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UNDERSTANDING YOUR TODAY

TO

A revolutionary book, set to change the way we relate to people, manage our finances, and perceive life, causing a change in our lives and our world

BY

EHIKHAMEN SAMUEL OSAGIE

Copyright © 2012 by Ehikhamen Samuel Osagie.

ISBN: 978-978-919-080-5

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ehikhamen Samuel Osagie was born to the family of Mr and Mrs Andrew Ehikhamen on the 9th day of October 1983, in a suburb at Ijora Badia area of Lagos State, Nigeria He was raised by God himself for this purpose as nothing his family had points to such a future

He loves to learn, but loves more to teach what he knows He has always had a passion everyone around saw as a weakness, CHARITY This attribute has, and is still pushing him to selflessly commit himself to poverty alleviation in Nigeria and the world at large

He is currently the president of SeafonWorld International, an organization that goes from one secondary school to another to educate young Nigerians on financial literacy, with the goal

of inculcating good financial habits and reducing the growing rate of poverty and finally force it

on a downtrend

He is also the president of Needy but not Poor, a non-profiting organization (NGO) that believes there are no poor people in the world, just people needing love, information, inspiration, hope, motivation, direction, etc The organization has a vision of reducing poverty in Nigeria by 20% in 20yrs with the help of every Nigerian

Dedication

This book is dedicated to God almighty who has given me life and life abundantly

through his son Jesus Christ In times when everyone including myself thought life was useless and that there were not enough reasons to believe there was a God, he was more than faithful Thank you

This book is also dedicated to the loving memory of my late elder sister Ehikhamen Juliana, who passed away on the 17th day of August 1997 To my parents, she was the best child any parent could ask for, to me and the rest of my siblings, she was the best sister we ever had, to our neighbours, she was the best neighbour they ever had, and to the world, she is the best thing

we ever lost RIP

Acknowledgement

This book wouldn’t be complete without acknowledging God almighty for grace to reach

my world through my pen He has also been a great source of inspiration and strength in

compiling this book Thank you

To my mother who has been of great encouragement even when I was supposed to be kicked out and talked down You gave me hope for a time like this Thank you and God bless you

I owe a big hug and thanks to my best friend, Patricia Chinke, for believing in me when no one wanted to be associated with me Thank you

Also to my friends, Tolulope Badejo, Nofisat Giwa, Barnabas Oledinma, Raymond Giwa, John Agwu, Seun Aderibigbe, Mr Wale, Pastor John omomila, Kenneth Iyoha, McDonald Akhor, Olutoba Atobatele, just to mention a few, and if I didn’t mention your name, please bear with me because I love you all and I am saying thank you

To my siblings, Akomolede Caroline, Aighwokhian Eunice, Ebhohon Rita, and Ehikhamen Joy, thank you for your love and support given to make me who and what I am today Thank you

And to everyone I have ever come across, I am saying a very big thank you because your encouragements, criticism, help and support put together, has brought about the passion to write this book Thank you

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CHAPTER 1

If you have received this book for free, borrowed it or got it as a present, I would like to congratulate you in advance for the success that is achievable by studying this book This book is not one written by the best of expertise, but by the inspiration of God because the bible said in Philippians 2:13 “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” I say so because I had the title (Understanding your today to undertake your

tomorrow) way back in 2003 and wrote it down somewhere not knowing what the content will be

I started jotting notes and asking questions in 2004, and finally came up with the three segments of this book which we will be talking about in a moment

So many authors have written great books about these topics, but have succeeded in taking them apart In this book, I did my best with the help of the Holy Spirit to take the three most important part of life and link them together to give you a pleasant read and to help you see what

I saw while putting this book together

Now I want you to put aside your doubts that this is one more time wasting book, and let low your expectation that this is the wonder book you have been waiting for This book has no power of its own, but will do for you what you desire it to do If you desire it to be just a book with letters and numbers so will it be, and if you desire it to be a source of inspiration,

motivation and reference, so will it be

You would agree with me that to be successful in life, you have to be wise If yes, then wisdom should be our ultimate goal and the bible agrees with this in proverbs 4:7 “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get

understanding” If this is true that wisdom is a goal that must be achieved, the question should

be “how do we get wisdom?” I am sorry to announce to you that you cannot get wisdom but instead seek knowledge Note this Hosea 4:6 “My people are destroyed for lack of

knowledge: …” God did not say “Lack of wisdom”

Knowledge is the acquisition of information for the purpose of use This book contains information you can use and that is exactly how I want you to see and read it I want you to see

this book as a guide, as God talking to you in person through me and sharing his thoughts with you and helping you find peace from within.

