DEDICATION For my mother and father who showed me unconditional love and taught me the values of hard work and integrity CONTENTS Dedication CHAPTER 1 | THE NEW RULES How to Become the Smartest Person in Any Room CHAPTER 2 | BE A MIRROR How to Quickly Establish Rapport CHAPTER 3 | DON’T FEEL THEIR PAIN, LABEL IT How to Create Trust with Tactical Empathy CHAPTER 4 | BEWARE “YES”—MASTER “NO” How to Generate Momentum and Make It Safe to Reveal the Real Stakes CHAPTER 5 | TRIGGER THE TWO WORDS THAT IMMEDIATELY TRANSFORM ANY NEGOTIATION How to Gain the Permission to Persuade CHAPTER 6 | BEND THEIR REALITY How to Shape What Is Fair CHAPTER 7 | CREATE THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL How to Calibrate Questions to Transform Conflict into Collaboration CHAPTER 8 | GUARANTEE EXECUTION How to Spot the Liars and Ensure Follow-Through from Everyone Else CHAPTER 9 | BARGAIN HARD How to Get Your Price CHAPTER 10 | FIND THE BLACK SWAN How to Create Breakthroughs by Revealing the Unknown Unknowns Acknowledgments Appendix: Prepare a Negotiation One Sheet Notes Index About the Authors Credits Copyright About the Publisher CHAPTER 1 THE NEW RULES I was intimidated I’d spent more than two decades in the FBI, including fifteen years negotiating hostage situations from New York to the Philippines and the Middle East, and I was on top of my game At any given time, there are ten thousand FBI agents in the Bureau, but only one lead international kidnapping negotiator That was me But I’d never experienced a hostage situation so tense, so personal “We’ve got your son, Voss Give us one million dollars or he dies.” Pause Blink Mindfully urge the heart rate back to normal Sure, I’d been in these types of situations before Tons of them Money for lives But not like this Not with my son on the line Not $1 million And not against people with fancy degrees and a lifetime of negotiating expertise You see, the people across the table—my negotiating counterparts—were Harvard Law School negotiating professors I’d come up to Harvard to take a short executive negotiating course, to see if I could learn something from the business world’s approach It was supposed to be quiet and calm, a little professional development for an FBI guy trying to widen his horizons But when Robert Mnookin, the director of the Harvard Negotiation Research Project, learned I was on campus, he invited me to his office for a coffee Just to chat, he said I was honored And scared Mnookin is an impressive guy whom I’d followed for years: not only is he a Harvard law professor, he’s also one of the big shots of the conflict resolution field and the author of Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to Fight.1 To be honest, it felt unfair that Mnookin wanted me, a former Kansas City beat cop, to debate negotiation with him But then it got worse Just after Mnookin and I sat down, the door opened and another Harvard professor walked in It was Gabriella Blum, a specialist in international negotiations, armed conflict, and counterterrorism, who’d spent eight years as a negotiator for the Israeli National Security Council and the Israel Defense Forces The toughas-nails IDF On cue, Mnookin’s secretary arrived and put a tape recorder on the table Mnookin and Blum smiled at me I’d been tricked “We’ve got your son, Voss Give us one million dollars or he dies,” Mnookin said, smiling “I’m the kidnapper What are you going to do?” I experienced a flash of panic, but that was to be expected It never changes: even after two decades negotiating for human lives you still feel fear Even in a role-playing situation I calmed myself down Sure, I was a street cop turned FBI agent playing against real heavyweights And I wasn’t a genius But I was in this room for a reason Over the years I had picked up skills, tactics, and a whole approach to human interaction that had not just helped me save lives but, as I recognize now looking back, had also begun to transform my own life My years of negotiating had infused everything from how I dealt with customer service reps to my parenting style “C’mon Get me the money or I cut your son’s throat right now,” Mnookin said Testy I gave him a long, slow stare Then I smiled “How am I supposed to do that?” Mnookin paused His expression had a touch of amused pity in it, like a dog when the cat it’s been chasing turns around and tries to chase it back It was as if we were playing different games, with different rules Mnookin regained his composure and eyed me with arched brows as if to remind me that we were still playing “So you’re okay with me killing your son, Mr Voss?” “I’m sorry, Robert, how I know he’s even alive?” I said, using an apology and his first name, seeding more warmth into the interaction in order to complicate his gambit to bulldoze me “I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, much less one million dollars, if I not