Becoming a professional life coach lessons from the institute of life coach training

Becoming a Professional Life Coach Lessons from the Institute for Life Coach Training Second Edition Patrick Williams and Diane S Menendez W W Norton & Company New York • London A Norton Professional Book This e-book contains some places that ask the reader to fill in questions or comments Please keep pen and paper handy as you read this e-book so that you can complete the exercises within We dedicate this second edition to all the coaches, mentors, and teachers who inspired us, and to the students of our writings and teaching, so they may inspire those they engage with CONTENTS Acknowledgments Introduction: Life Coaching as an Operating System Part I: Coaching Fundamentals Chapter 1: Listening as a Coach Chapter 2: The Language of Coaching Chapter 3: Coaching as a Developmental Change Process Part II: Beyond the Basics Chapter 4: Empowering the Client Chapter 5: Stretching the Client Chapter 6: Creating Momentum With the Client Chapter 7: Coaching the Whole Client: Mind, Body, Emotions, Spirit Part III: Coaching from the Inside Out Chapter 8: The Power of Purpose Chapter 9: Design Your Life Chapter 10: What Gets in Your Way? Chapter 11: Steering Your Life by True North Chapter 12: Walk the Talk Chapter 13: Play Full Out Chapter 14: How Wealthy Are You? Chapter 15: Mind-set is Causative Chapter 16: Love Is All We Need Appendix: The Evolution of a Profession References Index Becoming a Professional Life Coach Introduction LIFE COACHING AS AN OPERATING SYSTEM Personal and professional coaching, which has emerged as a powerful and personalized career in the last few decades, has shifted the paradigm of how people who seek help with life transitions find a professional to partner with them in designing their desired future No matter what kind of subspecialty a coach might have, life coaching is the basic operating system: a whole-person, client-centered approach Coaching the client’s whole life is the operating system working in the background A client may seek creative or business coaching, leadership development, or a more balanced life, but all coaching is life coaching Before 1990, there was little mention of coaching except in corporate culture Mentoring and executive coaching were resources that many top managers and CEOs utilized, either informally from a colleague or formally by hiring a consultant or psychologist who became their executive coach We later elaborate on the history of coaching but, for now, let us examine why life coaching is becoming more popular and prevalent The International Coach Federation (ICF) was founded in 1992 but did not have a real presence until its first convention in 1996 The ICF has kept detailed archives of media coverage on coaching since the early 1990s Two newspaper articles appeared in 1993, four in 1994 (including one from Australia), and seven in 1995 The majority of articles appeared in publications in the United States Then, in 1996, a huge increase in publicity occurred, with more than 60 articles, television interviews, and radio shows on the topic of coaching Every year since then, media coverage has increased to hundreds of articles as well as live media coverage in countries such as the United States, Europe, Australia, Canada, Japan, Singapore This coverage has comprised both national and local radio and television, including Good Morning America, Today, CNBC, the BBC, and other outlets around the globe In print, the only books written about coaching before the 1990s were geared toward corporate and performance coaching Good, solid books about life coaching are now becoming numerous, including some recent national best sellers Life coaching as a phenomenon originated in the United States and has spread rather rapidly Coaching will soon reach a critical mass in society—people will have heard of coaching, know when they need a coach, know how to find a coach, and know the difference between partnering with a life coach and seeking the services of a therapist or counselor Understanding the history of coaching provides current and prospective life coaches with a framework for understanding their profession and insight into future opportunities This framework also helps life coaches place themselves squarely within the larger context of a profession that is still evolving Casting our eyes across the diverse threads of the past can assist us in understanding the present more accurately and better prepare us as life coaching expands in the 21st century We believe an examination of the evolution of life coaching also helps counselors, and others from helping professions to make the transition to life coaching by clarifying the similarities and differences between life coaching and other fields When Pat Williams first founded the Institute for Life Coach Training (ILCT) in 1998, then called Therapist University, the profession of coaching was in its infancy Only half a dozen coach training schools existed Independent of one another, Diane and I had