Writing the short film 3th - Part 13

THE RATIONALE BEHIND THE CHANGES The father’s inner action is to get the mother to tell the child about the divorce without his having to be present, while the mother’s is to ensure that they tell her together. His line, “I honestly think it would be better if you told her” is too supplicating and is in any case implied by “I’ve got meetings all week.” Her response, “Cancel them,” is far stronger than her accusation of not giv- ing a damn about his daughter—the implication is that if he cared about her at all, he would do what was necessary to take part in telling her. Other lines have been dropped for similar reasons—to make the conflict between them stronger and more indicative of what is wrong with the marriage. The writer’s goal throughout the revision was to emphasize the struggle between the couple by compressing their language, increasing the tension by bringing their anger “under,” as the expression goes. She also wanted to imply that this kind of conflict is not at all unusual for them—just the par- ticular subject on this occasion. (All of this would set up the conditions for Annie’s flight.) You should note that a pause before a response usually denotes some kind of struggle or debate on the part of the responding character; a pause within a speech indicates some kind of struggle or debate on the part of the charac- ter who is speaking. In rethinking the structure of the scene, it seemed better to avoid breaking up their exchange, because removing the interruption increased the tension between them, and holding off on the audience’s discovery of Annie under the table until the very last moment made it more effective. TWELFTH ASSIGNMENT: REVISING YOUR DIALOGUE Read your answers to the seven questions from Exercise 2 about your dialogue sequence and then the scene itself. Try to figure out what is going on between the characters and what each of their inner (or dramatic) actions is, or seems to be. If this is unclear, come to a determination of what actions would make the scene work as you would like it to. (The initial four lines given were intended to suggest conflict.) If you want to extend the scene, do so now. Think about any other changes you want to make, and rewrite the scene in screenplay format. STEPPING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD Assignments and exercises in the first part of this book have been set up to encourage the kind of messages from the unconscious that produce specific 74 Writing the Short Film Ch06.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 74 and authentic story material, rather than the lifeless copies of copies that make for hackwork. To write an original short screenplay, you will be utiliz- ing all the skills you’ve learned so far, so it makes good sense at this point to take a quiet half-hour to look over your completed assignments in the order in which they were written. Note the kind of material that you choose to write about and the mood or tone in which you most often write. Do you tend to go for the drama in things? the melodrama? the humor? Do you like to deal with your characters subtly? with bold strokes? and so on. This is information about the way you see the world and about your writ- ing style, information that should be of great help as you move on to writing a short screenplay. EXERCISE 11: WRITING A LETTER First, letting your mind run free, try to call up two or three painful incidents from your past, incidents in which you were essentially the protagonist. Take a few moments to reflect on each of these, dismissing any memories that still seem “in process”—occasions that you can’t recall without feelings of dis- comfort. Then choose a recollection to write about, even if you have to do so arbitrarily. Second, imagine that you are about to write a letter describing, and per- haps explaining, the incident in detail (or in as much detail as you can recall—the act of writing about the past in an uncensored way usually stim- ulates memory to a surprising degree). Choose a person to confide in— friend, relative, or imaginary confidant—who would hear you out with sympathy and without judgment of any kind, the kind of ally who might even defend you to yourself. Third, set your timer for 15 minutes. If you finish writing sooner, go back over your letter to see if you have left anything out; if you are not yet fin- ished with describing the incident when the timer goes off, continue until you are done. Then fold the letter and put it away in a safe place for at least several days. As this is raw material of a very special kind, it should not be shown to anyone else. THIRTEENTH ASSIGNMENT: GETTING STARTED (AGAIN) In this assignment, you will be following procedures outlined earlier for adapt- ing material gathered about a folktale or myth into the dramatic structure of a script outline: first, making several photocopies of your letter, then marking off in different colors on one of these (1) the events, images, and remarks on char- acters or settings that seem essential, including descriptions of the main Writing an Original Short Screenplay 75 Ch06.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 75 character’s thoughts or feelings, where important; (2) any other material that you are likely to use; and, finally, (3) whatever seems problematic but intriguing. Look this over and revise, if necessary, on your second copy. The playwright Oscar Wilde once said that one’s real life is often the life one does not lead. If this is true of daydreamers, it is also true of artists, whose “real life” is often revealed only in their work. For example, the writer/direc- tor Jean Cocteau suffered at times from a disfiguring and painful skin condi- tion. Very likely because of this, his profound identification with the character of the Beast in his 1945 rendition of Beauty and the Beast helped shape the writ- ing and performance of the “monster’s” suffering so that it is as authentic and moving to audiences now, as it was almost 60 years ago. Remember that this is an autobiographical fragment on its way to becoming fiction, so transform characters and events as you choose, as long as those changes do not undermine the credibility of your story. Changing the gender of your main character, or the locations where events take place, or even the time period in which they take place can sometimes distance you enough from the original material to make writing flow more easily. Now ask yourself the questions that we asked of the Icarus/Daedalus myth, getting two very differ- ent sets of answers—one in which Icarus was the protagonist, set in “mythical time,” and one in which Daedalus was the protagonist, set in the time of the Civil War. Who is your protagonist? (Choose fictional names throughout.) Who or what is your antagonist? What is the protagonist’s situation at the beginning of the script? (This should be written in as objective a manner as possible.) What event or occasion could serve as catalyst? What is the protagonist’s dra- matic action? Do you have any images or ideas as to the climax? the ending? At this point, it would be a good idea to employ some or all of the exer- cises presented in earlier chapters. What you will be writing is fiction based on autobiography: the people in your letter are to be thought of as charac- ters, the rooms and landscapes as settings and locations. If, after doing the next several exercises, you find this to be in any way anxiety producing, you should accept the fact that the material has not yet been fully processed by your unconscious and is still too “live,” so to speak, to be used as the basis for a screenplay. In our experience, trying to exert willpower or to “tough it out” in these cases simply doesn’t work; in fact, it is more likely than not to lead to writer’s block. You are better off putting away the material, choosing another incident, and beginning again. All that matters is that you end up working on (or playing about with) material in which you can take pleasure. EXERCISES 12 AND 13: USING VISUAL IMAGES (AGAIN) Exercise 12 takes 10 minutes. Imagine an indoor hobby or activity of choice that your main character might pursue any time he or she has a chance. 76 Writing the Short Film Ch06.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 76 Close your eyes and visualize the setting. Then write down the following, substituting the name of your character for X: Night. Gusts of wind outside. X sits (or stands) at a table (or bench or whatever) working on things, completely absorbed in what he or she is doing. A long moment, and Y opens the door without knocking to come into the room. You have 10 minutes in which to describe for the camera what X is doing, how X is doing it, and what happens when Y comes into the room. If the characters go to dialogue, fine—just be sure that the emphasis remains on the visual. If, at the end of 10 minutes, you are still writing, and particularly if the description should turn into a full scene, continue on until you finish or run out of steam. Now, for Exercise 13, quickly write down the answers to the now-familiar questions about your characters: Who are you? Where are you? What are you wearing? Why are you here? What do you want at this moment? What time is it? What season? What year? Besides being windy, what is the weather like? Take a break, short or long, and go on to the next two exercises. EXERCISES 14 AND 15: FURTHER EXPLORATIONS For Exercise 14, think of a suitable location in which to place your main character, whom I’ll call X but you call by name, and write a brief paragraph describing it. When you have done this, let X walk, run, or leap into the frame and see what happens. At any point after that, let another character— possibly, but not necessarily, Y—come onscreen, and see what happens then. Stop at 10 minutes, unless you find yourself writing a scene that you might be able to use in your screenplay, in which case, continue. For Exercise 15, consult your list of favorite offscreen sounds and try to find one or more that might add mood or even significant content to either the interior or exterior scene. FOURTEENTH ASSIGNMENT: WRITING A STORY OUTLINE FOR YOUR SCRIPT First, reread the suggestions for writing story outlines in the previous chap- ter. Then, using both the results of the last few exercises and your marked- up copy of the original letter, make a bare-bones outline for the screenplay, no more than a page long. Put this away for a day or two while you reflect on the feeling—the tone you want the material to express. When you are ready, look over the outline to see if you’ve taken a step toward introducing the character in his or her situation (perhaps by way of one of the exercises), included a catalyst, and offered some sort of ending, even if you do not yet Writing an Original Short Screenplay 77 Ch06.