Now let’s get back to wisdom Is it possible to see a man sitting in a chair, arms folded to the chest and legs stretched out and call him a wise man? The simple answer is No This is so because to be called wise, you have to display wisdom, and from here I draw my definition that

“wisdom is the appropriate application of acquired knowledge at the right time and place” When you display an acquired knowledge at the right time and place, it is called wisdom and in it lie’s the treasures of life (Proverbs 3:16 “Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour”) because it attracts influential and great people that would help you

in achieving your every vision to you You can read this book over and over again until you can recite it from cover page to back page, or even quote me all over town but that will only make you as empty as you were before reading this book

I implore you to practice everything in this book because wisdom is in doing as described by Jesus in Mathew 7:24 “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine and DOETH them, I will liken him unto a wise man, …”, and that’s not because it will make me popular

or make me rich, but will take you to a place of fulfillment where you never imagined

I hope I have been able to give you a reason to want to continue with reading this book, as you do, I hope you find it worth the time and money

A wise man once said “If you forget yesterday, you’ve turned your back on

tomorrow”

Now, I realized that so many of us hold on to yesterday and find it very hard to open up to anything today, reasons being that we believe in such proverbs and has made it a part of our lives The apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,” Today I tell you “You can forget yesterday, but do all you can to lay hold of TODAY or TOMORROW will turn its back on you”

TODAY is all that really determines tomorrow and not yesterday because yesterday has done its part by determining today

Until you understand today, undertaking tomorrow remains an uncertainty Even our God is

a God of today; he judges per time, he considers the state of your heart per time and he leads per time In the beginning before creation, Genesis 1:2 “…And the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters” God’s Spirit moved upon the face of the waters because he needed to get an understanding of the present situation, and that understanding are the awesome and beautiful things we see today including man This is why I can confidently say, YOUR LIFE STARTS TODAY!

The information in this book is needed today and so is every other good and profiting information; especially, in the Bible

Now let’s begin This book is sectioned in three, and they are Life & Living, Relationships and Financial literacy Looking at these sections by name, you would want to say “oh I already know these things”, yes you do, but I have put it together by the help of the Holy Spirit in a way you have never read, so please take time to read through and you just might find that one thing you need to get there

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Life

&

Living

ife is the existence of a being, animal or plant A being can be said to exist if it can feel and be felt, if it can perform the simple act of breathing in and out, grow, and reproduce In this book, I shall be talking about the life and living of the human being.

If life is the existence of a man or woman, what is life measured by? In my opinion, life is not measured by the amount of air we breathe in and out, not by the number of days we live on earth, but by those moments that take our breath away in the course of fulfilling the plans of God A life well spent is not one that lasted 150 years, but one fulfilled with love, peace and prosperity Long life is indeed a good thing, but is best when that life is fulfilled

Whether you admit it or not, the statement that “when there is life; there is hope” is one

of the true statements I have come to believe in When a man has life, there is hope for a better tomorrow if he lays hold of today irrespective of his yesterday; a hope for great things, and a hope for any dream to actualize In life, time is something that we have no control over; therefore

in time anything is possible

Talking about life, you would want to think that it requires a whole textbook and more to

even start The truth I found is that life is governed by two rules which are simply feeding and

exercising I know you want to ask why or how, but please encourage yourself to continue

reading and you will soon understand what I mean

FEEDING is not the act of eating or taking in food substance to the body, but the intake

of appropriate quantity and value of food into the body When I talk about feeding as regards life, I am talking about feeding the body and the mind If feeding the body is the intake of

appropriate quantity and value of food into the body, then the feeding of the mind can be said to

be the intake of appropriate quantity and value of information into the mind From the above

L

definition, it shows that there are invaluable, substandard, irrelevant or even bad food and

information which when taken in, can cause harm and damage to the body and mind

respectively

To effectively feed the body, you need to know the classes of food, you need to know the quantity of these classes of food required by the body, and you need to know when and how your body best react to certain class of food and so on The human body requires certain food

substances, not just to survive, but to grow and flourish When the body is not properly fed, it results in malnutrition, and malnutrition breaks down your immune system exposing you to illness, sickness and deceases (kwashiorkor, obesity, diabetes, and emaciation are all examples of the product of malnutrition)

To effectively feed the mind, you need to first understand that unlike the body, one

information misleading can cost you your entire existence, making your mind a very important tool for success or failure What information you feed your mind with determines what it gives back in return as actions, and these actions determine your result and success

As much as information is power, you must understand that it can be a creative and

productive power or a negative and destructive power

An author once said “Be careful what you read or you might die of misprint” So many find pleasures in saying I read anything and everything I come across, yet their lives

remain the same or grow worse This could be because they have read enough to conflict

themselves, read only the wrong things, read and never try to practice the principles in the book and so on The question now is “how do I recognize good information?”

