the-contact-duet-as-a-paradigm-for-client

The Contact Duet as a Paradigm for Client/Therapist Interaction Adwoa Lemieux Coyright, Adwoa Lemieux, 1988, All Rights Reserved "If you want to get to a new place, you can't know where you are going." (Steve Paxton) Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Masters of Arts in Dance/Movement Therapy Naropa Institute Boulder, Colorado The thesis of Adwoa Donna Lemieux has been accepted by this committee: Charirperson of Committee: _ Lin Vernon ADTR Date Committee member: _ Nancy Stark Smith Date Committee member: _ Sally Bowersox MA Dance/Movement Therapy Date Acknowledgements: I wish to thank my committee, friends and family for their support during the writing of this paper I wish to give a special thanks to Danny Mack for listening, for reading, for dancing, for his devotion and love through this process, for believing in me, and for sharing with me the joy of spellchecking and tending to little details Without his patience and help, I would still be on a typewriter and using whiteout Thanks Mack and mac! You've both been incredible I also wish to thank Marjean Mckenna for my first contact improvisation dance and for all those that followed TABLE OF CONTENTS I Introduction A B C II Purpose Personal Motivation Contra-indications Definition of Terms 1 III Review of Literature A Movement Therapy Mary Whitehouse Marion Chace Contact Improvisation Steve Paxton Nancy Stark Smith B IV 10 The Two Forms 37 V 37 A Comparison of Contact Improvisation and Dance/Movement Therapy B My Experience of the two forms Paradigm A B C D E F G H VI A B C D E VIII 54 57 Making Contact Trust Duet Touch Support Taking Risks Round Robin/ Spontaneity Closure or Warm-down Experiential VII 10 12 17 23 23 27 57 60 62 64 67 70 71 73 75 Brief Overview of Anorexia, Bulimia, Bularexia Case Study One: Anna 81 Case Study Two: Susan 95 Partnership 100 Personal healing 104 Tools for the Therapist Closing Bibliography crouched in the corner was i back pressed against the wall muscles painfully taut, breathing all but non-existant, eyes darting watchfullyguarding against the threatening disjointed movement shadowing, the sun-filled room huddled in the corner was i 108 110 allowing for a safety net of distance between us just being there gently whispering long forgotten words soothingly caressing with her presence the terror within me she waited with me patiently, watched with me neutrally, permitted me my fear 75 heat belching from her promise somewhere, to stay at a distance unrelated noises, kept unpredictable noises did i know then shattering security, i would come to blaring out danger trust and love she approached, that gentle soul? oh i think not so slowly, fawnlike eyes beseeching mine, kneeling low to the ground This poem, written by a client of mine, who I'll call Anna, describes our first encounter It was the beginning of our work together She was unsure, frightened and hid in many of our first sessions I felt both her fears and yet her longing for contact with another I knew it would take time and I trusted the process We've worked together eight and one half months It has been a rich journey I began this paper shortly after my initial encounter with Anna through writing about my work with her The rest of the paper followed In beginning this paper, I too approached scared I felt unsure, "Can I articulate on paper what I know in my body and in my mind?" I am afraid that no one will understand what I say Although this kind of work is being done by a few others in different ways, I feel that I am pioneering this style of work I feel that I can no longer hide I need to share the work that is so much part of who I am At last I begin INTRODUCTION Hypothesis: The therapist/client interaction in a dance therapy session in many ways parallels the interaction in a contact improvisation duet The contact form provides a rich source of resources for the dance therapist A The Purpose My purpose in writing this paper is to introduce the form of contact/movement therapy Contact/movement therapy is the unity of two forms that I believe overlap In this paper I wish to stress the importance of contact in movement therapy I also wish to stress the need for the therapist to be in contact with him/herself while oscillating her/his awareness to the client in a session I wish to look at the "dance" between the therapist and the client There is a duet that takes place The client is not alone but is affected by the presence of the therapist It is my intention in this paper to create a paradigm that is useful for the movement therapist I feel it is important for movement therapists to experience contact improvisation as part of their training before using this work in their sessions As a contact improvisation dancer and teacher and a beginning movement therapist, I feel the forms spill into each other The intention in each setting is different However, there is a common paradigm There are steps involved in each which are similar The two forms support one another In this paper I will look at how contact improvisation supports a movement/dance therapy session I will share my paradigm and show how the contact form is a rich resource for the dance therapist I will use some of the vocabulary of the contact improvisation language as a 'metaphor' to describe the paradigm and show that the therapist/client relationship parallels the duet relationship in contact improvisation In looking at the history and theories of two dance/movement therapists, I recognize the founding principles of these are similar to the principles of contact improvisation In the review of literature I will discuss this further B Personal Motivation I wanted to study the principles of movement therapy before I ever knew of contact improvisation I studied in Africa where dance is integrated into nearly every aspect of people's lives I studied the meaning and the language of the dance in Ghana This dance integrated into everyday life was therapy The notion of the healing of dance as part of one's life has stayed with me It was years later that I discovered contact improvisation Contact improvisation has been healing for me personally When I began contact improvisation I was a student in the modern dance department at the University of Utah I had just injured my knee and was unable to dance or to ski, both of which were a big part of my life at that time I met a woman, Marjean McKenna, who was a 'contact improviser' She needed a partner Contact improvisation is done primarily in pairs I began dancing with the limitation of one knee that wouldn't support me The dance accounts for individual differences My limitation was simply integrated into the dance The process of learning the dance form was slow I loved the movement I slowed down and felt the sensation of my body moving Although I had danced for many years prior to this, I began to remember the joy and simplicity of my movement This movement had gotten lost in my formal study of dance I was supported by Marjean both physically and emotionally We built a strong trusting relationship over the next three years of dancing together After a year and one half we began to form a small group Three other people became 'core' One person was an acupuncturist, macrobiotic and jin shin practitioner, another an acupuncturist, a deep tissue body worker and a polarity balancer, another a Feldenkrais practitioner, Marjean an acupuncture student, Tai Chi teacher and Alexander technique student and distributor of natural foods and me We all danced for the delight and play of the movement but I was the spark We practiced in a studio in Marjean's home She the hearth, I the fire, the inspiration After dancing each week, we lay in the living room talking and trading body work sessions and acupuncture treatments We would have 'needles' or massage or exercises My trade was my love for the dance I gathered us We all contributed to each other's healing We were each accepted as we were We brought individual flavor and richness to the dance Sometimes one of us had an injury and we danced with that limitation Often one of us had something emotional going on yet we danced and let the energy move We grew to trust and to support one another Our weekly dancing time was a joy for each of us The healing for me was deep It was not just my physical being that changed, it was my whole being Partially because of this beginning into contact improvisation, this dance means healing to me This idea has affected life my contact improvisation dancing, my teaching and into my therapy practice Since that time I have moved geographically, yet my connection with these people still remains intact I have continued to deepen my relationship with contact improvisation I began this study and practice of contact improvisation eight years ago I felt immediately drawn to the dance In the last eight years through this dance practice I have a clearer understanding of myself I also have had time to look at my relationship with contact using various partners, students and clients I have found that through practicing contact improvisation, its principles have filtered into my life I feel contact improvisation is the most prominent factor in my personal healing As a teacher of contact, I witness the healing in my students They change They become more comfortable in their bodies and with others in the group Students sometimes cry or share some of their process; issues around fear come up, needing to be touched, afraid of getting support or giving support, wanting and needing contact This has inspired me as a movement therapist to explore this work more deeply I began noticing that there was a parallel between students and clients There were steps in common I began using my strength as a contact improviser with being in contact with my clients This does not necessarily mean physical contact Being in contact with a person is designed by each person's particular needs This is a sensitive energetic connection with a person while maintaining contact with one's self This will be discussed in more depth later in the paper What has become clear to me is that this style of working works well for me It integrates strengths of mine in a form that feels right This allows me an ease to be fully present and in touch with a client The work has been powerful One population that I work with is people who presently have an eating disorder I work through the process of making contact, through gaining and maintaining trust, using the duet form, sometimes using touch, developing support, taking risks, and using spontaneity and improvisation Through this I have seen changes in clients' body images, in their physical bodies and how they feel about themselves This work has been the single most powerful factor in some clients' recoveries Most of the people that I work with are part of an inpatient treatment program for people with advanced eating disorders I would like to share in this paper the way I work In my training as a dance/movement therapist I continued to practice contact improvisation quite extensively I chose this consciously as a personal need and as an integral part of my training as a dance/movement therapist C Contra-indications I feel that this paradigm is applicable and appropriate for any clientele The nature of the form is such that it takes into account individual needs and differences The paradigm may be used with individual needs respected The steps may move slowly and in fact some may be left out I feel that contact work is important and beneficial to all populations This work would be useful and beneficial for passive regressed people, for depressed people, for people seeking an outlet for emotions and who find speaking difficult, for children, for adults under everyday stress, for people who are tense, for people who have difficulties with relationships, for people with physical handicaps, for people who are in recovery from addictions, and for people who need or want to learn to recover their own child It is a very good way to relax For populations of very distressed people I move slowly and am alert and mindful before using physical touch I may use more structure for populations that are more disturbed I have used contact/movement therapy with people in a phase of recovery from abuse and people in a phase of selfempowerment I have begun working with couples using contact/movement therapy I have found this both exciting and useful for a couple working through their patterns in movement I have worked with children and would like to continue this and add the possibility of working with a parent and child together Contact/movement therapy can work with a variety of relationships I have also used this paradigm with an emotionally disturbed institutionalized group of children and adolescents and with a population of hospitalized adult psychiatric patients For the purpose of this paper, I will discuss my paradigm in reference to two case studies of women who are in a phase of anorexia/bulimia I will also describe my paradigm in