Writing mock test sample with examiners coment

• • • • • • • • • FEBRUARY 2021 IELTS МОСК TEST /2 ВУ INSTALINCO • • • � WRITING TASK Model response: The line chart presented gives us past data and assumed future purchasing figures of popular musical equipment in the United Kingdom go Overall, it is clear that sales of guitars has always been largest since 2008 and this is expected to remain the case in the future up until 2020, while pianos seem less popular with British citizens lin Looking in closer detail at guitars and percussion instruments it is clear that their sales varied greatly In 2008, approximately 16% of total sales were for guitars, however drums were lower at a maximum figure of 13% In the following two years both instruments sales declined before recovering and seeing modest growth in sales to 14% for drums and 16% for guitars by 2015 After this period, sales of guitars grew and are expected to rapidly rise in the future whereas drums and percussion predictions are of a levelling off until 2020 Trumpets and pianos have data that shows a more similar trend While trumpets were as popular as drums in 2008, after this period they were far lower and fluctuated between 10 and 3% until present and should recover to about 5% by 2020 Sales of pianos on the other hand, fell slowly and not look like increasing above 3% ta [209 words] Task Commentary: Overall band Examiner Comments: @ in s The answer includes a clear overview identifying the main trends in the graph presented Information is well selected and main points are covered with the support of figures The candidate organises the information in a logical way with a clear progression of points and there are some good linkers used There are not a lot of spelling mistakes and a range of vocabulary is used while complex grammatical structures are used accurately and with only few noticeable errors WRITING TASK Model response: In the past few years social media websites and apps such as Facebook and Twitter have become hugely popular with the youth While using these sites has many benefits such as being efficient and enjoyable, they also have a few drawbacks which overall makes this development a bad one lin go Using apps like Facebook and Twitter are a convenient and fun way to talk with friends and family members Instead of phoning someone and hoping they aren’t busy, sending messages through these apps can be a better option as the person can receive the notification when they are free and respond in a timely manner Also, most people are very busy these days so often can’t answer their phone or meet friends for a coffee or face to face chat By using Twitter and similar sites, we can still keep in touch with our friends often even if they are far away These sites are often enjoyable to use as well In addition to chatting, we can send pictures, videos and funny messages to our friend, which strengthen friendship bonds and thus lead to better relationships in s ta However, there are negative aspects of using social sites as the main way to communicate and I believe these far outweigh the benefits mentioned above First, if we only chat using these sites we can lose our ability to interact well with others face to face This can cause people to feel depressed, lonely and have mental issues as human are inherently social creatures who need more interaction than social media sites provide Furthermore, the type of interaction is not intimate When we meet face-to-face, we can really feel the emotions of others and can connect strongly resulting in far stronger relationships However, via social media the interaction is far colder and can result in artificial relationships For instance, many people have 500 plus Facebook friends but they don’t actually know these people well or ever meet them for a coffee or meal Thus, these types of friends and interactions are not sufficient and surely not a adequate replacement for face to face meetings To close, while there are some benefits of social sites such as being convenient and fun to use, we should not ignore the drawback discussed above I recommend that people make sure to communicate with their loved ones via the phone and in person not only via social media sites like Facebook [401 words] @ Task Commentary: Overall band Examiner Comments: The writer states a clear position from the start and it is maintained until the end where the arguments are summed up and the position is restated There is clear progression in the essay with some good use of cohesive devices and paragraphing is also well handled which helps the reader The ideas are logically organised and are supported with examples or further information The range of vocabulary includes some less frequent items and the @ in s ta lin go meaning is always clear Spelling errors are not common and there is a good range of grammar structures used © British Council All rights reserved