both been executive coaches since 1989 and were expanding our practices to include life coaching We saw that psychologically trained professionals would have unique skills to transition into coaching, and we had begun to work with a few individuals and small groups, mentoring therapists who were intrigued by this new profession of coaching At the second ICF conference in Houston, in 1996, Diane and I met for the first time and discovered our common passion and interest in teaching coaching skills to therapists, psychologists, and counselors Given our reverence for the theoretical foundations of our training, we realized that much of coach training was borrowing theory and technique from psychology, philosophy, and organizational development It was natural for us to join forces I shared my vision of creating a curriculum uniquely designed to train therapists and psychologists to add coaching to their practices After a few phone calls with other therapists who had entered the coaching profession, I invited Diane and Sherry Lowry to help write the curriculum Part of my vision for training was that a complete curriculum would address the coach’s personal development because coaching requires that coaches live their life as fully and purposefully as possible Sherry and Diane became excited because they had just completed about half of just such a series of articles for an online magazine called The Seamless Life, which included many ideas and skillsets for life coaching In the fall of 1998, as Sherry and Diane were meeting to develop the content for the training manual, they were looking for texts that would complement and offer outside reading for students One week, Diane and I both received an email announcing the publication of a manual by Dave Ellis titled Life Coaching: A New Career for Helping Professionals (Ellis 1997 I immediately called Dave, told him that we noticed his manual, described the development of our curriculum, and asked if we could use his book as one of our texts He had written the book but didn’t have a clear goal in mind with how to utilize it He was thrilled we had developed our training and invited me to a life coaching think tank at his ranch in South Dakota in March 1999 During this conversation, I learned about Dave’s previous book, coauthored with Stan Lankowitz, Human Being: A Manual for Happiness, Health, Love, and Wealth (Ellis & Lankowitz 1995)which became the supporting text resource guide for “Coaching from the Inside Out,” the personal development portion of our curriculum (Part III of this book) We now use the newer, condensed version of Dave’s book called Falling Awake: Creating the Life of Your Dreams (2002) Many ILCT students over the years have told us that this portion of the curriculum has been transformational, offering unique methodology for working with clients This initially surprised us because helping professionals are expected to have done a great deal of inner work as part of their training We came to realize that the “Inside Out” topics were unique in that they are more about designing one’s life rather than cleaning up and completing old issues With our texts chosen and ordered, Sherry, Diane, and I outlined a curriculum, wrote a very basic training manual, passed chapters back and forth, and looked for a couple of texts to accompany the manual so that the course would take the shape of a graduate program We felt that this was important because our students were primarily doctoral level and master’s-level practitioners We wanted them to bring the best of what they knew and leave behind what was specific to therapy and psychological treatment So our curriculum—but not this book—included discussions, exercises, and specifics about what needed to be learned for coaching and what needed to be unlearned from therapeutic training and practice Our students brought quite a bit of knowledge and experience, and they had much to leave behind as they transitioned from therapist to coach The first class was held in February 1999 It included 20 students, several of whom went on to become ILCT faculty We were pleasantly surprised at the students who were attracted to our training We thought we would be getting a lot of burned-out therapists Instead, we got the cream of the crop We drew therapists who, for the most part, were already coach-like in their orientation: they were future-oriented, most were trained in solution-focused methods, and they were ready to work with high -functioning clients who wanted to live their lives beyond mediocrity This first crop of students was also excited about working by phone and expanding their client base After the class, Sherry, Diane, and I gathered our feedback, listened to student comments, and refined the curriculum design and execution for the second class, which began in April 1999 At that time, the basic curriculum was 30 hours of foundational training Today the foundational training is 40 hours, and it is the first course in an accredited coach training program (ACTP) leading to the Professional