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 77 consider it to be the right one. Change the order of the scenes if necessary. Next, write a more detailed story outline in which most of the “steps,” or numbered descriptions of the action, indicate a full dramatic scene. Remember to use the present tense for screenwriting, and—most impor- tant—try to give us access to your characters’ thoughts and feelings through their actions and reactions. At this point, a reading and discussion of the outline, either in class or to knowledgeable friends, should prove invaluable before you move on to writing your script. Take notes of any ideas or criticism that might be useful, as it is easy to forget such comments. We suggest that you don’t rewrite the outline unless it seems absolutely necessary, but instead go on to a first draft of your screenplay. FIFTEENTH ASSIGNMENT: WRITING A FIRST DRAFT Consult our examples or the short screenplays in Appendix B for the appro- priate format. Then, keeping your portfolio of exercises and assignments nearby and your outline at your elbow, begin writing. Remember that the first draft of any screenplay is an exploration: the main thing is to get the story on paper so that you have something to revise. If you find it difficult to work at home, go to a café; if you find the word processor wearisome, go to pen or pencil; if you find any or all of the process daunting, break the actual writing into 10-minute segments. Put this rough first draft away for a week, if possible, before going on to the next chapter, which is on revision. We strongly suggest that you follow the practice of professionals and do not show this rough draft of very per- sonal material to anyone for comment or criticism until you have worked further on it, as is also suggested in Chapter 7. NOTES 1. Raymond Chandler, foreword to Raymond Chandler Speaking, ed. Dorothy Gardner (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1962). 2. Pat Cooper, “Annie’s Flight,” unpublished ms., 1993. 78 Writing the Short Film Ch06.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 78 7 ON REVISION: SUBSTANCE AND STYLE First drafts are for learning what your story or book is about. Revision is working with that knowledge to enlarge or enhance an idea, to re-form it. The first draft . is the most uncertain— where you need the guts, the ability to accept the unperfect until it is better. 1 BERNARD MALAMUD What is a draft? For our purposes, a draft is a major rewrite of your script. In working on early drafts, try to avoid simply polishing, other than cutting long speeches or monologues. We will consider ways to hone your dialogue when we look at second-draft rewrites; at present it should be enough for you to review the sections on dialogue as exposition and dialogue as dra- matic action in Chapter 6. The great writer/director Ingmar Bergman speaks of writing and rewrit- ing in an interview from the 1980s: They [the first images] are often veiled and secretive and actually a little incomprehensible, and I don’t really know what they want to tell me. But then I don’t stop there, I con- tinue, for I want clarity. I have an important need to com- municate and in communicating I try the whole time to make concrete what’s in my mind, in my imagination and to untangle it so that it will become comprehensible. For some writers, revising is more pleasurable than writing a first draft, while for others, the process can be slow and painful. We aim to lessen 79 Ch07.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 79 the pain and increase the pleasure by suggesting that you follow the steps set down below. SIXTEENTH ASSIGNMENT: TOWARD A SECOND DRAFT First of all, you will want to make several copies of your script. While it is possible to do the following work directly on the computer, using hard copy at this point could help distance you from your raw material. ● Find a time and place where you can read the script aloud to yourself, alone and without interruption. This should be done at a conversational pace and volume—mumbling would defeat the purpose of the exercise. It is important, when reading, that you keep from judging or evaluating, simply following the story as it unfolds. After the first reading, take a few minutes for reflection before starting on the second reading, this one to be done with pen or pencil in hand. Again, read aloud and at a speaking pace, marking those lines or sections that seem confused or unnecessary, as well as those that strike you as worth exploring further. ● Now ask yourself the following key questions: ● Is it possible your story might work better if a different character were the protagonist? If so, which character? ● As things stand, is the catalyst strong enough to produce a real need on the part of your protagonist? If not, can you see a way to strengthen it? ● If you decide to try using a different character as the protagonist, would the same catalyst produce a strong enough dramatic action to carry the script through to its conclusion? ● Does your protagonist’s dramatic action or need produce conflict? If not, why not? Could strengthening or shifting the dramatic action of either protagonist or antagonist or both help to achieve this? Is your protagonist too passive? It is important to always keep in mind that the essence of all drama is conflict. ● And finally, ask yourself if your settings or locations express the feeling-tone you would like for the film? Could the use of sound or of particular images help accomplish this? 80 Writing the Short Film Ch07.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 80 . THE RATIONALE BEHIND THE CHANGES The father’s inner action is to get the mother to tell the child about the divorce without his. from the unconscious that produce specific 74 Writing the Short Film Ch06.qxd 9/27/04 6:05 PM Page 74 and authentic story material, rather than the lifeless