Review Importance of Communication Discuss Gender Differences in?. Communication?[r]
(1)Chapter Six
(2)Agenda
Review Importance of Communication Discuss Gender Differences in
Communication
Describe Effective Communication
Discuss Influence of Communication on
(3)Class Exercise: Sex Instruction
How did you find out about sex? What were you
told? What was your reaction? Was the information accurate?
Are you comfortable talking about sexuality? Was
you family comfortable discussing the subject?
What did your parents tell you about sex? Were you
ever aware of your parents sexual activity?
How would you tell a child about sex? When would
you begin to talk to them about sexuality?
How does the way we learn about sex as children
(4)Importance of
(5)The Importance of Communication
Good communication is related to happier,
more satisfied couples and increases the probability the relationship will last
Communication cultivates emotional intimacy,
understanding, love
Relationship problems often due to poor
communication, creating anger & frustration
Poor communication skills Lack of self-disclosure
(6)Variables Associated with Communication
It takes some learning to communicate
Research suggests that women and men
communicate differently
(7)Aspects of Communication
Communication with others involves three
goals:
“get the job done” – send the message “relational goal” – maintain a relationship “identity management goal” – portray our
(8)Class Exercise: College Students’ Communiction about Sexuality
Research suggests that college-aged couples
find it easier to “do it” rather than to talk about “doing it”?
What are the implications for
contraception?
What are the implications for sexual
satisfaction?
What are the implications for sexuality
(9)(10)Gender Difference in Communication
Conversations with the opposite sex are
typically harder than with same sex groups
Genderlects – fundamental differences in how
men and women communicate
Men see a hierarchical world with need to
maintain status; may interpret comments as challenges to defend; “report-talk”
Women: a relational world to connect in
and avoid isolation; “rapport-talk”
(11)Gender Difference in Communication
Each believes the other sex interrupts more Men are more likely to interrupt
Men tend to speak one at a time, and another
comment is considered an interruption
When men interrupt they expect to be the
primary speaker
Women use overlapping talk, where another
interjects but does not take over in the conversation
(12)Gender Difference in Communication
Women and men differ in their topics of
discussion
Male-typical talk: slang, money, business,
time, space, quantity, destructive actions, motion, objects, hostile verbs
Female-typical talk: supportive, polite,
expressive, home, family, feelings,
evaluations, interpretations, psychological states
(13)Gender Difference in Communication
Women tend to soften opinionated
statements through the use of (not in all cultures):
Tag questions Disclaimers
(14)Explanations for Gender Differences in Communication
Biological
Psychological Social roles
Cross-cultural communication – grow up in
different subcultures and learn different communication rules; begins in same-sex play groups
Cultural orientations, gender, & modes of
(15)Types of Communication: More Than
Words
Nonverbal communication
comprises the bulk of our communication is expressed in various cultural forms
adds to verbal communication
Can be less threatening than verbal, but
also more likely to be misunderstood
Women are better at deciphering nonverbal
(16)Types of Communication: More Than
Words
Computer mediated communication Women are more expressive, use
emoticons
Allows focus on emotional intimacy, rather
than physical attraction
Online intimacy problematic if they become
compulsive in their use of the internet
Online infidelity typically with people happy
(17)Class Exercise: Overcoming Gender Differences When Discussing Sexuality
Do you think that conversations between men and
women are more difficult than same-sex conversations?
Research suggests that when women in a
heterosexual relationship process a problem, their partners often try to solve the problem rather than just listen This seems to create conflict
What can men to listen better? What can women to help?
Research suggests that married women are more
(18)Effective Communication
(19)Communicating More Effectively
Make sure you and your partner have the
time and energy to communicate well before you begin a conversation
Limit the use of tag questions, they can
indicate uncertainty and be misunderstood
Pay attention to your and your partner’s
(20)Communicating More Effectively
Self-disclosure deepens intimacy and feelings
of love as you share and grow as a couple
It is critical in a healthy relationship Women tend to self-disclose more
Too much disclosure too soon is risky Asking for what you need
Many people are insecure about sex
(21)Learning to Make Requests
Taking Responsibility for Our Own Pleasure: The best way for us to get our needs met
is to speak up with our requests
Two individuals willing to communicate
their desires and take responsibility for their own pleasure create an excellent framework for effective, fulfilling sexual sharing
(22)The Fine Art of Listening
Nondefensive listening – without being
defensive, focus attention on your partner’s concerns
Active listening – nonverbal communication
that assures your partner you are attentive
Eye contact, head nods, “um hum” Know your partner’s buttons and avoid
(23)The Fine Art of Listening
When your partner is finished, summarize
and validate their thoughts
Take caution in interpreting a message that
may not be perceived correctly, but altered due to mood state or the state of your
relationship with the person
Women listen for details, men listen for the
(24)Enriching Your Sexuality
Constructive Criticism
Talking with Your Partner about Sex I Like You and I Like Myself
(25)Delivering Criticism
Be Aware of Your Motivation
Choose the Right Time and Place Temper Criticism with Praise
Nurture Small Steps Toward Change Avoid "Why" Questions
Express Anger Appropriately
Limit Criticism to One Complaint per
(26)Receiving Criticism
Empathize with Your Partner and Paraphrase
the Criticism
Acknowledge a Criticism and Find Something
to Agree With
Ask Clarifying Questions Express Your Feelings
(27)Talking with Your Partner about Sex
Most couples initiate and consent to sex
nonverbally
It is difficult to talk about sex
Each person’s desires are unique and need
to be communicated
Good lovers know how to communicate and
(28)I Like You and I Like Myself
You need to feel good about yourself in order
to be sexually healthy
The media creates the “ideal body”
Self-esteem is related to emotional and
mental health
Having acceptance, autonomy,
(29)What Makes a Good Lover?
Sensitivity to their partner’s needs Able to communicate own desires Patient
Caring
Confident
Keep in mind that men and women can have
(30)Class Exercise: “War of the Roses”
How does communication influence intimacy? Identify examples of gender differences in