Praise for Performance Coaching "Angus has done excellent work, elegantly integrating and adapting the skills of Neuro-Linguistic Programming into the process of coaching. And it's an enjoyable read!" Shelle Rose Charvet, author of Words That Change Minds "This book gives any executive coach, as well as all managers for that mat- ter, an extended frame of reference for finding new and creative tools for success in working with clients. This is stuff you can use. Examples are both inspiring and reassuringly practical. Angus McLeod has produced a book that deserves many users and a wide audience." Julian Russell, Managing Director, PPD Consulting Ltd., executive coaching specialists, and co-author of Alpha Leadership: Tools for Business Leaders Who Want More From Life "With this book Angus McLeod sets a high standard of teaching by story telling. His examples of coaching dialogues serve so well to illustrate how to skilfully handle many coaching situations. The layout and subheadings make them accessible to those who want to dip in and out of the book as required. I enjoyed it and learned from it." John Whitmore, author of Coaching for Performance “This book contains a wealth of knowledge on its subject. The author clearly has extensive experience of coaching and demonstrates this exper- tise effectively in the book. “The major part of the book is a wide-ranging collection of cases to illustrate various coaching applications - an approach that really brings the subject to life. The cases are concise, yet clear and informative and each brings out one or more specific points about coaching processes and issues. “I would recommend this book to people wanting to extend their coaching skills and to explore a wider range of approaches.” Carol Harris, author of Consult Yourself: The NLP Guide to Being a Management Consultant “ Performance Coaching is an in-depth overview of the whole field of coach- ing and mentoring. It describes a broad range of coaching models and draws on the best practice from each. The practical examples, useful tips and mini-transcripts will benefit those new to coaching, and profit sea- soned old timers as well. We highly recommend this book.” James Lawley and Penny Tompkins, authors of Metaphors in Mind: Transformation through Symbolic Modelling “The author has achieved the near-impossible - writing a book that dem- onstrates the potential of coaching as an effective and ethical instrument for change and gives a flavour of its depth, richness and subtlety, but is nevertheless accessible, comprehensible and usable for pro and novice alike. This title deserves to sit - hopefully well-thumbed - alongside the very limited number of internationally respected books on coaching.” David Hoad, Coach and HR Consultant, The Kingsmoor Consultancy “Angus McLeod's Performance Coaching is an immensely practical aid to coaching and works at a level of detail - both in terms of language and process - that will allow HR professionals and managers alike, even with little formal coaching experience, to get to the heart of issues and resolve them elegantly and respectfully.” Anne Thompson, Group HR Director, Parity Plc "Effective coaches can make the difference between good and great busi- ness leaders. This book is packed with practical examples, tools and tips to help the coach in this task - highly recommended." Anne Deering, Director, AT Kearney "As the field of coaching continues to discover the extensive skill-based models of NLP, Performance Coaching by McLeod will become one of the foundational books. This how-to manual provides an excellent use of NLP models and skills for coaching. I like it also because it is further enhanced by integrating much of Gallwey's Inner Game approach." L. Michael Hall, PhD, Coaching Conversations and Meta-Coaching Performance Coaching The Handbook for Managers, H. R. Coaching The Handbook for Managers, H. R. Coaching Professionals and Coaches Angus I McLeod, PhD MS, Mental Health Counseling Adjunct Professor, Department of Human Services (Counseling) Wright State University Crown House Publishing www.crownhouse. co.uk First published by Crown House Publishing Ltd Crown Buildings, Bancyfelin, Carmarthen, Wales, SA33 5ND, UK www.crownhouse.co.uk and Crown House Publishing Ltd P.O. Box 2223, Williston, VT 05495-2223, USA www.CHPUS.com © Angus McLeod 2003 First published 2003. Reprinted 2004. Illustrations by Les Evans The right of Angus McLeod to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under current legislation no part of this work may be photocopied, stored in a retrieval system, published, performed in public, adapted, broadcast, transmitted, recorded or reproduced in any form or by any means, without the prior permission of the copyright owners. Enquiries should be addressed to Crown House