Chapter Coexisting with the Meat Eaters in Your Home In This Chapter ▶ Living happily with nonvegans ▶ Understanding the food and comfort needs of everyone in your household ▶ Teaching children valuable cooking and meal planning skills A t some point in your vegan life, you’ll most likely live with a nonvegan You may find one on craigslist as a roommate, marry one, give birth to one, or marry into a family populated by meat and dairy lovers All these carnivores will eye your tempeh and nutritional yeast flakes suspiciously at first Considering vegans comprise less than percent of the population, it’s no surprise that you need to get comfortable with mixed company Living with nonvegans presents interesting and unique challenges Some households are able to find a middle road that works for everyone relatively easily and quickly Others find it difficult to accommodate everyone’s culinary and ethical desires in the same kitchen and dining room This chapter helps you figure out a way to work with most mixed living situations Every home is comprised of unique individuals, so unless you’re all holding hands and happily skipping toward vegan utopia, you’ll encounter some bumps in the road But not to worry Every kitchen has room for upgrades that can facilitate a calm and civil co-cooking environment Discovering how to offer a gracious dining experience for nonvegan guests is another topic of concern that I cover here Any children in the household can learn valuable lifelong habits about healthy eating and cooking when the topics of menu planning, shopping, ingredient selection, and cooking together are discussed openly and honestly 100 Part III: Sticking to Your Guns: Staying Vegan Cementing a relationship with the C’s Every relationship, including marriages, roommate partnerships, and child-parent relationships, requires a bit of work and attention However, relationships that involve a battle of diets require even more effective effort to achieve success Remember the C’s when building your household partnerships: clear, consistent, compassionate communication You may come to an agreement about how to shop, cook, and eat together, but your cohabitants may evolve their diets or get frustrated with previously agreed-to boundaries The vegan in the house must take it upon herself to generate positive, productive conversations about everyone’s satisfaction with the meals and cooking routines Don’t let bad moods fester; otherwise they result in blow-up fights, bigger problems, and a tense living environment Remember that everyone needs to feel respected and valued You can always find a way to compromise and find options that work for the group as a whole Kitchen Etiquette for Mixed Households Many vegan activists recommend that we be vegangelical with our loved ones and friends, taking every opportunity to point out why their flesh food is hurting their health, the planet, and the animals who unwillingly give it up However, keep in mind that as you like to have your choices respected, so they Some meat eaters are willing to avoid eating and cooking nonvegan foods around their vegan partners Others are happy to eat vegan food at home while feeling relaxed enough to order anything outside the home You just have to figure out what works best for you and those who live under the roof with you In the illustrious words of Tim Gunn, you can find a way to “make it work.” If you can’t tolerate living with someone who continues to eat meat or dairy, it’s best to look for people who share your view Who’s in a mixed household? Mixed households can include all sorts of combinations of vegans and nonvegans, including the following: ✓ Multigenerational splits (mom and dad are nonvegan and the two kids are vegan, or vice versa) ✓ Several lifetime vegans ✓ A 50-50 split of meat eaters and vegans Chapter 8: Coexisting with the Meat Eaters in Your Home ✓ A whole family that has agreed to venture into the vegan lifestyle together ✓ A lone vegan amongst a crowd of omnivores, which is the most common instance Luckily, no matter what your situation, you can live by your principles for a peaceful, cruelty-free life and still share your kitchen with someone who eats meat and dairy products It isn’t always easy, so you have to be strong Every relationship is about giving and receiving, and sharing food is one of the most intimate things we with the people we love and live with Staying sane in a mixed household Long-time couples who have been happily living and eating together for years may suddenly have major problems when one person decides to change his diet for health, spiritual, or other reasons When the other person gets angry about the changes or rules required for a vegan diet, it’s important to remind her that you still care about and respect her and her choices Be honest and tell that person that your dietary changes don’t mean you’re going to judge her or love her any differently If your current cohabitant doesn’t fully embrace the vegan lifestyle and he only changes for you, it may result in unexpressed anger or discomfort in the house If you live with someone who refuses to stop bringing meat or dairy into the house after you have asked him nicely and explained why you desire it, you can take the following steps to make the kitchen easier for everyone to use: ✓ Keep a separate set of cutting boards for nonvegan use Color-coding is easiest, because no one will be able to claim confusion as to which board is used for cutting chicken Use red cutting