relation to a partnership in contact improvisation I use this paradigm both with groups and in individual sessions II DEFINITION OF TERMS IN HYPOTHESIS Dance/Movement Therapy is defined as: "the psychotherapeutic use of movement as a process which furthers the physical and psychic integration of the individual It effects changes in feelings, cognition, physical functioning and behavior." (American Dance Therapy Association pamphlet) "The dance movement therapist combines verbal and nonverbal communication to enable a client to express feelings, to participate in human relationships, to increase personal self esteem, to develop a more realistic body image and through all of these to achieve some feeling of relaxation and enjoyment Direct communication must happen continuously between the leader and the client." (Marion Chace, Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 144) Contact Improvisation: "Contact improvisation is a duet movement form Two people move together, in contact, maintaining a spontaneous physical dialogue through the kinesthetic signals of shared weight and a common or counterpoised momentum The body, in order to open to the sensations of momentum, weight, and balance, must learn to release excess muscular tension and abandon a certain amount of willful volition to the natural flow of movement at hand Skills such as rolling, falling, and being upside down are explored, guiding the body to an awareness of its own natural movement possibilities." (Danny Lepkoff, Contact Quarterly, Vol V #4) Therapist/Client: The relationship between two people in a therapeutic context The therapist being the leader, the client being the person seeking professional assistance Dance Therapy Session: a psychotherapeutic session lasting usually from 60-90 minutes in which a dance/movement therapist focuses on movement behavior as it emerges in the therapeutic relationship Body movement simultaneously provides the means of assessment and the mode of intervention Contact: • touching or meeting as of two things, people • an association or relationship • an acquaintance or relationship through whom/where one can get information or favors • a junction of electric conductors • to put and enter into contact • to communicate with Improvisation (improvise): • to compose and perform without previous preparation • to devise or provide from whatever material is available • to improvise something Improve: • to bring into a more desirable condition • to become better • to revise or add to Paradigm: an example or something serving as a model Therapy: the remedial treatment of a disease or other physical or mental disorder Therapeutic: of or pertaining to the remedial treatment of disease Partner: a person who shares; one's companion in a dance Duet: • -a musical composition for two voices or instruments • -two people moving in relationship to each other in a common • space sensitive to the movement or energy of one another Contact Improvisation Duet: A duet in which there is a point of contact usually maintained between two participants Contact form: The form of contact improvisation REVIEW OF LITERATURE In reviewing dance therapy and contact improvisation, I have limited my research to the discussion of two of the founders of dance therapy; Mary Starks Whitehouse and Marion Chace and two of the original contact improvisation explorers; Steve Paxton, the founder of the form, and Nancy Stark Smith, the co-editor of Contact Quarterly and member of the first contact improvisation group I have included a paradigm from these two dance therapists I have also included an interview with Nancy Stark Smith on teaching and working with contact improvisation I have studied and practiced with her for several years I reviewed other styles of dance/movement therapy and of contact improvisation teachers and have seen these to be most useful A Movement Therapy Dance as a therapy has played an important role in native cultures It was used in rituals for healing with music and chants and with people in trance states in many primitive cultures This occurred in Bali, Africa, Greece, Mexico, India, with the Dervishes in Moslem East Asia, and with the Native American culture Often the ritual dance was lead by one individual; the medium person or shaman The shaman aids in receiving messages from the spirits, assisting in leading rites of passage and healing the sick This would include dances to bless a baby, to ensure fertility to a woman, to bring luck to a hunt, to send a spirit off, etc Although the dance as a ritual and healing continued to play a vital role in the native cultures of the Americas, Asia and in Africa, its role declined in Europe at the end of the twelfth century Religious sects feared its "potential inherent power" (Penny Bernstein, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 5) Dance became more stylized and superficial This trend continued with court dances and the beginning of ballet Although folk dances continued in rural culture as a means of social dance, it was not until the twentieth century that dance re-emerged as an emotional expressive art Isadora Duncan appeared "barefoot and emotive" on the stages of Europe and modern creative movement/dance was born "The development of psychology has grown from Darwin's Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals through Freud's psychoanalysis It was not until the student's of Freud, Adler, Reich and Jung, began their work that the awareness of the whole body and person emerged Wilhelm Reich developed an elaborate character system based on the defensive armoring of the body with exercises designed to contact blocked feelings in tense areas of the body allowing expression." (Penny Bernstein, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 5) "Carl Jung's development of techniques in 'active imagination' gave the patient a tool for expressing unconscious material and paved the way for movement therapy." (Penny Bernstein, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 5) He used material from dreams and the artistic process to "dance one's dream" (Jung 1961) and to express and contact symbolic information from the unconscious This was used to understand what was "meant to be" for a person Dance therapy as we know it today emerged gradually While Marion Chace was developing the groundwork of dance therapy on the east coast in the 1940s, Mary Starks Whitehouse began exploring a form of dance work that evolved from a creative dance class into a deeper process of exploration that was having an impact on the lives of people studying with her Both Marion Chace and Mary Starks Whitehouse had studied and performed dance quite extensively before exploring what has become known as dance therapy Mary Whitehouse "Mary Whitehouse was a European trained American dance teacher After Jungian analysis she began to draw connections between the authentic or genuine expressions of her students and the flow of symbolic material they shared at the end of the class." (Penny Bernstein, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 5) She worked primarily in a studio with people whom she called "normal neurotics." "'Normal neurotics' are people who are needing to discover and deal with personal life problems They are functioning at what are called normal They have just many if not as flagrant problems as people in hospitals It is only that they manage their lives with 'quiet desperation' instead of being markedly left out." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 51) It was at the end of each class that she began looking at what it was she was actually doing Mary Whitehouse felt she was "giving an opening for people to discover for themselves something different." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 61) She did not push people but rather respected each person's process Mary gave people time and space to explore and discover through movement more knowledge about themselves She realized that she was no longer teaching a dance class Something had shifted "In order to find what moved people, I needed to give up images in them and in myself of what it meant to dance." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 53) "The word therapy was already creeping into dance language I had some resistance to it It seemed to imply that I knew and that the person who came to me did not know; I had the feeling it could not possibly be true in my situation even if it was true of other people." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 53) Mary's work began being called Movement in Depth The philosophy or theory of her work came out of doing it and learning by experimenting rather than analyzing or being taught She states that the person leading or teaching needs to be whole in him/herself; that there is not one way of working that everyone should follow She says that what needs to develop is an atmosphere of mutual trust Mary does not distinguish between teacher/leader/mediator nor between student-of-movement/client-who-comes for help/or patient She states that all are present in a session For simplicity, in this paper I will use the words interchangeably when referring to Mary's work Her first and basic attitude is that the teacher/leader must begin where the student/client is To this one must be, "willing to be anonymous of oneself in favor of observing, quickly and without barriers what is available to that individual." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 60) Mary tapped into the unconscious with imagery and let people explore for themselves She worked with three basic concepts One was polarity This includes left/right, up/down, open/close The two sides worked separately and then as a unit One might lie on the floor and visualize a line down the middle of one's body There would be time to feel each side separately, to become aware of each side's feelings, textures, etc When one was ready he/she would begin moving just from the right side When this was complete, the left side would begin moving At some point the sides might have a dialogue or conversation through movement Another possibility would be a drawing from the right side and one from the left side before this dialogue Another concept she used was that of authentic movement Authentic movement is simple and "inevitable" movement It belongs to the person It is unlearned It is the truth Mary uses the phrase, "I move, I am moved." Authentic movement is that in which I am moved The ego gives up control and surrenders to the unconscious A leader might guide a student/client in taking the time to tune into one's authentic expression A leader would then witness this process The third concept is that of active imagination This is a concept that comes from Mary's work with an Jungian analysis "The process itself is one of discusses the living reality of the unconscious." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 54) Through improvising with one's imagination and moving the symbols, the unconscious is brought to a more conscious level One way that this could be used is through guided imagery A leader might guide a student/client to visualize his/her chest, to imagine what it looks like Someone might say an empty warehouse, or a dark cobwebbed cave Using that image, the leader would begin by asking how large, what color, what does a warehouse feel like, is there anyone in there?, etc The leader would bring the symbol to more of a concrete level of awareness As a leader one watches the student/client until there is a completion of the process and more self-knowledge is attained "The job of the teacher is to see how one who is moving feels." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 60) He/she needs to "allow the mover to find satisfaction in what is happening before more is suggested The mover needs to sink into the movement." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 60) "The teacher needs to give up all preconceptions of what would be good She needs to let go of all assumptions of the importance of what she knows." "She doesn't know anything in this particular situation." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 60) She needs to use hunches and intuition and yet be sensitive to a student's process and needs This may involve allowing time and space for a student to explore on his/her own "Since the process is a development of self-knowledge, with growth of individuation and conscious wholeness, there is no use in excessive verbal directions or explanations A chance is taken when seen, a chance that has to be taken, or the development from that point cannot be followed." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 61) "Genuine" involvement is needed from the client/student She/he needs to be willing to allow whatever happens to show If a client is resistent or cannot this, the therapist would work with the response that does surface This is the genuine response and can be worked with The leader/teacher and student have to hold an act of attention and follow what happens Mary says, "The movement leads, the mover follows." The teacher also must be familiar with her own process and this way of working for her/himself "Physical movement is a way of finding a revelation of the self It is a way of relating both to the inner and the outer world." (Mary Whitehouse, "Physical Movement and Personality") Mary worked privately, individually and in groups People have their own individual experience within groups Some groups worked with their relationship in the group Sometimes she had weekly and ongoing sessions or did one day or weekend workshops "Each workshop contained a nearly equal number of technical exercises or actions plus improvisations based on the group or single explorations of specific situations Images were given, pictorial beginnings, allowing members to find their own responses." "Any change has to come through consciousness; awareness first of one's actual condition and second of the possible meaning of that condition." (Mary Whitehouse, "Creative Experience in Physical Movement is Language without Words") There is a need to connect with ourselves There is a need for moving without purpose to become aware of ourselves Mary describes some awareness activities and other group work that is similar to that of exercises in contact improvisation I will discuss them further in the paper During the early part of Mary Whitehouse's work she read an article about, "a dancer who had made use of movement to reach people who had no intention of becoming a dancer nor even of using dance purely as recreation." (Mary Whitehouse, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 51) That dancer was Marion Chace Marion Chace Marion Chace also studied and performed as a dancer She studied at the Denishaw School She said that she was more interested in dance as a tool than in performing In the Denishaw company she learned that, "there are many ways to move depending on cultural, religious, philosophical motivation." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 9) She learned to function within a group with ideas of others or as a soloist initiating ideas This is the basis of her work After dancing in Denishaw she moved to Washington D.C and with Ted Shawn and her husband began a school At the school in the thirties Marion noticed that there were people at the school who never wanted to be professional dancers Two groups formed "One group was those receiving support and development as dancers and the other group was receiving support and development as human beings." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 11) She became interested in, "action and interaction of people who were lacking in the ability to move with rhythm or coordination She was interested in what they found to help them feel at ease." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 7) This work and interest led Marion Chace into working in schools with children with the use of rhythmic action The use of rhythm came to be a foundation in her work She began exploring this work with a group of adolescents who were in detention centers and orphanages People began coming to her for private work One such woman was schizophrenic Word got around and a psychiatrist from St Elizabeth's Hospital, a large psychiatric hospital in Washington D.C., watched her work and recommended that she come to St Elizabeth's At that point Marion called her work "dance as communication." Her contribution lies in the development of the interpersonal role of the therapist on a movement level Marion Chace developed what we now call dance therapy at St Elizabeth's She worked with all patients Most sessions were done in ward areas so that people could come and go Most sessions were group experiences, but Chace also worked individually with people who needed more direct contact Marion worked with people who were not comfortable in social interactions Through the use of rhythm and a circle, Marion was able to make contact with patients who were a problem for the staff In fact they were the people she preferred to work with because they needed the work the most She felt, "there are few, if any really inaccessible patients." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 81) Her groups ranged in size from 8-10 people to 40-60 people "The basic principle of the discipline of dance therapy is an aware communication in nonverbal terms." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 21) Marion Chase's work was based on "a movement of nonverbal communication and was therefore a medium which met even the withdrawn patient with tools that were understandable to him." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 22) By making use of this basic form of communication, Marion offered an individual a means of relating to the environment or to people when s/he was cut off in the majority of areas by the patterns of her/his illness "The feeling that s/he is completely alone seems to be the overwhelming problem of the mental patient." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 55) Marion used rhythm as a means of breaking through the isolation of a patient, making contact and helping him/her to accept another person without fear This is similar to the initial phase of contact improvisation This was done by accepting the way in which a patient was moving and by withdrawing when the patient has had this close contact for as long as s/he could tolerate She began a relationship that cut through the isolation at least temporarily She used a circle to bring people into group interaction and to receive group support She said the "circle was like a magnet drawing them in." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 53) The goals of a session at St Elizabeth's were, "movement about the room, physical action in harmony with a group, and relaxation of tension (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 54) Marion Chace started her session the instant the door was unlocked and she entered the ward She respected the mood of the ward with her choice of music She did not impose or try to change what already existed Marion worked with four basic concepts in her session The first was body action She viewed distortions in body shape and functions as responses to conflict and pain The patient needed to feel ready to move The therapist helped the patient when s/he was ready to move and be moved The second concept was the use of symbolism She would give a patient time and space "to recall, reinforce, and relive" parts of his/her life or unconscious Through dance, a patient was given expression to her/his subjective emotions, to convey in a single moment the complexity and depth of feelings that could not be put into words "Chace entered a patient's world by reenacting the essential constellation of movement characterizing her/his expression By reproducing the significant gesture at the right time and for only as long as the patient would accept it, Chace established trust, leading patients to communicate repressed ideas and feelings and to risk new experiences and relationships." (Marion Chace, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, P 18) The therapeutic movement relationship was the third concept Marion Chace worked with in a session "I know how you feel," was the message that she conveyed moving with a patient She did "not merely try to mirror the movement, she used her own body motion to understand, and thereby communicate, the acceptance and validity of expression." (Marion Chace, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 22) This was done initially with eye contact or with some reflective movement This was with or without physical contact depending on the patient's needs "Chace was aware that answering movement in similar forms dissipates the feelings of apartness whereas a battle of words increases that feeling." (Marion Chace, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 23) The first three concepts are part of the warm-up The warm-up was to mobilize the group's capacity for emotional expression and social interaction This went on until the group was committed She knew this when the group was ready to come together and form a circle She then chose themes that came from the warm-up to work with the group together The fourth concept was group development and support in a rhythmic activity This included structure in time or everyday activities put into movement, the ebb and flow of breath which she felt were personal human rhythms and the group moved together with one breath and one pulse Individuals received security and strength from the group Chace saw rhythm as a therapeutic tool for communication and body awareness The leader, she felt needed to go the speed of the lower half of the class The faster or more efficient people could take care of themselves and the slower people could get an opportunity to be in a socially interactive situation that could be positive for them Marion often used waltzes in her groups because she found them to be neutral Sometimes she would have people waltz in couples for about five minutes as the circle was forming She made moment to moment decisions following the group The spontaneous changes in the group enables the patient to meet new situations with new responses There was always a warm down or time of resolution for the group Closure was important for people to return to the circle as individuals part of a whole group It was a time to slow down and prepare for ending "Chace set long range goals in keeping with the limitations of each individual Aware of possible directions that she might take for each person and for the group as a whole, she structured each session with its own goals Short ranged goals changed from moment to moment as relationships developed and patients risked new experiences." (Marion Chace, Eight Theoretical Approaches in Dance/Movement Therapy, p 21) "Dance is a way for a mental patient to make initial contact with others, to get support form a group and finally a means by which the patient becomes more aware of her/himself as an entity functioning with others." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 77) "Dance is a means of relating when other means are restricted or absent." The leader was there to help the process The leader needed to be a relaxed participant and needed to take part in the session "actively and with personal enjoyment." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 79) In fact Marion felt strongly that there were no observers Staff, nurses, etc joined into the session Everyone was equal and part of the group She felt this was a place where "relationships got strengthened." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 55) Marion believed that mental patients were "people living in their emotions." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 62) She states that she was "merely a person creating a favorable situation for others to make use of the dance and for a moment to live." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 62) Patients comment on her work They call it "nourishment", "essential", "food for our soul" She commented that "the frequency of comparing music/dance rhythm to food and to the bridge it makes for communication with other is because both lie in the area of physical satisfaction and gratification One must have a feeling of self, an energetic self, before one can reach out to others Physical satisfaction comes from the awareness of self and others at the same moment, while participating in some form of tonal harmony." (Marion Chace, Her Papers, p 65) Although Marion Chace and Mary Starks Whitehouse had styles that are unique and individual, their work with dance and movement was similar Both respected the people that they worked with People became more aware of their bodies and their selves For some it broke a pattern of isolation Work was done with the unconscious as well as being in contact with themselves and others on a movement level The work was powerful and healing It changed people's lives They started working and later looked back and began figuring out just what it was they had been doing B Contact Improvisation Steve Paxton Steve Paxton, the founder of the form of contact improvisation, began an exploration of movement that continued to grow as a process Steve had studied modern dance with Limon, Cunningham and other modern dancers He began using ordinary or pedestrian movement in his dances Steve attended a choreography class taught by Robert Ellis Dunn at Cunningham's studio Dunn was a piano accompanist who had played for Martha Graham and Merce Cunningham A group of dancers, most of whom had been part of Dunn's class, wanted a place to perform and share their own work with an audience This began to take place at Judson Church Yvonne Rainer, one of these people, later began 'Continuous Project Altered Daily' This eventually grew into a leaderless improvisational group called Grand Union During a Grand Union residency at Oberlin College in Ohio in January of 1972 Steve developed a piece of work with 11 men in which, "they threw, caught, flung, collided and fell continuously for 10 minutes Then they stood for a few minutes This was called Magnesium." (Contact Quarterly, Vol V #3/4) This piece was the seminal work of contact improvisation It was in June of 1972 that Steve gathered together "some of the best athletes that I had run into in the course of a year or two." (Nancy Stark Smith and Lisa Nelson, Contact Quarterly, Vol V #3/4) These were both men and women who came together at Weber Gallery in New York City to explore the principles of communication that were first uncovered in Magnesium The people were, "Laura Chapmen, Steve Christiansen (video), Barbara Dilley, Leon Felder, Mary Fulkerson, Danny Lepkoff, Nita Little, Alice Lusterman, Curt Siddall, Nancy Stark Smith, Nancy Topf, David Woodberry, Emily Seige, Tim Butler, Mark Peterson, Tom Hast."