The 100 day promise sandi amorim

So I began studying the process of change, and out of that I developed an online program, the 100 Day Promise.. The program is designed to guide you over the course of one hundred days t

The 100 Day Promise

by Sandi Amorim

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,mechanical or electronic, including photocopying or recording, or by any informationstorage and retrieval system, or transmitted by email without permission in writing fromthe author

Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, orcontrary interpretations of the subject matter herein Any perceived slight of anyindividual or organization is purely unintentional

Any resemblance, within this book, to real persons living or dead is purely coincidentalapart from my own stories that are true to the author

Cover Design: John Matthews

Editing: Grace Kerina

Author’s photo courtesy of Don Epp Photography

For my Mom, who taught me to read at a very young age and instilled in me a love oflearning that has fuelled my soul and gotten me through many of life’s adventures

And for you and your relentless spirit, for every time you tried to change and failed, and

for every time you picked yourself up to try again – thank you

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

– Ram Dass

Mind or Brain – Which Changes First?EXERCISE: Taking In The Good

Chapter 8: Celebration And CompletionEXERCISE: One Hundred Day ReflectionChapter 9: The Pitfalls of Change

About Difference Press

Other Books by Difference PressThe 100 Day Promise Resources

The idea for The 100 Day Promise came to me when I realized I was having the same

conversation over and over again with clients and people going through my onlineprograms Many of them were discouraged because, in spite of a strong desire to change,they weren’t able to create the kind of change that lasts over time After spending aconsiderable amount of time, money, and energy, naturally they were frustrated – mostlywith themselves, but also with the self-help world, which makes change sound so easy Iwondered, if our good intentions weren’t enough, what was missing? What was needed tochange with greater ease and effectiveness?

I was inspired by my clients, but quickly realized I needed this information for myself.Like them – and you as well, I assume, or you wouldn’t be reading this – I had issues in

my life that, no matter how hard I tried, just wouldn’t change beyond the initial phase ofmotivation So I began studying the process of change, and out of that I developed an

online program, the 100 Day Promise The program is designed to guide you over the

course of one hundred days to create a promise based on a change you want in your life,and to develop your capacity to follow through with daily actions to bring that promise to

life – not only bring it to life, i.e make it live in reality, but bring it into your life, with all

the specificity that calls for

That first hundred day program gave me a real-life glimpse of what happens when wetry to change I saw where people stop themselves, as well as how resilient they are whenthey have the right kind of support I uncovered my own personal blocks as I went throughthe program with them, and I created daily practices to keep myself on track that workedbetter than many things I’d tried in the past – and I was hearing similar results from myclients

What might happen if we learned how to keep a promise to ourselves like we keep apromise to a good friend?

Asking myself this question was the defining moment that led me down a rabbit holethat included neuroscience, habit development, the cycle of change, the law of attraction,and positive psychology Like Alice, I consumed what came my way, reading voraciously

in topics ranging from science to woo-woo I expanded with the amount of knowledge Idevoured, and shrank in those moments when I doubted the whole project In the end, the

When I began learning about change, I was irritated by how much focus was given tothe belief that it only takes twenty-one days to change or create a habit I knew it was notthat simple and my anger intensified with every blog post and book I read that promotedthis outdated information

What I’ve discovered is that change – generally speaking – takes much longer

Research from the European Journal of Social Psychology suggests that although the

average length of success in forming a habit is sixty-six days, it can vary from eighteen totwo hundred and fifty-four days But go online or to your favourite bookstore’s self-helpsection and you’ll see how prevalent this concept still is This twenty-one day myth hasbecome a cliché that coaches and self-help professionals repeat too often and too lightly.It’s lazy and uninformed, and helps no one

When I began testing ideas with my clients, I paid attention to what worked and whathelped them develop personal practices with greater ease and efficacy Sustainable changewas what we were after, and I knew I was onto something Yes, change can and doeshappen in an instant, but more commonly it takes longer than twenty-one days, and longerstill depending on the difficulty of the desired change For example, creating a daily habit

of drinking more water is more likely to take hold within twenty-one days than increasingyour self-esteem or confidence, which could take a lot longer due to subconscious limitingbeliefs Always running in the background, such beliefs have more impact than anythingelse when it comes to what makes up your identity, but they also keep you from beingyour best self and changing successfully

The process of change takes time It’s a practice and it takes work It’s not random andit’s certainly not rocket science (Side note: I once met an actual rocket scientist fromNASA and she rolled her eyes whenever anyone used this phrase.)

