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Tiêu đề A Vietnamese-American Cross-Cultural Study of Verbal and Nonverbal Behaviors in Marriage Proposal
Tác giả Nguyễn Thị Thái
Người hướng dẫn Prof. Dr. Nguyễn Quang
Trường học Vietnam National University, Hanoi University of Languages and International Studies
Chuyên ngành English Linguistics
Thể loại M.A. Minor Programme Thesis
Năm xuất bản 2016
Thành phố Hanoi
Định dạng
Số trang 62
Dung lượng 1,56 MB

Cấu trúc

  • CHAPTER I: INTRODUCTION (11)
    • 1.1. Rationale of the study (11)
    • 1.2. Scope of the study (11)
    • 1.3. Aim & objectives of the study (0)
    • 1.4. Significance of the study (13)
    • 1.5. Research methodology (13)
      • 1.5.1 Research questions (13)
      • 1.5.2 Research method (13)
    • 1.6 Design of the study (14)
  • CHAPTER II: LITERATURE REVIEW (15)
    • 2.1. Culture, communication & their relationship (0)
      • 2.1.1. Culture (15)
      • 2.1.2. Communication (16)
      • 2.1.3. Relationships between culture & communication (0)
    • 2.2. Intralanguage, paralanguage & extralanguage (0)
      • 2.2.1. Intralanguage (19)
        • 2.2.1.1. Directness & indirectness (0)
        • 2.2.1.2. Classification of directness & indirectness (0)
      • 2.2.2. Paralanguage (22)
        • 2.2.2.1. Rate (22)
        • 2.2.2.2. Pitch (23)
        • 2.2.2.3. Volume (23)
        • 2.2.2.4. Vocal interference (23)
        • 2.2.2.5. Pauses/silence (23)
      • 2.2.3. Extralanguage (24)
        • 2.2.3.1. Eye contact (24)
        • 2.2.3.2. Gesture (25)
        • 2.2.3.3. Posture (25)
        • 2.2.3.4. Touching (26)
    • 2.3. Marriage proposal (27)
      • 2.3.1 Definition (27)
      • 2.3.2 Marriage proposals in Vietnam & American (0)
    • 2.4 Review of previous studies (28)
  • CHAPTER III: METHODOLOGY (30)
    • 3.1. Selection of subjects (0)
    • 3.2. Research instruments (30)
    • 3.3. Research methods (31)
    • 3.4. Data collection procedures (31)
    • 3.5. Data analysis procedures (31)
  • CHAPTER IV: FINDINGS & DISCUSSIONS (0)
    • 4.1 Intralanguage (33)
      • 4.1.1. Vietnamese findings (33)
      • 4.1.2. American findings (35)
      • 4.1.3. Similarities (36)
      • 4.1.4. Differences (37)
    • 4.2 Paralanguage (38)
      • 4.2.1. Rate (38)
      • 4.2.2. Pitch (39)
      • 4.2.3. Volume (40)
      • 4.2.4. Vocal interference (41)
      • 4.2.5. Pause/silence (0)
    • 4.3. Extralanguage (43)
      • 4.3.1. Eye contact (43)
      • 4.2.2. Gesture (0)
      • 4.2.3. Posture (0)
      • 4.2.4. Touching (0)
  • CHAPTER V: CONCLUSION (53)
    • 5.1. Summary of findings (53)
    • 5.2. Implications (55)
    • 5.3. Limitations of the study (55)
    • 5.4. Suggestions for further study (56)

Nội dung

INTRODUCTION

Rationale of the study

We are living in the age of world integration Besides economy, the integration of culture and language is of great importance Language and culture are believed to be interrelated Culture is different from society to society, even from individual to individual Thus, what is acceptable in one culture may not be accepted in another

Language is also a way to create cultural identity Conversely, culture influences the way in which language is used

Each country takes pride in its own culture, which refers to its own beliefs, values, norms and social practices that the citizens living in that nation must and should follow The case of countries like Vietnam and America is not the exception Thus, when moving to work or live in another country, a person has to flow into the main stream for the feeling of difference and isolation to be eliminated and the advice of studying the target culture carefully before departure to avoid culture shock or clash is highly recommended, which is especially true for any Vietnamese students and teachers wishing to study in America and vice versa

Among various aspects of culture, wedding mostly attracts the attention of young people as one of the most wonderful turning steps in life Whenever wedding is studied, marriage proposal is mentioned also The fact that there has been no in- depth cross-cultural study in this field gives the author the motivation to undertake the research entitled A Vietnamese-American Cross-Cultural Study of Verbal and Nonverbal Behaviors in Marriage Proposal.

