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arship in children. Lastly, it will free the time and talents of teachers and administrators. The concluding paragraph in a narrative essay could sum up the story. I can look back now on that day long ago. I was at the crossroads. I knew I loved children and that my parents would be proud. I signed up for teacher’s training. The last sentence or two should contain the clincher. Its purpose is to end the paragraph gracefully and leave the reader with a sense of finality. The last sentence of a persuasive essay may be a call to action, a question, a prediction, or a personal comment. You might add one of these clinchers to the thesis summary on school uniforms: What are we waiting for? We need to talk to our teachers, principals, and school boards, and give our children ALL the tools we can that are essential for their growth and development. Since school uniforms do so much good, would you want your school to miss out? For a narrative essay, this last sentence could state your opinion, or talk about someone, even yourself, who will never be the same. You might add one of these sentences about your decision to go into teacher training: I am glad I did. My world will never be the same. I often wonder how many children’s lives will be changed because of one decision on that one April day. It can be difficult to write this last sentence or two, but you need to supply your readers with some- thing that makes your essay memorable. Once you have your ideas down on paper, it’s important to see that they are clearly and correctly expressed—unlike the paragraphs found in this lesson. Go on to Writing 4 and Writing 5 to see how to make your sentence structure and word choice work for you.  Writing 4: The Sentence Doctor Even more important than a logical structure is the content of your essay. Generalizations need to be sup- ported with exact and specific details, which you are free to make up. Your choice of words needs to be pre- cise, your sentences varied, and your paragraphs uni- fied. Your paragraphs should have connections between them so that your whole essay flows from one thought to another. Let us look at some of the sentence elements that make up good paragraphs. Varied Sentence Structure Within your paragraph, your sentences should be var- ied. It makes your essay more interesting and shows the HOT TIP Although you aren’t required to write a title, it helps the judges to see that you are an organized and thoughtful person. Leave a few lines blank at the beginning of your essay, since you might not come up with a title until you’re nearly finished. Make sure your title captures the main idea of your essay. “Uniforms, Boon or Bane?” would not be appropriate for an essay that mostly deals with the positive reasons for uniforms because it suggests there are two sides to the story. “In Praise of Uniforms” would be better. –CBEST MINI-COURSE– 143 test evaluators that you have mastered different sen- tence structures. There are two types of sentence variation: sen- tence length and sentence structure. Sentence length should not be a problem. Put in some long sentences and some short ones. For varying the structure of a sentence, you might need to brush up on parts of speech and different types of clauses and phrases. If this is the case, go to your local curriculum department or school district office and check out a book on gram- mar, or check out some of the books on writing listed at the end of this chapter. The idea is not to be able to name all the different types of clauses, but only to be able to place some variety in your writing. The follow- ing exercise demonstrates a few examples of various sentence structures. Practice with Varied Sentence Structures Rewrite the sentences beginning with the part of speech indicated. 1. The hostess greeted her special guests graciously. (Adverb) 2. The proprietor, hard as nails, demanded the rent. (Adjective) 3. One must learn how to breathe to swim well. (Infinitive) 4. The white stallion leapt over the hurdles. (Preposition) 5. An octogenarian was playing with the children. (Participle) 6. The schools will not be state funded if they do not hire certified teachers. (Adverb clause) For an additional exercise, try writing sentences that begin with these words: Answers 1. Graciously, the hostess greeted her special guests. 2. Hard as nails, the proprietor demanded the rent. 3. To swim well, one must learn how to breathe. 4. Over the hurdles leapt the white stallion. 5. Playing with the children was an octogenarian. 6. If they do not hire certified teachers, the schools will not be state-funded. Dangling Clauses When beginning your sentences with a clause, try to avoid dangling clauses. Dangling clauses mix up who’s doing what: If they do not hire certified teachers, funds will not be sent to the schools. It sounds as if the funds were doing the hiring! Instead you should write: If they do not hire certified teachers, the schools will not receive funding. If you start off with a clause, make sure that the who or what referred to in the clause begins the next part of the sentence. Look for dangling clauses in the first body para- graph from the last lesson. You should find two. In my opinion, a uniform policy will benefit par- ents. Because they are all the same style and shape and usually very well made, children can use the hand-me-downs of older siblings or other children. After Although As Because Since Unless Where Wherever While –CBEST MINI-COURSE– 144 Parents they were also able to save money by buying fewer school clothes for their children. Children, who are often demanding, will have already agreed on what clothes their parents will need to buy so there will be fewer arguments over clothes for school their parents will need to buy. Children and teachers like it too. Parents are generally in favor of uniforms because you do not have to provide your children with a different matched set of clothes for each day. After buying uniforms the first year, more peace was reportedly experienced by 95% of the parents