ing is “wrong.” He listed all the arguments (for and against) that he had en
countered. Then, he made an outline that covered some of these points — the ones he considered the most persuasive. Here is his outline:
Thesis statement: In this paper, I will argue why deer hunting is a true sport.
Introduction:
• Give personal experience about some people’s misconceptions about hunting.
• Indicate my position (my thesis statement).
• (Separate paragraph?) Explain what I mean by “hunting” and “sport.”
Reason #1:
• Deer hunting is a true sport because
-- it is competitive because the deer has its own advantages in the contest
-- it takes special skills Conclusion:
• Point out my experience with enjoying people and wildlife through hunting.
Step 5: Write a draft. With this basic plan, Daniel began writing. He was worried about how many paragraphs he should have but decided the goal for draft one was just to write down his major ideas. He knew he could revise the essay later for any organizational problems.
Before you read Daniel’s draft, consider the basic guidelines below for writing an argument. We tailored the basic standards from page 388 to cover this particular type of writing. Consider how these guidelines might have helped Daniel as he drafted — as well as helped him consider what to change once he completed a draft.
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Lesson 41 GUIDELINES FOR WRITING AN ARGUMENT
Purpose: The thesis must be controversial. That is, someone must be able to disagree with it if the claim is truly argumentative.
Support: You usually can’t cover every possible reason for and against your thesis. Focus on the reasons most likely to convince the majority of people who disagree with your position.
Organization: There is no rule about where to put your most
important reason. What is essential is that you avoid the temptation to list a bunch of reasons — especially in just one paragraph. Focus each paragraph on thoroughly explaining one major reason that supports your thesis.
Style: Your goal is to make your readers accept your claim. Therefore, avoid a rude or confrontational tone. You rarely win over an audience by insulting them.
Mechanics: Right or not, many people will judge your argument by how well you follow conventions of formal English. Mechanical er
rors can affect your overall credibility. However, the revising stage will allow you to correct any such problems. For now, focus on getting your best ideas onto paper.
Here is Daniel’s draft. He adhered to his informal outline for the most part, but then changed his mind about a few things (such as the conclusion).
How well does this draft reflect the guidelines listed above? Remember: This is a work in progress, and the writer has time to revise. (Daniel’s revision is not included in this lesson. You will have the opportunity to revise his draft in Lesson 42.)
DANIEL’S FIRST DRAFT
Deer Hunting as a True Sport
Not long ago, a girl I work with asked me what I was doing over the week- end, and I told her I was going deer hunting. She immediately said, “Why do you want to murder deer? What challenge is there in blasting harmless animals with a high-powered rifle?” She became upset and walked away before I could even explain why I enjoy this sport. My friend might never read this paper, but I want to explain to others why deer hunting is a true sport.
First, I should explain what I mean by “sport” and “hunting.” I know all too well that some people say they’re going deer hunting when all they do is camp out, get drunk, and drive through the woods trying to shoot deer.
I don’t consider that hunting. True hunting involves a serious attempt to carefully find your prey and then kill the deer with one accurate shot. The word
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Lesson 41
“sport” refers to any recreational activity where mental and physical talent is needed to achieve a difficult goal, and hunting meets this definition.
Hunting deer requires a good deal of talent if the hunter is to compete against a deer. You might think the unarmed deer has no advantages in this contest. However, the truth is that the deer has natural defenses that give it the advantage. Deer move silently if they move at all. Many learn to stay hidden in thick bushes during deer season. When they do come out, they are well camouflaged and hard to detect. Another advantage the deer has is its speed. These are not stupid animals. They seem to know when they are being hunted, and the slightest sound can make them bolt away so fast that even an expert sharpshooter would miss. They usually travel in a herd and use special signs to warn each other. If a deer hears something suspicious, it will raise its tail as a warning to others. If one deer hears or sees you, then in seconds they will all know. Their sense of smell, sight, and hearing are superb, so it is not common for you to be in their presence long without their knowing it.