Scope of the study

As the title suggests, the thesis focuses on the cross-cultural investigation of Vietnamese and American people in asking for marriage The author realizes that it would be inadequate if the thesis only mentions the verbal message because it does not fully convey cross-cultural differences in marriage proposal Therefore, I decide to study both verbal and nonverbal behavior to have a deeper understanding of these differences

Asking for marriage is common in our life and it is far beyond the scope of the study to discover every factor in a proposal such as gifts accompanied, setting, and context To be more specific, with intralanguage, among the fourteen categorical dimensions in communication as “subjectivity vs objectivity”, “accuracy vs inaccuracy” or “positive politeness vs negative politeness”, directness vs indirectness would be taken as one of the major dimensions and it appears almost ubiquitous in communication With paralanguage, the author wishes to analyze rate, pitch, volume, vocal interference and pauses/silence because these are considered to be the closest factors to language Similarly, covering all elements of extralanguage seems to be impossible Hence, the research is intended to explore only body language with the expressions of: eye contact, gesture , posture and touching behaviors

Apparently, an ethnographic research would be ideal However, due to the time constraint, experience and reference shortage, the data will be collected mostly through video clips Other methods of data collections (such as survey questionnaires, audio taping or videotaping) are not employed either

1.3 Aims and objectives of the study

In the light of cross-cultural pragmatics, this study aims at comparing and contrasting verbal and nonverbal expressions used in marriage proposal by the American and Vietnamese in the selected movie clips

The research is undertaken to target the following objectives:

 To investigate how the Vietnamese and American perform marriage proposal in terms of verbal and non-verbal behavior

 To find out major similarities and differences between the Vietnamese and the American in the ways they convey verbal and non-verbal messages in marriage proposal

This study contributes to Vietnamese – American cross – cultural awareness More specifically, the results of the research are believed to help people better understand the common practices of marriage proposal in the Vietnamese and American cultures

There are 2 questions that the study attempts to answer:

 What strategies and nonverbal behaviors are used in marriage proposal by the Vietnamese and American?

 What are major similarities and differences between the Vietnamese and American in the way they convey verbal and non-verbal messages in marriage proposal?

In order to achieve the objectives of a cross-cultural study mentioned above, the method to be employed is quantitative Besides, contrastive analysis is used The research instruments are movie clips taken from YouTube or the Internet

The approach to video materials collection and exploration hopefully provides reliable intralinguistic illustrations and valid data for research Its combination of visual and audio stimuli supports the researcher not only to benefit real verbal communication, real dialogue with stress, intonation, rhythm of language but also to witness non-verbal behavior like facial expressions, body movements, postures, and gestures Additionally, using videos is a method of collecting data that is easy to carryout and save researcher‟s time

Selected videos will be representative of some population and the researcher directly watches and analyzes them That is why video clips are chosen for this cross – cultural study

The thesis consists of the following chapters:

Chapter I: INTRODUCTION This chapter includes the rationale, aims, objectives and scope of the study

Such key concepts as culture, communication, marriage proposal, directness, and indirectness strategies in asking for marriage, paralanguage factors as rate, pitch, pauses and body language as posture, kissing, touching are critically discussed

Also, a review of related studies will be presented

This chapter provides methods, instruments and procedures for collecting and analyzing data

Chapter IV: FINDINGS AND DISCUSSIONS

This chapter presents the findings of the study, and discusses the ways the Vietnamese & English perform marriage proposal as well as the similarities and differences when performing marriage proposal

Chapter V: CONCLUSION: The conclusion gives the summary of findings as well as the limitations of the study and suggestions for further research.

Significance of the study

This study contributes to Vietnamese – American cross – cultural awareness More specifically, the results of the research are believed to help people better understand the common practices of marriage proposal in the Vietnamese and American cultures.

Research methodology

There are 2 questions that the study attempts to answer:

 What strategies and nonverbal behaviors are used in marriage proposal by the Vietnamese and American?

 What are major similarities and differences between the Vietnamese and American in the way they convey verbal and non-verbal messages in marriage proposal?

In order to achieve the objectives of a cross-cultural study mentioned above, the method to be employed is quantitative Besides, contrastive analysis is used The research instruments are movie clips taken from YouTube or the Internet

The approach to video materials collection and exploration hopefully provides reliable intralinguistic illustrations and valid data for research Its combination of visual and audio stimuli supports the researcher not only to benefit real verbal communication, real dialogue with stress, intonation, rhythm of language but also to witness non-verbal behavior like facial expressions, body movements, postures, and gestures Additionally, using videos is a method of collecting data that is easy to carryout and save researcher‟s time

Selected videos will be representative of some population and the researcher directly watches and analyzes them That is why video clips are chosen for this cross – cultural study.

Design of the study

The thesis consists of the following chapters:

Chapter I: INTRODUCTION This chapter includes the rationale, aims, objectives and scope of the study

Such key concepts as culture, communication, marriage proposal, directness, and indirectness strategies in asking for marriage, paralanguage factors as rate, pitch, pauses and body language as posture, kissing, touching are critically discussed

Also, a review of related studies will be presented

This chapter provides methods, instruments and procedures for collecting and analyzing data

Chapter IV: FINDINGS AND DISCUSSIONS

This chapter presents the findings of the study, and discusses the ways the Vietnamese & English perform marriage proposal as well as the similarities and differences when performing marriage proposal

Chapter V: CONCLUSION: The conclusion gives the summary of findings as well as the limitations of the study and suggestions for further research.

LITERATURE REVIEW

Intralanguage, paralanguage & extralanguage

Intralanguage is employed for the expression of verbal behaviors Paralanguage and extralanguage are employed for the expression of nonverbal behaviors

In respect of cross-cultural pragmatics, verbal communication which can be realized by intralanguage can find its expressions in 14 categorical dimensions; for example: subjectivity vs objectivity, accuracy vs inaccuracy, self-abasement vs self-assertion, formality vs informality, politeness vs impoliteness, etc Among them, directness vs indirectness is one of the major categorical dimensions which the author will go deep into the study This is because this dimension appears almost ubiquitous in human communication generally and in marriage proposal particularly

2.2.1.1 Directness and indirectness in intralanguage

Directness in speech and writing is the state or quality of being straightforward and concise: stating a main point early and clearly without embellishments or digressions (Oxford Learner‟s dictionary, 2009: 568) Another definition from Cambridge Learner‟s Dictionary (Cambridge Learner‟s Dictionary, 2008: 598) similarly states that directness is the quality of being clear and honest in your speech or behavior It means that people are more likely to say or to write exactly what they are thinking Let‟s consider the following examples:

Man: “Baby, I want to marry you” It is apparent that the man directly proposes to his partner Or:

Man: “Will you marry me?”

