English teacher support material

Teacher Support Material MIDDLE YEARS PROGRAMME k INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE ORGANIZATION English A Assessed Student Work MYP English A Teacher Support Material: Assessed Student Work January 2004 The International Baccalaureate Organization wishes to acknowledge the work of IB teachers and examiners in the production of this document The IBO is grateful for permission to reproduce copyright material in this publication If there are any errors or omissions, if notified, the IBO will be pleased to rectify them at the earliest opportunity © International Baccalaureate Organization 2004 Organisation du Baccalauréat International Route des Morillons 15 Grand-Saconnex, Genève CH-1218 SWITZERLAND Contents General introduction iii Introduction to the assessed student work iv Assessed student work English A Essay Night (Elie Wiesel): analysis of the death march and the train journey E1:1–E1:5 “The Cask of Amontillado”: critical response E2:1–E2:3 Lord of the Flies: pigs and evil E3:1–E3:5 Creative writing C1:1–C1:4 Deceptions of love: sonnets and analysis of Iago’s deceptions in Othello by William Shakespeare C2:1–C2:7 “The Masquerade, the Fox and the Quilt”: a new soliloquy for Iago and an explanation of its significance C3:1–C3:6 Poem: “She Came with Cold Fingers …” Response to literature Theban letter to the editor R1:1–R1:3 Hamlet’s dream Poetry assignment: animal poems R2:1–R2:4 Poem commentary: “Dulce et Decorum Est” by Wilfred Owen R4:1–R4:6 R5:1–R5:5 Persuasive speech: “Choose Humanity” MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R3:1–R3:3 i General introduction Teacher support material accompanies the guide for each subject group and the personal project within the Middle Years Programme (MYP) This document, which contains assessed student work, is printed in loose-leaf format for ease of use Teacher support material is intended to give practical help that supports understanding and implementation of the theory evident in the guides for the subject groups The main focus of the student work assessment is the use of the final assessment criteria, but other issues are also addressed, such as the appropriateness of tasks set in an MYP classroom Acknowledgments Thanks are due to the schools and students who allowed the use of their work in this document and to the experienced MYP practitioners who worked so carefully on the student work assessment pages MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 iii Introduction to the assessed student work In this teacher support material, each example of assessed student work is divided into two parts: • student work assessment • student work Student work assessment The student work assessment shows clearly for each example how the chosen work was assessed using the published final assessment criteria A box in the top right-hand corner of the page shows the criterion levels given to the piece of work The title of the work follows this on the page A Background section describes the work done to produce the final piece Other explanatory information is included in this section, such as time allowed for the assignment, the important points to note in this example and the appropriateness of the task in relation to the final assessment criteria The Assessment section looks closely at each criterion addressed by the example The criterion levels given have been awarded by experienced MYP practitioners The relevant descriptor from each criterion is given A paragraph follows that explains why the level shown was given This paragraph may also contain more detailed comments on certain parts of the assignment, reference to the appropriateness of using a specific task to address a particular criterion and any other remarks thought to be helpful to teachers Student work The student work itself follows the student work assessment in each example For ease of use, all the student work has been transcribed However, the pieces of work are presented in their original styles, which may include spelling, grammatical and any other errors Some points of detail in these pieces of work will not be relevant More importance should be given to the fact that these examples show the application of the assessment criteria in evaluating student work and also reveal some of the various standards of work that may be encountered by teachers in the MYP Specific characteristics of the samples It should also be remembered that these examples of student work come largely from students in the fifth year of the MYP and have also been taken mostly from moderation samples It is possible that modified criteria may be used for assessing the work of younger students or, indeed, a school may have its own system of ensuring that the subject objectives are being addressed by these students The examples here also tend to adhere to the prescribed minimum set down in the moderation guidelines for each subject group, but teachers are encouraged to continue to use a wide variety of assessment tools, both formative and summative, as they evaluate the work of their students MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 iv English A Essay Student work assessment Criterion Level achieved A B C Night (Elie Wiesel): analysis of the death march and the train journey Background At the end of the unit studying Elie Wiesel’s Night, the students wrote an analytical essay discussing the work as a memoir The specifics of the assignment were as follows Assignment • Criterion A: content The essay must address the topic in detail, making more than one key point; quotes and examples should be used to support each point; the essay should demonstrate a solid understanding of the text and the underlying ideas relevant to the topic; the essay should explore the topic with some originality and depth; the essay should discuss the text as a memoir • Criterion B: organization Each paragraph must be relevant to the topic; the essay must follow the accepted structure of introduction, development and conclusion; each paragraph should contain references to the text