Certified Coach designation by the ICF (We were the 12th approved ICF program in 2000 Today there are hundreds of ACTP programs.) Since our first program in 1998, we have learned a great deal from our students, the ILCT faculty, and our work with clients The feedback received from students is that they are extremely thankful that the content, and the research on which it is drawn are so rich in theoretical foundation Readers should be aware this book covers much of what is taught in the ILCT foundational course (the first 40 hours of the 130-hour ACTP) Those wanting the deeper and richer experience of becoming a coach will want to consider taking the live training, where learners are able to experience the power of group learning, modeling from the instructors, and the opportunity to practice coaching while receiving feedback The full ILCT program consists of 90 additional hours that go into depth in specialty areas of coaching (relationship coaching, executive coaching, emotional intelligence applied to coaching), and many other areas such as coaching ethics, evidence-based coaching research, use of assessments, practice development, advanced practice, and other graduatelevel courses Anyone who reads a book with this much content is well aware that to put it into practical use often requires a more formal learning structure Explore the ILCT website and discover the options available at www.lifecoachtraining.com (Note: As the more recent Board Certified Coach designation is gaining popularity, ILCT is also an approved provider for the BCC from the Center for Credentialing and Education, www.CCEGlobal.org See more information in the appendix.) The Roots of Life Coaching Coaching has a unique paradigm, but it’s not new in its sources, theory, and strategies Much of the foundation of coaching goes back many decades and even centuries The draw of pursuing life improvement, personal development, and the exploration of meaning began with early Greek society This is reflected in Socrates’s famous quote, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Since then we have developed many ways of examining our lives, some useful and some not; some are grounded in theory and are evidence based, while others are made up and useless What persists, however, is that people who are not in pursuit of basic human needs such as food and shelter begin to pay attention to higher needs such as self-actualization, fulfillment, and spiritual connection In ancient Greece, as now, people have always had an intense desire to explore and find personal meaning Coaching today is seen as a new phenomenon, yet its foundations can be found in modern psychology and philosophy Coaching is a new field that borrows from and builds on theories and research from related fields that have come before it As such, coaching is a multidisciplinary, multitheory synthesis and application of applied behavioral change Coach training schools today, both private and academic, must be clear about their theoretical underpinnings and the philosophy that supports what they teach From its inception, ILCT declared that its intention was to have a content-rich, theoretically based curriculum equivalent to a graduatelevel education Because the original participant base consisted of helping professionals—therapists, counselors, psychologists, industrial-organizational practitioners, and psychiatrists—they knew that they needed to discuss participants’ common and varied education, the impact of psychology and philosophy on coaching practice, and coaching’s use of adult learning models The curriculum that emerged was written by and for therapists transitioning into coaching It has since expanded in its reach to other aligned helping professionals who have a similar educational background and a psychological orientation for achieving greater human potential Contributions from Psychology So what has the field of psychology brought to coaching, and what are the major influences? There have been four major forces in psychological theory since the emergence of psychology as a social science in 1879 These four forces are Freudian, behavioral, humanistic, and transpersonal In recent years there have been three other forces at work, which we believe are adaptations or evolutions of the original four Cognitive-behavioral psychology grew from a mix of the behavioral and humanistic schools Positive psychology utilizes cognitive-behavioral approaches and repositions many of the theories that humanistic psychology emphasizes: a nonmechanistic view and a view of possibility as opposed to pathology as an essential approach to the client Along with each revolution in psychology, a changing image of human nature has also evolved Psychology began as the investigation of consciousness and mental functions such as sensation and perception Webster’s New World Dictionary defines psychology as “(a) the science dealing with the mind and with mental and emotional processes, and (b) the science of human and animal behavior.” Much of the early influence on psychology