10. Members of different cultures vary on sev- eral communication dimensions that influence listening, among them speech and language, non- verbal behavioral differences, and approaches to feedback.
11. Men and women appear to listen differently;
generally, women give more specific listening cues to show they’re listening than do men.
Key Terms
active listening, p. 186 closed-mindedness, p. 178 critical listening, p. 181 deception bias, p. 183 disclaimers, p. 172 display rules, p. 188 empathic listening, p. 180
empathy, p. 180 evaluating, p. 175 listening, p. 170
long-term memory, p. 174 nonjudgmental listening,
p. 181
objective listening, p. 180
receiving, p. 171 remembering, p. 174 responding, p. 176 short-term memory, p. 174 surface listening, p. 181 truth bias, p. 183 understanding, p. 173
191
Chapter Objectives
7.1 Describe the principles governing emotions and emotional expression.
7.2 Identify the major obstacles that could prevent the effective communication of emotions.
7.3 Summarize and use the guidelines for emotional competence in your expression of, and response to, emotion.
Can you choose the emotions you feel? Or do outside circumstances make you feel different emotions? It’s a difficult question and theorists do not agree over
Chapter 7
Emotional Messages
Chapter tOpiCs
Principles of Emotions and Emotional Messages
Obstacles to
Communicating Emotions Emotional Competence
Emotional expression will find a way.
whether you can choose the emotions you feel. Some argue that you can; others argue that you cannot.
You are, however, in control of the ways in which you express your emotions.
Whether you choose to express your emotions depends on your own attitudes about emotional expression. You may wish to explore your attitudes about express- ing feelings by responding to the following questions. Respond with T if you feel the statement is a generally true description of your attitudes about expressing emotions, or with F if you feel the statement is a generally false description of your attitudes.
____ 1. Expressing feelings is healthy; it reduces stress and prevents wasting energy on concealment.
____ 2. Expressing feelings can help others understand you.
____ 3. Emotional expression is often an effective means of persuading others to do as you wish.
____ 4. Expressing feelings can lead to interpersonal relationship problems.
____ 5. Expressing emotions may lead others to perceive you negatively.
____ 6. Emotional expression can lead to greater and not less stress; expressing anger, for example, may actually increase your feelings of anger.
These statements are arguments that are often made for and against express- ing emotions. Statements 1, 2, and 3 are arguments made in favor of expressing emotions; statements 4, 5, and 6 are arguments made against expressing emotions.
You can look at your responses as revealing (in part) your attitude favoring or opposing the expression of feelings. “True” responses to statements 1, 2, and 3 and
“false” responses to statements 4, 5, and 6 indicate a favorable attitude to express- ing feelings. “False” responses to statements 1, 2, and 3 and “true” responses to statements 4, 5, and 6 indicate a negative attitude. There is evidence suggesting that expressing emotions can lead to all six outcomes, both positive and negative, and underscores the importance of critically assessing your options for emotional expression and being flexible, remembering that what will work in one situation will not work in another.
If you decide to communicate your feelings, you need to make several decisions.
For example, you have to choose how to do so—face-to-face, letter, social media post, phone, e-mail, text message, or office memo. And you have to choose the spe- cific emotions you will and will not reveal. Finally, you have to choose the words and nonverbals you’d use in expressing your emotions.
Some of the more difficult interpersonal communication situations are those that involve emotions, which we can define simply as strong feelings. This chapter addresses this crucial topic; it offers insight into the nature of emotions and emo- tional expression, discusses some of the obstacles to communicating emotions, and presents suggestions for communicating emotions and for responding to the emotions of others.
A useful backdrop to this discussion is to identify some of the reasons you communicate emotions—whether happy news (getting a large bonus or finding the love of your life) or sad news (the death of a loved one or getting fired). Here are just three (Rime, 2007; Dean, 2011):
• You want/need to vent. You want catharsis, to reveal your feelings.
• You want/need attention, support, or advice. You want/need people to pay at- tention to you, to offer you consolation, or to give you suggestions for what you should do now.
• You want/need to bond—to strengthen your relationship—and so you might share similar emotional experiences to show your understanding and empathy.
Principles of Emotions and Emotional Messages