interviewed and many surveys reported that it saved them an average of $100 – $200 in clothing costs. Did you find them? Look at the second sentence. Because they are all the same style and shape and usually very well made, children can use the hand- me-downs of older siblings or other children. What is the same style and shape? The sentence says the children are. Here is a corrected version: Because they are all the same style and shape and usually very well made, uniforms can be passed down from an older child to a younger one, or even sold. Now look at the last sentence of the paragraph. After buying uniforms the first year, more peace was reportedly experienced by 95% of the parents inter- viewed and many surveys reported that it saved them an average of $100 – $200 in clothing costs. Was it the peace that was buying the uniforms? Let’s correct it: On a recent survey, 95% of parents new to school uniforms attributed an increased feeling of peace to the adoption of the uniform policy. Parents also reportedly saved an average of $100-$200 on school clothes per child the first year. Opinion Starters There’s a problem with the first sentence of that para- graph, too. Never start a sentence with “In my opinion” or “I think.” If you didn’t think it, you wouldn’t be writing it. The first sentence of the first body para- graph should read simply: A uniform policy will benefit parents. Over and Over Avoid redundancy. Try to keep your sentences as suc- cinct as possible without losing meaning. Make every word and phrase count. Here’s an example of a redun- dant sentence from the first body paragraph: Children, who are often demanding, will have already agreed on what clothes their parents will need to buy so there will be fewer arguments over clothes for school their parents will need to buy. The phrase “will need to buy” is in there twice. Get rid of it.“Children, who are often demanding” can be changed to “Demanding children.” The words “for school” can be left out, because that’s a given. So now you have a shorter, more effective sentence: Demanding children will have already agreed on what clothes their parents will need to buy, so there will be fewer arguments. –CBEST MINI-COURSE– 145 Sentence Stowaways and Sentence Order Avoid writing sentences that are not on the same gen- eral topic as the rest of the paragraph. Did you notice the stowaway in the paragraph on parents? The sen- tence “Children and teachers like it too,” does not belong in that paragraph. The order of the sentences in your paragraph is just as important as the order of the paragraphs in your essay. If you are writing about money parents will save, put all the sentences on money together. Provide transitions for your sentences, just as you did with your paragraphs. You can join sentences with words such as besides, second, lastly, and so on, or you can put in sub-topic sentences. Try rearranging the paragraph on parents in a logical order. You have two sub-topics: money and peace in the family. So add a sub-topic sentence to announce the first sub-idea: First, uniforms would save parents money. The fake survey you added at the end of the para- graph reports statistics on both money and peace, so that’s a great way to tie the two topics together. The rest of the sentences should all fit under one of the two sub-topics. If you have something that doesn’t fit, just leave it out. You don’t have enough time to fool with it. Here’s one way to provide a more logical organization: A uniform policy will benefit parents. First, uni- forms will save parents money. Parents will not have to provide their children with a different matched set of clothes for each day, so they will need to buy fewer school clothes for their children. Because uni- forms are all the same style and shape and usually very well made, they can be passed down from an older child to a younger one, or even sold. On a recent survey, parents new to school uniforms reportedly saved a whopping $100-$200 on school clothes per child the first year. The survey also reported that 95% of parents attributed an increased feeling of peace to the adoption of the uniform policy. Children will have already agreed on what clothes their parents will need to buy, so there will be fewer arguments. And On and On and On and On . . . Before you move on to problems with words in the next lesson, take a look at a problem sentence from the second body paragraph on school uniforms. Children who dress differently are alienated from cliques at school and left to feel like outsiders and are teased unmercifully and end up losing a lot of self-esteem and so maybe they will grow up bitter and join gangs and use drugs and end up murder- ing someone. Do you see that there are two things wrong with this sentence? For one thing, it goes on and on and on. It should have been divided into at least two sentences. Maybe you also noticed that the reasoning here is faulty. This is an exaggerated example of slippery slope reasoning: something causes something that leads to HOT TIP Make sure you have a quality eraser—unless you are per- fect! Find an eraser that will erase pencil marks from newsprint without leaving smudges or tearing. Your essay paper will not be newsprint, but if an eraser can erase newsprint, it can erase anything. Avoid replacing a word with another by writing darker over the first word without erasing first. When you need to add a word, avoid “^” marks. Erase the words before and after the word you will put in, and put three words in place of two. –CBEST MINI-COURSE– 146 something else. In this example, the lack of uniforms leads to murder—this conclusion is neither logical nor believable. So let’s just leave off that part and clean up the sentence structure. Children who dress differently are usually alienated from cliques at school and left to feel like outsiders. Often they are teased unmercifully. What if you wanted to join those two sentences after all? You could do it with a semicolon; if you used a comma, you’d have a sentence fault called a comma splice. The same is true of the sentence you just read. For more on fixing your punctuation and word prob- lems, go on to the next lesson.  