focusing on the other person, 28 Negotiation Genius (Malhotra and Bazerman), 233 Negotiation One Sheet, 21, 251–58 Section I: The Goal, 252–54 Section II: Summary, 254 Section III: Labels/Accusation Audit, 254–55 Section IV: Calibrated Questions, 255–58 Section V: Noncash Offers, 258 neural resonance, 53 New York City Police Department (NYPD), 10, 24, 27, 30, 31, 38 Technical Assistance Response Unit (TARU), 41 NFL Players Association (NFLPA), 125 niceness, 85, 93 9/11 terrorist attacks, 140, 143, 216, 224 Nixon, Jim, 98 “No,” 74–95 asking for, 20, 85 demystifying, 88 email technique, 92–93, 95 fear of, 88 forcing a response, 91 fundraising script using, 89–91 as gateway to “Yes,” 77 getting your counterparts to bid against themselves and, 181–85 “How” questions as gentle ways to say “no,” 167–68, 174, 181, 186 Mark Cuban on, 91 meanings of, 79, 94 multi-step (for getting counterparts to bid against themselves), 182–85 powerful lessons of, 94–95 as protection, 78–79, 86–92, 93, 94 skills of, 89 as start of negotiation, 75–80 voice tones and downward inflection, 181 ways to respond to, 79–80 when to walk away, 92 Noesner, Gary, 14–15, 144 nonmonetary issues, 132, 134, 135, 199, 206, 257 preparing noncash offers, 258 nonround numbers, 132–33, 134, 137, 183–84, 185, 201, 206, 207, 211, 212 Ackerman system and, 206, 212 Haitian kidnappings and, 207–8 nonverbal communication, 173 matching body language with voice tone, 176 mirroring body language, 36 7-38-55 Percent Rule and, 176, 186 smiling, 33, 47 O’Brien, Jim, 214, 217 Onglingswan, Aaron, 174–75 Onglingswan, Alastair, 173–75, 179 Ottenhoff, Ben, 89–91 “paradox of power,” 227 paraphrasing, 20, 103, 112 Peale, Norman Vincent, 81 persuasion strategy: negotiating in the other’s world, 80–85, 94–95 Philippines, 96, 98–104, 140–41, 142–48, 173–75 Pinocchio effect, 178 Pittsburgh Police Department’s Hostage Negotiation Team, 87 positive/playful voice, 32, 33, 48 positive reinforcement, 36 smiling and, 32, 33, 46, 47 Prado, Angel, 136–38 preparation for negotiation, 211, 251–58 (see also Negotiation One Sheet) “fall to your highest level of preparation,” 208, 211, 251 primal needs, 84 Princeton University, fMRI brain-scan experiment on neural resonance, 53 prison siege, St Martin Parish, Louisiana, 162–63, 171 prospect theory, 12, 127–35 anchoring emotions, 128–29 establishing a range, 131–32 letting the other guy go first, 129–31 pivoting to nonmonetary terms, 132 surprising with a gift, 133 using odd numbers to fortify your offers, 107, 132–33, 134, 137, 183–84, 185, 206, 211, 212 Prospect Theory (Kahneman and Tversky), 127 psychics, 56 Raiffa, Howard, 206 rapport, 30, 47, 83, 84, 165 See also mirroring Accommodators and, 195 based on empathy, 70 BCSM and, 97 crisis negotiations amd, 15 mirroring to build, 35 negotiation and, 46 Schilling kidnapping case and, 101 used for sales, 108 “rational actors,” 12 reciprocity, 133, 148, 160, 168, 193, 196, 206, 207 Regini, Chuck, 98 Rogers, Carl, 97 Rowling, J K., 256 Ruby Ridge siege, Idaho, 13 Rule of Three, 177–78, 186 Rust, Kevin, 166 Sabaya, Abu, 98–105, 142–43, 144, 145 Sadat, Anwar, 133 “safe and secure,” 84, 86, 94 salary negotiations, 129–30, 135–38 “bolstering range,” 131 establishing a range, 131–32 example, Angel Prado, 136–38 pleasant persistence on nonsalary terms, 135, 137 recruiting a mentor with a specific question, 136–37 setting success metrics, 135–36, 137 sales, 30 opening line, 86, 94 using “that’s right” and, 107–8 Schilling, Jeffrey, 96, 98–105, 140 scripts, 8, 251 for fundraising, 89–91 for negotiating getting paid, 157–58 telemarketer and, 74 Washington Redskins ticket holder script, 60–61 self-esteem, 253, 257 7-38-55 Percent Rule, 176–77, 186 silences bargaining styles and, 194, 196, 197 closing a deal and, 189 last rule of labeling and, 56–57 pauses for active listening, 19, 103 pausing after labeling a barrier or mirroring a statement, 37, 44, 71, 72 similarity principle, 229–30, 245 Sinaceur, Marwan, 202 smiling, 46 Analysts (bargaining style) and, 194 creating positivity with, 32, 33, 46, 47 to establish rapport, 70 niceness and feigned, 74, 85, 93 positive/playful voice and, 48 Snyder, Phillip, 113–14 Sobero, Guillermo, 140, 142, 143 Split-Second Persuasion (Dutton), 149 Start with NO (Camp), 78, 90 “strategic umbrage,” 202 St Thomas More School, 106, 107 summaries, 20 Assertive (bargaining style) and, 196 building blocks of, 112 for implementation of a deal, 169 Negotiation One Sheet and, 254 Rule of Three and, 177 triggering a “that’s right” with, 108, 112 used for sales, 108 what a good summary is, 103 Sun Tzu, 53–54 “the supreme art of war,” 54 System 1 and 2 thinking model, 12–13 negotiation using, 13 tactical empathy, 16, 19, 50–54 accusation audit, 19 airline counter and, 70, 71 key lessons of, 71–73 labeling, 19 Washington Redskins ticket holder script, 60–61 what it is, 52 tai chi, 174 Taleb, Nassim