Good information must have a witness even in itself It must be one with the ability to prove itself even in the darkest of environment If information requires only an oxford dictionary to explain, then it is not in itself proven The number one characteristic of good information is Simplicity, and that’s why most people ignore it The bible confirms this in James 3:17 “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated …” Note that the wisdom here is the word of God Most of us expect good

information to be very complicated, compact and tedious and therefore push aside little, simple

and very important information and waste time reading, studying and memorizing irrelevant and unproductive information

I may not have food substances to pass across to you through the pages of this book, but I have simple and useful information that will change your mind-set Like everything in life, life itself is guided by principles and these principles are essential if you must achieve the kind of success I talk about in this book Say “its feed time.”

on to tell us in Haggi 2:8 “The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the LORD of hosts.” Isaiah 48:17 also says “Thus saith the LORD, thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the LORD thy God which teacheth thee to profit, which leadeth thee by the way that thou shouldest go.” Therefore, if you must be successful, you must

acknowledge God as the author of success and the owner of the silver and gold You might want

to argue that there are people out there who do not acknowledge God and are yet successful, that

is so true, but this is what the bible says about that in Psalm 73:12 “Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.” And it went on to say in Psalm 73:17 and 18 “Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.” From here, it automatically becomes your responsibility to choose if you must succeed with or without God But I want you to know that if you choose to pursue success with God as your source, he will surely not disappoint you Hebrews 11:6 “…for he that cometh

to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” I see him reward you beyond your imaginations in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Self believe is the next principle required for successful living There is a saying that “if you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t make me believe in you.” You must believe in yourself enough to achieve success, you must see yourself as one who is able to receive the teachings of God, and worthy of success through Christ Jesus Joshua 1:8 says “… for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous …” Making your way prosperous is your sole

responsibility and you must believe you can do it to do it When you see yourself as candidate for success, it causes you to act, talk, and carry yourself as a success and then people will hence see you the same way When you don’t believe you can achieve success, and out of nowhere success comes, it will only be a matter of time before your mentality of unsuccessful drag you back to zero To achieve success, you must first dream it, conceive it, confess it, believe and live

it Say “I believe I can be successful.”

Depending on your definition of success, you must be willing to give its equivalent in diligence Another word for diligence here is consistent action If you want to lose weight for instance, you must do something or some things; you must watch what you eat and do some exercise How do you know what to eat and what exercise to do? This is a question that can only

be answered by your knowledge of the classes of food and the amount required by the body and also the knowledge of the importance of exercise and the process of detoxification and calorie burn What I mean to say is that you are here because of your knowledge, and would be what you are ten years from now depending on your knowledge

This is the third rule to a successful life “Knowledge.” Knowledge is best defined as light Success is a place, a state of mind and reality, meaning, you have the responsibility to travel from where you are to that place you define as success and live there If knowledge is light, it automatically makes it your number one tool when travelling, after trusting in God and believing you can make the journey Dare to know enough to light up not just your path, but also the path

of your generation and generation unborn Every light requires an act of switching on to become relevant or useful, some get light and hide it under a bushel and therefore walk in darkness like those without light The switching on of your light is what makes you wise (Remember our definition of wisdom?) Joshua 1:8 “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy

mouth (This is the knowing state, whereby you read and know the content of a book); but thou shalt meditate therein day and night (Meditation is what brings about

understanding, and understanding prompts you to do), that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein (Doing is wisdom, and wisdom delivers results): for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”These are the only three principles that are arranged in this particular order, but every other principles we shall be talking about in this section, are arranged in no particular order

Failure, “Failure is not in falling, but in the inability to find a reason to stand back up” is a popular saying that most of us quote but fail to make a part of us Someone said

“failure is an opportunity to start more intelligently.”

Even with your mind made up to succeed, and a big flood light of knowledge in your hand, you are bound to fall at some point in time It doesn’t matter how many times you fall or how many times you stumble, but how many times you find a reason to stand back up Your reason to stand back up would be your reason to succeed in the first place

At all times, the picture of success you have defined and painted should go along with you

so that when you fall or stumble, all you need to do is pull out that picture and say to yourself “I

am a success, I am a victor, I am more than able to succeed”

To fall is not what makes you a failure, but the uncertainty of what could happen to you on the ground and whether or not you are going to fall back down when you stand (Fear) Fear is something that can stand in your way of success whether you admit it or not, but your ability to handle it will propel and shoot you toward success Hebrews 2:14 says “And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.” fear will always precede frustration and ultimately, death Fear will do no other thing than put you in bondage, and bound people don’t make progress let alone reach the finish line Whether or not you worry about tomorrow, tomorrow isn’t promised you, and yesterday can never be undone, therefore learn to embrace today because it is the only gift you have Make the best of today and tomorrow will automatically fit Risk (a move in faith) will always be the prerequisite for reward any season of the year

Every time you fall, it is an opportunity for you to start more intelligently Embrace the moment, analyze it, enjoy it, learn from it, and yet have your eyes on the big picture of success you carry with you.

Every fall is not an opportunity to scream for help, not an avenue to be more spiritual, or a medium to wallow in self-pity There are some falls that are designed to be a training process, designed to be a refreshing moment, and designed to be a time to evaluate and re-strategize Stop looking for quick solutions to situations around you, because when you get a solution without learning what you were supposed to learn while you were down, it is only a matter of time before you find yourself back on the ground A wise man said “For every promise, there is an equivalent process”