Writing 5: Finishing Touches The scorers who read your essay will be on the lookout for precise wording and careful, accurate usage. This chapter will review some common errors. Punctuation Deficit A question mark goes at the end of a question. Use few, if any, exclamation points in your essay and always end your sentences with a period. There are many rules for using commas. Here are the most common places for a comma: ■ At the end of long clauses ■ Between lists of words ■ Around appositives ■ Between the sentences of a compound sentence ■ Around non-essential words and clauses ■ Wherever the meaning of the sentence would not be clear without one If these rules aren’t familiar, you can find details in the books listed at the end of this chapter. As you proofread, check to see whether your essay flows well. If additional punctuation is necessary to get your point across, use it—but don’t go over- board by throwing in commas where they are not nec- essary. Can you find the punctuation errors in the following paragraph? Not only are parents happy to see a uniform policy in place, but their children benefit as well. If you were poor wouldn’t you feel bad if you were not dressed as well as your peers. Children who dress differently are usually alienated from cliques at school and left to feel like outsiders. Often they are teased unmercifully. Dressing in uniform eliminates that problem. Instead you feel a sense of belonging. You are less distractd by cumparing your clothes to others so you are more apd to be relaxed and queiter in school. This enables them to learn more. Chil- dren might be happy with the school uniform pol- icy but not as happy as their teachers and principals The second sentence is a question; it should have a question mark. Because the question doesn’t start until after a phrase, the phrase should be set off by a comma. If you were poor, wouldn’t you feel bad if you were not dressed as well as your peers? HOT TIP Spend the last few minutes of exam time proofreading to see whether you included everything you had to say, whether you used the same verb tense and person throughout, and whether your words are clear. There is no time for big revisions, but check for such details as peri- ods after sentences and spelling. –CBEST MINI-COURSE– 147 There could be a comma after Instead at the beginning of the fifth sentence. This comma may not be necessary in some circumstances, but you are changing the flow of thought here, and you want the readers to know it. Instead, you feel a sense of belonging. The sixth sentence contains a compound sen- tence that should be set off with a comma. The last sentence could also use a comma to separate a long clause from the main sentence, particularly since you are once again switching gears. Lastly, don’t let the fact that you’re almost done make you forget to put a period at the end of the last sentence. You are less distractd by cumparing your clothes to others, so you are more apd to be relaxed and queiter in school. This enables them to learn more. Children might be happy with the school uniform policy, but not as happy as their teachers and prin- cipals. Identity Disorder Keep the same person throughout the essay: I and me or you, or they and them. It is all right to address the reader with a question, but the facts and statements should match each other. In the paragraph below, the subject of the first and third sentences is “children.” You need to continue to talk about children in the third person throughout the paragraph. Not only are parents happy to see a uniform policy in place, but their children benefit as well. If you were poor, wouldn’t you feel bad if you were not dressed as well as your peers? Children who dress differently are usually alienated from cliques at school and left to feel like outsiders. Often they are teased unmercifully. Dressing in uniform eliminates that problem. Instead, they feel a sense of belonging. They are less distractd by cumparing their clothes to others, so they are more apd to be relaxed and queiter in school. The second sentence is not talking about chil- dren, but is addressing the reader, so it’s OK to use you and your. The last two sentences talk about children, not about the reader, so those sentences should use they and their, not you and your. Spelling Abnormality Disorder You have to write quickly during the exam, but save a couple of minutes at the end to check your work for spelling errors. Often our minds go faster than our pencils, and left alone, our pencils make a lot of mis- takes. Too bad there are no perfect pencils in this world! Did you find the misspelled words in the sec- ond body paragraph on school uniforms? They are less distractd by cumparing their clothes to others so they are more apd to be relaxed and queiter in school. Let’s fix it: They are less distracted by comparing their clothes to others so they are more apt to be relaxed and quieter in school. Forked Tongue Disease Be on the lookout for words or even sentences that might have two different meanings. Now that we’ve fixed the spelling errors in the sentence above, look again to see how it might be confusing. Does the sen- tence mean that comparing their clothes is less dis- tracting? And what are they comparing their clothes to? To other people? There are too many meanings for this sentence. It needs to be revised. –CBEST MINI-COURSE– 148 . blank at the beginning of your essay, since you might not come up with a title until you’re nearly finished. Make sure your title captures the main idea of your essay. “Uniforms, Boon or Bane?”. paragraph gracefully and leave the reader with a sense of finality. The last sentence of a persuasive essay may be a call to action, a question, a prediction, or a personal comment. You might add one. development. Since school uniforms do so much good, would you want your school to miss out? For a narrative essay, this last sentence could state your opinion, or talk about someone, even yourself, who will