came from the philosophical tradition, and early psychologists adopted the practice of introspection used by philosophers The practice of introspection into one’s desires, as well as noticing and observing behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, are core practices for increasing client awareness and, are cornerstones of ILCT’s approach to coaching Introspectionists were an early force in psychology Wilhelm Wundt in Germany and Edward Titchener in the United States were two of the early defenders of introspection as a method of understanding the workings of the human mind But they soon realized the inadequacies of introspection in validating the young science of psychology Consciousness and mental functioning were difficult to study objectively Psychology was experiencing growing pains then, much as coaching is today Psychology’s Major Theorists What follows is a quick tour of the growth of psychology and how its major thinkers set the stage for the coaching revolution Williams James was the father of American psychology James preferred ideas to laboratory results and is best known for his writing on consciousness and his view that humans can experience higher states of consciousness He wrote on such diverse topics as functions of the brain, perception of space, psychic and paranormal faculties, religious ecstasy, will, attention, and habit He gradually drifted away from psychology and in his later life emphasized philosophy, changing his title at Harvard University to “professor of philosophy.” Nevertheless, James had a tremendous influence on the growth of the psychology profession, and he is still widely read today One of his most historic books, The Varieties of Religious Experience (1994), is a treatise that offers much on the topics of spirituality and transpersonal consciousness Sigmund Freud influenced the first force in psychology, the Freudian approach While psychology in the United States was struggling for an identity and striving for recognition by the scientific community, European psychology was being reshaped by Freud’s theories He created a stir in the medical community with his ideas and theories, and finally gained acceptance in psychiatry with the “talking cure” breakthrough—psychoanalysis Freud brought us such terms as unconscious, id, ego, and superego, and ideas such as the unconscious, transference, countertransference, defense mechanisms, and resistance His theories, although strongly based in pathology, allowed the pursuit of our unconscious desires and subconscious mechanisms that influenced behavior, and they soon began to gain acceptance in the United States as well As Freudian thought was taking shape in Europe and the United States, William James and others began to focus on measurable behavior Many American psychologists began to combat Freudian theories as another nonverifiable, subjective pseudoscience of the mind The time was ripe for the emergence of behaviorism as the second major force in psychology, led by B F Skinner and John Watson Hundreds of years previously, Shakespeare had commented, “What a piece of work is man?” The behaviorists took this literally and looked upon humans in the early 20th century as Homo mechanicus, an object to be studied as any machine Homo mechanicus was a machine whose mind was ignored In the 1950s, Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers initiated the third force in psychology, humanistic psychology, which focused on the personal, ontological, and phenomenological aspects of human experience, as opposed to the mechanistic and reductionist theories of Freudianism and behaviorism Maslow eventually posited the fourth force, transpersonal psychology, which included mind, body, and spirit It delved into altered states of consciousness that were naturally induced by esoteric practices and drug induced by LSD (see the works of Stan Grof, Timothy Leary, and Richard Alpert, a.k.a Baba Ram Dass) and other hallucinogens as a way to explore the transpersonal realm This research began to open up our knowledge of the human mind and expand our windows of perception and possibility Carl Jung introduced symbolism, ancient wisdom, the spiritual archetypes, life reviews, synchronicity, transpersonal consciousness, stages of life, individuation, the shadow (both good and bad), and spiritual quests Jung broke away from Freud in pursuing a more holistic, spiritual understanding of human motivation He is quoted as saying, “Who looks outside dreams who looks inside awakens.” That is a powerful quote for coaching today ILCT emphasizes an approach to clients that must include examining their developmental stage or orientation as part of the coach’s working alliance with the client Alfred Adler (1998) worked on social connections, humans as social beings, the importance of relationships, family-of-origin themes, significance and belonging, lifestyle assessment, the big question (“What if?”), and “acting as if.” Roberto Assagioli, the father of psychosynthesis, wrote about our ability to synthesize our