MY WIFE GETS HOME EACH NIGHT AND GREETS ME WITH A KISS— an innocent gesture that I know is merely a breath test in disguise I notice her taking a short, sharp inhale as her nose gets close to my face, searching for a whiff of that unmistakable perfume, that salty aroma of deceit and disloyalty I try to hold my breath, but it’s too late She confronts me: “You’ve been cooking burgers again, haven’t you?” Some would call my love of burgers an obsession Others, a mental illness (hello, Mom), and still others—namely, my wife—a source of constant sorrow A couple years ago, she forced us to move to a new apartment because the glorious smell of burgers and grilled onions had managed to permeate even the very walls We may have to move again soon I love my wife, but burgers are my mistress FIVE RULES FOR BETTER BURGERS A nybody can make a decent burger—that’s its beauty—but it takes a bit of know-how to take a burger from decent to shockingly, mind-blowingly good Here are the five most basic rules to get you there Choose your beef wisely, and grind it yourself Even more so than with sausages, meat loaf, or meatballs, burgers really shine with freshly ground beef I can’t possibly emphasize this enough Buying ... She confronts me: “You’ve been cooking burgers again, haven’t you?” Some would call my love of burgers an obsession Others, a mental illness (hello, Mom), and still others—namely, my wife—a source of constant sorrow... forced us to move to a new apartment because the glorious smell of burgers and grilled onions had managed to permeate even the very walls We may have to move again soon I love my wife, but burgers are my mistress FIVE RULES FOR BETTER. .. know-how to take a burger from decent to shockingly, mind-blowingly good Here are the five most basic rules to get you there Choose your beef wisely, and grind it yourself Even more so than with sausages,