cover next page > title: author: publisher: isbn10 | asin: print isbn13: ebook isbn13: language: subject publication date: lcc: ddc: subject: cover next page > < previous page page_i next page > Page i Keys to Your Child's Healthy Sexuality BARRON'S PARENTING KEYS Chrystal de Freitas, M.D., F.A.A.P. < previous page page_i next page > cover next page > title: author: publisher: isbn10 | asin: print isbn13: ebook isbn13: language: subject publication date: lcc: ddc: subject: cover next page > < previous page page_ii next page > Page ii Cover photo © TSM/Roy Morsch © Copyright 1998 by Chrystal de Freitas Illustrations copyright © 1997 by Jaye Schlesinger. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, by photostat, microfilm, xerography, or any other means, or incorporated into any information retrieval system, electronic or mechanical, without the written permission of the copyright owner. All inquiries should be addressed to: Barron's Educational Series, Inc. 250 Wireless Boulevard Hauppauge, New York 11788 http://www.barronseduc.com Library of Congress Catalog Card No.: 97-50485 International Standard Book No. 0-7641-0298-2 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data De Freitas, Chrystal. Keys to your child's healthy sexuality / Chrystal de Freitas. p. cm. (Barron's parenting keys) Includes bibliographical references (p. ) and index. ISBN 0-7641-0298-2 1. Children and sexUnited States. 2. Sex instruction for childrenUnited States. 3. Sex instruction for youth United States. I. Title. II. Series. HQ784.S45D4 1998 649'.65dc21 97-50485 CIP PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 987654321 < previous page page_ii next page > < previous page page_iii next page > Page iii CONTENTS Introduction v Part OneHuman Development 1 Understanding Sexuality 1 2 Secrecy Versus Privacy 5 3 Talking about Sex 9 4 The Need to Know 14 5 Where do babies come from? 17 6 How do babies get out? 21 7 How do babies get in? 24 8 Anatomy 101 29 9 Body Image 35 Part TwoPuberty 10 What Is Normal? 39 11 Breast Development 42 12 Growth Spurt 48 13 Body Odor and Hair 53 14 Acne 57 15 Menstruation 61 16 Erections and Wet Dreams 70 17 Mood Swings 76 18 Sexual Identity and Orientation 79 19 Rites of Passage 83 Part ThreeRelationships 20 Family Relationships 86 21 The Single Father 92 < previous page page_iii next page > < previous page page_iv next page > Page iv 22 The Single Mother 96 23 Friendships, Crushes, and Peer Pressure 100 24 Marriage, Lifetime Commitments, and Divorce 105 25 Love and Affection 109 Part FourPersonal Skills 26 Values and Beliefs 114 27 The Art of Communication 119 28 Decision Making 124 29 Problem Solving 129 Part FiveSexual Behavior 30 Sexual Curiosity 134 31 Abstinence 139 32 Masturbation and Self-Pleasuring 142 Part SixSexual Health 33 Wellness and Disease Prevention 145 34 Contraception and Abortion 149 35 HIV/AIDS and STDs 152 36 Sexual Abuse and Prevention 158 Part SevenSociety and Culture 37 Gender Roles 164 38 Sexuality and the Media 169 39 Parenting: Challenging Responsibility 174 Questions and Answers 179 Glossary 184 Suggested Readings 187 Additional Resources 192 Index 195 < previous page page_iv next page > < previous page page_v next page > Page v INTRODUCTION When should I start talking to my daughter about menstruation? How much information should I provide my preschooler about the conception, growth, and birth of a new sibling? Why does my son think he knows so much about the "birds and the bees" when he is only eight years old? The family-rated television show was loaded with sexual innuendoes. Should I have insisted that we turn it off? How carefully should I monitor my children's entertainment in the future? These are just a few of the common concerns that we parents face as our children interact with a culture that bombards them with sexual messages. Understanding the broader dimensions of sexuality and the roles that family, friends, school, and the media play in influencing children's views of themselves as sexual beings is essential for charting a safe, smooth course through the potential minefields between childhood and adult sexual identity. Many parents wait to address sexual issues until their child enters puberty. Obvious bodily changes in their youngster force some parents to deliver "the talk." Others hope the school will do what they don't want to and are relieved when their child returns home clutching pamphlets handed out during a lecture on sex education. Moreover, most parents have not had much education in the field of human sexuality themselves. They may have vague memories of awkward speeches by one or the other of their parents; the book about human sexuality tucked in the back of the < previous page page_v next page > < previous page page_vi next page > Page vi bookcase; or the week devoted to reproduction in health class. Given this set of circumstances, it is understandable that parents often put off educating their own offspring. Many parents also believe that if they don't talk about sex, their children won't be interested or tempted. But waiting until puberty to approach the topic of sexuality is unwise. Sexuality is an important part of children's lives from the moment they are born and plays an important role throughout their entire lives. Providing children with the information that allows them to make informed choices and be the architects of their own lives is the essence of parenting. Talking about sexuality requires the same communication skills that contribute to all healthy relationships between parents and children. If parents can cultivate open