Publishing Limited. British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue entry for this book is available from the British Library. ISBN 1904424058 LCCN 2003102582 Printed and bound in the UK by The Cromwell Press Ltd Trowbridge Wiltshire Dedication Diane Fahy Browning (1948–2002) This book is dedicated to the life of Diane Fahy and to her extended family and circle, who keep her memory in my mind as well as in my heart. Sometimes one is privileged to meet and develop a friendship that persists through all changes and that is characterized by so much understanding, commitment, and unconditional love that one is regularly in awe of it. My friendship with Diane was like that for over twenty years. Many others enjoyed the same level of friend- ship and love that she effused. Diane influenced and affected a multitude of people in and around Delaware, where she settled. She captivated people with her acute attention and her laughter. She was a model for positive mindsets in the face of considerable adversity, both in life and in her dying. Diane did not have the tools of the coach as described and illus- trated in this book, but she had the instinctive qualities of a fine coach. She was a ready listener and she cared passionately about people, their targets and their aspirations. She dared to challenge and risk a relationship if she felt that a friend might be moving in harm’s way, away from their targets and a healthy future. She saw people as holistic entities; she nurtured and underpinned hopes; she helped to sketch the dreams from which plans and targets would arise. She worked from a heart filled with love and with a mind passionate and hopeful about the human spirit. A biography about the life of Diane Fahy would make a valuable and inspiring contribution to literature, but I offer this work to her memory instead. After she died, many people said, independently, that an angel had departed this world. I know her to be still with us. A spirit like hers does not die. Contents Acknowledgments v Preface vii Chapter One Introduction 1 Sources of inspiration 3 Defining coaching 4 Principal instruments of the coach 5 Definitions of coaching 9 Chapter Two Coaching Issues—New Skills 11 Communication 11 Who’s the boss? 20 Feedback 26 Presenting 32 Interpersonal conflict 47 Stuck in a corner 67 Inner conflicts 73 Influencing 90 Chapter Three Drivers for Change 99 Internal dialogue and self-judgments 100 Emotions 106 Authenticity 119 Negativity 123 Limiting beliefs and rules 126 Lacking compulsion to change 128 Hierarchy of logical levels 128 Walking the logical levels 131 Motivation 141 Chapter Four Coaching Contract and Practice 161 Freelance coaching 161 Employing external coaches: strengths and weaknesses 162 Internal coaching provision 163 To whom is the coach responsible? 164 Selling coaching internally 165 Letting coachees know what to expect before sessions 166 First meeting: preparing for work 166 Scene setting and recapping expectations 167 i Logistical needs for coaching sessions 169 Behaviors during coaching sessions 170 Neutrality 172 Empathetic projection and expressed sympathy 173 Pacing and leading 174 Breathing 175 Exquisite attention 176 Sensing 176 Instinct 177 Reflecting back issues and language 178 Ending sessions 178 Out-of-session work for the coachee 179 Subsequent sessions work for the coach 180 Chapter Five Developmental Models 181 Flexibility of coaching approach in organizations 181 Clean language 182 Symbolic modeling 183 Trance 184 Conversational coaching 185 Provocative coaching 186 The STEPPPA coaching method 189 A footnote on personality profiling models 192 Thinking preferences: filters on our world 193 Chapter Six Coaching Development 203 Mindsets for the coach 203 Inner-game coaching 204 Mindsets 205 Underpinning values and beliefs 206 Servant leadership 207 People whispering 208 Facilitation 209 Coaching in groups 210 Self-coaching 212 Coach as coachee and observer 213 Changing coaching parameters 213 Two on one 214 Practice groups 216 Inspiration 217 Academic resources 218 Chapter Seven Other Coaching Tools and Interventions 219 Questioning 219 Context-free questioning 221 Virtual timelines 224 ii Performance Coaching Metaphor and symbols 224 Storytelling 227 Chapter Eight Coaching Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them Chapter Eight Coaching Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them Chapter Eight 233 Psychological projection 233 Countertransference and inspiration 234 Separateness 236 Interpretation 237 Transference 239 Coachee attraction 241 Other issues in the coaching dynamic 243 Ethics 244 Keen beginnings 245 Pressing on 246 Chapter Nine Mentoring and E-Mentoring 247 Mentoring 247 E-Mentoring 250 Glossary of Terms 253 Appendix One A Brief History of Coaching by Steve Breibart 265 Appendix Two Mindsets for the Coachee 269 Appendix Three Mentee Feedback to Ask Max 271 Appendix Four Code of Conduct and Methods for E-Mentors 273 Appendix Five E-Mentor Questionnaire: An Example 279 Appendix Six Web Resources 283 Bibliography 285 Further reading 288 About the author 289 Indexes 291 1. Linguistic tips 291 2. Tools 293 3. Main index 295 iii Contents [...]