(Nancy Stark Smith and Lisa Nelson, Contact Quarterly, Vol V #3/4) This group worked for two weeks exploring what they called 'Contact Improvisation.' It was raw material and new work for these people They were working with the physical forces of gravity, momentum, inertia, the force of one body hurling into another and finding out what has to happen During the second week of this group's work, people were invited in to watch what this group was doing This established some of the norms of contact improvisation Many performances to follow were informal "You Come We'll Show You What We Do" was the title of a series of performances in California in 1973 that some of the people from this original group created Several years later some of this group regathered and developed a group called ReUnion Other groups slowly began to spring up There has become a community of contactors that network all over the world A newsletter was set up as a form for further communication This newsletter has now become a journal, Contact Quarterly - a vehicle for moving ideas Nancy Stark Smith is one of the co-editors The work from the original group was documented on video "Chute" was a video made from this work "Fall After Newton" is a new video documenting the years of 1972-1983 Steve narrates both of these video documents What is contact improvisation? There has always been some ambiguity as to exactly what contact improvisation is "When, in 1972, this group of dancers began work on contact improvisation, it was a was a study of the way communication was possible through touch The movement which resulted from contact improvising was nonrationalized, intuitive movement leading to unforeseen phrasing, positions and gambits Basing movement upon intimate communication was appealing to me, after years of technical modern training." (Steve Paxton) "Contact improvisation is not a form of set movements phrases but an approach to movement in which the student moves from the motivations of reflex and intuition If a student has been rolling the body on the floor for 20 minutes he/she might search for further thoughts The student's mind becomes witness to the body and the sensations of movement." (Steve Paxton, Contact Quarterly, Vol VI #2) "Contact improvisation is an activity related to familiar duet forms such as the embrace, wrestling, martial arts, and the jitterbug, encompassing the range of movement from stillness to highly athletic The exigencies of the form dictate a mode of movement which is relaxed, constantly aware and prepared, and on-flowing As a basic focus, the dancers remain in physical touch, mutually supportive and innovative, meditating upon the physical laws relating to their masses: gravity, momentum, inertia and friction They (Stephen Thayer, "Close Encounters", Psychology Today, March 1988, p 31) As a therapist I am clear with this communication; "I care", "I support you", "You're not alone", or "Feel this" The purpose of the touch needs to be clear It can be nurturing and supportive It can simply be contact I bring a client's attention or focus to a particular place through touch It can be healing It can be directive, "Breathe into this part of your body." Touch can give a clear message of a boundary "This is you." Touching is a basic human need "We are created in the union of two bodies and stay connected to the body of one until the cord is cut Even after birth, we need touch for survival." (Stephen Thayer, "Close Encounters", Psychology Today, p 36) In our culture there is a deprivation of touch "But on touches for soothing, holding and play, American children had significantly less contact than those from the other cultures." (Stephen Thayer, "Close Encounters", Psychology Today, p 31) Being held, getting stroked, feeling a body close is healing Being clear with the touch, I communicate that I too am a human being I remain authentic and genuine in my interactions Clients respond to this authenticity I work with touch simply and naturally Trust must be well established before this step It may not be an appropriate step for everyone At least, it must be approached sensitively The physical touch can facilitate one to feel deep emotional feelings, to feel 'touched' "People who were comfortable with touching were more talkative, cheerful, socially dominant and nonconforming; those discomforted by touch tended to be more emotionally unstable and socially withdrawn People who were less comfortable about touching were also more apprehensive about communicating and had lower self-esteem Not surprisingly, another study showed that those comfortable with touch were likely to be more satisfied with their bodies and physical appearance." ( Stephen Thayer, "Close Encounters", Psychology Today, p 33) I use touch specifically and directly I may touch a chest that is sunk in, place my hand on a shoulder or jaw that is tight I may take a hand and squeeze it or invite a client to run or jump higher I might hold a client in my arms while she/he sobs I might push against a client's arms or legs to give him/her resistance or something to push up against to or to feel a boundary Touch is an invitation for a client to feel There is support There is caring The first time I intentionally touch a client I usually ask, "Is this okay?" I listen for the response or hesitation I've never heard "no." This reflects both the timing and the sensitivity of the question "Although there are clearly some risks, perhaps more therapists should consider 'getting in touch' with their clients by adding small tactile gestures to their therapeutic repertoire." (Stephen Thayer, "Close Encounters", Psychology Today, p 34) E Giving and Receiving Support Touch is one way of supporting a client Giving and receiving support is the next stage or step To support is to hold up, to sustain or withstand (weight), to help or comfort As a therapist and as a partner, I support my client/partner In a contact improvisation dance the weight is more equal consistently than in a client/therapist interaction Although the weight fluctuates, as a therapist I take on more 'weight', more responsibility This refers not just to physical weight but also to emotional weight In the stage of 'support', a client practices both giving weight and receiving weight I have found that most people have a preference They find either giving or receiving easy, the other very difficult Being comfortable in either role, giving or receiving, is important In giving weight one needs to surrender and not control It is a vulnerable position One receives support physically by literally placing one's body on another's One exercise from contact improvisation that I've done is called 'surfing' In this one "catches a ride" by placing oneself perpendicular to a rolling person and as if catching an ocean wave glides over them Another exercise is 'the post or the table' In this exercise one person is on all fours The other person drapes his/her body onto the 'table' and is supported by this person to roll off There is also 'sluffing' in which partial weight is given to the 'post' who is standing The weight drops to the floor In learning and practicing to give one's weight one clearly receives the message that he/she can be supported It is important to work slowly and safely into different levels of giving weight For a person with a distorted body image or for a person who has always felt too big this is a powerful experience I have supported people more than double my size and had them sob "I've never given all my weight to anyone I didn't think anyone could support all of me." It is also important for the client to be in the role of 'supporter' In receiving weight one has the opportunity to feel one's personal strength One feels one's own support structurally and experiences an ease in taking another's weight and in supporting another person A client may need to realize that he/she can support another or that he/she is strong The breath is especially important in receiving weight I work with this slowly building confidence It is important for one to practice receiving the weight one can handle and to not invite too much In a therapy session I sometimes use large pillows and heavy blankets for a client to feel the weight he/she may be carrying around I've place pillows on shoulders and backs symbolically representing the burdens, the guilt, the "weight" one carries I have used myself for someone to practice supporting another I am clear with creating a boundary or container for this work so that a client does not leave having just supported me The transfer of weight-sharing is the fluidity of giving and taking I work with the breath in this, breathing in and receiving, exhaling and giving out This can be done alone or with a partner This is also done in an exercise called 'counter-balancing' This involves finding a balance of the weight There can not be one person controlling or overpowering the other There needs to be cooperation and sensitivity Another exercise that works with give and take is the 'passive/active' exercise In this, one person surrenders totally to the other's control One person lies down and allows the other person to move him/her around It can be frightening for one letting go of control and it can be nurturing feeling cared for It is important that the active person is trustworthy As the active person, one gets to experience nurturing another and/or controlling another For some people, being the active person is valuable and for others who have difficulty receiving, the passive role is more important to experience This exercise can extend to exchanging roles and to creating a balance of letting go and taking charge An emotional release often follows a physical release To emotionally support a client I simply am present and let the client know that whatever surfaces, I can support him/her When the client feels the physical support, it establishes the possibility of emotional support Words can assist, yet I have found that the physicality of support speaks clearer F Taking Risks Each stage of this work may be a risk for a client By taking this risk a client is exposing him/herself to the chance of injury or of loss or to the unknown In this step, 'risk taking', I focus and draw attention on this chance The purpose of this stage is to experience one's full range of movement and full emotional expression This is the stage of change that often leads to transformation This may not occur in each session or may occur on a smaller scale This is not a time for the therapist to push, but rather to give encouragement A client needs the space to move into taking risks by her/his choice and readiness It is the momentum of the previous work that gives the impulse for the risk This stage is individual A risk for one is not a risk for another One way that I have worked with risk is through falling I focus on falls through the space as well as from up to down Another way I work on risks is through 100% weight exchanges or giving all of oneself to the moment I also have worked with range of movement; for example being as wide as one can be or as small, as fast or as slow, etc For some of my clients being strong and direct is a risk, it might bring up anger or feeling their potential power For others being spontaneous, indirect, or giving all of their weight brings up fear of loss of control It is important that the client clearly make the choice to take a risk This is an area that may need to be developed through time in little increments I have noticed that after a risk is taken, there may be a tentative stage for a client of needing more support, more nurturance After time, this new possibility becomes integrated G Round Robin /Spontaneity The next stage, 'the round robin', is the stage that works with the fluidity of change A round robin is a form used to change or rotate partners In contact improvisation, the group forms a circle A dancer begins moving in the center, another enters and they begin a duet At some point a third enters The first leaves and the second and the third dance This structure continues with a fourth person joining and the second person leaving, and so on The dance is always changing There is a sense that each