and links from references to the topic; each paragraph should explore one central point • Criterion C: style and language usage The style must be appropriate for an essay; vocabulary should be varied and suitable for analytical discussion; literary terms should be used where appropriate; there should be few language errors; there should be no spelling errors in word-processed work The assignment followed several weeks’ study of Night Prewriting took the form of mind-maps in which students organized their thoughts in outline format (one week) Students wrote a rough draft (two weeks’ homework) on which they received feedback in writing circles Students then incorporated suggestions for improvement into their final draft (one week) MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 E1 : Assessment Criterion A: content Level of achievement 5–6 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student demonstrates a sufficient understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme The work displays adequate detail, development and support Creative pieces reflect a degree of imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates an awareness of the author’s intention and techniques This work achieved level because the student: • displays a sufficient understanding of the theme, explaining how the train journey and death march show memories • includes some explanation of the points made; more thorough explanations would provide greater development, enabling the piece to reach a level • utilizes direct quotes for support; further explanation of how these quotes prove each point would provide better development and support Criterion B: organization Level of achievement 5–6 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s work is basically organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a logical manner Paragraph structure and transitions are apparent When such devices are required, some attention is paid to critical apparatus This work achieved level because the student: • employs basic organization, grouping each idea into its own paragraph • explains thoughts clearly and coherently • utilizes some transitions within paragraphs; using transitions between paragraphs would enhance the effectiveness of the organization • incorporates quotations throughout the essay set off in parentheses; building the quotes into the text itself would create a more natural style • could have better utilized the introduction and conclusion, providing a more effective set-up and closure, leading to a stronger overall argument MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 E1 : Criterion C: style and language usage Level of achievement 5–6 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s use of vocabulary is usually appropriate and generally varied Some errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax sometimes hinder communication The student often uses a register suitable to intention and audience This work achieved level because the student: • makes few errors; writing is accurate • attempts to use a register appropriate to the task; inconsistencies in register occur with the occasional colloquialism • sometimes repeats expressions; a more precise and varied vocabulary would improve the style MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 E1 : English A Response to literature Student work assessment Criterion Level achieved A B C Poetry assignment: animal poems Background As one of the final activities of an in-depth study of poetry involving a variety of activities and discussions, students had 80 minutes to write a 700-word essay in response to one of two questions Assignment • One aim of poetry is to make the reader consider a living creature in a new light Explore one or two poems that, in your view, are particularly successful in achieving this Show how the words and the way they have been used stimulate the reader’s imagination • Analysis of the poets’ intentions and techniques, supported by apt quotations from the text, must be included Students were also reminded of the importance of logical progression of analysis, and thoughtful and purposeful organization of ideas This student selected a question based on “The Mosquito” (D H Lawrence) and “The Tom Cat” (Don Marquis) Assessment Criterion A: content Level of achievement 7–8 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student demonstrates a good understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme The work displays substantial detail, development and support Creative pieces reflect substantial imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates a good appreciation of the author’s intention and techniques This work achieved level because the student: • demonstrates a consistently good understanding of the literature Beginning with an overview of the poems, the analysis progresses to show in-depth understanding of the two poems • includes specific and relevant examples, as requested, showing clear understanding of the poets’ intentions and techniques Some explanation of the significance of quotes follows, providing some development of points Further, in-depth explanations that clearly prove each point would enable this piece to reach level 9–10 MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R3 : Criterion B: organization Level of achievement 9–10 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s work is consistently well organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a perceptive and persuasive manner Paragraph structure and transitions effectively develop and substantiate the ideas being expressed When such devices are required, critical conventions and apparatus are used in a sophisticated manner This work achieved level because the student: • organizes ideas well, providing a clear and coherent development of the argument • structures paragraphs well • utilizes transitional devices effectively between most paragraphs, enabling ideas to move easily and effectively • incorporates quotes accurately • uses transitions effectively between paragraphs, but could