Both participants in the above conversation employ direct strategies in offering and responding to marriage proposal The speaker and the listener immediately put the purpose of their conversation at the initial stage

Indirectness is defined as the means through which one meaning is conveyed indirectly through verbal or nonverbal behaviors to achieve a certain goal or the means in which one‟s intent is revealed in a roundabout way (Zhang and you, 2009:

99) In a simple term, people do not exactly say what they mean or mean exactly what they say People are more likely to suggest or imply than to come out and say what they think For instance:

+ Vietnamese: in proposing a girl, a man says“Đến đây mận mới hỏi đào, vườn hồng đã có ai vào hay chưa? (Here I ask you: has anyone come to rose garden?)

And the girl replies“vườn hồng có lối nhưng chưa ai vào” (If you ask, my reply is: there is a path in rose garden, however, no one has come yet)

+ English: “Every time our eyes meet, the feeling inside me is almost more than I can take Baby, when you touch me, I can feel how much you love me And it just blows me away I am so in love with you I want to spend the rest of my life with you, forever and ever…please, go to the church where we will become one”

Or “I am so fortunate and blessed to know and love you I would love to have you with me for the rest of my life.”

2.2.1.2 Classification of directness and indirectness strategies in intralanguage

Directness strategies (DSs) fall into 3 types as follows:

Single directness (SD) is one single utterance which goes straight to the point.An illustration of this is the conventional proposal mostly used by the American“will you marry me?” or its equivalent in Vietnamese“Em đồng ý lấy/cưới anh nhé”

Another direct expression also preferred in marriage engagement is “let’s get married”, or “chúng mình cưới nhau đi em”

Compound directness (CD) is the combination of two or more utterances which go straight to the point For instance “I want to propose you today Will you marry me?” or “Anh cầu hôn em nhé, em đồng ý làm vợ a chứ?” The combination of two direct utterances seems to make the proposal more effective and successful

Directness + Indirectness (D+I) is the combination of two or more utterances in which the first one(s) is/are direct and the second one(s) is/are indirect

Let‟s consider the example: “Will you marry me? Will you make me the happiest man in the world?” or “Mình cưới nhau đi em Anh muốn sống bên em trọn đời.”

(Let’s get married I want to live with you forever)

Indirectness strategies are grouped into 3 types:

Single indirectness (SI) is one single utterance which goes indirectly to the point

Following the examples of this type:

+ English:“I would love to spend the rest of my life with you”, “Can we start a family”, “Can I slip the ring on your finger?”

+Vietnamese:“anh đưa bố mẹ sang nhà em nói chuyện của chúng mình nhé”(I will take my parents to your home and talk about our love),“Em à, anh muốn mỗi sáng thức dậy đều có em ở bên” (Baby, I want to wake up with you every morning)

Compound indirectness (CI) is the combination of two or more utterances which indirectly target the point Such American expressions as “I can hardly wait for the day at the church Can I slip the ring on your finger?”, “We have spent sweet time and memories together I want to make you happy for the rest of your life” or

Vietnamese expressions as “Em à, chúng ta đã trải qua rất nhiều kỷ niệm vui buồn bên nhau Em đồng ý sẽ cùng anh đi đến cuối con đường chứ?” (Darling, we have experienced sad and happy memories together Do you agree to go with me to the end of the road?), “Anh đã mơ về ngôi nhà hạnh phúc và những đứa trẻ Và bây giờ anh muốn em chính là chủ ngôi nhà hạnh phúc đó Em đồng ý nhé” (I always dream of a happy house with lovely children And now I want you to be the owner of that house Please agree) are taken as examples of CI strategy

Indirectness + Directness (I+D) is the combination of two or more utterances in which the first one(s) is/are indirect and the second one(s) is/are direct This seems to be a common strategy which is often considered as Oriental communication style and the Vietnamese is no exception For example, “Đã bao lần anh muốn nói với em điều này, anh yêu em, anh không thể tưởng tượng được cuộc sống của anh sẽ như thế nào nếu thiếu em Em đồng ý làm vợ a nhé”, (I want to talk with you many times about this I love you I can’t imagine how my life is without you Be my wife please) or “Anh thấy mình là người đàn ông may mắn khi được gặp và yêu em

Mình cưới nhau em nhé” (I know how lucky I am when I meet and love you Let’s get married) However, it is not rarely found in the American context, for example:

“We’ve been in love for a long time and partly understood each other I just have a question to ask you: Will you marry me?” or “Do you know what my dream is? To be with you for the rest of my life So let’s get married.”