A hunter has to be skilled to compete against this adversary. Successful hunters have to wait patiently while remaining still and quiet in a spot where they suspect the deer might come. Not just anyone can pick out fresh deer trails or remain out of sight, especially at 6:00 in the morning when the temperature is below freezing.
Another talent the hunter needs is the ability to shoot well. I myself have had to shoot a deer from one hundred yards away. Even with a scope, it can be a difficult shot because you do not want to merely wound the deer. A steady hand and patience are just as important as having good eyesight or a high-powered scope.
Many people will never give deer hunting a try. I understand it is not a sport for everyone. But too many people criticize deer hunters without really understanding the sport. I might not have persuaded you to become a hunter, but I hope to have proven that deer hunting is not a mindless activity that pits a human against a helpless opponent.
Whether you are writing a single paragraph or an essay, these questions can assist you, especially toward the end of the drafting stage.
Purpose and Audience
n Have you changed your mind about your topic since you began your draft? If so, start thinking about the changes your draft will need in order to be consistent.
Q Critical Questions for Drafting
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Lesson 41
Applying What You Know
Once you have completed a draft of an essay, make an outline that effectively summarizes its major points. If you cannot do so, the draft will likely need to be revised later for organization.
n Now that you have examined your topic more carefully, who is the best au- dience for this draft? If you have changed your mind about your audience, you might also need to reconsider some of what you have written thus far.
Support
n What ideas need clarification? Adding details is one of the important parts of the drafting stage. Add too much detail rather than too little. Later, you can decide what to delete, if anything.
n What claims need more support or proof ? If you are trying to persuade readers, you cannot just express yourself. You must convince them.
Consider their possible objections and respond to them.
Organization
n Does each paragraph focus on one main idea? It’s very common for para- graphs to ramble a bit while the writer explores ideas. You can fix such problems later, but at least be aware that some paragraphs might need to be tightened and revised for coherence.
n Is there an introduction and a conclusion to your essay? During the draft- ing stage, these sections are often far from complete, but you need to recognize these potential problems so you can address them later.
Revising
If your deadline allows, put your draft aside and return later to revise it.
You might make small changes here and there as you draft, but don’t con
sider your writing complete simply because you have put your ideas onto paper. Now it is time to consider how to improve your draft. You will get the most out of this stage of writing if you understand one of the most often
overlooked principles of writing.
COMMONSENSE TIP Revision is more than looking for problems with individual words and sentences. It means looking for ways to improve your overall purpose, support, and organization. You revise your paper to make it clearer and stronger.
Too often, writers look only at individual sentences and words when they revise. These are important, of course; that is why we wrote this book. How
ever, a grammatically correct paper can be useless if it lacks ideas or is unor
ganized. This lesson will help you revise your paper on a deeper level.
Ask Questions as You Revise
Many writers are confused about what to revise. As one student put it, “If I knew what had to be revised, I would have done it when I drafted the pa
per!” But even experienced writers cannot keep track of all the questions they could ask themselves to improve their papers as they write. Revising, therefore, means looking for opportunities for improvement that perhaps did not occur to you in the midst of putting your ideas into words, sentences, and paragraphs.
In college, you are usually writing not just for yourself but for others, so it is useful to obtain feedback from at least one other person. It might be helpful to write down specific questions for this person to consider. Develop
ing a habit of asking yourself such questions will also help you understand what to revise when feedback isn’t practical. There are two sets of questions to ask of your draft:
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Lesson 42 Questions based on your general purpose
Questions based on basic standards that apply to most college writing These questions overlap, but each set presents a different way of thinking about revision. Tailor these to fit your own specific purpose and situation.
Ask Questions about General Purpose. We began this writing guide by telling you to start your writing process by determining your pur
pose. You should also make a habit of rethinking your purpose at the revision stage. Here are some more questions to ask yourself as you revise.