have made better connections within paragraphs • allows a weak conclusion to diminish the overall effectiveness of the organization, thus diminishing the effectiveness of the development of ideas Criterion C: style and language usage Level of achievement 5–6 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s use of vocabulary is usually appropriate and generally varied Some errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax sometimes hinder communication The student often uses a register suitable to intention and audience This work achieved level because the student: • produces writing that is generally free of errors • utilizes a reasonable variety of vocabulary throughout the essay • has some difficulties with register At times, the register is suitable; at times, it is too colloquial Consistent use of a more formal register would allow this piece to reach level 7–8 MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R3 : Student work Discussing two animal poems In some poems that we have studied in class, for example, “The Mosquito” by D.H Lawrence and “The Tom Cat” by Don Marquis, the poets try make the reader see a living creature in a new light This is a very effective technique because it makes us, the reader, really think about what the poet is saying In both poems, “Mosquito” and “Tom Cat”, the poets describe the living creature in great detail to help us see past a frosty exterior and try to create a vivid image of the creature in a different light The first poem I will be talking about is “The Tom-Cat” by Don Marquis In this poem, Marquis describes two lives of the Tom-Cat, one where the creature is portrayed as a friendly house cat and the other where he is evil and vicious The poet describes the evilness of the cat by setting a scary scene: “Midnight in the alley”, which really gets us into the poem as we start to get an idea of this cat’s personality Marquis uses words such as “snaky-tail” to emphasise the devil-like appearance of the cat He describes the cat as “ Malevolent, bony and brindled” which again stress the cruelness of the cat Marquis stimulates our imagination by describing why the cat may feel so cruel and evil as he tells the tale long ago of how the cat was “a beast from a world primevel” who has been forced to live a domesticated life The poet suggests that this gives the cat a reason to “give voice to their scorn of man.” However, the poem changes dramatically in the following stanza by describing the cat as a family cat, “he will lie on a rug tomorrow and lick his silky fur.” I think the poet added this stanza to remind us of how we see cats in everyday life In the last stanza, the poet uses repitition, “But at midnight in the alley” to once again stress the evilness in the creature The poet uses references towards a devil, “snaky, devil, Hell” and quotes “ beat the time for his demon’s song.” This creates a much more mysterious ending to the poem This poem makes the reader see past the friendly, family cat and takes the reader inside the mind of this creature to understand his hatred towards man “The Tom-Cat” is very successful in making the reader see the cat in a new light because it shows the reader that cats are not so friendly, and actually are very evil and mysterious creatures with “ a heart that is black and hard.” On the contrary, however, D.H Lawrence takes a creature that we consider as “annoying and persistant” and makes us see this creature in a new, even better, light “The Mosquito” tells the story of a mosquito as it lands on the poet Lawrence seems very curious about the mosquito as it encircles him and is very inquisitive about the mosquito’s physical appearance, “Why you stand on such high legs for?”, “why this length of shredded shank?” Lawrence describes physically the build of the mosquito and emphasises on how frail it is but also praises the mosquito and shows signs that he has a great deal of respect for the insect His use of words, such as “Monsieur,” “exaltation” and “winged victory” help show the reader how Lawrence wants to portray this creature, as an intelligent yet small insect Lawrence use of words in this poem help us see the mosquito as a clever creature something that the majority of people would not associate with a mosquito Lawrence’s use of words in the poem help stimulate our imagination in thinking beyond the annoying, little mosquito and he is very successful in this respect He makes the reader look at the insect as somewhat human in a way by using personification, “you turn your head towards your tail and smile.” In both poems, “The Mosquito” and “The Tom-Cat”, the poets vocabulary and use of language help us, the reader, really try to see beyond the typical profile of the creature Marquis helps us stray away from the usual idea that cats are lovely, cute and friendly pets, and Lawrence helps us look past the annoying, buzzing mosquito and makes us see that actually the insect is quite intelligent, how it encircles its prey and teases it first and then goes in for the kill!! This technique of poetry is very successful in making us see the creature in a new light, as both “The Mosquito” by D.H Lawrence and “The Tom Cat” by Don Marquis, have shown MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R3 : English A Response to literature Student work assessment Criterion Level achieved A 10 B C 10 Poem commentary: “Dulce et Decorum Est” by Wilfred Owen Background In response to students’ concerns regarding current events, teachers selected English First World War poetry as a focus in their in-depth poetry study Part of this study included writing a commentary on Wilfred Owen’s (1893–1918) “Dulce et Decorum Est” The following specific guidance for the assignment helped students to craft strong commentaries Assignment • Criterion A: content Your commentary should present a description of the poem It should also include an interpretation or argument based on the poem, including your opinion on the poet’s purpose in writing it In support of this argument you should refer to the details of the poem in evidence, explaining