“You can turn down visas, scholarships, appointment letters even marriage

proposals, but never turn down the opportunity to be in the council of elders because

if you listen and look deep enough, you might discover a map leading to your

tomorrow.” Even God acknowledges the place of the elders here in this scripture Numbers 11:16 “And the LORD said unto Moses, Gather unto me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom thou knowest to be the elders of the people, and officers over them; and bring them unto the tabernacle of the congregation, that they may stand there with thee.” If you read through the story of Moses, how he led the people of God out of Egypt and through the desert, you would see that God had elders with him all the way This is

something I came to believe in a few years ago, and I also love this saying “He who learns from his mistakes is smart, but he who learns from other peoples mistake is wise.” As you journey through life toward success, you don’t necessarily need to experience every fall and stumble on the way There are people who have successfully and unsuccessfully travelled the same path They were particularly on that path for your sake, to protect you from making the same mistakes, to guide you from falling at the same spot as they did, and to guard you from stormy weathers and dangers along the way Their success stories should be your strength and their failures should be your light, because with strength and light, there is only a little more you need to reach the finish line

“He that travels without food or seed is on a journey of misfortune.” As you travel with your mind made up, your experiences gathered and your strength to overcome a fall,

without food and seed your journey isn’t started Food and seed in this context, is not the bread and jam you stack in your luggage while you travel, or the corn seed you tie up in a sack for planting when you arrive at your destination In this context, food and seed means a source of livelihood (Your vision) and relative character as medium of exchange

You must have a source of income (Your vision) as your food and a medium of exchange as your seed when you embark on your journey to success Your source of income could be your job, your skill, your talent, your vision or your profession Your food must be one designated by God; it must be one that was given by God to meet the specific need of the specific people he sent you to here on earth If it is, then it will feed you as you journey toward success and if diligent in it, there is success ahead

Your seeds are your words, your actions and your attitude No matter how much food you have, the duration can be pre-determined, but one seed nurtured well can grow into a forest As you journey toward success you will meet people on the way, some fallen and needing

encouragement, some flying and willing to give you a ride, some turned back and given up needing inspiration, some standing and not moving for the fear of the unknown needing

understanding These are your vine yards and in them your seed is required

When you plant these seeds, you don’t stand to watch it grow, because you might end up wasting useful time at a point But be sure to see it enter the ground and make sure it is covered There are many reasons why seed is needed in your journey, but the reason that you might at a point, need someone to plant a seed in you is enough reason For the purpose of seed planting and being planted in, the next topic is very important, and that is; RELATIONSHIPS

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Relationships

CHAPTER 3

elationship as many of us know before now is, and can be defined as the communication and connection between one man and another, one object and another, one plant and another and one man to a God To establish a relationship, there must be a minimum of two parties and an endless number as maximum

In this book, we shall only take into consideration the best possible ways to relate to another human as a human Everything you need to relate to God is and can be found in the bible, so go for it with all your being, and in it lie’s the secret of hidden treasures Without minding my grammar usage, I would be referring to you; the reader as a RELATOR and the person you are supposed to be relating to as the RELATEE during the course of this book Relationship started in the bible considering my personal believes, when God said in Genesis 1:26 “And God said, Let us make man in our image,” and man was made Here, the God head is considered the RELATOR and the host of heaven the RELATEE

R

Relationship is not just an act or an art, but a force strong enough to destroy and build anything even beyond human imagination The power of relationships was exhibited also in the bible in Genesis 11:4 “And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.”, when people gathered and agreed to build a tower into heaven, and the only way God could stop them without wiping them all out was to break their relationship by making them speak in different languages Genesis 11:6-7 “And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin

to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to

do Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.”

The world is what it is today due to our relationships, and when I say the world I mean the good, bad and the ugly things of this world is what it is because of our relationships

There are good and there are bad relationships depending on the expected result I would not be going into details on how to keep or build bad relationships, but at the end of this book you should be able to deduce that the opposite of everything therein is the best of keeping and building bad relationships there is

So many have toiled, strived, hustled, studied, and invested so much into live and yet can’t really bring their dreams to life because they fail to appreciate the importance of building good relationships and how it affects every area of our lives The world also, has suffered so much hatred from individuals, groups and nations, causing homicides, bombings and wars etc because at one point in time the importance of good relationships was neglected

Every nation is made up of individuals, and so is every group, making the individual the primary conduit for a better world or a more terrifying one If you can change the individual, you can change whatever group or nation he belongs

It is not enough to be intelligent, smart, and brilliant, determined, focused, persistent, hardworking, or zealous You need to be able to build a good relationship with your immediate environment, because as a Boss, subordinate, employer, employee, parent, child, friend, spouse, aunty, uncle, brother, sister, cousin, nice, nephew, grand ma, grand pa, colleague, leader, or

follower, you may never be able to make personal progress, let alone a collective progress

that act, he saw yesterday, today and forever Let’s leave that now before I take you into some other topic

SILENCE

This is more like meditation, but instead of your mind doing the communication, your body temperature, your mood, your countenance, your posture and your facial expression does it for you

Though not all these things happen simultaneously, but each of them tells you what you need to know depending on the situation at hand

Take for example, you walk in at 12midnight to find your Dad seated at the dining with your Mum Looking at them, your Dad has this smile on his face while he rubs his palm against his knuckles, on the other hand, your Mum just looks up to heaven without saying a word and shakes her head on its way down At this point you really don’t need anyone to tell you they are disappointed in you, trying really hard to control their anger so as not to commit murder, and that they feel sorry for your end if you continue like this