The vocal cues accompanying spoken language are termed “paralanguage”

Paralanguage includes rate, pitch, volume, vocal quality, types of vocal flow, etc

However, the study only focuses on the followings:

Marriage proposal

Marriage proposal is an event where one person in a relationship asks for the other‟s hand in marriage If accepted, it marks the initiation of engagement; a mutual promise of later marriage or in a simple way, marriage proposal is the act of asking someone for marriage (Robnett, 2009: 16)

2.3.2 Marriage proposals in Vietnam and America

It is observed that American men traditionally propose their partners on bended knee before the wedding Also, it is not strange to catch such proposing scenes of Vietnamese couples nowadays in spite of the fact that it is regarded as a new trend

Thanks to information boom, a number of young men in Vietnam has astonished and deeply moved their girlfriends and intrigued local citizens by expressing their wishes of marriage to their partners in dramatically, painstakingly staged setting in recent years

In the light of cross-cultural communication, offering marriage proposal together group to social group, from person to person The manifestations of difference may be found in the proposer, the frequency, the context, the setting, the strategies, the object language of marriage proposal and so forth For instance, in American culture, both men and women could equally offer marriage proposal to his/her partner However, in Vietnamese culture, when asking for the partner‟s hand in marriage, Vietnamese men must be the first to pop the question, or in other words, he offers a marriage proposal to his partner, it is not the women who will ask the question Hence, female proposer can be accepted in the US meanwhile it is difficult to be accepted in Vietnam

In terms of context, the proposal of marriage can be performed anywhere and at anytime by the American Inversely, the Vietnamese believe marriage proposal as private moments and it should be performed in private places between two people or only among family members

Furthermore, the differences between the communication styles embedded in the two cultures is apparent According to Kaplan (1972), Anglo-Saxon discourse structure is straightforward while the Oriental one is roundabout Marriage proposal is no exception The direct proposal of “will you marry me?” is stereotypically thought to be commonly used by the American while the same style is widely believed to be too abrupt by many Vietnamese.

Review of previous studies

Not much research on marriage proposal has been conducted despite the fact that they are a common practice in many societies Some studies have been carried out on marriage in general and in marriage proposal in particular Winter (2013) conducts a survey of 2,000 unmarried women to investigate expected time, place, ring and ways of marriage proposals The researcher finds that the proposal is expected to be made approximately three years into a relationship after the couples have been living together for a while and after a number of discussions about marriage Besides, the majority of the girls are still in favor of bended knee proposals in private places with diamond engagement rings

With different concern, Robnett (2009) surveys 136 young adults and 277 undergraduates aged 17-26 to find out the answer to the question “Would women rather pop the question?” His study focuses on the preference of men or women role in marriage proposal The findings are reported that a substantial majority believes strongly that the man in relationship should propose marriage and the woman should take her husband‟s name Similarly, young adults find strong preferences for traditional marriage proposals

Besides, Hoplock (2015) from Victoria University touches upon another point of marriage In her PhD research, she surveys 200 successful proposals and 200 declined ones to explain what she has discovered so far in her investigation into why some marriage proposals are accepted and others get turned down The reasons for accepted proposals are explainable but the main reason for proposal rejection is the couples dated for a short time or proposal appearing in improper moment

In the Vietnamese context, the study of Le Thi Thanh Cam (2013) titled “A Vietnamese-American cross-cultural study on culture shocks in intermarriage” is conducted to explore the common types as well as the reasons for culture shocks in intermarriage In addition, the research conducted by Ho Thi Phuong Lan (2004)

“An English-Vietnamese cross-cultural study on offering a marriage proposal” should be mentioned By using survey questionnaires, she investigates the way Vietnamese and English informants verbally propose their partners and come up with major differences between the two groups

In this thesis, the author attempts to bring a broader view of marriage proposal not only in terms of verbal behaviors but also nonverbal behaviors through film clips on Youtube.

METHODOLOGY

Research instruments

Movie clips containing settings where people offered marriage proposals are sought and saved for analysis Because this study focuses on investigating verbal and nonverbal behavior of the Vietnamese and American in marriage proposals, clips on

Youtube with the demonstration of both verbal and nonverbal messages are chosen as the subjects for data collection and analysis.

Research methods

To conduct the study, both quantitative and qualitative methods are resorted to

Quantitative research refers to the systematic empirical investigation of quantitative properties and phenomena and their relationships The process of measurement is central to quantitative research because it provides the fundamental connection between empirical observation and mathematical expression of quantitative relationships.

Data collection procedures

The data collection procedure is divided into two phases:

This phase concentrates mainly on collecting clips of American proposal and Vietnamese proposals More specifically, the researcher spends time surfing, finding and watching many clips before selecting 35 clips of each version

The researcher watches and takes notes of the transcripts of all proposals (70 American and Vietnamese clips) Afterwards, she indentifies strategies of directness/indirectness as well as nonverbal behaviors in each proposing scene

Simultaneously, examples of each verbal strategy and nonverbal expression are noted down to exemplify the researcher‟s later analysis.

Data analysis procedures

First, the verbal data are transcribed, interpreted and sorted out into types of direct and indirect strategies and nonverbal data are observed and categorized into types as well

Secondly, the researcher calculates the frequency of Vietnamese and American verbal and nonverbal behaviors This step is followed by converting the frequency into the percentile forms for comparison

Finally, the researcher compares the frequencies of strategies and behaviors used by Vietnamese and American men The collected data will be analyzed by comparing and contrasting the similarities and differences in the ways the Vietnamese and American perform marriage proposals.