their effect on your reading • Criterion B: organization Your commentary must show your ability to organize your ideas with clarity and coherence, and to structure your argument using logically constructed paragraphs and clear transitions that develop your ideas Use quotations and relevant examples from the text Of course, you must explain how these examples illustrate your point • Criterion C: style and language usage Aim for a clear, formal style that doesn’t waste words If in doubt, always aim for simplicity and clarity Students followed all the steps of the writing process (brainstorming, selecting, outlining, rough draft, peer feedback, teacher feedback) before writing a final draft “Dulce et Decorum Est” by Wilfred Owen (first published 1921) Bent double, like old beggars under sacks, Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge, Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs And towards our distant rest began to trudge Men marched asleep Many had lost their boots But limped on, blood-shod All went lame; all blind; Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots Of gas-shells dropping softly behind MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R4 : Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!―An ecstasy of fumbling, Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time, But someone still was yelling out and stumbling, And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.― Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light, As under a green sea, I saw him drowning In all my dreams, before my helpless sight, He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning If in some smothering dreams you too could pace Behind the wagon that we flung him in, And watch the white eyes writhing in his face, His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin; If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs, Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,― My friend, you would not tell with such high zest To children ardent for some desperate glory, The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori Assessment Criterion A: content Level of achievement 9–10 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student demonstrates a perceptive understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme The work consistently displays illustrative detail, development and support Creative pieces reflect a high degree of imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention and techniques This work achieved level 10 because the student: • comments on surface-level comprehension as well as the subtleties implied throughout, demonstrating a discerning understanding of the poem For example, noting the importance of personal pronouns, implications of similes, caesuras, structure, pace and their respective effects demonstrates perceptive insight • clearly explains how diction, techniques and structure create an overall impression MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R4 : • selects apt quotes and chooses only the key phrases—rather than the entire line as many students do—demonstrating a keen understanding of the key details utilized by the poet This demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention and techniques • employs modifiers to create a clear, consistent statement about the author’s message—“glorified tales”, “exaggerated patriotism”, “slow, limping pace”—substantiated by close reference to the text, further showing perceptive understanding Criterion B: organization Level of achievement 9–10 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s work is consistently well organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a perceptive and persuasive manner Paragraph structure and transitions effectively develop and substantiate the ideas being expressed When such devices are required, critical conventions and apparatus are used in a sophisticated manner This work achieved level because the student: • organizes ideas in a thoughtful manner, enabling the reader to clearly follow their development, providing easy, effective reference to the poem • utilizes clear topic sentences, allowing the reader to readily understand the idea of the paragraph • incorporates quotes in such a way that they are seamlessly woven into the text • could have used transitions between paragraphs more effectively, enabling the piece to reach a level 10 Criterion C: style and language usage Level of achievement 9–10 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s use of vocabulary is always appropriate and greatly varied with very infrequent errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax The student has mastered the use of a register suitable to intention and audience This work achieved level 10 because the student: • utilizes precise, accurate, effective language to develop a consistent tone • effectively employs a variety of sentence structures • uses the correct register consistently throughout the commentary MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R4 : Student work Poem commentary Thousands of young men, including Wilfred Owen, died during the First World War The soldiers’ deaths were glorified by the government and the general public was ignorant of the atrocities that their men confronted ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’ is a poignant poem with a powerful message about the atrocious nature of war It is a narrative presumably describing a real incident witnessed by the poet: a gas attack in which a soldier is horribly affected by the gas and will undoubtedly die as a result The poem is outstanding because it narrates a specific incident, in horrific detail The rich language with many powerful images, and the abundance of similes and metaphors make the horror of the incident very vivid for the reader, and has a similar effect as the reporting of war on television today This poem must have had a big impact at the time because reports on the war were censored and there were limited sources of information about the horrors in the war This poem expresses the