Life Coaching FOR DUMmIES ‰ by Jeni Mumford Life Coaching For Dummies ® Published by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd The Atrium Southern Gate Chichester West Sussex PO19 8SQ England E-mail (for orders and customer service enquires): cs-books@wiley.co.uk Visit our Home Page on www.wileyeurope.com Copyright © 2007 by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex, England. Published by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or trans- mitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or other- wise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London, W1T 4LP, UK, without the permission in writing of the Publisher. 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ISBN-13: 978-0-470-03135-3 ISBN-10: 0-470-03135-2 Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International, Padstow, Cornwall. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 About the Author Jeni Mumford is a coach and facilitator who applies whole life coaching techniques to her work with people and within busi- nesses. Before her own life-changing decision to become a coach, Jeni benefited from a 16-year career with the Hays group, spanning recruitment, sales operations, project management, and people development, where she was lucky enough to embark on a new challenging job role every 18 months or so. It was this experience of discovering that the grass is green wherever you are – if you take proper care of the lawn – that gave Jeni the conviction and motiva- tion to build her purpose around inspiring people to attract and enjoy their own dream life and work. In her business Jeni uses best practice coaching techniques together with NLP, and is a licensed facilitator of Tetramap (a holistic model of behaviour) and Goal Mapping (a brain-friendly technique for identifying and maximising progress towards goals). She is addicted to learning and this helps her add value to her work with clients. But Jeni will admit that quite a lot of the credit is down to her succession of cats, from whom she has picked up a great deal about how to handle the ups and downs of life.* One of the things Jeni likes best about being a coach is that she feels she always gets as much out of the experience as her clients and she can’t thank them enough for the honour of seeing them move themselves from frustration to power. Honestly, it’s enough to make you want to write a book about it . . . You can find out more about Jeni and her business at: www.reachforstarfish.com. * This philosophy can be summed up as: play, ponder, and when in doubt, take a long nap in the sun or on a comfy bed. Dedication There would have been no book at all if it weren’t for the constant love and encouragement of my husband, Brian, who has supported me every step of the way to finding my own life purpose. You have never wavered in your belief in me, even when our cats took pains to point out my shortcomings. This is for you, and I guess also the cats (who won’t read it, on principle), with my love. Acknowledgements This book has been a personal case study in the power of coaching. I feel privileged to have seen a lifetime dream become reality and to find out that you don’t have to be careful what you wish for, if it’s what you’re meant to have. My first thanks are to the team at Wiley. I’ve rarely had the joy of working with such professional people, every last one of them. I’m proud to be one of your authors. Special thanks to Rachael, my per- fect editor, who combines skill with intelligence and warm sensitivity. Sam, who made me jump through all those early hoops and did it with such grace and consummate professionalism. And Charlotte, whose enthusiasm and energy has brought the finished book proudly to market. And for Romilla, another For Dummies author, who first sparked the idea in my head – you are an awesome role model and I’m so glad synchronicity brought us into contact that day. The prime source of inspiration in my life is my people, and I’m lucky to have had so many of them cheering me on. Thanks from the heart to mum, my family, and my friends who have all been rooting for me from the get go. The book is the better for the wise feedback from my reader group, who read draft chapters, tried out activities, and answered endless streams of powerful questions in the interest of research. I’m espe- cially grateful to you, Ali, because you truly understand the creative process and you encouraged me with wit and wisdom through all the road blocks and potholes along the way. Pam, Carolyn, Jos, Pennie, Roma, Debbie, Brian C, Liza, Sue, Doug, Paul S – you all, in your unique ways, helped me to put my reader first and create the best book I possibly could. And to my associates at Unlimited Learning, Carol, Margaret, and Anne, you always provided me with much valued peer inspiration, as well as plenty of fun and laughter. Tim, I found you late into my writing journey and, like the amazing coach you are, you held up a bright, shiny light that let me see my way free and clear to the finishing line – thanks, mate! Finally, to all the inspirational people who have coached me, and to all my clients who have taught me so much – thank you for sharing the practical magic of coaching. You all know how much it means and how glad we all are that we found the spellbook. Publisher’s Acknowledgements We’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online regis- tration form located at www.dummies.com/register/. Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following: Acquisitions, Editorial, and Media Development Project Editor: Rachael Chilvers Commissioning Editor: Samantha Clapp Content Editor: Steve Edwards Executive Editor: Jason Dunne Executive Project Editor: Martin Tribe Copy Editor: Sally Lansdell Technical Reviewer: Katherine Tulpa, Chair, Association for Coaching Proofreader: Sue Gilad Cover Photo: © Tony Anderson/ Getty Images Cartoons: Rich Tennant (www.the5thwave.com) Composition Services Project Coordinator: Jennifer Theriot Layout and Graphics: Claudia Bell, Carl Byers, Lavonne Cook, Denny Hager, LeAndra Hosier, Stephanie D. Jumper, Alicia B. South Proofreader: Susan Moritz Indexer: Techbooks Special Help Zoë Wykes Publishing and Editorial for Consumer Dummies Diane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher, Consumer Dummies Joyce Pepple, Acquisitions Director, Consumer Dummies Kristin A. Cocks, Product Development Director, Consumer Dummies Michael Spring, Vice President and Publisher, Travel Kelly Regan, Editorial Director, Travel Publishing for Technology Dummies Andy Cummings, Vice President and Publisher, Dummies Technology/General User Composition Services Gerry Fahey, Vice President of Production Services Debbie Stailey, Director of Composition Services Contents at a Glance Introduction 1 Part I: The Basics of Life Coaching 7 Chapter 1: Introducing Life Coaching 9 Chapter 2: Deciding What You Want to Take from Coaching 25 Chapter 3: Preparing for Coaching 41 Part II: Your Life Coaching Journey 55 Chapter 4: Becoming Your Best Self 57 Chapter 5: Choosing Your Beliefs 71 Chapter 6: Discovering the Values that Motivate You 87 Chapter 7: Stocking Up on Powerful Questions 103 Chapter 8: Taking Stock of Now 113 Chapter 9: Exploring Your Options 129 Chapter 10: Planning Effective Action 141 Part III: Focusing on the Elements of Your Life 155 Chapter 11: Career and Work 157 Chapter 12: Money, Wealth, and Abundance 177 Chapter 13: People and Relationships 191 Chapter 14: Physical, Mental, and Emotional Wellbeing 205 Chapter 15: Developing and Growing 219 Part IV: Creating a Harmonious Whole Life 231 Chapter 16: Achieving Balance 233 Chapter 17: Making a Life-Changing Decision 249 Chapter 18: Applying Your Coaching Skills More Widely 263 Part V: The Part of Tens 275 Chapter 19: Ten Life Coaching Beliefs About Yourself 277 Chapter 20: Ten Questions to Keep Your Life on Track 285 Chapter 21: Ten Daily Balancing Acts 291 Chapter 22: Ten Inspirational Resources 297 Appendix: Considering a Future as a Professional Life Coach 303 Index 307 Table of Contents Introduction 1 About This Book 1 Conventions Used in This Book 2 Foolish Assumptions 2 How This Book Is Organised 2 Part I: The Basics of Life Coaching 3 Part II: Your Life Coaching Journey 3 Part III: Focusing on the Elements of Your Life 3 Part IV: Creating a Harmonious Whole Life 3 Part V: The Part of Tens 4 Icons Used in This Book 4 Where to Go from Here 5 Part I: The Basics of Life Coaching 7 Chapter 1: Introducing Life Coaching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 A Brief Definition of Life Coaching 9 What Life Coaching Is Not 10 Living Your Ideal Life 11 Getting ready for change 12 Presenting the passport for your coaching journey 14 Choosing Life Coaching for Long-term Results 15 Tuning In to Your Inner Coach 16 Introducing your split personality! 16 Giving yourself the gift of your own good opinion 18 Turning up the volume on the voice of your inner coach 18 Having a coaching conversation 19 Identifying Your Current Priorities for Coaching 20 Chapter 2: Deciding What You Want to Take from Coaching. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 Assessing the Benefits and Challenges of Coaching 26 Attaining goals 26 Achieving balance 27 Finding purpose 28 Changing your mindset 28 Growing through self-awareness 29 Enjoying the journey 29 Considering the challenges of coaching 30 Deciding on a Coaching Method 30 Finding the right coach 31 Considering co-coaching 36 Deciding to self-coach 37 Making a Promise to Yourself 37 Checking out your current life conditions 38 Framing your coaching promise 38 Chapter 3: Preparing for Coaching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 Getting Ready for Your Coaching Session 41 Beginning Your Coaching Journey 42 Seeing the big picture 43 Packing your survival kit 44 The stages of your journey 45 Knowing Where You Are on the Road 46 Marking Your Progress 48 Using milestone goals to celebrate success 48 Giving yourself a pat on the back 49 Choosing people to cheer you on 50 Anticipating setbacks and relapses 51 Keeping a record 52 Painting a picture 53 Part II: Your Life Coaching Journey 55 Chapter 4: Becoming Your Best Self . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Considering Your Unique Gifts 57 What do you do really well? 58 How do you do that thing you do? Boosting your competencies 60 Noticing Your Preferences 63 Looking out or looking in? 63 Finding your behavioural styles 64 Adding new behaviours 69 Chapter 5: Choosing Your Beliefs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71 Understanding How Your Beliefs Shape You 71 Where do your beliefs come from? 72 What are your beliefs? 74 What do your beliefs give you? 74 Changing Your Beliefs 76 Reshaping a limiting belief 77 Getting under the skin of your most stubborn limiting beliefs 78 Managing Your Fears 80 Conquering the fear that leads to procrastination 80 Identifying fears that drive you and fears that block you 82 Life Coaching For Dummies xii Recognising your fear foes 82 Minimising your fear foes 84 Chapter 6: Discovering the Values that Motivate You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87 Navigating with Your Own Coordinates 88 Reading your personal road map 88 Knowing what your needs are 90 Getting Clear on Your Values 92 What are your values? 93 Reflecting on your values 99 Sorting Through Conflicts of Motivation 100 Looking out for your heart’s desire 100 Dealing with changing priorities 101 Chapter 7: Stocking Up on Powerful Questions . . . . . 103 Delving into the Power of Asking Questions 103 Heeding hesitation 104 Confronting confusion 105 Fighting frustration 105 Don’t Get Stuck Asking the Wrong Questions! 106 Asking the Right Questions 107 Moving down the funnel 107 Finding your most powerful questions 109 Listening to the Answers 110 When you don’t know the answer 110 Tuning into energy levels to find the answers 111 Chapter 8: Taking Stock of Now . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113 Practising Awareness 113 Taking short cuts without cutting corners 114 Balancing assets and liabilities 114 Redefining success 116 Focusing on outcomes 119 Tapping into Your Intuitive Self 120 Trusting your gut feeling 121 Living with a light heart 122 Cultivating a relaxed focus 122 Knowing What You Really Want 123 You don’t have to have what you’ve always had 125 You’re creating your future now 125 Visualising your whole-life goals 126 Placing your whole-life goals on your horizon 127 Chapter 9: Exploring Your Options. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129 Moving from Problems to Possibilities 130 Avoiding the ‘yes, but’ game 130 The desert island scenario 131 Table of Contents xiii Assessing Your Stock of Resources 133 Building supportive networks 133 Increasing your resources 134 Expanding Your Range of Options 135 Developing a creative approach 135 Playing with unlimited options 137 Choosing the best fit 139 Chapter 10: Planning Effective Action . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141 Smarten Up Your Goal Setting 141 Putting theory into practice 146 Smartening up to lose weight 147 Matching Your Options to Your Goals 147 Setting milestones for your journey 148 Taking baby steps 149 Simple Strategies for Defeating Procrastination 150 Keeping Your Promise to Yourself 151 Thinking like a hero 152 When life gets in the way of living 152 Exploding the myth of willpower 153 Dealing with jealousy from others 154 Part III: Focusing on the Elements of Your Life 155 Chapter 11: Career and Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 157 Assessing Your Attitudes to Work 158 Playing your part in different work roles 158 Balancing your different roles 158 Setting Your Work in Context 161 Making a conscious choice 161 Evaluating your job 162 Making adjustments at work 164 Improving Your Current Job 165 Keeping your focus 165 Dealing with negative situations 168 Finding Your Dream Work 168 Knowing your job search goal 169 Working the market 171 Using your networks 172 Getting Recognition for Your Work 172 Getting feedback 173 Promoting your personal brand 174 Looking to the Future 175 Chapter 12: Money, Wealth, and Abundance. . . . . . . . 