dance transitions into the next This is a practice in beginnings and endings Because of the round robin structure, the dancers are obliged to let these endings occur In a client/therapist relationship rather than working with changing dance partners, I work with changing states A state is an expression of a particular emotional condition or a response to an environment In the round robin form one connects to the partner one is with and then moves on to the next partner that cuts in In changing states we play with inspiration, impulse and spontaneous expression As an emotion or feeling comes up, I encourage a client to move with that feeling and then let it go, to move on to the next feeling or state I encourage kinetic versus static energy and changing or moving on versus staying the same It is a practice in 'beginning' and 'ending' emotional states, letting the experience move freely and letting each moment be fully experienced for what it is and can be and allowing simple transitions This is also the integration of the session's work We practice what has already surfaced in the session It is a time of practicing endings and letting go In this stage I encourage a client to feel his/her impulses and to follow them I may guide a client in changing or letting go with verbal cues or with music I may join in and then leave the dance I might encourage the client to use props in the room such as scarves, balls, pillows, or cloth in supporting the changes in character This may not occur in the same form in each session I play off the session itself, improvising as a partner to my client, responding to the cues from the client The round robin is preparing for the unknown by being spontaneous and responding without inhibition and then letting go to move on H Closure or Warm down The last stage is the closure or 'warm-down' A client needs time to warm down both physically and emotionally The closure or warm-down is the time just before the session is to end The purpose of this is to slow down, provide a 'ground' for the client so that he/she can leave the session Often I leave the client time for relaxation and self nurturance It is important that the client is ready to move out into the rest of the world It might be useful to integrate the session verbally and to check in again I begin slowing down the pace gradually I may guide my client in a 'body check' similar to the 'making contact' stage This may be standing or lying down I might focus on breathing and feeling what is happening presently in the body We might a drawing of this I may use soft music and guide a relaxation or guide her/him to initiate self care I would say, "We need to end soon," before it is time to end and then let the client ask for and get what he/she needs before ending I also set up the next time to meet before we leave and I walk the client out Often there is a hug or a hand squeeze The talking is sometimes lighter, more animated at the end of a session At the close of therapy treatment I would focus on this stage for a few weeks I would find out what a client needs, create an ending together and practice it It is important to have enough time, so that this stage is not hurried or cut short The closure or 'warm down' needs to feel clear, grounded and spacious Having used this paradigm over time with clients and with partners, I would like to present experiential material This will include two case studies, a brief discussion on the use of the paradigm within a dance studio/class situation, and my own personal healing with the work VI EXPERIENTIAL A Brief Overview of Anorexia, Bulimia, Bulimarexia I have been anorexic I have also been bulimic I have hated my body I have always thought that I was too fat I know few, if any, women who would not say the same thing I know no woman who hasn't "watched her weight," "dieted", "exercised to tone up or to get off a few pounds There are phases of anorexia that most women have experienced "Those of us who not go on to become anorexic inherit the same difficulties in our relationship with food as those of us who do." (Marilyn Lawrence, The Anorexic Experience, p 30) One of my phases of anorexia took the form of purification, needing to cleanse my system I fasted for what ended up being two months I got hooked into feeling empty and light I had experienced several loses in a short period of time There were emotional issues surrounding this which supported its continuance As I began eating, I used herbal intestinal cleanser and enemas to continue the emptiness I also biked sixty miles a day I was lucky The most intense part of this only lasted six months Six years later, I feel on the other side One out of three woman has reported a similar story, and this story is mild Anorexia, bulimia, bulimarexia were words no one heard of ten-fifteen years ago Now as I am walking by two young woman joggers I hear one say, "You don't have to vomit to be anorexic." What was once a "rare disease" is now widespread and close to epidemic Mostly woman are identified with anorexia, bulimia, and bulimarexia "It is a disorder that springs from the very midst of a woman's experience of the world." (Marilyn Lawrence, The Anorexic Experience, p 21) The duration ranges from two months to thirty or more years Is it a disease or a response to a culture? There is much literature, many views/philosophies and various treatment modalities The studies and information are growing It is not the intent of this paper to cover this material That would be several papers in itself I would, however like to define the terms and present I will briefly discuss and present an overview of the clientele issues quoting a few experts in the field whom I have found most useful, Susie Orbach, Geneen Roth, Kim Chernin, and Marilyn Lawrence There is a behavioral theory, a systems theory, a feminine theory, a nurturant-authoritive theory, socio-psychological theory, psychoanalysis, etc I have found the feminine perspective most interesting and useful for my purposes Anorexia involves an obsessive pursuit of thinness, characterized by some form of starvation and compulsive exercising It often involves malnutrition, irrational thinking and behavior patterns, and, if not properly treated, can be fatal Bulimarexia is characterized by compulsive eating binges, followed by purging of the food, usually through self-induced vomiting or laxative abuse The binge-purge cycle, often done in secret, is an addictive cycle that can progress from once or twice a week to ten times a day Without treatment, bulimarexia can cause such medical problems as dehydration and electrolyte imbalance, severe dental disorders, ruptured esophagus, bowel lesions and constipation Bulimarexia can also lead to death due to cardiac arrest or kidney failure Bulimia involves compulsive overeating characterized by repeated attempts to lose weight and frequent weight fluctuations The medical complications associated with bulimia are extensive and life-threatening, and include hypertension, diabetes, respiratory difficulties, and organ damage The emotional consequences of all eating disorders can be devastating Low self-esteem, depression, despair, and thoughts of suicide are common (Boulder Memorial Hospital Advanced Eating Disorder Program pamphlet) These feel like outrageously ambiguous labels Although my clients have labels, one anorexic, the other bulimarexic, I perceive them each as individuals with individual issues In the work of contact/movement therapy, there is room for individuality and for one simply being as one is We honor shifts and changes as they occur In my experience at the clinic where both of these women were patients, the label was given for insurance purposes There were only two choices, anorexic or bulimic They were both given anorexic labels for the insurance form An anorexic was given more insurance money and had an easier time filing In our culture a compulsive eater or bulimic is thought indulgent She needs a diet, self discipline She is thought lazy An undereater is thought more sick We want to take care of her In actuality compulsive over eating and obsessive under eating are not so different "Anorexia nervosa is the other side of the coin of compulsive eating In her rigorous avoidance of food, the anorectic is responding to the same oppressive conditions as compulsive eaters." (Susan Orbach, Fat is a Feminist Issue, p 167) There are some issues that many people who are in a phase of anorexia have in common These may manifest in different degrees or ways Some of those issues include personal power and strength, a need for space or fear of space There tends to be inaccurate body image and low self esteem People frequently feel a need for control There is often fear of spontaneity People at times feel a need for protection and have unclear boundaries or very rigid boundaries People sometimes isolate, feel lonely and need nurturance There may be other abuse either through unhealthy relationships, family, sexual or other substance such as alcohol or drugs Rage and sadness are often present My experience in working with people who are in a phase of an eating disorder is that they are starved for love The reasons for this unsatiable hunger varies The ages of people I have worked with varied from thirteen to fifty; weights from seventy pounds to two hundred and fifty pounds 99% of the people that I have worked with have been women For purposes of simplification, in this section of the paper I will use the feminine pronoun Women's image of what they should look like is created by a multi-million dollar industry There is much at stake in women buying this image Fashions, the diet industry, diet salons, diet foods, exercise clubs, aerobics, the motherhood industry are all profiting from women trying to fit this image Little girls are clearly given the message Growing into a woman's body is not necessarily an attractive prospect There is a mixed message, be strong and yet be small petite, feminine The idea of femininity seems in itself confusing There are conflicting ideas about what a woman's body should look like; little breasts or large breasts, no hips or round hips, tall or short, etc " Instead of being raised and educated by women who told them the truth about their bodies, the girls were taken from their villages and put in schools where they were taught to keep their breasts bound, to hide their arms and legs, to never look a brother in the eye but to look down at the ground as if ashamed of something Instead of learning that once a month their bodies would become sacred, they were taught they would become filthy Instead of going to the waiting house to meditate, pray, and celebrate the fullness of the moon and their own bodies, they were taught they were sick They were taught the waves and surgings of their bodies were sinful and must never be indulged or enjoyed By the time the girls were allowed home to their villages, their minds were poisoned, their spirits damaged, their souls contaminated " (Anne Cameron, Daughters of Copper Woman, p 61) Issues of inaccurate body image, low self esteem and lack of personal power are common amoungst all women in our culture It often shows up for women in the form of an eating disorder Rather than love their body as it is, woman most often are critical of their body and try to change it There is a self consciousness that has developed through our cultural consciousness A woman's body often express how she is feeling about herself "Her body will have to express whatever uneasiness she feels about her life." (Kim Chernin, Obsession, p 67) Women are sometimes abusive towards their bodies in response to a culture that disempowers them "They use their bodies as their battlegrounds; they know that in our culture women's voices may not always be heard, but their bodies will still be noticed." (Geneen Roth, Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, p 213) There are often fears around control; either feeling out of control and/or a need to control A woman may fear her impulses Boundaries are often unclear A woman often feels a need for protection "Thinness becomes a statement of power." (Kim Chernin, The Obsession, p 48) This shows up sometimes with extra weight or through the protective outer shell of anorexia It may be isolating, yet it feels safe There often is a need for nurturance and a fear present that there will not be enough There is a belief present that she is too much, that her needs are too much and that she will overwhelm people with her needs An anorexic may have found that through the restricting of food she has some control over her life There is an intelligence, a wisdom; she may be doing what is needed to survive There is often a dysfunctional family system that she is responding to In both of my case studies this was the case A person in a phase of an eating disorder frequently does not want to be seen Intimacy is difficult The person may have had no experience with intimacy When a person is focusing and obsessing on food, "it is difficult to find time for intimate