various Lennon, J., 368 Leonard, T., xxiv, 267 “Less is More: The art of clean language,” 68 Levinson, D., xxv Levoy, G., 222–23 Lewin, K., xxiii Library of Congress, 377 life authentic, can work, 240–42 coach client’s, 59 design your, 237–54 in details, 303–4 is in the details, 303–4 living embodied, 185–88, 185n–87n living fulfilled, 237–40 reflect on, 283–84 values in, 275–90 see also value(s) views on, 79–82 Life Balance Wheel, 240, 241f, 245–46 money and, 339 life can work, 240–42 “life chapters,” 121–24, 122f see also midlife changes life coaching see also coaching; professional coaching contributions from psychology, xx–xxxi future of, xxxi–xxxiii as operating system, xv–xxxiii, 1–2 roots of, xix–xxxiii Life Coaching: A New Career for Helping Professionals, xvii life design frequently asked questions, 252–54 using with clients, 249–52, 251t, 252t life design process exercise, 247–49 life goals aligning with core values, 285–87 life purpose, 222–24 create lively vision as context for, 225 described, 223–24 examine past experiences to discover, 226–29 importance of knowing, 224 as our calling, 229 resources, 235 use as guide, 234–35 use with clients, 231–32 ways to discover, 225–29 working with, 229–35 life purpose work deep change associated with, 232–33 example of, 233–34 life’s gnats, 256 something about, 257–59 identifying, 257 life’s sufferings, 256–57 something about, 257–59 identifying, 257 lifestyle affirmations as, 359 limbic loop, 205–7 limbic system primary functions of, 204–5 Lincoln, A., Pres., 376–77 Linden, P., 185n Linkage: “Coaching Organizational Leaders” workshop, 103n Linley, A., xxxi listening active, 3–5 in coaching conversation, 24–26 conversational, as cornerstone of coaching, everyday, fully and affirming, 151–52 fully and feeding back the problem, 152 level one, 4–5 level three, 8–10 level two, 5–7, 7f “me, too,” results of lapses in being present and patiently, 3–4 what it isn’t, 16 listening as a coach, 3–17 listening for, 5–7, 7f listening template, 10–16 see also listening template listening to, 4–5 listening with, 8–10 types of, 4–10, 7f what it isn’t, 16 listening for, 5–7, 7f “listening for the large life,” 5–6 listening template, 10–16 attending to clients’ energy, 15–16 focus, 10–12 habits, practices, and patterns, 14–15 listening for “big five,” 10–16 mind set/attitude, 12–13 skills and capabilities, 13–14 listening to, 4–5 listening with, 8–10 “live from a deep place,” 221–22 living a fulfilled life, 237–40 living brochure in coaching conversation, 47–55 living in world of abundance, 328–29 living your values, 283–87 Loevinger, J., 90, 93t loose ends impact of, 297–99 loss on Wheel of Life, 243f, 244 love as choice, 371–75 for the coach, 379–85 described, 367–68 expressing, 373–74 expressions of, 368–70 learning to, 370–71 reflections on, 378–85 replace fear with, 363–65 Love 2.0, 212 love is all we need, 367–85 Loving Kindness Meditation, 212 loving ourselves, 370–71 Lowry, S., xvii, 48 Lubar, K., 186n, 198–99 magician sacred self and, 115–16 maintenance in Proschaska’s theory of readiness for change, 78–79 making amends in Alcoholic Anonymous, 305 Man and His Symbols, 71 Man’s Search for Meaning, xxiii–xxiv MAP see Maturity Assessment Profile (MAP) Marshall, J., 356 Maslow, A., xxii, xxiii, 262–65, 262f, 273, 326 masterful coaching defined, 132 Maturity Assessment Profile (MAP), 95, 117 McCartney, P., 368 McIntyre, R., 376–77 McWilliams, J.-R., 327 McWilliams, P., 327 “me, too” listening, Mechado, A., 161 meditation contemplative, 65 Loving Kindness, 212 in post-conventional adult development, 114 Meditations, 133 Meinke, L., 65, 204n Menendez, D.S., xvi–xviii, 44, 77, 147, 187n, 202, 226, 229, 242, 249, 250f, 268, 278, 281, 300, 337, 347, 379 mental models creation of, 108–9 Merck Family Fund, 326 Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 275, 300 meta-view in empowering the client, 146–48 metaphor(s) in challenging and stretching the client, 161–67 in coaching conversation, 71–72 Metaphors We Live By, 71 Midler, B., 309 midlife changes, 121–24, 122f cocooning, 123–24 doldrums, 122–23 getting ready, 124 go for it phase, 121–22 mini transition, 123 mind beginner’s, 361 in coaching whole client, 183–213 forms of, 99t judging, 360–62 unconscious, 71 mind-set affirmations in, 355–59 body in, 359–60 as causative, 341–65 changing, 343 coaches tasks related to, 343 disputing belief in, 353–55 emotions in, 359–60 judger, 66–67, 360–62 learner, 66–67 in listening as a coach, 12–13 moods in, 359–60 sourcing of, 346–48 working with, 353–65, 363f “Mind-set List,” 349 mini transition in midlife changes, 123 “Miracle Question,” 63, 81–82 mission defined, 230 moment being present in, 193–94 momentum with client, 173–82 money early beliefs about, 336–37 Life Balance Wheel and, 339 match values with, 338–39 meaning of, 335–36 take first step about, 337–38 mood(s) mind-set in, 359–60 Moore, M., 20 Mother Teresa, 368 Mountain Dreamer, O., 238–39 mutual commitment discussing, 51 My Grandfather’s Blessings, 382 Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, 