Another aspect of the online program I saw making a big difference was thecombination of doing the work in a supportive community and sharing a publicdeclaration within that safe space As you may have experienced, it can be easier to keep apromise to someone else than to yourself Making a promise and declaring it in acommitted, supportive community is powerful It may make you feel vulnerable, but it canalso be the source of greater success, and even freedom

One hundred days is a long time for committing to a change, and I’ve seriouslyquestioned the timespan Most of my work is done online, and it’s there that you’ll find allkinds of challenges – twenty-one, thirty, and occasionally sixty days for changing a habit –

but let me make two things clear: 1) The 100 Day Promise is not a challenge, and 2) it’s

not a quick fix After running the program multiple times and using it with clients on aone-to-one basis, I’ve found it to be long enough to get people past the discomfort thatusually accompanies change The hundred day timeframe creates a container in whichsatisfaction can develop as they see their desired change taking hold

One hundred days is also long enough that you’ll probably be tempted to break yourpromise and quit, but sticking with it will change your life Once you’ve had theexperience of change being possible in one area, you may find yourself using the skillsyou’ve developed in the program in other areas of your life This is what has people return

What will you have at the end of one hundred days? You get to decide For some, it’s anew habit or practice in life For others, it’s releasing an old habit or fear What I’ve seenmost consistently is that the timespan of one hundred days develops the capacity toeliminate what’s not working while providing a space in which to actually embrace what’s

most wanted The best part is that The 100 Day Promise gives you strategies you can use

over and over again Personal growth never ends, and there’s no finish line when it comes

to happiness and satisfaction in life This program is also a journey It’s a structure thatgoes deeper with each promise you make, and this will have a profound impact on whoyou know yourself to be

When you take part in the online program, you get weekly modules and daily prompts

to support you throughout the hundred days In this book, I offer a view of the entirejourney and include exercises and resources that can be applied to any area of life you’dlike to change I suggest you read the book through once, then decide how you want toproceed and use the book as a guide

If you’re ready to create change in a way that will make a real difference to your life,

I’d love to support you in the next 100 Day Promise online program You can find out

more here: onehundreddaypromise.com

I’m not going to lie – one hundred days is a very long time, and you may want to quitmany times before you get to the end The first thing I want you to understand aboutchange is that this is normal People quit on themselves all the time … until they don’t.

The Myth Of Overnight Success

“Your audacious life goals are fabulous We’re proud of you for having them But it’s possible that those goals are designed to distract you from the thing that’s really frightening you – the shift in daily habits that would mean a re–invention of how you see

yourself.”

– Seth GodinAre you ready for a reinvention? Transformations and overnight successes are common

in the online world We see them all the time, and it’s easy to feel a bit jaded by thepromotional hype We live in a world of over-promising, and it’s had a negative impact onour confidence and ability to follow through on our good intentions But the process ofchange doesn’t usually go the way they say it will and we don’t often hear about the paththat led to the transformation We almost never hear about the effort involved to reach thesuccesses; only the results, and if you’ve tried and failed in previous attempts to change,this only serves to trigger judgment and self-recrimination

“Intentions are a form of desire Desire per se is not the root of suffering; craving is.”

– Rick Hanson, Ph.D

When you make a promise to yourself, it always comes from a desire to change, andthere’s nothing wrong with that Change is what most of us want, but we deny that wewant it, as though we should be more accepting of what is and not so focused on what wewant This denial sets in motion a craving for what we’re denying ourselves; if you’ve

How do we get there – to our desired change – from here, the feeling of dissatisfactionand longing?

I’m an avid reader who loves words and their meanings, so I began my research aboutchange by looking up the etymology of the two words that wouldn’t leave me alone as Iresearched: promise and change

“Things do not change; we change.”

– Henry David ThoreauWhen we really want to make a change, but feel defeated before we begin, is it possible

to reach our desired goal? Is it possible to change when we don’t understand how changereally works? My clients were asking these questions, so I decided to find the answers –for them and for myself

The Cycle Of Change

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself

endlessly.”