GENERAL PURPOSE: TO EXPRESS
n What is the point of my story? Is that point clear?
n Does this paper give an account of how I really feel?
n What details could I add to help show how I feel or think about my subject?
n Have I brought my subject to life for my readers?
n Are the events in my narrative arranged in an order that makes sense for my purpose and audience?
GENERAL PURPOSE: TO INFORM
n What is the point of my paper? Is that point clear?
n What information have I left out? Would readers expect me to cover this material?
n Have I told my readers something that is new or not widely known?
Have I provided enough examples or explanations?
n Have I gone beyond the basic idea and given my readers a deeper understanding of the subject?
n Can I add more facts, details, or examples, perhaps based on research?
n Are my details and examples arranged in an order that makes sense for my purpose and audience?
GENERAL PURPOSE: TO PERSUADE
n What is the point of my paper? Is that point clear?
n Is my claim really arguable? Did I mistakenly word it in a way that nobody could disagree with?
n Where is my strongest support? How can I make it stronger? Where is my weakest support? Should I keep it? If I keep it, how can I strengthen it?
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Lesson 42
n What criticisms will I face from readers with an opposing viewpoint?
What can I do to gain their support?
n Do my supporting ideas follow each other in an order that makes the most sense for my purpose and audience?
Some of these questions are similar to those you asked when you developed paragraphs and topic sentences (pp. 405, 412). It is not unusual for writers to ask themselves similar questions from the beginning to the end of the writing process. After all, if you had to ask completely new questions, you might end up writing a new paper.
Ask Questions Based on Basic Standards. Another way to ap
proach revision is to think about how readers evaluate writing. Practically everything we have discussed so far goes back to the basic standards for good writing that we presented in the Unit Twelve Overview: purpose, support, organization, style, and mechanics (see p. 388). If readers indeed use these criteria to evaluate writing, then one way to revise is to ask yourself questions about these criteria. Consider how these questions might be tailored to suit both your general and your specific purposes.
BASIC STANDARD: PURPOSE
n Is my specific purpose clear?
n Does my thesis control the paper? Do my topic sentences help my paragraphs show, explain, or prove my thesis?
n Have I delivered on my thesis? That is, did I do everything it indicated I would do? If not, should I continue to narrow my specific purpose?
n If my paper does not deliver on my thesis, should I add more to my paper so that it does everything I indicated I would do?
COMMONSENSE TIP While you were planning and drafting, your thesis sen- tence was something to start you off, but at this stage, think of it as a contract.
In one sense you are promising readers that your paper will achieve whatever purpose you have indicated in your thesis sentence. Make sure the wording is exactly what it should be to match your paper.
BASIC STANDARD: SUPPORT
n Where can I add more details, examples, or facts so readers will understand my point? On the other hand, should I delete some specifics because they do not clearly support my point?
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Lesson 42
n Do I give the most support to the paragraphs that are most important for my purpose?
n In each paragraph, what would my readers possibly disagree with? What could I delete, add, or change to make my argument more convincing?
n Is my support too general or vague as a whole or within paragraphs?
What can I do to be more specific?
n Are my details, examples, and evidence too common or obvious?
BASIC STANDARD: ORGANIZATION
n Do I have an introduction that alerts readers to my specific purpose and my thesis?
n Does each paragraph revolve around one point?
n Do my paragraphs build on each other? Does each have a clear connec
tion to the one before and after it? If not, can I rearrange paragraphs, add words or sentences to clarify connections, or delete paragraphs that do not fit?
n Within paragraphs, does each sentence relate to the one before and after it?
n Does the conclusion merely summarize? If so, what else could I do to give a sense of closure?
COMMONSENSE TIP To help you clarify the connections between sentences, consider using transitional words and phrases like these:
also for example in fact
as a matter of fact for instance in short
as a result furthermore indeed
as I said earlier however nevertheless
consequently in addition next
finally in brief therefore
first in comparison to sum up
Be careful not to overuse these terms; use them only when they express a true relationship. (See Lesson 14 for guidance in punctuating transitional terms.)
BASIC STANDARD: STYLE
n Considering my audience and my purpose, is my paper too formal?
Too informal? Do I use too much slang? Too many stuffy words?
Do I seem too “chummy” or relaxed with readers? Too impersonal?
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Lesson 42
n Can I combine sentences for more variety? What sentences seem too choppy or too awkward?
n What clearer or more precise words could I use?
BASIC STANDARD: MECHANICS
n Have I followed the guidelines in Units One through Ten of this book?
n If my paper uses outside sources, have I followed the guidelines in Unit Eleven of this book?
You must decide how to answer these questions. We wish we could give the answers as easily as we pose the questions, but your own opinions and writing situation will determine how you will respond.
Below is an example of one student’s revision process using such ques
tions to examine her draft.
Using Questions
Consider how one student, Maria, asked a few questions to help revise a short paper. Here is the assignment:
Write a paragraph (about 250 words) that explains your position about a controversy in a town or city you know well. This is a brief argument, so focus on important reasons.
After freewriting, Maria chose a problem involving her hometown of Marshall, Texas: whether to have a curfew for minors. Maria realized that she needed to take a stance and decided she was against the proposed curfew.
Thus, she developed a thesis sentence that would serve as a topic sentence for her paragraph: “Marshall should not have a curfew for minors.” Using cluster
ing, she considered several reasons supporting her position. (These prewrit
ing and drafting techniques are discussed in the previous two lessons.) Maria then wrote the following draft.
Marshall should not have a curfew for minors. First, it’s not fair to have a curfew for just minors. Second, how can it be enforced? There are not enough police officers working at night to help with real crimes. Third, a curfew punishes all teenagers just because a few have caused trouble lately after midnight. Finally, the real troublemakers are going to cause trouble no matter what the curfew is. How would a curfew cut down, for instance, on teenagers who sell illegal drugs? This proposed curfew is completely illogical and will not accomplish anything.
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Lesson 42 This paragraph was far shorter than what the teacher required. Maria
was not sure how to revise the paragraph to make it longer, for the paragraph seemed to express her feelings on the topic. To help her not only with the length but also with detecting other problems, Maria looked at the questions dealing with her general purpose.
She considered the assignment again and noticed several important terms from the prompt: “your position,” “controversy,” “argument,” and
“important reasons.” She realized that her general purpose was not just to express her opinion but to convince readers to accept her position. This per
spective led Maria to consider one set of questions especially important for persuasive writing:
Where is my strongest support, and how can I make it even stronger?
Where is my weakest support, and should I keep it? If so, how can I make it strong?
Maria’s first draft was, unfortunately, a “shotgun” approach. She tossed in as many reasons as she could without concentrating on any of them, hop
ing that at least one reason would work. She also did not make her reasons strong from a reader’s perspective. Maria realized she had merely given a list of reasons without really trying to convince people. To improve this draft as well as to make it meet the word requirement, she decided to focus on what she thought to be the two most convincing reasons: the first and third reasons from the draft.
Maria was not sure how to make these reasons stronger, so she next considered questions dealing with basic standards. Rather than answering all these questions, she focused on the ones dealing with support, since these are designed to help writers add and improve reasons that strengthen their claims. She thought two in particular would help her add useful support:
Where can I add more details, examples, or facts so readers will understand my point?
What would my readers disagree with?
After considering these questions, Maria realized she did not have a single specific example (or any sort of specifics at all) in her draft. Nor had she considered why people might disagree with any of her reasons. The two questions above helped her realize her paragraph would be clearer and more convincing if she (1) gave concrete, realistic details and (2) explained why her reasons are valid despite potential criticism from some readers.
She used her hometown newspaper to provide her with specifics. To deal with potential criticisms, she talked with a friend who supported the