poet’s anger and bitterness towards the glorified tales about the war and the exaggerated patriotism and duty expected of the soldiers by the government and the people The poem is his personal response to the motto written by the classical Roman poet, Horace: “Dulce et Decorum est pro patria mori” (it is sweet and honourable to die for your country) The poems title, ‘Dulce et Decorum Est’, is ironic as it suggests that the content will be the opposite to what it actually is The poem appears to be address a ‘you’ who supports the idea that it is good to die for your country The first two lines of the first stanza describe the soldiers as ‘Bent double, like old beggars ’ and ‘ coughing like hags ’ This comparison to old beggars and hags creates a visual image of the weakness and helplessness of the soldiers and forms a strong opening to the poem, contradicting the common idea that soldiers are strong and healthy The soldiers are obviously exhausted as many of them march ‘ asleep’ and have ‘ lost their boots’ The use of condensed images, such as ‘ we cursed through/ sludge’ adds to the sense of the soldiers’ fatigue Throughout this stanza there are several rhythmic pauses in the middle of lines, such as ‘Men march asleep Many had lost their boots ’ This use of caesuras creates a dragging effect, which reflects the slow, limping pace at which the soldiers are walking The last two lines of this stanza ‘Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots/ of gas-shells dropping softly behind’ seem to deaden the mood of the poem with the repetition of words beginning with ‘d’ There is a sudden change of mood and pace at the beginning of the second stanza, which begins with ‘Gas! Gas!’ and this sudden agitation fits with the content The men try to fit on their gas masks in an attempt to save themselves from the poisonous gas attack, and the panic and agitation that the soldiers feel is also felt by the reader with this change to a fast-paced rhythm The switch from the halting, broken rhythms of the first stanza to longer, flowing sentences with many action words, such as “fumbling”, “yelling”, “stumbling”, and floundering, adds to the change in mood These action words give the reader a shocking picture of the man struggling to survive This process is described with detailed visual images, and the image of the man drowning in thick green light is very vivid The use of the word ‘drowning’ is used metaphorically, but also describes what is actually happening to the man, as one of the effects of this gas was that you drowned in your own mucous fluids The following two-line stanza is a transition from the poet’s description of what happened, to his personal response in which he describes how this incident affected him and continues to haunt him Although this stanza is isolated from the rest of the poem, because it is told in the present and gives the poet’s personal reaction to the incident, the structure is maintained and the continuance of the rhyming scheme links it to the previous stanza The poet tells us that in all his dreams, before his ‘ helpless sight’, he sees the man drowning We see that the poet is helpless and cannot stop the dreams from coming to him The poet describes the soldier plunging at him, and this scary image gives the reader the sense that the dying soldier is trying to drag the poet down with him, just as a drowning person might drag someone down with them The repetition of the word ‘drowning’ gives the sense that the poet is obsessed by what happened and also creates the effect of a recurring nightmare Such nightmares were one of the psychological effects that many soldiers suffered from MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R4 : Student work In the final stanza, Owen gives a horrific visual description of what is happening to the dying man, such as ‘the blood ‘…gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs” This is an accurate description of the effect of poisonous gas; perhaps chlorine gas that came in green clouds and may be the ‘green light’ and ‘green sea’ that Owen describes in the second stanza and which caused death by asphyxiation and choking It also caused swelling of the eyes like the man’s ‘ whites eyes writhing in his face’ More surreal, is the simile, which compares the man’s face to a ‘devil’s sick of sin’; this image suggests the evil of war and that even the devil is sick of the killing The enjambment of the phrase ‘Bitter as the cud’ emphasizes it, and is very effective because the monosyllabic word ‘cud’ is ugly sounding, cutting and suggests that the poet has bitter feelings about the deaths caused by the war The use of the address ‘my friend’ seems ironic because the poet is addressing someone who obviously does not share the same views as him, and could be questioning their relationship The final stanza creates a powerful closure to the poem when the poet tells the reader that if they were in his position and if they had witnessed this event, or one like it, they would not glorify men’s deaths in wars fought for their country MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R4 : English A Response to literature Student work assessment Criterion Level achieved A B 10 C 10 Persuasive speech: “Choose Humanity” Background Following the study of Brave New World, persuasive techniques and their influences were discussed The language of hypnopaedia, John and the World Controller were analysed for their persuasive techniques Students are exposed to persuasive, manipulative speech on a daily basis through advertisements Students worked in pairs to invent and advertise products in 30-second radio advertisements The effect of word choice was discussed (how to inspire/repel a potential buyer), with the teacher writing key words/phrases on the board To add a touch of competition, after all the advertisements had been presented, the class voted for the most persuasive, with the winners being awarded a prize With the list of key words/phrases on the board, the students and the teacher then discussed the denotation and connotation of words and their