TOONAMINT of Champions pptx

[...]... issue of Go Figure, the monthly report of the American Psychological Association In conclusion, we weren’t real surprised to find that every teenage male human on earth concocts frantic sex fantasies for fifty-six seconds out of every waking, sleeping, and comatose minute Their thoughts during the other four seconds range from the outcome of professional and collegiate sporting events to the condition of. .. that middle-aged male humans concoct frantic sex fantasies, but for only one second of each minute Their thoughts during the other fifty-nine seconds of each waking, sleeping, and comatose minute, relentlessly obsess about how they might get a tee time at Augusta National Golf Club And then there’s the women TOONAMINT OF CHAMPIONS ■ 9 Old Mrs Willard WAYMON POODLE IS A TELLER at the TrustTrust bank branch... on which it’s played, the wonderful sport of golf in general, and the iniquitous allure of what goes on behind the gates of ootsie-tootsie private golf clubs No one Not even Jack Nicklaus Waymon constantly dreams of one day, somehow, some way, getting to play Augusta National Golf Club if LaJuanita Mumps, his new fiancée, was okay with him being gone for most of a Saturday or a Sunday or a Monday or... called “Flowering Crab Apple,” traditionally one of the hardest holes for a Masters’ titty Invitee He’d hit a 4-iron Smooth T O O N A M I N T O F C H A M P I O N S ■ 21 The Mantra of Portent So such was the level of Waymon’s particular focus on his thing Looking at him, a person new to Waymon would immediately, without an instant of giving him the benefit of the doubt, consider him to be a flaming squid,... to stick his pointing finger into the end of the barrel like he had seen the James Garner character do in that cowboy movie he loved a lot, but all of a sudden Ken began banging the butt of his pistol onto his forehead again After about a minute and a half, he finally knocked himself unconscious So, of course, as is quite common to interpersonal relationships of this nature, Mitch knew that one day he’d... them All of a sudden Ken said “motha-scratcher look at this shit,” and that scared Mitch half to death as for some time the mood of the burglary had been somber and quiet Ken pointed to the center of the floor On the floor was Waymon’s masterpiece, his unabashed most prized possession in the world other than his love of the Masters, the golf course on which it’s played, and the wonderful sport of golf... unfortunate turn for Mitch and Ken, at least from their point of view Two hundred and fifty miles down the road, the huge UHaul truck they had rented with a stolen credit card which they used to rid Waymon of everything he owned, except the contents of the second bedroom, blew up In addition, it happened to blow up and catch on fire right in front of one of those regional Georgia State Patrol center places,... friends at church and from a large number of valued TrustTrust customers upon noticing the tie, this repulsive question: “Oh, Waymon, so you’re a member of the Masters?” Waymon, as his patience was constantly tested by this query, has to explain, in his squawking voice, that a person isn’t a member of the Masters, that that’s the tournament A person would be a member of Augusta National Golf Club That the... aware of his mistake And even when she made Waymon aware of his mistake she thought she might have gotten a better reaction Plus, he’s been giving me those big fat orange lollipops that taste like my colon polyp medicine I done told Waymon exactly ninety-two times I don’t like those kind of lollipops because they taste like my colon polyp medicine, but he keeps on giving them to me It’s like he’s all of. .. do one hundred without stopping Ran a marathon once, just for the fun of it, in tennis shoes and swim shorts Arm-wrestle him and get yours wrenched off at the elbow Is always sweet to LaJuanita and somehow understands that she thinks the wonderful sport of golf in general and the iniquitous allure of what goes on behind the gates of ootsie-tootsie private golf clubs are for flaming squids, bald fat farts, . with Toonamint. ” ForeWord Reviews I f it’s wacky you want, it’s wacky you’ll get with Toonamint of Champions, Georgia humorist Todd Sentell’s spoof about. class="bi x0 y0 w3 h0" alt="" TOONAMINT of Champions How LaJuanita Mumps Got to Join Augusta National Golf Club Real Easy toonamint_ inside_output.indd