– Henri BergsonUnderstanding the cycle of change is the most challenging part of the hundred dayprocess In order for you to succeed at your promise, you first have to understand howchange works That’s what I’ll be sharing with you in this chapter Though accepting it

may be challenging, this is vital information you need in order to change successfully.One of my greatest frustrations as a coach is watching people beat themselves up forfailing to keep their word Understanding why we fail at change is as important as ourdesire to change in the first place Otherwise, the cycle of failure continues.

You know how you’re good at keeping a promise to your best friend, but you’ll blowoff a promise to yourself? Understanding the cycle of change can help you narrow thisfrustrating gap and lead you to discover that putting yourself first is an act of self-love thatimpacts and fuels everything else in your life

Some days, especially as you begin your hundred day commitment, you may feeluncomfortable and want to quit In this program, you’ll learn how to stay with yourdiscomfort, and you’ll realize that the more you stay with it, the more you discover aboutwhat you need to move through it

We assume that change requires a dramatic shift We’re led to believe that if we’regiven the right kind of training, information, or education, then change will be quick andeffective The reality for many of us is that our attempts at change fail on our first attempts– and even on multiple attempts – and instead of looking for what was missing about theprocess, we look inward and find fault with ourselves

In Changing for Good, Dr James Prochaska discovered (after working with thousands

of patients) that there are natural steps we go through when attempting to change.Knowing about those steps is a good place to begin

This chapter is the most academic part of the book, but stay with me Get through thispart so you understand why you haven’t succeeded in the past and, more importantly, youunderstand how to succeed in the future No matter what area of life you focus on, you gothrough these stages every time you decide there’s something you want to change

You recognize that you need to put in ongoing effort to maintain the change It seemslike a lot of work, but you know it’s worth it, and you’ve even begun to feel proud ofyourself.

6 Relapse (Recycling)

You “re-cycle” by returning to the contemplation or preparation stage to prepare onceagain for action You may want to deepen the change or begin a new cycle with anotherpromise

It’s safe to say that because you’re reading this book you’re probably already in thepreparation stage, and maybe even ready for action

When You Know Better, You Do Better

Below are a few more things to know about change that will help you do better duringyour hundred days Though they’re not commandments or rules, when you act as ifthey’re true, your view of the world will likely change dramatically

Change usually comes out of dissatisfaction, but is more effective when you link it to adesire

The more awareness you have, the more choice you have about how you’ll change.Change occurs in stages as a process, unless a trauma occurs in your life

Focus more on what you want to move toward than on what you want to change ormove away from

You already have the capacity to change; it’s an evolved, built-in part of being human.Backward slips are more the rule than the exception

You will be able to apply what you learn with one change to any other desired change

In other words, you’ve got what it takes to change

You may need support and resources, and information about the change process may behelpful, but you instinctively know how to change I’m sure of this because you’vealready changed many times before in your life This is good news, right?

In the next chapter, I’ll show you what the path of change looks like It’s not alwayspretty, but knowing what lies ahead can save you time and energy and prepare you formaking a change that lasts

The Hero’s Journey

The hero’s journey is a pattern identified by Joseph Campbell that appears in drama,storytelling, myth, religious ritual, and psychological development Every journey,whether it’s a month-long pilgrimage walking the Camino in Spain, a weekend road tripwith a friend, or an inner journey while on silent retreat, comes with its own challenge and

adventure Think of Frodo in Lord of the Rings, Ragnar Lothbrok in Vikings, or Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones Each of those characters travels the path of the hero’s

journey

I love Joseph Campbell’s wisdom, and have found the hero’s journey to be a universaltheme that can apply to anything in life I’ve used it as a tool throughout the hundred dayprocess as a kind of road map, one we’ll revisit in later chapters

The hero’s journey is a metaphor that can help you personalise your journey In the

online 100 Day Promise, it’s easy to see people going through the various stages because

we’re all working on our promises together When you begin your hundred daycommitment, you can use the hero’s journey as a map to see where you are Thatknowledge will help you move forward

You can find elements of the hero’s journey everywhere you look, not only in fairytales, soap operas, and dramatic movies, but in your own life The quotes I share in thischapter are all from Joseph Campbell, and if you’re like me, you’ll find they can beapplied to any circumstance or challenge you might be facing as you move through yourown hero’s journey

The big thing I want you to know about using the hero’s journey in the process ofchange is this: You are both the author and the hero of your story You are not at the mercy

of your circumstances, unless you choose to be, and that’s hard for a lot of people toaccept As horrible or challenging as your circumstances might seem in the moment, Ipromise you that there’s always a choice and a way out Deciding that this is true is thekey

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path Your own path you make with every step you take That’s why it’s your path.”

