WHAT TO EXPECT THE TODDLER YEARS Heidi Murkoff Arlene Eisenberg Sandee Hathaway, B.S.N Sharon Mazel Foreword by Morris Green, M.D., F.A.A.P Perry W Lesh Professor of Pediatrics Indiana University Medical Center Copyright © 1994, 1996, 2009 by What to Expect LLC Book illustrations copyright © 1994, 2009 by Marika Hahn What to Expect® is a registered trademark of What to Expect LLC All rights reserved No portion of this book may be reproduced—mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying—without written permission of the publisher Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available ISBN 978-0-7611-5214-9 Material in “What Your Toddler May Be Doing Now”: Adapted from the Denver Developmental Materials, W K Frankenburg, M.D By permission of the author Height, Weight and Head Circumference Charts, pages 862–65: Developed by the National Center for Health Statistics in collaboration with the National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion (2000) Book design: Lisa Hollander with Janet Vicario Front cover illustration: Tim O’Brien based on a photograph by Penny Gentieu/babystock Back cover illustration: Tim O’Brien based on a photograph from Getty Images Cover quilt: Lynn Parmentier, Quilt Creations, www.quiltcreations.net Quilt photography: Davies + Starr Book illustrations: Marika Hahn Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use Special editions or book excerpts can also be created to specification For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below Workman Publishing Company, Inc 225 Varick Street New York, NY 10014 Manufactured in the United States of America First printing 2009 60 59 58 57 56 55 54 Note: All children are unique and this book is not intended to substitute for the advice of your pediatrician or other physician who should be consulted on toddler matters, especially when a child shows any sign of illness or unusual behavior To Elizabeth, the toddler we could always turn to; and to Emma, Wyatt, Rachel, and Ethan, whose toddler years are gone but certainly not forgotten To Howard, Erik, and Tim, our partners in parenting, and our very best friends ACKNOWLEDGMENTS A Million Thanks Much like the eight toddlers we’ve had the pleasure of parenting, What to Expect the Toddler Years has presented us with countless challenges And in the four years that it has taken us to research, write, and produce it, we’ve been lucky enough to work with many wonderful people who have assisted us in facing those challenges Now, with the book in hand (make that two hands; at 900 plus pages, one hand won’t do), we’d like to take the opportunity to express our thanks to those who have helped put it there: All the readers of our previous books, not only for their input, insights (keep those cards and letters coming!), and their loyalty (so greatly appreciated), but for their patience as they waited (and waited, and waited) for this book’s arrival Elizabeth Hathaway, toddler-come-lately, for obligingly posing for countless knock-knee photos, for always doing everything “by the book,” and for generally being the right age at the right time Dr Morris Green, our esteemed and distinguished medical advisor, who never flinched (at least visibly) at the endless piles of paper we sent him, who painstakingly crossed our medical t’s and dotted our medical i’s, who brought not just scientific knowledge, but great sensitivity to the task, and who worked at laser speed no matter how busy he was on other projects Suzanne Rafer, our intrepid editor and good friend (she’d have to be), who waded through the sea of manuscript with her usual grace, style, sense of humor, and more “flags” than the United Nations will ever see The entire Workman team and extended family, but especially Lisa Hollander and Janet Vicario for their artistic expertise; Judit Bodnar for perceptive copy-editing, and Joan L Giurdanella and Rob Sternitzky for attentive proofreading; David Schiller for copy that lets readers tell our books by their covers; and Peter Workman for his wisdom, understanding, and patience Marika Hahn for adorning the book with so many adorable toddlers Dr Mark Widome for his invaluable support and assistance, particularly on matters of toddler safety and first aid And the many others who’ve lent their expertise, including Carole Marcus, M.D., J Rutt Reigart, M.D., Kathy Leonard, M.D., Al Mooney, M.D., Shelly Bazes, C.N.P., W K Frankenburg, M.D., Beverly Bresnick, Cate D’Amboise, Sara Jacobs, Ann Wimpheimer, Alan Friedman, Sue Kellerman, Wendy Sax, Barbara Braun, Susanna Morgenthau, Mimi Gelb, Eve Coulson, Aliza Cotton, Michael Rand, and the moms and dads who’ve plied us with questions at our parenting groups and seminars The terrific staff at the American Academy of Pediatrics, including Michael Copeland, Carolyn Kolbaba, Leslee Williams, and former staff member Michelle Weber, for helping to keep our books accurate and up-to-date The editors of Contemporary Pediatrics for invaluable assistance whenever called upon; Juliann Goldman of C.S.P.I.; and N.A.P.N.A.P Tameka Hall and Niurka Zameta, crackerjack assistants, who kept up with filing mountains of articles from journals and newsletters, checked phone numbers, and otherwise kept our office going Abby and Norman Murkoff and, as always, Mildred and Harry Scharaga for unflagging support Contents FOREWORD: A PEDIATRICIAN’S PRESCRIPTION INTRODUCTION: A TALE OF “TWO” TODDLERS BEFORE YOU BEGIN How to Use What to Expect: The Toddler Years What Your Toddler May Be Doing Now A Note to Nontraditional Families PART ONE: THE SECOND AND THIRD YEARS CHAPTER ONE: THE THIRTEENTH MONTH WHAT YOUR TODDLER MAY BE DOING NOW WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT AT THE ONE-YEAR CHECKUP WHAT YOU MAY BE WONDERING ABOUT Frequent Falls Safety Warning Bumping Into Things Slow Gross-Motor Development Slowpoke Walker Ensuring a Good Fit Selecting Shoes for the Walker Replacing Shoes Toeing-In (Pigeon-Toes) The Into-Everything Syndrome Banging on Everything Diapering Difficulties Appetite Slump Milk Allergy Food Throwing Food Blowing Messy Self-Feeding Clinging/Dependence Separation Anxiety Parting Tips The First Separation Your Separation Anxiety Resistance to the Cup Weaning From the Bottle Introducing Cow’s Milk How to Wean From the Breast When to Wean From Breastfeeding Playyard Rejection Cat Napping Language Lag Generalizing Conversation Frustration WHAT IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW: Getting Your Toddler Talking WHAT IT’S IMPORTANT FOR YOUR TODDLER TO KNOW: Other People Have Rights Other People Have Feelings, Too CHAPTER TWO: THE FOURTEENTH MONTH WHAT YOUR TODDLER MAY BE DOING NOW WHAT YOU MAY BE WONDERING ABOUT Negativism Setting Limits Not Taking “No” for an Answer Food Strike Emptying Things The Dropsies A Short Attention Span Bowlegs Toeing-Out Flat Feet Toe Walking Post Crying-It-Out Trauma A Start in Art WHAT IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW: Play Is the Toddler’s Work Toys for Tots Early in the Second Year Containing the Clutter Buy Right WHAT IT’S IMPORTANT FOR YOUR TODDLER TO KNOW: All About Grandparents CHAPTER THREE: THE FIFTEENTH MONTH WHAT YOUR TODDLER MAY BE DOING NOW WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT AT THE FIFTEEN-MONTH CHECKUP WHAT YOU MAY BE WONDERING ABOUT Dirty Doings Night Waking Keep It Cool When the Cow’s the Culprit Nighttime Feedings Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Antisocial Behavior Early Hitting Acquiring a Pet Crawling Relapse Loss of Vocabulary Caveperson Language Birthmarks Birthmarks, A Year Later WHAT IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW: Accentuating the Senses WHAT IT’S IMPORTANT FOR YOUR TODDLER TO KNOW: Nobody’s Perfect CHAPTER FOUR: THE SIXTEENTH MONTH WHAT YOUR TODDLER MAY BE DOING NOW WHAT YOU MAY BE WONDERING ABOUT Fear of Dogs Pet Prescriptions No Fear of Dogs Poor Eating Habits Erratic Eating A Change in Eating Habits Switching Seats A Towering Toddler Stranger Suspicion No Fear of Strangers A Preference for Mommy Leaving a Sleeping Toddler with a Sitter Continued Mouthing of Objects Bath Rejection Readiness for Potty Learning Book Consumption *The sixteenth month begins when a child is fifteen months old and ends when he or she is sixteen months old *The seventeenth month begins when a child is sixteen months old and ends when he or she is seventeen months old *The eighteenth month begins when a child is seventeen months old and ends when he or she is eighteen months old *The nineteenth month begins when a child is eighteen months old and ends when he or she is nineteen months old *The twentieth month begins when a child is nineteen months old and ends when he or she is twenty months old *Also see specific fears, such as fear of haircuts, page 308; of the bath, page 94; of the dark, page 431; of the dentist, page 308; of the doctor, page 305; of dogs, page 84; of flushing, page 552; of penis loss, page 217; of playground equipment, page 205; of roughhousing, page 285; of sleep, page 310 *The twenty-first month begins when a child is twenty months old and ends when he or she is twenty-one months old *The twenty-second month begins when a child is twenty-one months old and ends when he or she is twenty-two months old *For how to pack for trips longer than a day, see page 264 **All bread, crackers, and cookies should routinely be whole grain Ideally, after a carbohydrate snack your toddler should munch some cheese (which has some tooth-decay-fighting power) or rinse his or her mouth with water *The twenty-third month begins when a child is twenty-two months old and ends when he or she is twenty-three months old *The twenty-fourth month begins when a child is twenty-three months old and ends when he or she is twenty-four months old *This chapter covers the period between the time a toddler turns two through two and a quarter (or twenty-seven months) *To make a batch of play clay, combine in a pot cups flour, cup salt, tablespoons cream of tartar, tablespoon vegetable oil, and cups water Blend well, then stir over medium heat until the mixture thickens Cool, knead out any lumps, and let your toddler enjoy Store play clay in an airtight container *Avoid any objects that might present a choking hazard if your toddler still mouths things (see page 658) *This chapter covers the period between the time a toddler turns two and a quarter through two and a half (or thirty months) *This chapter covers the period between the time a toddler turns two and a half through two and three quarters (or thirty-three months) *This chapter covers the period between the time a toddler turns two and three-quarters (or thirtyfour months) through the third birthday (or thirty-six months) ... TODDLERS BEFORE YOU BEGIN How to Use What to Expect: The Toddler Years What Your Toddler May Be Doing Now A Note to Nontraditional Families PART ONE: THE SECOND AND THIRD YEARS CHAPTER ONE: THE. .. THE TODDLER IN THE FAMILY CHAPTER TWENTY-Four: THE TODDLER AS SIBLING WHAT YOU MAY BE WONDERING ABOUT Sibling Rivalry Even-Steven Adoring Toddler, Intolerant Sibling Adoring Sib, Intolerant Toddler. .. Immunized THE DOCTOR AND THE TODDLER The Parent-Physician Partnership The Role of the Pediatric Nurse-Practitioner When to Call the Doctor Looking for Dr Right Before You Call the Doctor Appendicitis