100 Nadler, G., 237 National Book Award for Poetry, 73 National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, 368 need(s) acknowledging, 267–69 aesthetic, 262 case study, 272–73 categories of, 269 classic view of, 262–63, 262f coaching view of, 263–72 described, 261 finding satisfying and healthy ways to meet your, 271–72 fulfilling, 273 identifying and working with, 273–74 identifying unmet, 261–74 love, 367–85 managing of, 267 Maslow’s hierarchy of, 326 meeting, 270–71 principles related to, 265–66 values and, 277 wants and desires vs., 266 your greatest, 269–70 Nelson, P., 341–42 Neuro-Linguistic Programming, 345 New York Cavalry, 376–77 Newcomb, D., 185n nonverbal coaching goals described, 188 nonverbal work in coaching whole client, 199–200 obligation(s) choices vs., 334–35 O’Brien, M., 7, 259 observation(s) in coaching conversation, 25–26 self-awareness, 176 observing using Wilbur’s Four Quadrant model to make distinctions for, 348–53, 350f obstacle(s), 255–74 see also specific types, e.g., energy drainer(s) energy drainers, 255–61 offer making, 55 O’Hanlon, B., xxiv, 22–23, 237, 355 Oliver, M., 73 One Moment Meditation: Stillness for people on the go, 114 operating system life coaching as, 1–2 opportunist stage, 92–93 Oprah, 321 optimism learned, 350–53 Ortony, A., 71, 161 “ouch” questions asking, 50–51 pain values driven by, 287–88 Palmer, H., 369, 372 Palmer, W., 185n, 198 Papez circuit, 204–5 participating fully importance of, 218 pattern(s) in listening as a coach, 14–15 Perls, F., xxiii personal boundary issues discovering, 50 personal integrity, 291–93 rules for creating, 294–98 personal journal questions integrity-related, 296–97 personal power claiming, 132 personal reserve, 325–26 personal standards setting, 299–306 personality shadow archetype of our, 132 perspective taking in empowering the client, 146–48 pessimism learned, 350–53 Piercy, M., 165 play good boundaries in, 310–14 play full out, 307–24 exercises, 314–15 “play while you work,” 310 playfulness case study, 308–10 pleasure values driven by, 287–88 plurk defined, 310 Pocketful of Miracles, 355 polarity management model Johnson’s, 77 Pope Francis, 116 positive emotions, 209 studying, 208–9 positive psychology, xx, xxv coaching, emotions, and rise of, 202–7 coaching vs., xxix–xxxi influence of, xxvi–xvix message from research, 209–11 positivity “Broaden and Build” theory of, 208–9 ways to increase, 210–11 Positivity, 210, 212 Positivity Self Test, 212 possibility thinking in empowering the client, 149 post-conventional adult development, 112–16 inter-individual, catalyst, pluralist/strategist, 112–14 meditation in, 114 sacred self and the magician, 115–16 power force vs., 132 personal, 132 power of forgiveness, 375–78 power of purpose, 221–35 being purpose-full, 229–35 life purpose, 222–24 “live from a deep place,” 221–22 powerful questions, 62–71, 66f practice(s) in creating momentum with client, 177–78 in listening as a coach, 14–15 pre-contemplation in Prochaska’s theory of readiness for change, 76–77 preparation in Prochaska’s theory of readiness for change, 77–78 preparing for a meeting exercise for coaches and leader clients, 110–12 Presence-Based Coaching, 193 present in the moment being, 193–94 learning to become, Primal Leadership, 203–4, 330–31 process check in deciding about coaching, 52–53 Prochaska, J., 75 Prochaska’s theory of readiness for change, 75–79 contemplation in, 77 pre-contemplation in, 76–77 preparation in, 77–78 stages of, 76–79 Proctor, B., 330 Professional Certified Coach, xviii professional coaching, see also coaching; life coaching promise(s) making and keeping, 304–6 Proschaska’s theory of readiness for change, 75–79 action in, 78 maintenance in, 78–79 termination in, 79 protection boundaries create, 311–12 provocative question inquiry as type of, 65–67, 66f psychoanalysis, xxi psychological theory major forces in, xx–xxxi psychology coaching contributions from, xx–xxxi cognitive-behavioral, xx defined, xx early influence on, xx–xxi “existential cognitive-developmental,” 91 Freudian, xxv Gestalt, 69–70, 80 humanistic, xx, xxiii introspectionists in, xxi Jungian, xxv major theorists of, xxi–xxvi positive see positive psychology Psychosynthesis, 315 Puddicombe, A., 202 Pulitzer Prize, 73 purpose defined, 223 life see life purpose power of, 221–35 see also power of purpose “purpose-driven” leadership, 216 purpose statement described, 230 purposeful action requesting, 27–29 purposeful being, 229–35 purposeful inquiry, 62 Quality of Life Research Center at Claremont Graduate University, 209n question(s) accountability, 67 for clients based on ladder of inference, 112 coaching-related, 57–58 for discovery conversation, welcome packet, and first sessions, 57–58 for emotional charges, 97t life design–related, 252–54 Miracle Question, 81–82 “ouch,” 50–51 personal journal, 296–97 powerful, 62–71, 66f provocative, 65–67, 66f for reflection, 117–18 to test forms of mind, 99t Quinn, R.E., 232 rational-emotive behavioral therapy (REBT), 353 REBT see