relationships." (Geneen Roth, Feeding the Hungry Heart, p.36) Whatever her age, an anorexic is surviving the only way she can at this time She clearly asking for help; to be fed She does not know how to nurture and to feed herself She is starving physically and emotionally Her self perceptions are usually inaccurate She is often out of touch with her feelings and with others She does not know how to receive support She is afraid Her life has become a series of rituals so that she can survive She is however dying, slowly killing herself "Characteristic of those with eating disorders is a distortion of body-image, and a misperception regarding body size and body boundaries accompanied by impoverished self-esteem and resultant problems with interpersonal relationships These disorders often are compounded by difficulties in identifying feeling states, or by the individual's efforts to disassociate from bodily sensations and the attendant loss of body functions." (American Dance Therapy Association pamphlet) Contact/movement therapy addresses the body directly breaking through the pattern of isolation by establishing a relationship that involves trust, intimacy and support This helps to establish boundaries, more realistic body perceptions and a stronger sense of self It provides an opportunity for one to experience the spontaneous expression of the body by responding to and adjusting to the movement of one's feelings Making contact with oneself, developing trust in oneself and in another, sharing with another, giving and receiving support, taking risks, improvising, and having clear endings are ways the body learns to practice and trust in a relationship In the next section, I will present two case studies; Anna who has been diagnosed with bulimarexia and Susan who has been diagnosed with anorexia I see this paper and my work with contact/movement therapy as an opportunity of looking at this dilemma with a fresh perspective In these studies I worked with contact movement therapy as a treatment I will also discuss my work with a partner and my own personal healing process B Case Study One: Anna I have been working with Anna for eight and a half months We began working while she was involved in an inpatient treatment setting for advanced eating disorders and have continued with out-patient treatment in individual sessions I was drawn to work with Anna from the first time I saw her She was quite withdrawn, weighed ninety pounds, had loose clothing and darting eyes Her body posture was distinctly down and drawn inward as if she were hiding, protecting herself and very scared She joined my movement therapy group about three weeks later She has been anorexic/bulimic for seventeen years She has had conflict with her mother for as long as she can remember Being touched was threatening to her She remarked in our first session that if her skin was touched she would die She did not trust me nor any other in the group The group itself was extremely difficult for Anna She withdrew into a corner, looked terrorized and would not move She refused to talk to anyone about this except to say, "I'm scared, leave me alone." After two weeks I began individual sessions with Anna She was angry, "Why are you doing this to me?" At the end of the second session she was crying in my arms She felt very young I was aware that there were developmental needs that were not met She was scared and yet she had made contact and was working with me The third individual session was in a different setting due to weather She was anxious when I arrived Although she did not admit it, she had questioned the nurses because she was afraid I would not come Abandonment is a key issue for her In this session the work was mainly about trust She became frightened and hid under a blanket Again she seemed very young She refused to move during the next group session She approached me after the session in tears She was afraid that I was angry and wouldn't work with her anymore It was familiar to her that someone would get angry and leave her She might have had to test that issue with me In our next session she began to move more This frightened her It broke a belief pattern, "I cannot move." Her body withdrew She told me that she was confused whether to trust me or not There had been a number of losses in her life recently (a lover, a dog, two cats, friends taking space, the possibility of her eating disorder.) Trusting that I would not leave her was present in our initial sessions The main issues that I see in Anna seem to be fear of abandonment, fear of loss, emptiness, emotional splits(good/bad), harsh self-judgements, undirected anger, deep wounds related to her mother, fear of intimacy, lack of support, fear of trusting, lack of spontaneity, unclear boundaries Anna is forty years old She has been in only one intimate relationship She feels betrayed and angry at her lover for leaving her She is unable to bear the thought that she might be alone She has had and continues to have short-term relationships, none of which has been intimate (This would include friend relationships, employer relationships, landlord, etc.) She also does volunteer work with people who have been abused and works forty hours a week teaching school Her time is filled She is afraid of her own neediness If she is in control, in charge, then she can get by She is afraid of what might happen if she is not Her anorexia/bulimia began seventeen years ago when she weighed 210 pounds She feels she was born wrong Her mother wanted a cute little graceful girl and "got a fat, clumsy, stupid one." She describes her mother with two distinct sides One side being wildly intelligent and humorous, the other as angry She doesn't trust the one side and hates the other Her mother's anger was abusive both physically and emotionally to Anna In a recent series of art therapy drawings, Anna drew herself before she ate and after The first drawing in all cases is a faceless character that is reaching into emptiness with a tiny dot of bright color in the corner of the page out of reach The other is a faceless person curled up with a red hole in the middle of its body with black arrows pointing to it This person is either in a box or a stone walled cave with no room to move It is black all around She says that reaching out is too vulnerable If she reaches out for what she wants, it will go away As she said this, she covered her stomach and chest with a red pillow She would not reach out or even begin to move in this way When she eats, she is filling a hole, an emptiness Afterwards she is afraid, she hides, she does not feel the pain If she eats, she purges She needs to be in control Anna's relationship to her eating disorder is similar to her relationship with people I feel she is feeding her hungry heart and cannot take in the nourishment but rather throws it up She does not make nurturing, healthy choices with food She snacks, nibbles and does not explore possibilities that might be satisfying Similarly she is afraid to explore the possibility of trusting herself to explore the depth of a relationship She is afraid to try new ideas with food As in other relationships she is obsessed with it She is not eating out of hunger for the food She eats when she is alone, she eats to fill a hole, an emptiness She is not satisfied She eats to numb herself from her feelings She eats so she won't feel her rage, her anger, her uncontrollable feelings, or her deep sadness Yet she will not let herself keep the food in She purges leaving herself emptier, lonelier She also controls this relationship She will not eat for days or weeks, restraining any contact with food She is in control, she chooses and yet feels out of control She is terrified of letting go She blames food as her problem She cannot leave it It engulfs her life and yet it does not give her what she needs There is a cycle of emptiness and unexpressed rage She continues to rage on her own body passively hurting and killing herself The good girl doesn't eat The bad girl does eat and purges This sets up a split in her self perception As in relationships with people, Anna isolates with food She is afraid to keep it in or to bring people close to her She is afraid of being rejected or abandoned and therefore pushes away first My therapeutic relationship with Anna is an unfamiliar one to her She often is confused She is afraid to like me or trust me, yet she continues to work with me The unfamiliar part for her is that I don't leave, don't push her away and remain consistently available to her during sessions I remain in contact with her (This is not necessarily physical contact.) Often the sessions are about playing together I follow her movement, responding to the child in her that seems to want to come out and be loved I feel part of our work is in reclaiming that child and actually moving through the developmental stages of the child experiencing the separation/individuation stage of child development Since we are not mother and babe but rather client and therapist, we create ways to work that is in the context of our present relationship and Anna's present age Contact Movement Therapy I began working with this client using what I am calling "Contact Movement Therapy." In the following pages, I would like to describe some of my work with contact movement therapy This particular dance form works specifically with relationships I feel the main issues for the eating disorder dilemma revolve around relationships This movement form integrated with movement therapy, seems appropriate and healing for a person currently in a phase of her life with an eating disorder Making Contact I begin each session by making contact with Anna I allow her time to arrive physically and emotionally To make contact I need to give Anna my attention I become aware of her present state, her body posture, and her movements even as she walks into the room I then may guide an activity to bring us into contact with one another One way that I've done this is through drawing I spent my first sessions having conversations on paper with Anna For Anna, drawing was a safe way to begin to express her feelings and to share this expression with me It was after the second session that she spontaneously moved into my arms to be held Making contact with herself is a process that continues through each session for Anna I witness or observe nonjudgmentally throughout the sessions reminding her to stay in contact with her feelings, her body, etc I have facilitated her movement through exploring the "small dance." In this, Anna begins to feel the subtle movements in her body I would ask her to be aware of her breath as it moves through her body and to feel her weight as it drops through her body and into the floor In doing this, I would ask her to notice any areas of her body that might be tense or want attention, etc This step has been difficult for Anna Making contact brings up her fear of intimacy and then abandonment Being in contact and staying in contact as her fears arise is unfamiliar to Anna This is a part of every session for Anna Trust Trust would be the next issue I would address through movement Of course trust was/is involved in making contact However at this point in the session or in treatment I would directly work with trust For Anna the question of trust arises each week; can she trust me She says that she has never trusted anyone She does not trust herself I work with this beginning in small steps This step would work with body awareness I would suggest that Anna notice the little changes that happen in her body as she brings her attention to them I would have her notice her breath as it moves into different parts of her body This would be a time for her to notice what her body needs (e.g to move, a pillow, etc.) At this point I might have her lie on the floor and notice the different areas of her body that are in contact with the floor I would have her begin rolling very slowly and to notice the surfaces of her body in contact with the surface of the floor I might have her roll over pillows or a large soft ball This might evolve into falling from the ground up This means that I would have her begin on the ground and move upward Gaining in the confidence and trust of her relationship with the floor falling back down would easily follow I would be falling, rolling also I have found that Anna wants and needs a model I have encouraged her to explore and yet I stay available and accessible to her In this stage Anna could work with her fear of falling and trusting herself In this she confronts issues around control patterns on a physical level In order to fall one must let go and to allow oneself to surrender to gravity Trust continues to get tested through each session yet it is important that is be well established before continuing Duet Our duet breaks the pattern of isolation and emptiness for Anna By staying with her as her emotions surface and by responding to her without judgement or without leaving, we are creating a possibility of a relationship that Anna has not known