You know how you sometimes look to others for a solution? The truth is that to changeeffectively, you’ll need to make your own path, write your own story We all have times inour lives when we resist this, when we choose to give up our power by letting someoneelse write and tell our story If you do that, you miss the fact that the stories you write andtell yourself create your life You already know this (I think we all do), but you may haveavoided accepting this level of responsibility for your life

The intention of The 100 Day Promise is to offer a variety of resources and strategies to

help you keep your promise to yourself as you travel along your own hero’s journey It’s

try new things, to look at what works and what doesn’t, and to adapt There’s no right way

to do this – there’s only the way that works for you – and this can be both frustrating and agreat sense of relief

Sometimes you’ll discover effective practices by accident I’ve learned that walking mydog along the river is the fastest way to plug myself into the kind of energy and state ofmind I need to start my day I leave my phone and all its distractions at home and I simplywalk the dog Some days it’s a walking meditation, other times I chant, talk to my dog, orsit on a bench and meditate I follow the energy and trust what feels good and right for me

in the moment

You have to discover your own strategies You have to find your own path Your path

may include familiar elements – activities like walking the dog, journaling, or meditating– or it may turn out to include elements that are completely different and unique to you.Maybe you need more physical movement or creative activity Maybe you need to notcheck your email first thing in the morning (I’m still working on this one!) The point is to

Before I knew about the stages of the hero’s journey, I struggled a lot more when thingsdidn’t go my way I remember my first year in business, self-employed as a coach I wasbrimming with energy and enthusiasm I was going to launch my business and change theworld overnight! By the end of the first month, I realized that being a successful coachwasn’t only about following the call Every month that first year, I rode an emotionalroller coaster and my confidence took a beating from all the surprises I encountered on thepath of business-building It took everything in me not to give up and go back to mystable, but soul-sucking job Now that I understand the hero’s journey, I can see howuseful it would have been to know the pitfalls ahead of time

What follows is a brief outline of the phases of the hero’s journey, adapted from

Christopher Vogler’s book A Practical Guide to Joseph Campbell’s The Hero with a

Thousand Faces.

The hero’s journey describes the typical adventure of the archetype known as TheHero, the person who goes out and achieves great deeds In our hundred days together,The Hero is you, and here is the path you’ll be taking:

of the situation or dilemma

For you, maybe this manifests as a desire to move away from the pain or discomfort ofyour current circumstances Almost certainly, you feel some kind of tension pulling you in

a different direction and causing stress

2 The Call to Adventure: Something shakes up the situation, either from external

pressures or from something inside, deep within, so the hero must face the beginnings ofchange

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.”

Brian Johnson, author of A Philosopher’s Notes, playfully calls this your phone call from God This is what had you say yes to The 100 Day Promise You listened to an internal call, and you said, “Yes, please I’m ready.”

3 Refusal of the Call (Initiation): The hero feels the fear of the unknown and tries to

turn away from the adventure, however briefly

Don’t we all know this place? We’ve said yes, but soon enough we begin to feelresistance We question our sanity and may begin hiding or sabotaging ourselves Relax,and know that this too, is part of the journey The only thing you have to do here is keepgoing and get the right kind of support to keep you on track

4 Meeting with the Mentor: The hero comes across a seasoned traveler of the world

who gives him or her training, equipment, or advice that will help on the journey The heroalso reaches within to a source of courage and wisdom

I’ve learned from experience that mentors are simply on the path ahead of us Use them

as a resource, but don’t put them on a pedestal One of my favourite sayings is the

Japanese proverb, “None of us is as smart as all of us.” This concept is evident in my

online program, where people share insights and learnings as well as resources

For me, having the support of a mentor, my writing coach and publisher Angela Lauria,has made all the difference in writing this book

5 Crossing the Threshold (The Pit): The hero commits to leaving the ordinary world

and entering a new region or condition with unfamiliar rules and values

This is where it can get scary, because it might feel like you’re in a new land You’vecommitted and you’re now moving forward on your promise At this point, you might also

think, “What the hell have I done?”

“If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living.”

6 Tests, Allies, and Enemies: The hero is tested and sorts out allegiances in the new

world

“The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come At the darkest moment comes the light.”