rational-emotive behavioral therapy (REBT) Reese, P.W., 131 reflection(s) coach’s question for, 117–18 on love and seeing anew, 378–85 reframing in empowering the client, 145–46 Remen, R.N., 382 reminding in stopping limbic loop, 207 repeated words in stopping limbic loop, 206 request(s) in challenging and stretching the client, 167–69 research Heart Math, 202, 202n positive psychology, 209–11 reserve examining, 333–34 personal, 325–26 reserve of time creating, 334 reserve tank, 326 Resilience, 196 resources assessment, 414 life purpose–related, 235 results-oriented actions, 175–76 Retooling on the Run, 197 Rickey, B., 131 “right action” through fieldwork focusing on, 174–77 Rilke, R.M., 65, 87, 221 risk(s) taking, 316–17 Robbins, T., xxiv Roberts, L., 295 Robinson, J., 131 Rogers, C., xxii, xxiii, 3, 148, 151 Rohr, R Fr., 115–16, 116n Roosevelt, E., xxxi, 240 Rotary International four-way test from, 295–96 Ruiz, D.M., 294 sacred self in post-conventional adult development, 115–16 safety boundaries create, 311–12 Sandahl, P., 146 Satir, V., xxiii Saturday Night Live, 355 Save Your Inner Tortoise, 211–12 saying no gracefully if you’re asked to something that goes against your values or values-driven priorities, 322–23 New York–style, 322 primer on, 319–24 right now, 323–24 when someone continues to ask you repeatedly for free advice, 323 when someone suggests something you would like to consider, 320 when timing is just not right, 320–21 when you have other priorities, 321–22 when you’re asked to something for free that you usually charge for doing, 323 Scholl, J., 121 Searles, J., 19 seeing anew reflections on, 378–85 self, 344 achiever conscientious, 101–4 egocentric, 92–93 independent, 98–101, 99t sacred, 115–16 self-actualization defined, 262–63, 262f described, 265 self-authored questions to test, 99t self-awareness observations, 176 self-care planting seed of, 51 self-deception, 44 self-love, 370–71 self-sovereign questions to test, 99t self-transforming questions to test, 99t Seligman, M.E.P., xxv–xvix, 134, 209, 209n, 212, 221n, 351–52, 353n Senge, P., 104, 107 sense of wholeness integrity as, 297 sensory awareness body scan to increase, 188–90 SFT see solution-focused therapy (SFT) shadow archetype of our personality, 132 shadow coaching, 149 Shakespeare, W., xxii sharing as conversation, 136–37 shift described, 159 Shoney’s, 295 should(s) superficial, 276 Siegel, D., 187 Silsbee, D., 193–94, 196 Simon, S., 277–78 skill(s) in listening as a coach, 13–14 Skinner, B.F., xxii smart phone apps, 202 Snow White, 310 Socrates, 65, 117, 140 in foundation of coaching, xix SOI methodology see Subject–Object Interview (SOI) methodology solution-focused therapy (SFT), 81 somatic coaching, 183 space clean, 68 Spiral Dynamics, 89 spirit in coaching whole client, 183–213 standard(s) setting personal, 299–306 values and, 301–2 standing for clients described, 151 in empowering the client, 144–45 Stanford University, 161 statement(s) purpose, 230 steering your way by true north, 275–90 see also value(s) stepping into future in forwarding action within coaching sessions, 180–81 strength(s) focusing on, 142–43 stretching the client, 151–71 coaching continuum in, 151–56 see also coaching continuum compassionate edge in, 170–71 distinctions in, 158–61 identify and name contradictions and inconsistencies in, 169–70 making requests in, 167–69 to meet challenges, 156–71 see also challenge(s) metaphors and analogies in, 161–67 skills for, 158–71 Strozzi-Heller, R., 183n, 185n, 186–88 Strozzi Institute, 185n structure(s) in coaching conversation, 55–62 Subject–Object Interview (SOI) methodology, 95 suffering(s) life’s see life’s sufferings on Wheel of Life, 243f, 244 superficial shoulds, 276 Surrenda, D., 197 surviving thriving vs., 247–49 synchronicity, 332 Szabó, P., xxiv “talking cure,” xxi Taming Your Gremlin, 148 Tandy Corp, 295 teaching as conversation, 140–41 technician/expert, 98–101, 99t termination in Proschaska’s theory of readiness for change, 79 Terry, R., “The Appreciative Heart: The Psychopsychology of Positive Emotions and Optimal Functioning,” 331n The Art of Somatic Coaching: Embodying Skillful Action, Wisdom, and Compassion, 183n The Association of Coaching, 387 “the behavioral junkyard,” 146 The Centering Practice app, 198 “the edge,” 96 The Evolving Self, 91 The Family Therapy Networker, 80–81 “The Four Horsemen” working with, 207–8 “The Influence Coming into Play: The Seven of Pentacles,” 165 “The Invitation,” 238–39 The Purpose Driven Life, 223 The Seamless Life, xvii “The Sopranos,” 93n The Varieties of Religious Experience, xxi “The Work Triangle,” 7, 7f theory of readiness for change Prochaska’s, 75–79 see also Prochaska’s theory of readiness for change therapeutic relationship alliance coaching alliance vs., 40–41, 42f Therapist as Life Coach, 56, 240–41 Therapist University, xvi Think and Grow Rich, 286 thinking possibility, 149 Thinking Path in coaching whole client, 190–93, 191f “third-person perspective,” 345 Thoreau, H.D., 329 thriving surviving vs., 247–49 time