VERBAL/ORAL

This is the act of talking in order to pass a message or better yet communicate This is the most reliable yet most dangerous means of relating, meaning words are very powerful and has the ability to create and to destroy When your words are chosen carefully, it helps build a good relationship but if otherwise you tend to create enemies for yourself because when words are said, it is almost impossible to retrieve or reverse them

GESTICULATION

This is basically the art of expression with parts of the body to make a RELATEE

understand you at all or even better This can be done alone without saying a word, but would make more sense if the RELATEE were deaf and you have a knowledge of the sign language, or can be done even while taking to aid the understanding of the RELATEE by painting a picture of the discussed topic with these movements An example would be me trying to tell a friend about

a just concluded football match he was unable to watch To make him understand or feel the force behind Didier Drogba’s shot that gave Chelsea FC the winning goal of the match, I could stand, bend over like there was a football in front of me and kick the air with the same force he did in the match, this paints a picture in his mind and as a result, gets a better understanding of what I am saying

ACTIONS

As the word implies, it is acting instead of meditating, silence or talking Sometimes, actions help one put a whole lot of words together and just say it in one little stretch of muscles Examples are, instead of going through the stress of writing a three page poem just to tell your spouse how much you love them, you let a bunch of rose flowers and a pack of chocolate do the talking and most times these actions say more than you really mean To also start a war, you don’t need to call the United States president and tell him you would like to go to war with his country, all you need to do is launch an attack on the innocent citizens of his country and see if it will take 24hrs to retaliate

WRITING

Writing is the putting down of words in letters In time past this was only done with ink and paper, but these days technology has brought about SMS, emails, social networks, Microsoft word and many others, making writing also a very reliable and secure way to relate

After all that about the various methods of communication, I want you to take a minute to imagine a man with no face, no hands, no legs and think of how he could communicate The

answer is Never Such a man can not relate and cannot be related to, which means God is a perfect architect to have created us as humans with these characteristics The Short and Long- term Relationships

There are two terms of relationships and they are called the short-term and the long-term relationships These terms of relationship also have two terms of benefit known as the short-term and the long-term benefits

The short-term relationship is that which usually do have an end date even before the meeting or acquaintance An example is you going to spend the holiday with an uncle, or you going to the cinema and meeting someone You already know you are staying with your uncle for the period of the holiday, and you also know you would be at the cinema for the duration of the movie If these meetings or stay, are governed by the knowledge of building good

relationships, the benefits could last a life time and if not it tends to last the period or duration of the meeting or stay

Before any long-term relationship, there is a short-term relationship

The long-term relationship is one which has no end date from the beginning Note that some intended short-term relationships turn out to be long and vice-versa

Every opportunity to relate to a human (Already known or new) should be seen as one that may never come by again, therefore should be done with the things we shall be discussing in this book in mind The truth is, it is possible to ruin a 100yrs relationship within minutes and also possible to kick start a 100yrs relationship between minutes

While we were growing up as children, we were made to understand that to change a man, you must first, change his mind This is a fact that cannot be changed even in a million years, and that’s why I would love to adopt the same principle in this book. Things You Must Understand as a

Relator

To be a good RELATOR, there are things you need to understand and digest, and I shall share them with you right away

First, you need to realize that you are where you are today because of some people These people could be good or bad but nonetheless their encouragements, help, contributions, criticism, insult and discouragements have brought you this far, and to get to that point you desire, you need them and more

Secondly, you must understand that humans are dynamic in nature This means they have the tendency to change even against their will Change can be caused by some external factors, and sometimes they have little or no control over this change caused by association, situation, knowledge, location and money to mention a few Therefore as a RELATOR you should be able

to observe this change in your RELATEE and adjust if the need arises

Thirdly, you should also understand that you cannot make everyone like you, but you can

do your best to love everyone around you Some people can be turned off by your high level of honesty, some by your carriage, some by your looks, some by your brain, some by your believes, some by your humility and others by your love for a fellow human, but this shouldn’t be a

problem because, you can still relate to them as well and maybe someday they would learn to appreciate you and emulate your way of life

Fourth, you should realize that your happiness and sadness lies with you This means that

no man or woman on this earth surface can make you happy, as to be happy means to find peace within and without

Though people around you can put smiles on your face from time to time, making them very relevant in your life, but the happiness that comes with peace can only be found from

within You can choose to be happy even if the world is crashing down on you, and you can choose to be sad even if the entire world throws you a party In other words, do not expect too much from any man Trust them, believe in them but don’t let their misconduct, mistake and assault determine your happiness

“Your heart starts to crack or mend from the inside, as you only need a reason

to explode it into a million pieces or a reason to put it together” E S O

Fifth, you should realize that you do not know everything and that no one does.