Although we've been in a duet during the entire session, at this point, I specifically focus on our duet relationship I begin to draw attention to our relationship with one another This has been both frightening and healing for Anna It confronts her belief system, "If I get close, you'll leave me." We initially did drawings Sometimes these were done by her alone and sometimes we did drawings in which we dialogued We "talked" and "moved" with crayon and paper, making contact This was less threatening than having her body move, therefore she was able to make contact with me in this way We also have recently been making contact with her "little girl" that is afraid of playing, of coming out, of being hurt and left We invented games and rituals to heal this little girl The focus is on cooperation, sensitivity and moving together In one session we threw the tension out the door We created a movement improvisation in which we were moving in and out simultaneously Through peripheral vision, we were able to stay together yet move separately I make contact and dance with each layer of Anna as the layer becomes available to unpeel and become known Touch The next step that I explored with Anna was touching Anna's first response to me was, "If I am touched, I will die." I respected her belief and moved slowly At that point I suspected prior abuse but she was not ready to confirm this Trust must be well established before this step begins For some people this step may not be appropriate at all It is important for the therapist and client to feel confident and comfortable before using touch We played a game in which she would move away from my finger I assured her that I would not touch her I could only come within four inches Anna established four inches as a comfortable boundary She would have the power to tell me to stop at any point She agreed She initially enjoyed this and then became very frightened I stopped as she became frightened and asked if she wanted to continue She withdrew terrified She could not be comfortable with the intimacy and closeness at this time We talked for a while and then exchanged roles She enjoyed the role of toucher She would use only her fully shoed foot Skin was too dangerous for her I used this session to talk about the texture, intention and genuineness of touch We spoke of healing, of longing and needing touch Touch had been equated for her with either intimacy with a lover (and now meant emptiness) or with rage (her mother's anger) To be touched would stir up her feelings During that early session she could not work fully with these feelings Her body, however, clearly longed for healing through touch One session following we used a pillow between us The object was not to touch During that session we were pushing against one another Her rage at her lover (and mother) for leaving her surfaced She was determined to "win" At one point the pillow slipped and we did touch At that point fear of touch was no longer the issue I have worked with Anna in encouraging her to stay in contact with her feelings as she is touched I might place my hand on a body part as she breathes This has been powerful way for her to touch in with her feelings I began slowly working with touching her back or an arm Then I moved to placing my hand on her chest, heart, etc Now she is comfortable being touched, breathing through that part of her body, feeling her feelings and also touching my hand, holding my arm, etc when frightened Our sessions nearly always end by her asking to be held or by her initiating a hug Support Another stage of our work has been with support This stage involves both "weight giving" and "weight receiving" This is not just physical "weight" but also emotional "weight" It is difficult for Anna to give over her weight and to trust the support We have only explored this in little steps One day we played with the concept of me being active and her being passive in movement I was the mover and she was like a rag doll I moved her around supporting her weight She laughed and enjoyed the image of a floppy doll Another day I was supporting her in standing and she froze "I can't trust you to be there You'll leave." We worked through this by using other supports such as chairs, walls, etc., until she felt ready to try me as a support again In being able to trust herself in finding support, she could then trust me We began lower to the floor where she felt confident to fall and slowly worked upward I also support her to move away from me when she wants to dance, to move or to just be alone I stay available for her when she needs the physical support or the support of my presence Part of our work is in her developing comfort in both receiving support and in supporting herself Risk Taking Support intertwines with another stage, risk taking For Anna all the stages have felt like enormous risks; getting support, trusting, staying in contact I feel the places for her to continue with risks would be to allow herself to fall, to express her emotions through full movement, to express her "little girl", to play fully and to move away and dance on her own This is not a stage for the therapist to push My way of working here involves giving Anna the space to fall into, allowing her room to make the choice when she is ready to I continue to be there and yet encourage her to take the steps she needs away from me to trust herself and care for herself I have given her "home assignments", drawings, play explorations and I've had her create her own assignments For Anna, moving alone and being seen is very scary I continue to let Anna know that I am here, she can call, etc and I give her the space to choose I encourage her progress and respect her process I give her the encouragement to take her steps away when she is ready and I am there when she needs support Some of the risks that Anna has taken have included vocalizing while moving, moving alone, throwing a pillow and fully expressing herself Afterwards, she usually withdraws Recently however, after moving alone, she came up and put her head in my lap and cried She told me how scary it was to move alone It also was a step forward for her Round Robin In the duet of working with Anna the 'round robin' is just beginning to take form We are working with play as our focus To be spontaneous and impulsive she needs to trust herself and me This breaks a deep pattern for her In this dance she needs to give up where she has been to get to a new place She cannot know where she is going We work with changing states by playing with inspiration and impulse As an emotion or feeling comes up, I encourage her to move with that feeling and then to let it go and to move on to the next feeling that comes up I also see Anna working with this outside the session Since she has had many losses recently she is working on trusting other "dances" or relationships (This includes intimate friends both male and female, roommates, employers, support groups, the possibility of another lover, etc.) In our session she comes in sometimes to work through feelings associated with these new "dances" or around old ones ending I encourage her to move with the feelings to allow herself to let go of the old dances, to allow room for new ones, to allow herself to change and to move forward with curiosity into the unknown possibilities This also is a break in the cycle Recently we worked with a pattern in a relationship that she was stuck with We used a big pillow to represent one person and she took the other role of hugging and merging with this person We worked with her letting go of the pillow and standing alone and then choosing to pick up a pillow in different ways The focus was on letting go and moving on This phase has not fully integrated for Anna Closure/Warm Down The last phase or stage is the closure or warm-down This phase is present within each session and would be focused on specifically to terminate the therapy treatment For Anna this is the part of each session that brings up her fears of abandonment and/or rejection I work with this in several ways I use this time to integrate the session's work This means either talking or having her move around alone with the intention of finding a completion for that sessions work I also tend to slow the session down some I let her know that we'll be ending soon I would cue her to initiate movement to take care of her body/self before leaving In the past she has wanted to curl up next to me using my knee for a pillow I've used music during this time that is relaxing (sometimes music that she brings) I have found it important to leave enough time for the session to slow down without rushing so that Anna feels complete and safe to leave She needs time to warm down both physically and emotionally before leaving We might sit together and breath or I might guide her to lie on the floor and lead a relaxation exercise She needs time to integrate the session's work before leaving and to be ready to connect again with the rest of the world I check in with her, listen to any of her thoughts and may direct her in this process I clearly remind us of our next meeting I give her time to ask for any needs before she leaves I am presently continuing to work with Anna The process of this work has been difficult and yet rich for me I have touched more deeply into my own journey and process in the course of being a movement therapist What has been clear to me in my healing and in my work with Anna is to trust the basic wisdom of the body and self in its need for protection It responds with intelligence in surviving emotionally and physically At some point the body screams for help It is then ready There is no hurry I feel quite strongly that many clinical settings a violent injustice by labeling or boxing a client, by pushing a client, by restraining a client, or by numbing a client with medication I am not denying that some clients may need interventions medically and physically What I have seen with my client is that she has been denied her voice, her wisdom, and her experiences of her body by being generalized, labeled and medicated The injustice is that she believes that they may be right She struggles with the split of her bodily experience and of what they tell her to believe Contact movement therapy clearly acknowledges and affirms a client's body experience It recognizes differences in each person and allows space for a client to explore her needs, pace and to feel her body and emotions For Anna, allowing movement in her body has been transforming By just being present with her and accepting her, I am giving her an experience she has not had Working with contact is giving her the opportunity to physically feel the support of another and to move in relationship with another without losing herself I respect Anna's process by taking into account her needs, fears and energy level as I direct and improvise during a particular session Anna has clearly affirmed my work She has remarked, "This is the most powerful and healing work that I'm doing or have ever done." C Case Study Two: Susan I worked with Susan during her ten week stay at an inpatient treatment center for people with an advanced eating disorder Susan is 5'4" and weighed less than ninety pounds when I first began work with her She was 21 years old and diagnosed as an anorexic Her voice was barely audible Her movement was weak, light and small Her head was down Her father was alcoholic and sexually abusive to her for six years He furnished her for sexual favors for his friends while he watched The mother was emotionally absent and denied this happening At 15 Susan got pregnant by her father She stopped eating and miscarried In a situation in which Susan had very little control, she learned that the one area in which she could control was by not eating At 16, Susan attempted suicide by cutting her wrists She was taken to the hospital and given medical but not psychological treatment Although the immediate situation between Susan and her father ended at the age of 18 when she left the house, she continued the pattern of abusing her body She had been taking rows of laxitives, dieuretics and sometimes diet pills Occasionally she vomited She said that food made her crazy or sick and that she never felt hungry, only full Her diet consisted mainly of diet coke with an occasional salad of just plain lettuce When she began passing out at work, she was brought in for treatment She did not attribute passing out to not eating Her basic fear was in trusting both herself and others She was afraid of herself as a woman She did not feel that she was deserving She did not nurture nor take care of herself She did not trust herself My experience of Susan was that she wouldn't allow herself to feel any feelings or sensations She was emotionally held in, had little breath, no tears, no laughter There were blocks in her body Allowing movement, touch, trust, support, and spontaneity in her body was transforming I used stages similar to those with Anna Much of the work was the same yet due to the improvisational