dialogues with their young children as they explore the topics of sexuality together, this same openness will allow parents to offer advice and guidance as their youngsters approach teenage years. However, if parents do not begin the process early, the subject of sexuality will feel less natural for both parents and their children, and everyone involved may be uncomfortable with this new intimacy and with the sheer magnitude of the issues that must be dealt with in a hurry. But keep in mind that starting late is far better than never starting at all. As a pediatrician and mother of three children, I, too, have struggled with communicating "how-to's," with the various versions of the birds-and-the-bees talk, and with the many dimensions of sexuality. The challenge has been difficult. Prior to my oldest daughter's taking a girls' health class at school, I casually inquired about the health curriculum. Her answer disturbed me. The curriculum seemed insufficient to me, and was to be taught by the male gym teacher. Even though he was a nice person, I felt uneasy for my daughter, and I sheepishly volunteered my services. My offer to teach the class was < previous page page_vi next page > [...]... healthy sexuality: All human beings are born with the capacity to experience sexual feelings Children are sexual beings from the moment they are born A healthy sexuality is a vital part of a child's healthy self-esteem Your example as a parent provides a model for the development of your child's sexuality Providing children with information appropriate to their developmental stage is essential to their... role in the development of every human being Understanding sexuality includes understanding how the human body functions and, in particular, how reproduction occurs Sexuality also includes an array of concepts related to human relationships, personal life skills, gender identity, and choices about health issues In addition to teaching their children what they want them to understand about sexuality, ... They may not know exactly what to ask; or, perhaps they sense their parents' hesitance to address questions Both instances may cause the child to turn away from parents when dealing with the topic of sexuality Therefore, it is your responsibility as parents to speak up Do not let your own uneasiness or your child's silence get in the way of introducing the subject Admit to your child that talking about... conveys to children may not be based on values and beliefs that promote healthy adult sexuality So do not hesitate to plunge in and add your own contribution It is never too late to start After all, everyone else is influencing your children; why shouldn't you? You have an obligation to convey your feelings and values As a parent, you are still your child's most important teacher Teaching children about sexuality. .. that you may seize and explore with your child Age-appropriate books or literature about sexuality that conform to your family's values should be available to your children It is acceptable to postpone the answers to questions if you are caught off guard; but don't forget to get back to your child with the answer soon Information about sexuality, just like any other topic, needs repeating One talk is... direct our children's sexual education in order to ensure their healthy growth into adults One of the keys to successful sexual education is to remember that your child's learning is a gradual process Not all the details should be presented at once The accumulation of knowledge and facts should be continuous and must be repeated many times A child's degree of understanding is much simpler and more concrete... of your child's level of development The conciseness of your answers when addressing the first questions about the facts of life should depend upon your assessment of your child's ability to process the information you offer Review the following responses to children's questions about where babies come from and choose the ones you feel most comfortable with Of course, you should feel free to add your. .. addressed calmly, with minimal descriptive detail Simple clarity is important The following brief explanation may help guide you You may use some of it, all of it, or, perhaps you will develop your own version according to your child's level of understanding The uterus, or womb, is like a balloon that can expand to make room for the baby to grow When the baby is ready to come out, the mother's body... grocery store, when in-laws are visiting, or at the pool as your innocent youngster stares at your pregnant friend Depending on family dynamics, a parent may escape this query with: "Go ask your mother"; "You're too young to understand that"; or "I'll explain it to you when you get older." The unspoken message is that the subject of procreation is off-limits, taboo Parents' fears about addressing a child's. .. 1 Understanding Sexuality For many parents, teaching young children about the birds and the bees is the first step toward fulfilling their responsibility to provide sexual education for their offspring Many parents, though, lack a clear understanding of the complexities of the word sexuality, often mistaking it for the word sex Sexuality comprises more than physical sex or gender identification; sexuality . Cataloging-in-Publication Data De Freitas, Chrystal. Keys to your child's healthy sexuality / Chrystal de Freitas. p. cm. (Barron's parenting keys) Includes bibliographical. page page_i next page > Page i Keys to Your Child's Healthy Sexuality BARRON'S PARENTING KEYS Chrystal de Freitas, M.D., F.A.A.P. < previous