FINDINGS & DISCUSSIONS

Intralanguage

Table 1: Strategies applied in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & American

As can be seen from the table, 62.8% the Vietnamese prefer using I+D strategy when offering wedding proposal to their partners The percentage can be a surprise for those who remain the thought that Vietnamese people are indirect in almost all situations The Vietnamese now have dramatic changes to catch up with rapid changes of society They not only keep Vietnamese conventional indirectness in such a subtle situation but also know how to combine new things from Western cultures – directness to make their conversations easier, more interesting and more successful Typical I+D proposals which Vietnamese men often send to their partners are:

“Chúng mình yêu nhau cũng được thời gian khá lâu rồi và cũng trải qua rất nhiều cung bậc cảm xúc, vui, buồn, chia tay nhưng hai đứa mình đã vượt qua tất cả Anh mong noel năm nay và những noel năm sau chúng mình sẽ mãi bên nhau Em có đồng ý làm vợ anh không? (We have been in love for a long time and experienced happiness, sadness, separation However, we finally overcome I hope we will be together not only this Christmas season but also following seasons Will you be my wife?) (Proposal of Thai Nguyen boy)

“Anh đã từng quay rất nhiều clip cầu hôn cho mọi người, nhìn thấy mọi người hạnh phúc anh rất vui Hôm nay anh muốn làm cho em hạnh phúc Làm vợ anh nha”(I used to record proposing clips for many couples Seeing people happy makes me excited Today I want to make you happy Be my wife please!) (Clip of a boy proposing a girl studying oversea)

“Anh luôn mơ về ngôi nhà hạnh phúc và những đứa trẻ và anh muốn em sẽ làm chủ ngôi nhà và những đứa trẻ đó Có một điều anh muốn nói với em từ rất lâu rồi, ngày hôm nay, giây phút này, anh cảm thấy thích hợp nhất và điều anh muốn nói với em là will you marry me? Em đồng ý chứ?.(I always dream of a happy house with children and I want you to be the owner of that house There is one thing I want to talk with you, toda, at this moment, I think it is the most suitable moment and what I want to talk with you is will you marry me?) (Proposal of Anh Dac &

“Nga, anh yêu em, hãy cùng anh đi đến cuối cuộc đời này Đồng ý lấy anh nhé”

(Nga, I love you Please go with me to the end of this life Will you marry me?)

The situation seems to be tender that one-fourth of the Vietnamese (25.7%) think it is better to be straightforward to pop an important question to their partner like “Em đồng ý làm vợ anh nhé”(Please agree to be my wife), “làm vợ anh nha” (Please be my wife),“em sẽ làm vợ của anh chứ?” (Will you be my wife?),“đồng ý lấy anh nhé” or “em cưới anh nhé” (Will you marry me?) Even the American most popular direct words “will you marry me?” are preferred to be included in Vietnamese proposals by some couples In fact, only by such a short or simple but meaningful sentence, a lot of Vietnamese men could bring surprise and make a strong impression on the girls they love so that the girls certainly cannot help accepting their proposals

The percentage of the Vietnamese applying D+ID and CD strategies are equal and at a lower rate, it only accounts for 6.6% This data can be interpreted that Vietnamese people do not prefer directness strategy in marriage proposal for its risky may cause to the proposed girls The author‟s favorite sayings of these types are “Hôm nay anh kêu tất cả anh em đến đây, muốn mọi người chứng kiến ở đây là anh sẽ cầu hôn em Em có muốn sẽ là người ngồi sau xe anh trong suốt hành trình còn lại không? (Today I ask everybody here to witness that I will propose you Do you want to sit with me during the rest of the race?) (D+I proposal of a Sai Gon biker) and “Anh nợ em một cuộc cầu hôn Và đây là tất cả những gì tấm lòng của anh, bạn bè của anh, đam mê của anh Làm vợ anh nha?” (I owe you a marriage proposal And this is all my heart, my friends, my passion Please be my wife?) (CD proposal at Nguyen Du Galaxy)

The table reveals that like the Vietnamese, a great number of the American choose to be indirect before giving the direct important question (65.7 %) They find the combination between ID and D most effective to use in such romantic and moving moment as the proposal of Justin and Emily:

“Emily, I want to spend my life with you I’ve never met anybody who inspires me more to be the better human beings, to be a better of mine I want to make you happy with the rest of my life….Would you let me take care of you for the rest of your life? Would you let me? Could we start a family? Will you marry me?”

Or “I’ve been waiting so much time for this I don’t know much to say You’re beautiful forever Will you marry me?” (Proposal at Time Square NY)

Or “Do you know what my dream is? To be with you for the rest of my life So let’s get married Kristen, will you marry me? (Proposal of Kristen & Jack)

Or “I love you, and I want nothing more than you to be my wife and spend the rest of my life together and I’m James Smith Will you marry me?” (Proposal of James and Emy)

The data also reveals the prevailing dominance of I+D over other strategies CD (22.8%) or SD (11.4%) The four conventional words “will you marry me?” are still uttered alone or in the line with other direct utterance but not frequently

Although their utterances are combined, they are still considered CD strategy

“Honey, I want it to be special, I want it to be big, I want it to be the best idea because it is the hardest moment for me and I don’t want it come late, I’m ready I will love you forever Will you marry me?”

