Tài liệu Truyện cười bằng tiếng anh -2 docx

Truyện cười bằng tiếng anh -2 Boss A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars." "Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered. The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer." The man asked about the next parrot on the perch. "That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot. "That one costs 2,000 dollars." "And what does that one do?" the man asked. The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!" Some Quotes Fatherhood is pretending that the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. - Bill Cosby I went on a diet - had to go on two diets at the same time 'cause one diet wasn't giving me enough food. - Barry Marter I love being married I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley You are not a kid anymore when you are obsessed with the thermostat. - Jeff Foxworthy It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck A Real Hero! Sunday, I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank G-d for Real Heros! Thank you for flying Dufus Air These are actual (or reported) humorous statements by airline flight crew members. And if they didn't say these, I'm sure they thought them really loudly. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position." "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane. "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately." "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know." Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft." Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children." "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry Unfortunately none of them are on this flight." Upon landing hard, one pilot got on the PA system and said, "Sorry for the hard landing, folks. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the asphalt." . Truyện cười bằng tiếng anh -2 Boss A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot.