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 Review Importance of Communication  Discuss Gender Differences in?. Communication?[r]

Chapter Six

Agenda

 Review Importance of Communication  Discuss Gender Differences in

Communication

 Describe Effective Communication

 Discuss Influence of Communication on

Class Exercise: Sex Instruction

 How did you find out about sex? What were you

told? What was your reaction? Was the information accurate?

 Are you comfortable talking about sexuality? Was

you family comfortable discussing the subject?

 What did your parents tell you about sex? Were you

ever aware of your parents sexual activity?

 How would you tell a child about sex? When would

you begin to talk to them about sexuality?

 How does the way we learn about sex as children

Importance of

The Importance of Communication

 Good communication is related to happier,

more satisfied couples and increases the probability the relationship will last

 Communication cultivates emotional intimacy,

understanding, love

 Relationship problems often due to poor

communication, creating anger & frustration

Poor communication skills Lack of self-disclosure

Variables Associated with Communication

 It takes some learning to communicate

 Research suggests that women and men

communicate differently

Aspects of Communication

 Communication with others involves three

goals:

“get the job done” – send the message “relational goal” – maintain a relationship “identity management goal” – portray our

Class Exercise: College Students’ Communiction about Sexuality

 Research suggests that college-aged couples

find it easier to “do it” rather than to talk about “doing it”?

What are the implications for

contraception?

What are the implications for sexual

satisfaction?

What are the implications for sexuality

Gender Difference in Communication

 Conversations with the opposite sex are

typically harder than with same sex groups

 Genderlects – fundamental differences in how

men and women communicate

Men see a hierarchical world with need to

maintain status; may interpret comments as challenges to defend; “report-talk”

Women: a relational world to connect in

and avoid isolation; “rapport-talk”

Gender Difference in Communication

 Each believes the other sex interrupts more  Men are more likely to interrupt

 Men tend to speak one at a time, and another

comment is considered an interruption

When men interrupt they expect to be the

primary speaker

 Women use overlapping talk, where another

interjects but does not take over in the conversation

Gender Difference in Communication

 Women and men differ in their topics of

discussion

 Male-typical talk: slang, money, business,

time, space, quantity, destructive actions, motion, objects, hostile verbs

 Female-typical talk: supportive, polite,

expressive, home, family, feelings,

evaluations, interpretations, psychological states

Gender Difference in Communication

 Women tend to soften opinionated

statements through the use of (not in all cultures):

Tag questions Disclaimers

Explanations for Gender Differences in Communication

 Biological

 Psychological  Social roles

 Cross-cultural communication – grow up in

different subcultures and learn different communication rules; begins in same-sex play groups

 Cultural orientations, gender, & modes of

Types of Communication: More Than Words

 Nonverbal communication

comprises the bulk of our communication is expressed in various cultural forms

adds to verbal communication

Can be less threatening than verbal, but

also more likely to be misunderstood

 Women are better at deciphering nonverbal

Types of Communication: More Than Words

 Computer mediated communication Women are more expressive, use

emoticons

Allows focus on emotional intimacy, rather

than physical attraction

Online intimacy problematic if they become

compulsive in their use of the internet

Online infidelity typically with people happy

Class Exercise: Overcoming Gender Differences When Discussing Sexuality

 Do you think that conversations between men and

women are more difficult than same-sex conversations?

 Research suggests that when women in a

heterosexual relationship process a problem, their partners often try to solve the problem rather than just listen This seems to create conflict

What can men to listen better? What can women to help?

 Research suggests that married women are more

Effective Communication

Communicating More Effectively

 Make sure you and your partner have the

time and energy to communicate well before you begin a conversation

 Limit the use of tag questions, they can

indicate uncertainty and be misunderstood

 Pay attention to your and your partner’s

Communicating More Effectively

 Self-disclosure deepens intimacy and feelings

of love as you share and grow as a couple

It is critical in a healthy relationship Women tend to self-disclose more

Too much disclosure too soon is risky  Asking for what you need

Many people are insecure about sex

Learning to Make Requests

 Taking Responsibility for Our Own Pleasure: The best way for us to get our needs met

is to speak up with our requests

Two individuals willing to communicate

their desires and take responsibility for their own pleasure create an excellent framework for effective, fulfilling sexual sharing

The Fine Art of Listening

 Nondefensive listening – without being

defensive, focus attention on your partner’s concerns

 Active listening – nonverbal communication

that assures your partner you are attentive

Eye contact, head nods, “um hum”  Know your partner’s buttons and avoid

The Fine Art of Listening

 When your partner is finished, summarize

and validate their thoughts

 Take caution in interpreting a message that

may not be perceived correctly, but altered due to mood state or the state of your

relationship with the person

 Women listen for details, men listen for the

Enriching Your Sexuality

Constructive Criticism

Talking with Your Partner about Sex I Like You and I Like Myself

Delivering Criticism

 Be Aware of Your Motivation

 Choose the Right Time and Place  Temper Criticism with Praise

 Nurture Small Steps Toward Change  Avoid "Why" Questions

 Express Anger Appropriately

 Limit Criticism to One Complaint per

Receiving Criticism

 Empathize with Your Partner and Paraphrase

the Criticism

 Acknowledge a Criticism and Find Something

to Agree With

 Ask Clarifying Questions  Express Your Feelings

Talking with Your Partner about Sex

 Most couples initiate and consent to sex

nonverbally

 It is difficult to talk about sex

 Each person’s desires are unique and need

to be communicated

 Good lovers know how to communicate and

I Like You and I Like Myself

 You need to feel good about yourself in order

to be sexually healthy

 The media creates the “ideal body”

 Self-esteem is related to emotional and

mental health

 Having acceptance, autonomy,

What Makes a Good Lover?

 Sensitivity to their partner’s needs  Able to communicate own desires  Patient

 Caring

 Confident

 Keep in mind that men and women can have

Class Exercise: “War of the Roses”

 How does communication influence intimacy?  Identify examples of gender differences in