creating reserve of, 334 Time, 327 Titchener, E., xxi Today, xvi Tolle, E., 239–40 TOMA (top-of-mind awareness), 15 Torbert, W., 90, 93t, 96, 117 transcript of coaching session, 29–39 “transformation(s)”, 87 transformational learning, 91 transparent language, 62, 68–70 transpersonal therapies suitability of, xxv True Believer, 218 trust fear vs., 362–63, 363f replace fear with, 363–65 Tuesdays with Morrie, 308 Twain, M., 215, 308 Twomey, T., 291 U.K Healthcare Commission, 202 “unconditional positive regard,” xxiii unconscious blocks to learning, 218–20 unconscious mind importance of, 71 University of Michigan, 208 University of North Carolina–Chapel Hill, 156–57 University of Pennsylvania, 209n University of West Georgia, 278 unmet needs identifying, 261–74 value(s), 275–90 aligning with action and habits, 275–83 chosen, 276 coaching clients around, 277–79 conscious work on, 277 core see core values creating new opportunities for living from your, 285 defined, 275 described, 275–77 developing new, 289–90 diversity as, 300 driven by pleasure or pain, 287–88 exercises, 281–83 focusing client’s attention on, 52 fulfilled life related to, 277 function of, 275 getting clear about, 284 identifying, 279–83 importance in coaching, 275–79 of integrity, 279 knowing and articulating, 280 living your, 283–87 match money with, 338–39 needs and, 277 pick one goal that allows you to demonstrate, 284–85 power of, 277 reflect on, 283–84 reflecting highest thoughts, 277 standards and, 301–2 superficial shoulds, 276 values-base life as fulfilled life, 277 venting as conversation, 138–39 vision defined, 230 visualization, 343 volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous (VUCA) world, 216 Volkswagen (VW) Beetle, 326 Voltaire, 21 Von Braun, W., 329 VUCA world, 216 VW Beetle see Volkswagen (VW) Beetle walk the talk, 291–306 see also integrity Wall Street Journal, 327 want(s) needs vs., 266 Ward, C., 310 water bearer story, 377–78 Watkins, S., 293 Watson, J., xxii “Ways to Know Yourself,” 246 wealth, 325–39 defined, 325 early beliefs about money, 336–37 examining reserve, 333–34 exercises, 333–39 getting in sync with what we want, 329–32 how much is enough?, 326–27 living in world of abundance, 328–29 making it practical, 332–33 match values and money, 338–39 meaning of money, 335–36 take first step about money, 337–38 Wealth 101, 327 Webster’s Dictionary, 239 Webster’s New World Dictionary, xx welcome packet, 56–57 in coaching relationship, 41 Wells, S., 62 what coaches look for is what they find, 80–82 what gets in your way?, 255–74 see also obstacle(s) what is working discovering, 53–54 what we want getting in sync with, 329–32 Wheatley, M.J., 19 Wheel of Life, 37–38, 42, 147, 216, 240–42, 310 contemporary, 245–46 exercise, 247–49 tradition of, 242–45, 243f turning of, 245 use with clients, 245–46 “Whistle While You Work”–plurk, 310 Whitworth, L., 5, 146 whole client coaching of, 183–213 emotions in coaching, 202–3 wholeness integrity as sense of, 297 Wilbur, K., xxv, 82–87, 83f, 348–53, 350f “Wild Geese,” 73 Williams, P., xvi, 165, 216, 218, 227, 240–42, 278, 344, 347–48, 379 transcript of coaching session, 29–39 Williams, R., 146, 148, 156–57, 354 Williamson, M., 230 Wilson, W., Pres., 229 Wind, Y., 108 work goals aligning with core values, 285–87 “Working with the Nonverbal,” 185n World Com, 293 world of abundance living in, 328–29 World War II concentration camp, 351 Wundt, W., xxi You Were Born Rich, 330 Zeig, J., xxiv Zen koans, 65 Copyright © 2015, 2007 by Patrick Williams and Diane S Menendez All rights reserved For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to Permissions, W W Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10110 For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact W W Norton Special Sales at specialsales@wwnorton.com or 800-233-4830 Book design by Paradigm Graphics Production manager: Christine Critelli Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Williams, Patrick, 1950Becoming a professional life coach : lessons from the institute for life coach training / Patrick Williams and Diane S Menendez — Second edition pages cm Includes bibliographical references and index ISBN 978-0-393-70836-3 (hardcover) Personal coaching I Menendez, Diane Susan II Title BF637.P36W54 2015 158.3—dc23 2014048364 W W Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y 10110 www.wwnorton.com W W Norton & Company Ltd., Castle House, 75/76 Wells Street, London W1T 3QT ... Life Coaching as an Operating System Part I: Coaching Fundamentals Chapter 1: Listening as a Coach Chapter 2: The Language of Coaching Chapter 3: Coaching as a Developmental Change Process Part... Becoming a Professional Life Coach Introduction LIFE COACHING AS AN OPERATING SYSTEM Personal and professional coaching, which has emerged as a powerful and personalized career in the last few decades,... basic training manual, passed chapters back and forth, and looked for a couple of texts to accompany the manual so that the course would take the shape of a graduate program We felt that this was