The understanding and digest of these facts about humans would help you relate to them with an open mind The next question that comes to mind at this point is who do I relate to? Who Do You Relate To

Our creator God almighty, does not allow us to choose who we relate to, but he advices us

on how we relate to all men that was created by him Hebrews 12:14 “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord” You are supposed to relate

to everyone, but the purpose of your relationship should be defined from the very beginning to avoid being carried away and loosing focus on what is important

Some relationships have been defined even before you get to make the choice of what purpose the relationship should be about Examples are, being employed in a firm, the primary purpose of relating to other staffs of the firm should be to achieve the goals of the organization,

or being a student of a class, the primary purpose of relating to other students of that class would

be to achieve excellence in learning Nevertheless a secondary inter-personal relationship can be built, and this should be based on these two purposes which are; to learn and to teach

The Purpose of Relationships

As an individual, you should be able to ask yourself two questions which are; what do I have to learn? This is a question I asked myself two years ago, and realized the answer was everything, because even when you think you know some things, some people just seem to understand it differently and sometimes better The second question is what do I have to teach? This is really simple, because the answer is in the first question and that is “what you have

learnt”

I was fortunate to meet a friend while I worked in Aero Contractors Nigeria (an airline in Nigeria) He is a man in his late thirties, my subordinate, married and very experienced in life issues He is also very brilliant and full of life, though has a problem of confidentiality He found nothing wrong is sharing people’s secret and does it even in the most ridiculous manner This has cost him several relationships which might have benefited him in ways he never imagined

We got talking, and I discovered a million and one things I could learn from him After a year of our relationship, I felt 10yrs older in terms of experience and fulfilled because, I was able

to make him see his opportunities and overcome his worst enemy, Himself

There are people out there who do not believe they have anything to learn, especially from you I am telling you right now if you didn’t know, that there is always something to learn from everyone and always something to teach everyone but what you learn or teach, depends on you because it could be good or bad

We shall be taking a look at 25 things or characteristics of a good RELATOR starting from the next chapter

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CHAPTER 4

Be Observant

The very first law of a relationship is to be observant, and that means doing it with all that

is within you Some people believe in words, some believe in actions and some in letters, but to

be a good RELATOR, you should be able to observe the tone behind every word, the

interpretation of every action, the words behind every silence, and the true meaning of every letter Some of us are just so blind that we only see what is visible to the eyes and not the brain Good observation helps you deduce facts which in return, help you adjust to the rhythm of the relationship, correct if necessary and apologize if you have to.

Your Relatee may not want to tell you everything so as not to hurt you, bother you, or put you under any form of pressure, but your being able to observe will help you deduce facts that builds healthy relationships Some of us are so “careless” that we want everything spelt out for

us Psalm 102:7 says “I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.” Note,

he is not watching to condemn, but to make the required move to whatsoever thing he observes

“Open your eyes to look, but open your head to see.” E S O

When people insult you and cause you pain or break your heart, I advise that you suck it all up, and look out for that appropriate time and mood to discuss it When they understand that you have just been hurt deeply, and did not do what they expect of you, which is to react, they would feel sorry, apologize and respect you even more especially when they didn’t mean to hurt you Jesus speaking in the book of Matthew 18:22 when asked how many times one should absorb the hurt caused by a Relatee said “… I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” He commands us to tolerate our Relatees but also admonishes us

to share our grievances in the same chapter and verse 15 “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”

Some people would take advantage of this characteristic if they found out, but it is your duty to device a way of correcting that E.g avoiding such discussions, reducing communication, yell if you have to, warn if necessary and punish depending on your RELATEE, but be sure to state your reason for your actions, which is, you cannot take from them the things they do to hurt you, and that you appreciate the relationship

“He, who does not tolerate, is bound to retaliate and he, who retaliates, is bound to make great mistakes.” E S O

Do Not Take Advantage of People

We just talked about being tolerant, and we said there are people who would take

advantage of your knowledge on building good relationships There are others out there who also

are probably reading this book at this time, or have had the privilege of knowing how to tolerate people in time past.

Just because someone would forgive you of anything out of respect for you, out of love or just because they understand, does not qualify them as fools

Most of us over the years have mistaken love, respect and understanding for weakness and this has led to the ruin of our relationships with these people

I once had a job, and had two wonderful supervisors who respect me for my ability to learn fast and smooth, they also showed me love because I was earning way low below

themselves, and they were very, very understanding

Suddenly I started resuming late to work; sometimes I take unnecessary excuse to be absent, and most times I just don’t show up Though as my supervisors, I was next in command, making the other ten guys in my department my subordinates, and with this position I knew when and when we had serious work to do and would not show up for the less work days

To the organization, I was doing great, but to what was important, which is building a good relationship, I was stupid and almost ruined it as I took advantage of my supervisors Genesis 29:15 says “And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother,

shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?” at this point, Laban recognized the importance of not taking advantage of Jacob until he later became selfish

“Some people will forgive anything, and some will forgive and forget anyone.” E S O

Do Not Abuse Opportunities

You would agree with me that at one point in time of our lives, we have abused one or a couple of opportunities of keeping a very rewarding and fruitful relationship Meeting and

relating to anyone is an immeasurable opportunity and should be taken seriously

Some of us tend to look down on some people due to their looks, financial status, family background, IQ among other reasons why people do that Some of us also look too high at

people with more beauty, more finance, more IQ and other factors that make people do that as well To respect people is a good thing, but to worship people makes you lose focus on what is important and that is learning and teaching