potential impact After this warm-up work, students were given the assignment of writing a persuasive speech about an issue or topic from their class reading Emphasis was placed on crafting a persuasive speech, and demonstrating awareness and understanding of themes and issues arising from the text The structure and organization of the speech were also important Assignment • Adopt the role of one of the central characters • Persuade your audience either of the virtues of freedom or those of order and stability • Persuasive language and techniques should be used where appropriate Pre-writing, developing a specific focus, effective organizational strategies and a first draft were the steps of the writing process used for this assignment Students were given three one-hour periods to complete the task, and the work was handed in to the teacher after each period MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R5 : Assessment Criterion A: content Level of achievement 9–10 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student demonstrates a perceptive understanding of the relevant aspects of the topic or theme The work consistently displays illustrative detail, development and support Creative pieces reflect a high degree of imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention and techniques This work achieved level because the student: • clearly grasps the object of the satire and articulates this point by calling for personal freedom and responsibilities, with both their benefits and costs, thus showing perceptive understanding • creates a speech that captures the character’s point of view, imaginatively and clearly articulating the author’s message • includes effective development of concepts contained in the novel; however, including specific quotes from the text could have strengthened the speech Criterion B: organization Level of achievement 9–10 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s work is consistently well organized, clear and coherent, and arguments are presented in a perceptive and persuasive manner Paragraph structure and transitions effectively develop and substantiate the ideas being expressed When such devices are required, critical conventions and apparatus are used in a sophisticated manner This work achieved level 10 because the student: • structures the speech to immediately and directly engage the audience, then questions and challenges, and finally provides a solution to the problem This structure leads the audience on a clear and persuasive thought process • communicates ideas clearly and effectively throughout the speech • organizes ideas into effective paragraphs, developing each point in a logical, persuasive manner • utilizes transitions in a sophisticated manner Rather than relying only on transitional expressions, points at the close of the previous paragraph are moved forward through questions at the start of the next MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R5 : Criterion C: style and language usage Level of achievement 9–10 Maximum level 10 Descriptor The student’s use of vocabulary is always appropriate and greatly varied with very infrequent errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax The student has mastered the use of a register suitable to intention and audience This work achieved level 10 because the student: • uses passionate, persuasive language effectively and consistently • develops and maintains an imploring tone throughout • uses a consistent register, perfectly pitched to the purpose of this persuasive speech • includes parallel structure, repetition and other rhetorical devices effectively MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R5 : Student work “Choose Humanity” My fellow men, I speak to you now not as a savage, as an outsider, but as a fellow human being We are all but mortals, and we all breathe, think and die Yet one more right exists, which is entwined with life itself I speak of freedom Do you not comprehend what it is to be free? Do you not, at times, break away from the tireless cycle that is your being? If not, then you are not living You are but a wheel or a screw, a useless part of a larger machine You are the leaves on a tree, when you should be mighty elms, each and every one of you You are but a fading droplet in a summer shower, when you ought to be the cloud itself But both are made of water, both are one So are you and I You have been greedily robbed of your right to exist free and independant You have been disfigured into submission, beyond repair even before you felt the gentle sun for the first time Do not despair though, as all is not yet lost You can make a difference You can win back your freedom Some say that the path to freedom is laden with misfortune and discomfort, but the benefits, my friends, easily outweigh the troubles Living as one should, free, is the greatest reward I hope each and every one of you once feels the enveloping warmth that is in realization that you are living life at its fullest Some might say that soma is the answer, but soma is poison Soma is the very chain that binds you into ignorance It is poison And it cannot be compared to the sensation of truth, of knowing that you understand what has been so ardently kept from you all your lives Soma is the sedative that keeps you from resisting Do you not want to love? To hate? To believe? For soma is but a poor substitute for law, and for God In God alone will you find truth untainted In him is all beauty, and all the things for which life is worth living In him is love And compassion And he has not forgotten you Come now, join me, and you shall be redeemed Take not the foul poisons of your oppressors, but instead live off clear water, and the gifts of God, the berries, fruit and meat that he has provided for you We are all his children, and we all deserve freedom! It is your given right, and the time has come to claim it back Join me! Together we can undo the evils done onto you for centuries We can start a new world, a Brave New World MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 R5 :