Obviously, this proves that the American are not always traditionally direct in communication Instead, I+D strategy is highly appreciated and considered to be the perfect choice that leads to safety and success for their proposals and future weddings

An easily found point, according to the data from the above table, is the percentage of combination of indirectness and directness strategy employed by the Vietnamese and American They are almost the same (62.8 % and 65.7%) Blatantly, these informants prefer I+D to SD or SI or other types It is simply reasoned by the fact that making proposal is not easy; even it is considered to be the most important event and the hardest moment in life with many people including the Vietnamese and the American Therefore, they had better be roundabout first before popping a direct question to their partners and there seems to be no strategy more convenient than this one No matter how strong the feelings towards the hearer are, the speaker is smart enough either to take the hearer back to their sweet memory in the past or to appreciate her beauty, her personality or thank her for coming into his life or things of that kind and properly offer a marriage proposal afterwards

Besides, both the Vietnamese and American choose two other ways to propose their girlfriends: SD and CD (Vietnamese: 25.7% for SD and 6.6 % for CD, American:

11.4% for SD and 22.8 % for CD) However, the table shows the percentage of people using these two strategies is still a smaller number in comparison with I+D

One more noteworthy point is that neither the Vietnamese nor American chooses SI and CI as their strategies in offering marriage proposals for their convenience it may cause to their partners `

Paralanguage

Table 2: Rate used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & the American

Statistics from the above table prove that it can be true of both of the cultures – the Vietnamese and American in marriage proposals when the speaker wants to declare his wish of marriage proposal to the hearer, there is no more suitable speed rather than medium one That is the explanation for the Vietnamese and the American value which equally reaches a highly unbelievable percentage 97.1%

Nevertheless, there remains only a small proportion of Vietnamese people perform their proposal with a fast speed (2.9%) A fast speech rate with few pauses can affect the listener‟s potential to understand the information transferred Various reasons could be given to explain for their usage, that the speaker‟s speaking habit or the first time being in such a subtle situation or the embarrassed or emotional feelings results in the difficulty for them to control their speech rate Conversely, American people are not fast speakers in proposing to their partners (0%) It is understood that however passionate the speakers feels for the one with whom they fall in love, they are still tentative in their utterances

Alternatively, the percentage of the American favors slow rate is the same as the fast one in Vietnamese data The number 2.9% illustrates the fact that in contrary to their flexibility every day, few American men do feel embarrassed or too emotional or worried or do not know how to express their wishes of proposals to their partners Meanwhile, no Vietnamese man perform marriage proposal with a slow speed

As a conclusion, both the Vietnamese and American are likely to keep medium speed when declaring wedding proposals Nonetheless, they may encounter difficulties to express gold words in such life‟s turning – step event whoever the Vietnamese or American they are and then fast or slow rate would be decided accordingly

Table 3: Pitch used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & the American

The calculation reveals that people from two countries share the similarities of high percentage in using medium pitch when expressing their desires to make proposals to their partners (97.1% of Vietnamese and 91.4% of American) From this data, it is clear that more Vietnamese people utter their proposals at a medium tone than the

American Meanwhile, the American use low pitch slightly more than the Vietnamese However, the number only accounts for 8.6% of Americans and 2.8% of the Vietnamese and this does not show a big difference Predictably, high pitch is not the right choice for both the Vietnamese and the American due to its impropriety It is believed that pitch is also a factor which plays an important role in the success of conversation and even can cause negative effect to the hearers if its correct types are not selected by the speakers Particularly in important event, pitch may also be raised when speakers are nervous, but pitch may be lowered when they are trying to be forceful Therefore, when offering marriage proposal, the man will certainly prefer using medium tone to show his confidence or bring safety and reliability to his woman

Table 4: Volume used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & American

The table highlights the prevailing Vietnamese choice of medium volume It accounts for a large scale 97.1% It is not a surprising number because volume is a great initial indicator of interest and a clear enough volume must be necessary for the speaker to propose and for the listener to find it easy to receive that meaningful proposals On the other hand, for some gentle men and tender women, dulcet voices are favored to make the proposals more melodious and engaging although the rate just reaches 2.8%

Similarly, there is a common tendency of the American using medium volume at a fairly high rate 85.7% However, soft volume is chosen by only 14.3% of American men

In short, it is not difficult to realize the similarities and differences between two cultures in using volume They both share the same trend in choosing medium level of volume when sending proposals to partners and show no interest in using loud one Nevertheless, it is evident that the higher frequency of the choice of medium volume is found in the Vietnamese than that in the American The disparity is about 12% Compensating to this, the American is discovered to use soft voice with higher percentages (14.3%) than the Vietnamese (2.8%)

Table 5: Vocal interference used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & the American

The above table tells us about how frequently the vocal interference is used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese and the American Notice could be taken of the data that there is not much vocal interference used in proposing utterance of both cultures The percentage of Vietnamese people having interference factors only occupies 22.8% A nearly similar number goes to the American with 31.3% In addition, when their utterance is interrupted by vocal interference, they are observed to express embarrassment and emotion but without any hesitation It is not difficult to understand the truth that they have found the perfect partner, chosen the right moment and with their thorough preparation they do not hesitate any more to pop the question; consequently, emotional feelings come naturally despite the presence of vocal interference “Well, you know, you see, uh – uh, um, and” are common vocal interference prefer using by American and “ừ, à, thì, um” are observed in selected Vietnamese video clips