You begin to see them as too big to be taught, and see yourself as very small to disregard their teaching, whether good or bad Whether it’s meeting a rich or a poor person, it should be seen as a privilege not to be abused If you remember the story of Adonijah the step brother to king Solomon, and how he abused the opportunity of having access to him through the mother in 1Kings 2:13-25, you would appreciate this information

Just because your boss jokes with you and even visits your home, does not give your any right to badge into his office without a knock, and just because he calls you sir, does not give you the right to call him foolish

“The opportunity you seek and more is in the people you see.” E S O

Be Respectful

To be respectful, is to regard a given rule, law, or the existence of a person, hold with high esteem and to refrain from interfering with people’s rights, religion, opinions, decisions and

so on Everyone has the right to be respected and the right to respect

This does not mean you should watch your fellow human head towards destruction and not do anything about it If you must do something about your RELATEE’s decisions, opinions and rights, you must adopt a suitable method Take for example your RELATEE shares the opinion that women should only attain a secondary school leaving certificate, and end up as a full house wife

First, you should consider the smallest element of sense in his opinion and in this case he makes a bit of sense considering the fact that in the year 2010, 40,000 children ran out of home

in the UK due to the lack of parental care and love Make him realize he has a point and if

possible make more points for him, and then you can begin to make him see the effect of

educated women in the home, community, nation and world at large, and remember he has a choice to listen or not in order to avoid argument

Respect should reflect in your words and actions Respect authorities, elders, friends, hierarchy, and in turn, they will respect you and your relationship will grow Even God; our God had respect unto Abel in Genesis 4:4 “And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:” and in Exodus 2:25 he had respect unto the children of Israel “And God looked upon the children of Israel, and God had respect unto them.” Here he held them with high esteem

“He who fails to respect would not only be disrespected but

disgraced.” E S O

Be Encouraging

Deuteronomy 3:28 “But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see.”

In life, we all at one point in time need someone to tell us “You can do it” or “Go on I’ve got your back” As I was growing up, though I knew I had the ability to change my world with

my writings, I wanted to be a business man

I met someone in 2009 who was successful in business and wanted to learn from him all I could So I wrote a few business plans and presented them to him, but unfortunately he had a way of scrutinizing and condemning every idea I tabled before him

This almost led to frustration as I thought to myself that I may never be successful in business In 2010 I showed the same ideas to another business man and he made me feel like I was born to do business Though he didn’t have the money to invest in the business, but he encouraged me and helped me with writing good business plans and also helped me overcome the fear of business failure

So many relationships have been ruined based on the lack of encouragement from one party of a relationship I am not saying you should encourage stupidity or foolishness, but you could provide better and suitable options or teach the basics that should guide a good idea

“You said “you can make it” he heard “you can be the best at it”” E S O

encouragements It also helps gain experience as you might be told something you never thought possible, making it almost impossible for you to make certain mistakes or empower you to come out of certain situations If you must advise, correct, encourage or judge, you must adopt the most suitable method and have in mind that all he needed was just a listener and might not consider your advice, encouragement or correction.

“He that talks and talks well is smart, but he that listens is wise” E S O

Think Before You Speak

Words! Words! Words! And words! With words God created the earth and everything therein except for humans, and with words, destinies have been changed for good and some destroyed They say a picture is worth a thousand words and a thousand words can be worth a million words This means it all comes down to words

God recognizes the power of words and how freely it comes by, and that’s why he warned that the power of life and death lies in our tongue God could have made the Bible an album of pictures and then we can simply look and multiply by 1000 to understand The problem would be

a billion versions of the bible with different interpretation of the pictures into words

There are three reasons why you should think before you speak and they are 1) it helps you put your words right 2) It helps you get a better understanding of the subject matter 3) It also helps you avoid argument Sex is healthy and pleasurable, but where does the word rape come from? It comes from the act of sex with the wrong person, at the wrong time or place So are words, saying the right thing at the wrong place, time or to the wrong person can ruin a relationship Job 6:25 “How forcible are right words! but what doth your arguing

reprove?”

“Words are like eggs, so be sure to pick the right eggs to smash on the right surfaces.” E S O

Respond and Not React To Situations

In life, challenges are bound to come our way and trials will never seize in the land, but how we handle them determines our level of victory over them Let’s say you got a sack letter from work on the day of your resumption after your honeymoon As humans you have the right

to be filled with anger and sad, but remember you can always get a better job through your relationships

In your sadness and rage, you are supposed to take time out to realize that none of your friends, siblings, family and spouse is responsible for your sack You could turn it around and see it as God’s divine plan for you, maybe God has a better job for you, maybe He wants you to look inward and explore your talent, and maybe God is trying to save you from a fraud that is about to happen in your department that might land you in prison The list goes on, and by doing this thinking, you are responding to the situation

Reacting would be you leaving the office that morning to the bar and get yourself drunk, falling and standing all the way home and beating up your wife for dinner By these little actions, you have succeeded in destroying a whole lot of relationships and opportunities because 1; some who respect you before that day will only see you as a drunk and might never want to have anything to do with you 2; when you go to some for jobs, they might turn you down saying

“after all he is going to drink with all the money he gets from the job” 3; at this time you must have lost some degree of respect from your wife 4; some people now see you as a woman

beater 5; you have sinned against God and more so against his temple which is your body When things happen to you, you are supposed to ask why, and taking the earlier

illustration for example, your questions should be why was I sacked? Have I been doing my job?