Nicholas, 215 telemarketers, 74–75, 86 terrorism “Blind Sheikh,” 24 thwarted attempts, New York City, 24 “that’s right,” 98, 101–2, 112 Assertive (bargaining style) and, 196 “How” question and implementation of a deal, 169 how to trigger, 102–5, 108, 112 used for career success, 109–11 used in a price negotiation, 111 using to make a sale, 107–8 “you’re right” as ineffective, 105–7, 169 Thinking, Fast and Slow (Kahneman), 12 threats, 202, 222–23 Tiedens, Larissa, 202 time-out, 204 Trump, Donald, 221 trust fake anger and destroying, 202 losing, 194 similarity and, 229–30, 245 Tversky, Amos, 11, 12 Tyson, Mike Ultimatum Game, 120–23 “unbelief,” 149–50, 151 unconditional positive regard, 97, 98, 112 United Arab Emirates, 128 University of California, Berkeley Haas School of Business, 120 University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), 55, 176 University of Chicago, 11 Ury, William, 10–11, 252 Van Zandt, Clint, 214, 216 Vlamingh, Willem de, 215 voice tones contract discussion and, 34 direct or assertive voice, 32–33, 48, 197 for How questions, 167–68 late-night FM DJ voice, 19, 31–33, 47, 51 matching with body language, 176 positive/playful voice, 32, 48 7-38-55 Percent Rule and, 176, 186 Voss, Brandon, 105–7, 191, 192 Washington Capitals, 231 Washington Redskins, 60 Washington Wizards, 231 Watson, Dwight, 224–28 Watts, Chris, 31–35, 37–39, 41–43, 179 Wazlawek, Abbie, 202 Weaver, Randy, 13 Wilder, Billy, 129 Williams, Robin, 123 wimp-win deal, 240, 242, 253 Winfrey, Oprah, 46 win-win goals, 115, 253 Wiseman, Richard, 36 workplace negotiations four step process, using mirroring, 44–46 “How” question to collect funds owed, 168 salary negotiations, 129–30, 131–32, 135–38 script for getting paid, 157–58 “that’s right” used for career success, 109–11 World Trade Center bombing (1993), 99 Yap, Ediborah, 145 “Yes” achieving consent, 164 analyzing the entire negotiation space (the team), 170–71 commitment, 80, 81, 83, 177 confirmation, 80, 81, 177 counterfeit, 80–81, 84, 85, 177 defensiveness and, 86, 94 discomfort and, 86 “How” necessary with, 164–69, 186 Rule of Three and, 177–78, 186 using too early, 86, 94, 112 You Can Negotiate Anything (Cohen), 119 ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement), 8, 198, 199 ABOUT THE AUTHORS CHRIS VOSS is one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiating skills in the world He currently teaches at both the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business and Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business Chris has lectured at many other preeminent universities, including Harvard Law School, the Sloan School of Management, and the Kellogg School of Management He lives in Los Angeles, California TAHL RAZ uncovers big ideas and great stories that ignite change and growth in people and organizations He is an award-winning journalist and coauthor of the New York Times bestseller Never Eat Alone When not researching or writing, he coaches executives, lectures widely on the forces transforming the new world of work, and serves as an editorial consultant for several national firms He invites readers to e-mail him at tr@tahlraz.com and to visit his website at www.tahlraz.com Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com CREDITS COVER DESIGN BY JARROD TAYLOR COPYRIGHT The opinions expressed in this book are solely those of the author, and not of the FBI NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE Copyright © 2016 by Christopher Voss All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks FIRST EDITION ISBN: 978-0-06-240780-1 EPub Edition MAY 2016 ISBN 9780062407818 16 17 18 19 20 OV/RRD 10 ABOUT THE PUBLISHER Australia HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty Ltd Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia www.harpercollins.com.au Canada HarperCollins Canada 2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor Toronto, ON M4W 1A8, Canada www.harpercollins.ca New Zealand HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive Rosedale 0632 Auckland, New Zealand www.harpercollins.co.nz United Kingdom HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF, UK www.harpercollins.co.uk United States HarperCollins Publishers Inc 195 Broadway New York, NY 10007 www.harpercollins.com ... even while talking on the phone, has an impact tonally that the other person will pick up on The effect these voices have are cross-cultural and never lost in translation On a vacation to Turkey with his... Your career, your finances, your reputation, your love life, even the fate of your kids— at some point all of these hinge on your ability to negotiate Negotiation as you’ll learn it here is nothing... reclaim control of the conversations that inform your life and career The first step to achieving a mastery of daily negotiation is to get over your aversion to negotiating You don’t need to like it;