Particularly, the table provides the same percentage of the Vietnamese feel embarrassed and emotional (11.4%) while the American are more emotional than embarrassed in romantic proposing moment Only 2.85% among them finds embarrassed in front of their partner but the number of the people showing emotional tenfold outweighs with 28.5%

Table 6: Pauses/silence used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese &

The table shows an overview of pauses and silence in proposal utterance in Vietnamese and American video clips To the author‟s astonishment, Vietnamese people use not only short pauses but also long one in declaring wishes to marry their partner The calculation provides a fact that short pauses are recorded in Vietnamese clips with higher rate 37.1% than other options It is clearly seen that long pause only covers a small scale 2.85% Moreover, no situation was found where the Vietnamese remain silence in proposing This is simply explained that short pause often occurs when the speakers do not acknowledge which following words should be spoken out and feel emotional or embarrassed during important moment of life while the appearance of long pause may reduce the hearers‟ attractiveness and lead to failure of the proposals

Comparing the flow of conversation between the two cultures, the American clips bring different results Amazingly, the proportion of short pauses occupies up to 45.7% Another worthy point is that, long pause and silence do not actually occur in their proposing speech This is a striking difference in comparison with Vietnamese clips.

Extralanguage

Table7: Eye contact used in marriage proposals in the Vietnamese & American

Direct eye contacts of Dac & Phuong Direct eye contact of Justin & Emily

The results of the observation are different as they do go against views found in the previous one by other researchers Like other Asian countries, in the Vietnamese

“eye contact culture”, people are traditionally uncomfortable with direct eye contact People of Vietnam tend to look just below the chin during conversation; they feel that keeping direct eye contact during conversation show unrespect and would feel that continuing this way may make them truly embarrassed or unconfident However, “the eye contact culture” Vietnamese people use when proposing to partners is out of tradition They are in favor of direct eye contact with a high percentage 94.2% They associate this direct eye contact with showing interest, assertiveness, honesty and loyalty to their partners Besides, some of them often may look away or look around to avoid embarrassed or unconfident feelings when uttering important words to partners, they prefer maintaining indirect + direct eye contact rather than only indirect eye contact

Likewise, direct eye contact to American people always plays an important role in expressing their wishes to have wedding with partners Nonverbal messages in marriage proposals conveyed by direct eye contact in the US culture are attentiveness, respect, truthfulness and self – confidence Those are the explanation for the absence of indirect or indirect + direct combined eye contact while 100% of

US population having direct eye contact in their unforgettable proposals

In summary, the statistic suggests that both the Vietnamese and the American take full advantages of direct eye contact in sending proposals to partners; thus it is preferred using with remarkably high frequency It is also worth of note that people of the two cultures do not prefer single indirect eye contact for their unbenifits

With regard to oculesics, preliminary research indicates that the Vietnamese still use little direct eye contact in marriage proposals than the American (94.2% for the Vietnamese, absolutely 100% for the American) and remain indirect +direct eye contact culture with 5.71% while this does not appear in American data

Table 8: Gestures used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & American

It is evident from the table that in marriage proposals, the Vietnamese do not use much hand gestures While hand gesture used by nearly one – fifth (17.1%) of Vietnamese people in offering marriage proposals, it is a much bigger percentage to head gesture – up to 62.8% Conversely, the percentages of Vietnamese people who never use these gestures reach 82.9% - 37.2%

On the other hand, it is picked from the data the same amount of hand and head movement in 35 American clips The frequent use of hand and head gesture when proposing marriage proposals of American people accounts for 22.8% and 51.4% respectively Hand movement is often used by the American than the Vietnamese while the frequency of head gesture is lower than that of the Vietnamese

Table 9: Types of hand & head gestures used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & American

Proposal of Vietnamese biker to his girl Proposal of Van Phuong & Lan Anh

More particularly, when using hand movement to send proposal messages to partners, the Vietnamese usually open their palm instead of pointing fingers or squeezing thumb in order to show their truthfulness, belief or confidence (as singer Tungmin & his girl or in proposal clip of Van Phuong & Lan Anh) or to make their partners understand more about their dream, love or plan in the future and so forth

The gesture covers 11.4% while pointing finger only accounts for 5.7% and no man has thumbed squeezing against fingertips or thumb up gesture This is explained by the Vietnamese belief that pointing fingers to other people or something is often considered to be rude or less polite while opening palm suggests the speaker‟s openness or truthfulness

Opening palm at Proposal at Time Square Opening palm at proposal of a biker

As can be seen, the common hand gestures of Vietnamese and American informants when showing proposals are different While the most common hand gesture of Vietnamese is opening palm, the most popular ones of American are both opening palm and pointing fingers which both account for 8.57% (as in proposal of John &

Emily at Time Square or proposal of Ashley & David at Water Resource University, etc.) This is mainly reasoned that hand movements in Western countries like the US are frequently used to enhance the size of the speakers, to intimidate the listeners or to power the speakers especially in important moments

Pointing finger at university proposal Squeezing thumb against fingertips – proposal in the park

Moreover, not only palm opening and finger pointing gestures are used when proposing, the American sometimes squeeze thumb against fingertips to emphasize what they wish to tell or give the partner the impression that they seem to be goal- oriented or focus on the important words to their partners like the proposal in the park Nevertheless, there is only a small figure of 5.71% of the American having this gesture