What did I do wrong? What is the organization going through? The sincere and accurate answers

to these questions are what would guide your response and not reactions Proverbs 16:32 “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”

“To every reaction, there is a better or opposite response.”

to, ASK

As an employee, you have the responsibility to do your job, be punctual, and help the company achieve their goals As a son, you have the responsibility of being obedient to your parents, making them proud in your academics and social life As an employer, you have the responsibility of providing a safe working environment for your employees, paying your staffs well and in time, and seeing to their welfare As a father, you have the responsibility of providing for your family, protecting them, inspiring them and training your children in the way they should go

Those are just few responsibilities of a few roles and the list goes on and on One thing is sure, and that is the fact that when you live up to your responsibilities, you build great

relationships

“He, who waits to be told what to do, waits to get what he deserves.” E S O

First would be to laugh at you People would not only laugh at you because you exhibit some stupid or insane character, but would also laugh if you did something good beyond their scope I had this girlfriend at a time and would not have sex with her because she said she

preferred to wait until she was married Personally I didn’t have a problem with that, but some of

my friends and even family saw me as stupid and would mock me in public

Secondly would be to be motivated or inspired Even at the time of mockery, some guys wished they were that understanding, some girls wished they had found a guy like me who would respect their wish and not love them for their bodies In my neighborhood and

everywhere, I display a high level of carriage, respect for both old and young, neatness and peace This have made women wished I married their daughters, men proud to see me with their sons, young boys wish to be like me when they are grown, and some guys find pleasure to be called my friend By the time you are through with this book and put everything to practice, it will only take little time before your every lifestyle becomes a source of inspiration to your generation John 13:15 “For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have

done to you.” Jesus here inspired his disciples by washing their feet even as their master and also advised that they do likewise

“In life, people either look down at you or look up to you, no midpoint.” E S O

There are people out there who are more precious than gold but have decided or

unconsciously covered their virtue with difficult appearances, attitude and face You can be the best in your field of business, but an unapproachable appearance might ruin your chances of success Looking good is a part of being approachable but the main tools are in your smile and words We all have problems and need someone to share them with Imagine you, looking around and not finding one person approachable to share your problems, frustrating right? Keeping a smiling face in our economy these days may be impossible, but would you rather count your losses or be grateful for your blessings?

Some say it makes them valued at the end, but the truth is, not everyone has the patience

to go through the process of refining your appearance as not everyone has the patience to refine gold, but would pay any price to buy an already refined piece

Some people might take advantage of your being approachable, but trust me; you would

be doing more good than harm

Medically, smiling helps you keep stress down and keep wrinkles off your face for a long time So, how about looking good, smiling, staying healthy and building great relationships Even our God, the lord almighty is approachable and in his presence is fullness of joy Psalm 65:4 “Blessed is the man whom thou choosest, and causest to approach unto thee, that he may dwell in thy courts: we shall be satisfied with the goodness of thy house, even of thy holy temple.”

“He, who wears a mask to scare physical children, might succeed in scaring spiritual children as well.” Native saying

It is not necessarily you killing an elephant with a broomstick, or you jumping off the highest roof top that makes an impression You could impress your RELATEE by doing little things like the display of wisdom, maturity, kindness, love, and so on

The reason you need to impress your RELATEE from time to time is to remind them of the reasons they are in the relationship with you in the first place, and to also give them a reason

to hold on to the relationship by seeing you differently and appreciate you In the act of trying to impress your RELATEE, you will find yourself doing great things, and these things gradually become your habit and then a part of you Joshua 22:33 “And the thing pleased (They were impressed) the children of Israel; and the children of Israel blessed God, and did not intend to go up against them in battle, to destroy the land wherein the children of Reuben and Gad dwelt.” Even God impresses us as his children just that we may always reverence him

“Dare to impress, because he who is always impressed, might be suppressed and end up depressed.” E S O

Be Appreciative

It is true that we all have responsibilities, but a little pat on the back saying “well done” would go a long way in making us do more of our responsibilities Despite the fact that Jesus was fulfilling scriptures and carrying out his responsibilities, God his father, our father,

appreciated him in 2Peter 1:17 “For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

Everyone appreciates an appreciation whether it’s their responsibility or not There is a saying that he who is grateful for yesterday’s deed, stands to get more today and even tomorrow

As a boss, saying thank you to your secretary for preparing the files would motivate her and make her respect you She sees it as a privilege to hear those words and would not want to ruin that privilege by slacking on her duty, therefore putting her best into her job

As a husband, saying thank you to your wife for serving dinner goes a long way to tell her you appreciate her effort of making dinner and bringing it to the dining room