... attained the mantle of the true coach Many of our trainees come to coaching bursting with questions for their coachees They bombard them, hoping to find a weakness of either perception or thinking that they may attack and cure The performances are breathtaking for all concerned! The transformation of trainee to coach is evidenced when the direction and pace of the session seems to be coachee-led The coach... self-challenge and redefine their own frame of reference These new skills of mental agility assist them in the effectiveness of their thinking and their actions in other contexts The true coach observes miracles as incredible as the transformation that leads the tiny stirrings of the chrysalis into the bright magnificence of a butterfly If one has not felt privileged and humbled in the act of coaching,... not the player, but an instrument, in service to the art of the coachee The aim is to encourage the coachee to extend and explore their frame of reference, to help them find new and motivating tools for success in all they do and, with luck, inspire them to continue traits of self-learning that endure over time A frame of reference characterizes the nature and extent of the coachee’s reality, and the. .. on the script I have been fortunate to have the love and friendship of Dr Adrienne Carpenter, who offered me a perfect space to write this book Adrienne provided a peaceful and beautiful environment; understanding and support for the habits of the author who is committed to writing (and exhibits the ebbs and flows of inspiration); and refreshments and diversions when the author left his inner world and. .. useful where the coachee is dealing with highly sensitive issues, be they emotional, political, strategic, or interpersonal For example, they may have a sensitive issue regarding the senior board member who hired them By taking away the need for the coachee to express the details of their knowledge and experiences, they can roam freely through their solutions without concerning themselves with the appropriateness... silences, and intervene to push the coachee to reconnect with the moment, bringing them back to it and keeping anyone else silent If they can revisit the moment they are often astounded by the range of emotions experienced.” Emotion, once registered (and whether expressed or not), is a key driver for change Silence and emotion are a facilitators of awesome power There is another lesson from the session... meet their defined targets Of the three instruments, silence is the most effective Silence When a coachee makes a discovery, this psychological breakthrough in perception, or catharsis, is wholly internal Even if the coach is speaking, the contribution of the coach to the actual event is insignificant Silence is therefore the dominant of the triad of the principal instruments Silence enables the coachee... problem, where would be the best place for me to start now? Here, the challenge is “discounting” the enormity of the issue and is very likely to get a reaction In this case, luckily perhaps, the effect is to accept action The coach’s question is designed to get the coachee to dissociate emotionally from the issue and appeals to their ability to “observe” the problem from outside and at the 8 Introduction... Dilts, John Abulafia, and my colleagues in the Coaching Foundation, Steve Breibart and Sir John Whitmore I am also grateful to Steve for his paper on the historical evolution of coaching and for many Web references given in the appendices A number of highly respected and productive people offered to read and offer comments on my drafts and they each have my gratitude and heartfelt thanks They are Adrienne... Adcock inspires the creative spirit and its expression (as so wonderfully demonstrated for the public, in her art) and she v Performance Coaching continues to quietly support me, steady and true to friendship Other friends inspire even in their absence; knowing that their love persists is a great comfort Those who knowingly, or otherwise, contributed to this book include Anne Robinson, Chris Stumpff, . Conversations and Meta-Coaching Performance Coaching The Handbook for Managers, H. R. Coaching The Handbook for Managers, H. R. Coaching Professionals and Coaches Angus. questions for their coachees. They bombard them, hoping to find a weakness of either perception or thinking that they may attack and cure. The performances