One of the things about change that we don’t necessarily talk about is that there may be

people in your life who don’t want you to change They like the status quo and wantthings – and you – to stay the same Other people may become your strongest allies Thispart of the journey is learning to tell one from the other.

7 Approach: The hero and newfound allies prepare for the major challenge of the

to shed your old skin In other words, you have to give up your current identity The newfuture that you’re creating depends upon you doing this It’s essential, though rarely easy

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.”

9 The Reward (Breakthrough): The hero takes possession of the treasure won by

facing death

There may be celebration, but there is also danger, as you’re not home free yet Thisstage is about noticing when and where you become cocky and maybe a bit arrogant aboutyour progress

This is my weakest point on the hero’s journey I start to think I’ve got it handled, Iease off my commitment, and then it happens – I slip backwards, judge myself, and thenhave to deal with my disappointment

“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.”

10 The Road Back: About three-quarters of the way through the story, the hero is

driven to complete the adventure and return home with the treasure

This too may be a challenge, as you’ve grown accustomed to being on the journey.How will you deal with your return? Do you make time to celebrate? Do you acknowledgethe work you’ve put in or do you immediately move on to the next thing?

11 The Resurrection: At the climax of the story, the hero is severely tested once more,

on the threshold of coming home Usually, this test comes in the form of a final sacrifice,another moment of death and rebirth, but on a higher and more complete level

This is the point at which you notice that the tension you began the journey with is

finally resolved and you adopt this stance: “Whatever the hell happens, I’ll say, ‘This is

what I need.’”

12 Return with the Elixir (Celebration): The hero returns home (or continues the

journey) bearing a treasure that has the power to transform the world as the hero has beentransformed

to advise me My passion for the work I was doing was not enough, and knowing thestages of the path ahead of me would have given me a different perspective, one thatwould have supported more sustainable growth during my first year in business

To help you see your own path, here are two exercises to get you thinking about yourpromise and the area of your life you most want to impact by going through a change

EXERCISE 1: Creating An Outcome

These questions are designed to help you focus on the outcome, the result you want foryour promise, rather than the circumstances that might stop you

Instructions:

On a blank page, write down your promise If you’re not sure what it is yet, just writedown what you have so far

While in this clear space, write out your promise again, and this time reclaim yourdream How do you feel about it now?

Now that you’ve reclaimed your dream, I’ll teach you in the next chapter how to shiftyour beliefs to fuel the new future you’re creating for yourself

Shifting Beliefs and Fuelling the Future

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the

capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

– GandhiWhy do you believe what you believe? Is it because it’s true, or because, as Gandhisaid, you keep telling yourself it’s true? What you think about yourself and what you saycreates your reality

Marianne Williamson said, “Nothing binds you except your thoughts; nothing limits

you except your fear; and nothing controls you except your beliefs.” A limiting belief is a

belief you have about yourself, other people, or the world that holds you back and robsyou of your power Limiting beliefs can keep you from keeping your promise Most of thetime, they’re hidden from your view

A strong desire to change is not enough You may think that if you know what you wantand are clear on your desires, the path to getting it will also be clear and easy That’s whatwe’re led to believe However, this isn’t true if your unconscious limiting beliefs are

driving your actions Desire is a key component to success with The 100 Day Promise, but

it’s not the only component You also need to get your beliefs in order

Where Do Beliefs Come From?

Beliefs are not the truth You may think they’re real because they feel true, but beliefsare not and have never been the truth They’re formed by repeated thoughts, and thereason they feel true is because some time in the past something happened (let’s call it thetrigger) and you made a decision that led to a thought You then kept thinking that samethought over and over until, at some point, you probably even forgot what the originaltrigger was

Most of our beliefs begin in childhood and are formed by interactions with parents orprimary caregivers Let’s get one thing straight right now: This isn’t about blaming ourparents Even people who had happy childhoods can have limiting beliefs.

