Outlying, imminent, and total shitstorms The more the hairier (a quiz) Choose it or lose it Get ur control freak on Out of your hands Make a contribution Under your influence Complete control The One Question to Rule Them All, in action Shit people in my Twitter feed are worried about Can they control it? Feat Soul-sucking day jobs, ugly babies, getting laid off, raccoon bites If the answer is no, this is how you let it go Reality check, please! Let’s be real Option 1: Just fucking let it go Option 2: Houdini that shit Feat Sleight of mind How to stop being anxious about something Give anxiety the finger(s) Get down with O.P.P Tonight You, meet Tomorrow You Other ways to reduce anxiety that I didn’t invent but that have been known to work How to stop being sad about something Laughter is the best medicine You’re in for a treat 5 things I have stopped worrying about while eating a king-sized Snickers bar How to stop being angry about something Work it out Plot your revenge 5 forms of revenge that are fun to think about How to stop avoiding something Get alarmed Propose a trade Secret Option C Productive Helpful Effective Worrying (PHEW) Sending a shitstorm out to sea Feat Anniversary gifts and seasickness Houston, we have an irrational fear Hi, I’m Sarah and I have a mental illness The calm before the shitstorm 10 what-ifs I may or may not need to worry about: Can I control them? I read the news today, oh boy 5 tips for calming the fuck down about the world falling apart Limit your exposure Balancing act Bone up Take a memo Do good Stirring the shit That was not a chill pill I love it when a plan comes together Categorizin’ cousins Feat Renée and Julie and the Parking Lot Grudge Match “How do I calm the fuck down?” flowchart III DEAL WITH IT: Address what you can control Deal me in The Full Fix, Salvage Jobs, and Basic Survival The Three Principles of Dealing With It Take stock What-iffing for good instead of evil Identify your realistic ideal outcome (RIO) What’s realistic? What’s ideal? How do I figure it out? Triage Feat Canceled flights, failing grades, big bad storms Get bent! (a bonus principle) Whose fault is it anyway? Incoming! It’s all in your head Total shitstorms: a catalogue of terror Relatively painless shit Feat Lost reservations, bad haircuts, trampoline injuries, and faulty printers 5 things you might do accidentally that are still not as bad as failing to bcc more than 100 people on a work email Tedious shit Feat Back taxes, bad sex, angry friends, and frozen pipes You snooze, you lose (your car) Really heavy shit Feat Robbery, divorce, French butter shortages, nuclear war, bedbugs, and DEATH Over to you, Bob IV CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: When shit happens, how will you calm the fuck down and deal with it? Epilogue Acknowledgments Discover More About the Author Also available Praise for Sarah Knight Discover More! Including giveaways, contests, and more Tap here to get started ... 10 what- ifs I may or may not need to worry about: ranked by probability What? ??s your status? Outlying, imminent, and total shitstorms The more the hairier (a quiz) Choose it or lose it Get ur control freak on Out of your hands Make a contribution Under your influence... Mental decluttering and the One Question to Rule Them All This is your brain on puppies Quick reminder II CALM THE FUCK DOWN: Identify what you can control, accept what you can? ??t, and let that shit go Pick a category, any category Feat The Sarah Knight Shitstorm Scale... How to stop being anxious about something Give anxiety the finger(s) Get down with O.P.P Tonight You, meet Tomorrow You Other ways to reduce anxiety that I didn’t invent but that have been known to work How to stop being sad about something