177 Defining the Role of Money in Your Life 178 Being Financially Secure 179 Drawing up your financial ground rules 179 Developing your financial survival plan 181 Life Coaching For Dummies xiv [...]... you can check out my Web site for additional resources, information, and goodies (www.reachfor starfish.com) It’s your book, your choice, your life Make the most of it 6 Life Coaching For Dummies Part I The Basics of Life Coaching F In this part rom finding out what life coaching actually is, through deciding how it’s going to work for you, to laying the foundations for your own success, the chapters... can also find information here about helping others through using your coaching skills 2 Life Coaching For Dummies Conventions Used in This Book Breathe a huge sigh of relief – this book is a jargon-free zone Some books about life coaching can spin your head, but this book sets out the information in a practical way so that you can quickly and easily start to make a difference in your life When I do... Introducing Life Coaching In This Chapter ᮣ Knowing why coaching works ᮣ Meeting your inner coach ᮣ Coming to terms with change ᮣ Working out your current life priorities P eople talk lots of hokum about life coaching Life coaching television programmes, magazines, and newspaper columns range in quality from the powerful and inspirational through to the downright misleading and dangerous True life coaching. .. Coaching This part explains what life coaching is and what it isn’t You discover why and how life coaching works This part helps you decide what you want to get out of coaching and how to set yourself up for success Part II: Your Life Coaching Journey Part II takes you on a whistle-stop tour of your natural behaviour preferences, the beliefs you have that can either propel you forward or hold you back, and... right for you, which is a lot better than taking someone else’s answers Many books claim that they can guide you to The Magic Formula for Happiness, Success, and Fulfilment in life, but this book is a little different Here, I guide you to the source of your own magic formula The answers aren’t ‘out there’ – you already have them all and life coaching shows you how and where to find them What Life Coaching. .. Your Coaching Skills More Widely 263 Thinking beyond Self -coaching .263 Are you a natural coach? .264 Developing Key Skills for Coaching Others 266 Hear, hear! The art of listening 266 Building rapport 267 Using Your Skills Ethically .270 Developing a Coaching Role in Your Life .271 Coaching friends and family 271 Building coaching. .. of another human being This chapter explains how coaching can work its magic for you and how it can help you manage the changes in your life, not just right now, but through all of the shifting priorities of your journey A Brief Definition of Life Coaching Here’s my definition of life coaching: A purposeful conversation that inspires you to create the life you want You have conversations all the time... .221 Playing in the Game of Life 224 Benefiting from a playful approach 225 Making the most of your leisure time 226 Getting in Touch with Your Spiritual Side 227 What is spirituality for you? 227 Accessing your spirituality 228 Exploring spirituality through coaching 229 xvi Life Coaching For Dummies Part IV: Creating a Harmonious Whole Life .231 Chapter 16: Achieving... feel a little trapped by circumstances, you can take responsibility for your own attitude towards those barriers You can trust your senses and tap into what helps you make the right choices in the future Chapter 19 can inspire you with more life coaching beliefs Choosing Life Coaching for Long-term Results Plenty of places offer life coaching answers You can attend a training course and come away with... these different areas Part IV: Creating a Harmonious Whole Life Fixing on one bit of anything can sometimes throw the whole system out of balance In this part you examine what balance means to you and how you can work out the best way to find equilibrium in your life 4 Life Coaching For Dummies You can also ponder on how to make a really big life- changing decision safely, if you feel that change is . Life Coaching FOR DUMmIES ‰ by Jeni Mumford Life Coaching For Dummies ® Published by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd The Atrium Southern Gate Chichester West Sussex PO19 8SQ England E-mail (for. 270 Developing a Coaching Role in Your Life 271 Coaching friends and family 271 Building coaching into your job 272 Life Coaching For Dummies xvi Part V: The Part of Tens 275 Chapter 19: Ten Life Coaching. Basics of Life Coaching 7 Chapter 1: Introducing Life Coaching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 A Brief Definition of Life Coaching 9 What Life Coaching Is Not 10 Living Your Ideal Life 11 Getting