Many parents, however, don’t realize the impact their behaviour can have on theirchildren Things they say and do can unconsciously form negative beliefs in their children,even when that’s most certainly not what they wanted

Picture this…

At some point in my childhood, I think around the age of ten, someone made acomment about my sister and me He said, “Sandi’s the smart one and Janet’s the prettyone.” Neither of those statements is negative, but here’s how our beliefs formed aroundthat statement: I spent most of my life confident in my intelligence, driven to do well inschool (learning and growth are vital to me), but never feeling pretty; my sister spent most

of her life confident and assured of her attractiveness, but never feeling smart enough Wedidn’t hear the positive in that original trigger statement We only heard what we lacked,and that became the truth that each of us believed

Remember I said you’d probably forget the trigger? I don’t remember the details of thatevent, but not remembering didn’t stop the belief from forming

The hard thing about limiting beliefs is that you might even know intellectually thatthey’re not true, and yet you believe them anyway People often tell my sister and me that

we look a lot alike, and yet I still think of her as the pretty one That may seem crazy toyou, but it’s very real to me, and this situation is much more common than you mightexpect

Whether you agree with your beliefs or not, they still inform your thoughts, feelings,and behaviours Uncovering and telling the truth about your beliefs is an important part ofyour hundred day journey

Why are we more likely to believe negative or limiting beliefs? In Buddha’s Brain,

psychologist and brain researcher Dr Rick Hanson says our brains are “Velcro for

negativity and Teflon for positivity.” We have a physiological bias toward negativity.

Back to the story about my sister and me What hurt me about what our family friendsaid was not that he said I was smart, but that I heard him imply that I was not pretty.That’s what became Velcro’d to my brain – a limiting belief that ran in the background of

my consciousness for years

Being wired for negativity makes the process of change harder This is the way ourbrains work Fighting against this bias is pointless, so for change to happen, we need towork around it

Unraveling A Limiting Belief

My friend Sam shared a great example with me She said that when she went aboutcreating a new identity for herself as an athlete, at first she saw evidence that supportedher long-held belief that she was not an athlete Here’s how her belief looked:

questions in Byron Katie’s The Work, and it’s a question you can’t ignore It forces you to

face the possibility that what you believe is not true no matter how much you believe it.Sam began creating a new identity for herself as an athlete, and looking for evidencefor that new belief She followed this up with the practice of refocusing constantly andrefusing to believe the old stories This shift in how she thought about herself and theactions she took was not about willpower or discipline, i.e., “I have to go for a run.” Forthe first time, her focus was on her promise to herself and how it made her feel The moreshe focused on how the promise made her feel, the more she felt like taking the actions tosupport it, and over time this became a new pattern which created a new identity

Take a moment right now to check in with your promise What beliefs are getting in theway? What old stories are showing up? Notice them as an objective observer, and becompassionate with yourself You’re not alone Change requires effort, no matter who youare

This exercise will help you get clear on your limiting beliefs and how you can begincreating a new identity

EXERCISE: Getting Clear On What You Want

In the cocoon stage between caterpillar and butterfly, there’s goo The thing that’sbecoming is no longer a caterpillar, but it’s not yet a butterfly It’s important not to quit inmid-transformation, but to keep growing When you decide to make a change you set upyour own internal transformation.

Your commitment to bringing your promise to life will stretch you past your comfortzone, into the goo, and then beyond, reforming you to become more yourself as you stripaway the old beliefs Day by day, you become more and more connected to what youwant

Let’s look at what you need to fuel your promise so you can keep going Here’s adefinition of fuel:

fuel: something that gives nourishment, sustains or encourages; stimulant; an energy

Steve Maraboli said, “Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you intopositive action.” He also said, “If you fuel your journey on the opinions of others, you aregoing to run out of gas.”

Painful, hurtful, and often wounding, the opinions of others have a greater impact than

we might like They often play out as thoughts, and can drain the energy needed to followthrough on a promise

About halfway through the online program, I ask people to look at how they speakabout themselves and their promises This stage is about finding and using the right words

to fuel your promise There are words you use in everyday conversations There are wordsyou don’t say that choke you up from inside Your words create your reality When youunderstand this, you’ll become more conscious of what you say to yourself and what yousay out loud Quite possibly, once you do this, you’ll never speak again (kidding well,kind of)

In Change Your World One Word at a Time, David Firth writes, “On any given day each

of us is likely to speak 16,000 words.” His work in the field of language invites us tobecome more conscious of what’s actually coming out of our mouths How many of thosesixteen thousand words you speak every day make you feel good?

How does this relate to your promise? If you find yourself struggling to take an actionrelated to your promise, notice how your promise feels If it feels like a burden, take alook at how you’ve worded your promise How might an adjustment of words transformyour promise from giving you a heavy feeling to compelling you to take action every day?