boards for meat and green cutting boards for vegan foods Alternatively, you can keep wooden cutting boards and write the words “vegan” or “veggie” on some and “meat,” “fish,” or “dairy” on others in the corner with permanent ink ✓ Label vegan-only areas of the refrigerator so that meat isn’t placed next to the vegetables This reduces the risk of crossover contamination from flesh-borne bacteria and illnesses ✓ Reserve a special glass in your cupboard for the cow’s milk drinker if you dislike the idea of sipping your hemp milk from the same cup ✓ Label chef’s knives for different purposes You can use a similar process that you for the cutting boards Or you can buy one good-quality chef’s knife just for the vegan and ask that it not be used to cut meat, poultry, fish, or dairy products ✓ Consider buying mixed sets of Fiesta dishes with two colors One color can be used for the vegans and the other color for the meat eaters These colorful sets are nice because you can mix and match to go with whatever color scheme you have chosen for your kitchen or dining room 101 102 Part III: Sticking to Your Guns: Staying Vegan ✓ Work out rules for the stove and for the pots and pans If sharing the stove top becomes too contentious, or if you don’t have the space to keep or the money to buy an extra set of pots and pans just for meat preparation, ask the meat eater to prepare his flesh foods outside on a meat-only grill This compromise keeps the meat smell out of the kitchen and provides a safe haven for their cooking Use nonconfrontational humor to deflect minor issues at home Rather than turning every slight refrigerator indiscretion into World War III, tell your friend, husband, wife, or child to “Mooooooove your cow’s milk over to the dairy side of the fridge, please!” or “EGGs-cuse me! There are eggs on top of my tofu salad.” Respect the fact that your humor and grace will lead to widening acceptance for your dietary choices — after all, no one wants to convert to a militant, humorless lifestyle Many families and roommates are able to “agree to disagree” and try to keep the dinner duels out of the house completely The meat eater or cheese lover agrees to keep those foods out of the house and live vegan with their friend or loved one When they eat outside the home, however, all bets are off and they can order whatever they want This plan works pretty well for most people The whole family can be vegan at home, and the omnivore can eat whatever he desires at work, school, or out for dinner Just remember to keep the lines of communication open — the last thing loved ones need is to stress each other out about food To get some support and ask questions of other vegans who have gone down this mixed-household path before, join www.veggieboards.com, which is a huge online community that allows you to post questions and read experiences from others Keeping Everyone Healthy and Happy In a majority of households in the United States, the woman does the cooking and the cleaning and the windows and the childcare, but that’s another book (Feminism in the 21st Century For Dummies, anyone?) If the goddess in your kitchen has gone vegan, and no one else has bought a ticket for that bus ride yet, it may be up to her to organize the menus, choose healthy ingredients, plan the cooking schedule, and ensure a wide variety of satisfying meals that keep everyone happy Chapter 8: Coexisting with the Meat Eaters in Your Home The vegan and the carnivore: Eating out on date night For obvious reasons, when a mixed, vegancarnivore couple goes out to eat, they may have trouble choosing a menu that suits both people’s desires Consider making a pact to visit a dedicated vegan restaurant every other outing Certainly the meat eater can find something he likes on a vegan menu, just as the vegan can find some combination of side dishes at a steak house This amount of work can be too much for one person to handle, no matter how much of a superwoman (or superman) the vegan at home may be For a family that contains more than one eating style, making sure that nutritious ingredients are used and available takes planning — and the whole crew must get in on the act Using a weekly menu planner, like the one in Chapter can help you make sure that no one goes hungry The last thing you need on a Wednesday night is for the vegan in your house to be left with brown rice and old carrots while the rest of the family chows down on frozen chicken wings Variety for vegans and nonvegans alike If meat is on the menu (and hopefully the omnivore will be cooking it outside away from the open kitchen window), provide many vegan side dishes Offering a variety of side dishes ensures that the nonvegan gets enough fiber, minerals, and vitamins If you’re making mixed steamed vegetables, quinoa pilaf, and baked tofu, make extra of each to share with the meat eater (and anyone else who would like to partake of them) Here are some vegan side dish ideas that everyone can rejoice over (especially because they take less than minutes to prepare): ✓ Artichoke hearts, hearts of palm, caper berries, and pickles ✓ Baked tortilla chips, vegan refried beans, salsa, and guacamole ✓ Brown rice tossed with a favorite salad dressing ✓ Carrot sticks, celery sticks, and red pepper spears with Tofu Sour Cream for dipping (see Chapter 13 for the recipe) ✓ Chickpeas tossed with olive oil, lemon juice, and sea salt and then sprinkled with fresh parsley 103 ... 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