Comparing the two cultures, the differences in using hand gestures are rather striking Besides, two countries share the similarities of high percentages in using head gestures when declaring wish to have happy ending

Head-up in Kien & Huyen’s proposal

American weatherman head up to propose

The man tilts his head when proposing

Notice should be taken of the fact that it is the head up gesture that covers the most of the percentage The table reveals the highest rate 54.2% of the Vietnamese and at the same time highlights the biggest amount of American people (45.7%) up their head when proposing (as the weather man proposes his girl in the picture)

It is not difficult to understand these rates because the speakers often have formal postures as getting on one knees to propose; thus they should move their head up accompanying with direct eyes to catch up and give full attention to the listeners

Besides, the data shows that there are other head gestures which are often used in small percentage rate either in Vietnam and the US as head shake, head tilt with 2.85% in Vietnam and 5.71% in the US

In terms of head movement, a little attention goes to head down gesture (5.71%)

Some Vietnamese men lower heads in front of their girls in proposing moment when they may feel uneasy or they may want to show their truthfulness

Meanwhile, American people do not prefer head down at proposing time as it is often regarded as their insecurity or uncertain

Table 10: Postures used in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese & American

American Bended knee when proposing Vietnamese man bends on one knee

CONCLUSION

Summary of findings

The principal goal of the study is to investigate how the Vietnamese and American perform marriage proposals Moreover, the study merely aims at comparing and contrasting verbal and nonverbal expressions used in marriage proposal by the Vietnamese and American The major findings would be recapitulated and subsumed under the two questions

For the first question, the Vietnamese and American perform marriage proposal through verbal and nonverbal expression These expressions are realized by means of intralanguage, paralanguage and extralanguage These expressions can be listed as follow

In terms of intralanguage, SD, CD, SI, CI, I+D, D+I are all employed in marriage proposals by the Vietnamese and American Among those, I+D is most frequently used by both the Vietnamese and American

In terms of paralanguage, the Vietnamese and American propose to their partners through: rate, pitch, volume, vocal interferences and pauses/silence

In terms of extralanguage, eye contact, gesture, posture and touching behaviors including holding hand, hugging, kissing are all applied by the Vietnamese and the American The most commonly used behaviors are holding hand, hugging, kissing by the American

For the second question, the similarities and differences are summarized as below

Initially, the similarities between two cultures are apparent in the ways proposers resort to I+D strategy to propose their partners successfully This is the most common strategy the Vietnamese and American employ by appreciating the girls

„beauty, reminding the girls of sweet memories or thanking them of coming into the men‟s life before popping a direct important question “Will you marry me?”

Furthermore, they also share the same percentage for CD and SD One more noteworthy point, SD and CI are not preferred strategies of informants from both cultures

Regarding differences, the American employ more I+D and CD more than the Vietnamese Also, they tend to employ less SD than the Vietnamese An emphatic difference is the absence of D+I strategy in American‟s proposals while there is still a small number of the Vietnamese believe it as the right way to ask their partners It seems that both the Vietnamese and American prefer going in a roundabout way before giving a direct proposal However, the American are generally more direct than the Vietnamese

Paralinguistic factors are a vital part for the success of a marriage proposal It is observed that medium level of paralinguistic factors in marriage proposals are most preferred to make their partners comfortable, happy and moved Thus, there is no better way than the proposers from both cultures convey the proposal at a medium rate, pitch, volume and short pause with little vocal interference Another fact worth noticing is that in such romantic moment, the Vietnamese often feel more embarrassed with long pauses while the American hardly make any long pause and only feel more emotional when standing in front of their partners

This study reveals that in marriage proposal, the Vietnamese and American have the same practice in four aspects: eye contact, posture, gesture and touching

Particularly, direct eye contact, hand gesture, formal posture, kissing, hugging and holding hands are of high preference among both Especially, the distinction can be seen through the maximum use of eye contact, posture and touching of the

American During proposing time, the American take more advantage of direct eye contact, formal posture and touching behaviors than the Vietnamese In contrast, the Vietnamese talks with their hands more often than the American.

Implications

In the first place, the findings not only shows major similarities and differences between the Vietnamese and American in terms of offering marriage proposal verbally and nonverbally but also raise cross-cultural awareness of marriage proposal

Apart from verbal code, the study lays strong emphasis on the vital role of nonverbal cues in communication This is hopefully for language teachers and students to improve their intercultural competence.

Limitations of the study

Despite great efforts of the researcher limitations are inevitable

- First, the research findings are based on 70 movie clips taken from the Internet (YouTube) without the author‟s observation The behaviors from a small number of people may not be totally typical for all people from two target cultures

- Secondly, the interpretation of messages or meanings of some nonverbal cues is based on the researcher‟s subjective opinion and knowledge which may lead to some conflict in opinion

- Finally, in this analysis, the author only covers some aspects of communication

Regarding verbal messages, only dimension of indirectness is brought under investigation while others (formality – informality, positive politeness – negative politeness, etc) are ignored In respect to nonverbal messages, other factors such as types of vocal flow (in paralanguage), object language and environmental language (in extralanguage) are not touched upon.

Suggestions for further study

It is suggested that the following aspects in marriage proposal will be further studied:

- Positive politeness - Negative politeness in offering a marriage proposal

- Object language (wedding rings, clothes, flowers, hat, tie) in offering a marriage proposal

- Environmental language (setting, color, environment, space) in offering a marriage proposal

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