For example, in the first 100 Day Promise online program, I began with a promise to

write every day, but that quickly triggered the rebel in me, who hates being told what to

next exercise is one of the simplest and most beautiful ways to experience the effect ofwords.

EXERCISE: Write Yourself a Love Letter

Instructions:

On a fresh sheet of paper or using an online app like FutureMe (futureme.org), write alove letter to yourself that’s full of words of inspiration and encouragement Imagine it’sthe last day of your hundred day journey You’ve done the work You’ve shown up dayafter day, and honoured your promise Ask yourself these questions to prompt yourwriting:

How have I evolved?

Who have I become?

How has my promise changed me?

If you’re using the FutureMe app, set the delivery date for your letter as the last day ofyour hundred day commitment If you’re handwriting a letter – which is a beautiful thing

to do – address it, stamp it, and give it to a friend with instructions to mail on that day

“It’s all invented anyway, so we might as well invent a story or framework of meaning that

enhances our quality of life and the lives of those around us.”

– Benjamin ZanderHere’s a letter I wrote myself during a difficult time in my life:

Dear One,

You continually surprise and delight me with your passion for learning, and when youshare yourself and your gifts with others – it resonates like a gong in my heart

In case you’ve forgotten, I’m writing to remind you that you are loved I see yousometimes burdened by doubt and it saddens me because who I see when I look at you is

Values and Core Desired Feelings

Certain aspects of ourselves act as internal guides, but this is only true when we knowwhat they are I believe that these aspects include values, core desired feelings, and modal

operators Modal operators is an intellectual way of referring to words that motivate.

(Remember, I’m the smart sister.)

What you value in life is distinct from what your values are This can be confusing atfirst, but when you get clear on your values, they become powerful guides as you settleinto your promise In this chapter, I invite you to explore the concept of values in a waythat will clarify your core values so that they can act like a high-performance internalguidance system

Let’s begin with the idea that your values are like fingerprints or DNA In myexperience, you don’t really choose your values; they’re a part of you, and the essence ofwho you are Unless a trauma occurs in your life, your values will pretty much stay thesame, and once you know and understand them, they’ll become your greatest allies

“When you see the core values of an individual you are effectively viewing that person’s

identity; you are almost getting a window into his or her soul.”

– Tim BrownsonValues are important because they motivate from the inside out They’re at the heart ofevery major decision you make – even when you aren’t aware of it

The most important things to know about values are that there’s no right or wrong aboutthem, and moral judgments aren’t helpful A value is either important to you or it’s not,regardless of what others think For example, integrity is one of my core values, butintegrity is a loaded word for many people It’s often used with an edge of morality andrighteousness, weighted down by judgment That’s not my relationship to integrity at all

EXERCISE: Values Alignment

There are three parts to this exercise Do the steps in order and do each step completely

Part One: Clarity

1 Choose six of your values, either from the list below or from your experience of life.Letting your intuition be your guide, choose words that resonate This isn’t about pickingthe “right” words but rather choosing words that “feel right.” Don’t over analyze Instead,allow what’s important to you to rise up into your awareness

As you look at your list of chosen words, how to they make you feel? Do these valuessum up who you are?

Many people experience a sense of recognition when they identify their core values Itcan feel like you knew them all along, but didn’t have words for them till now

4 Look at the wheel and notice where your satisfaction levels are low and wherethey’re high Don’t judge yourself; just notice as an observer

What did you learn from your values today?

“Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values.”

- Dalai LamaKeep this values diary going for at least one full week to really get a sense of how yourvalues are showing up in your life and whether or not they’ve been supporting yourpromise.

Modal Operators (What Motivates You?)

Too often, we use language to dominate ourselves into submission The term modal

operators refers to your personal operating system That system includes words like must, should, can’t, have to, must, can, will, etc Their presence tells you whether you’re

speaking the language of necessity rather than possibility There’s a big difference

The phrase core desired feeling refers to the feeling you most want to feel Once you

begin your hundred day promise, it’s important to know specifically how you most want tofeel in relationship to your promise Your promise needs to live in language and emotion,

so you have to focus on how words resonate – from your heart and soul – not from your

head

Knowing how you want to feel as you take action every day on your promise isessential; otherwise, taking action turns into robotic doing When you know what youwant your promise to feel like, everything else will begin to fall away, leaving you withmore space in your life to feel good

The Desire Map