nature and the individualized nature of the work, there were variations Making contact, being touched and supported were the most difficult stages for Susan She was having difficulty adjusting to the program and was refusing to eat I suggested to the team the possibility of doing individual movement sessions in body awareness This was accepted by the team We spent the first two sessions making contact By this I not necessarily mean physical contact In making contact we softened the boundaries between us and the boundaries between her feelings and her awareness of those feelings I guided Susan in becoming more in touch with what she was feeling in her body She felt numb and frozen She identified this yet, could not feel her body Just identifying this was a big step for her It was frightening to her She began talking about her father, the abuse that she experienced She was not able to feel the pain The next session she lay down I could see the blocks in her body Her shoulders were up, her neck tight, her chest and stomach held in, her legs stiff, her lips pursed, her eyes looking around, her breath shallow I asked her if I could place my hand on hers She agreed and we breathed together She began to trust me and talked about her eating disorder and her pregnancy I placed my hand on her chest and she breathed into it A few tears fell She talked about how scary it was to be in the hospital and if she got well she would have to go home She began to relax I had her breathe into different areas of her body Although the touch might have been scary, because of the trust and the contact we had established, Susan was able to relax and to use the touch to support her in feeling more deeply During this time outside our session Susan began being more in contact with others in the program She no longer felt like a 'victim' who had things done to her She became a participant in groups and began eating and participating in her recovery She gained enough weight that she was able to join in the movement group At this particular clinic there were levels assigned to each person Part of the level differentiation was based on weight and body fat proportional to height, size From her arrival in the movement group, Susan was an active participant in the group There are two sessions that Susan was involved in that stand out for me as examples of the potential healing in working with contact/movement therapy In one, we did a passive/active exercise using a cloth Susan had a partner Their relationship was tentative, cautious yet caring At some point they chose not to use the cloth because they felt that it was easier I guided the exercise They were to each have a turn in each role; passive and active The passive person was to surrender her weight and allow herself to be moved The active was to be responsible when taking the other's weight and to move the person They were somewhat hesitant in fully embodying either role When this moved onto a fluid give and take relationship, the partner went to the bathroom I partnered with Susan Because of the trust that we had established she was able to become more daring I supported her weight and she surprised herself in supporting mine The dance was light and playful It reminded me of two little girls Susan laughed for the first time in this group When her partner returned they resumed this spirit in their dance At the closing or the warmdown they were nurturing and tender A week or two later, I arrived at the group feeling upset I spent a few moments centering myself yet during this time I touched into a deep sadness (This was early in my internship.) I had the group alone that day I was aware of my edge What happened in this session demonstrates a possibility from contact improvisation; that there can be an equal sharing of weight in a session The success of this experience is due to my training in both contact improvisation and in movement therapy The group arrived and we began I guided people to walk around the room and while their were walking to notice how they each were feeling As I was walking, tears began welling in my eyes Although I was aware of the unprofessionalism of crying, the authenticity of these feelings took over Susan was across the room Most people were involved in their own process and hadn't noticed, She came directly across the room and put her arms around me and held me rocking slowly I allowed myself to be held and cried for a minute She too cried as she rocked The group slowly approached us, surrounding us with their arms I asked if anyone else in the group needed anything from the group Some wanted to be in the center, others wanted to have the group hum, etc We created an environment that was nurturing and available to everyone Susan shared with the group that she had never been able to support anyone before She felt touched by my sadness that day and had been drawn to give me support This was a new experience for her She thanked me This experience indeed has touched me, as has working with Susan; watching her transform from a starving little girl to an animated strong young woman Her humor and sense of playfulness and independence emerged in the group There began to be a willingness to explore and take risks She interacted and was close with others in the group not only in movement sessions but also on the unit and in other therapy sessions This incident is like the role of two partners in contact improvisation The mutuality, equality of giving and receiving is part of the healing Although 'taboos' on touch, or of a therapist crying, or of a client caring for her therapist, were present, this was healing not only for me, but for Susan, and the group My vulnerability and strength allowed room for each person to feel her own vulnerability and strength I would never have planned this situation and probably at this point it would not happen I am aware of the possible negative effects of such an incident; a client merging with the therapist, of clients losing trust in the therapist, or dependency on the therapist Yet this did occur and was healing A few weeks later Susan left treatment She hugged me and thanked me She had not become dependent on me She wrote me a letter before leaving the hospital I received this a few days after she left "I have felt very close to you since our private sessions together while was on level two You were the most gentle calming experience for me I felt a strange ableness to try to honestly express myself through my body because of some understanding contact I felt between us." She told me that initially it terrified her to be moving in a group She had wanted to be perfect like a ballerina She realized she could be herself and was delighted to discover what that meant She learned to give and receive support and had learned to trust herself The team acknowledged that the movement work that I did with Susan was important in her progress in the program The case of Susan is not unique As a therapist willing to be open, honest, trusting and vulnerable, I opened a space in Susan and the rest of the group to respond genuinely This experience was early in my training and interning I have not since been in such a vulnerable, emotional, personal process during a session However, I remain open and vulnerable with clients and with partners in contact improvisation This experience was similar to the fluid roles that deepen the dance and the healing in a contact improvisation duet D Contact Improvisation Partner I have been working with a particular partner in contact improvisation for four years In that time we have performed together ten to fifteen times, taught together and worked regularly dancing together This process has similarities to a therapy process However the roles are fluid There is not a role differentiation; the roles switch spontaneously The weight, the support is mobile We are both in a state of readiness, to give and to receive There is a deep level of trust that has developed over the years both physically and emotionally We begin each rehearsal or practice session making contact with ourselves and each other; through rolling, breathing, stretching and noticing any tensions in our body We sometimes verbalize about our lives, our day, relationships, work, our bodies We physically make contact We sink into ourselves and each other and remember the trust in our bodies We begin a duet, slowly in contact We are sensitive to each other, listening and responding genuinely The touch deepens, the contact becomes more fluid, and we begin moving We find places to support one another, offering ledges (hips, knees, shoulders; places for the other to move onto) we receive the weight and allow ourselves to be supported, to give ourselves fully The dance enlivens us We take risks, and survive We discover new places Sometimes we add music which is like having another partner As our energy shifts, we let go of one position to move to another We change in response to ourselves, to each other, adjust, continue to contact At some point there is a shift in the dance, a slowing, a deepening We may move apart and then back together Because we trust each other we can leave one another, let the other go and then reconnect easily We move through awkward spots, trusting the process We always warm down together, slowing the dance and begin to talk about the practice, our dreams, visions We exchange thoughts, ideas and hug leaving together The intention of our work is different from a therapy session We come to dance together For both of us contact improvisation is a life practice Our rehearsals are both a place to meet socially and to share It is also a time to clarify our dance by working toward a performance In this situation no one is leading or facilitating No one pays the other The contract is to meet, to dance and, during this particular time, to create material and prepare for a performance I would like to describe one way I supported my partner and took on more weight in a rehearsal In our last rehearsal my partner, whom I will call Debbie, arrived one half an hour late, sobbing The specifics of what had initiated this process did not feel important It involved a relationship and feeling stuck She had some fear of ending it and being alone She was confused, sad and in pain Her question was "Can I get through this and work on it?" She cried for a while then got up to get a tissue I moved in that moment; I actually felt light and open As she turned to move back, my arms were open She walked into my arms I held her as we stood; she sobbed We stayed in that embrace for about ten minutes, rocking, moving slowly There was a sense of establishing a base Our feet moved exploring this base; wide or small This became the dance At some point our base felt balanced, grounded We loosened our 'hold' and our faces met We explored a face/head dance slowly allowing our bodies to move in response We followed this until it moved into arm, shoulders and then the entire body The weight followed and we began partner supports that became fuller We danced for about forty minutes As we slowed down and again let the weight deepen and soften, Debbie said, "How did you get me here? I never thought when I walked in that I'd even be able to stay, let alone dance I feel so different." I said, "Who got who here?" We laughed both knowing that it was both of our sensitivity, acceptance and trust of ourselves and of each other that allowed the mobility of the dance and the transformation of the state Sometimes one of us needs the other to initiate or to support We both give to and receive from this partnership It continues to grow I did learn from this session, however, the possible side effects of taking "more weight" or of switching the contract of our work without a clear agreement Although I enjoyed the dance I left exhausted, aware of the extra weight Debbie and I had been preparing for a performance Perhaps because of my willingness to take on more of a supporting role; she felt less responsible to that contract She cancelled one day prior to the performance I have realized my role in this and the need for clarity in a contract We are partners, with equal responsibility or we are in agreement that one of us will take on more responsibility and more weight and the other will pay in some context It is important to clearly recognize and respect the contract In a class situation or a therapy session I clearly am the leader, or the facilitator The definition of my role is in nature not equal I take on more responsibility and weight I not use the time for myself, yet I bring myself fully to each situation I bring my partnership to the class or to the session Although the boundaries are different than with my partnership with Debbie, I am totally present with my partner and invite her/him to be present with me I have students who continue to come back to my classes They find the work healing They feel it is a place that they can be themselves and explore deeper who that self is We have a contract in a class to be present, honest and responsible for oneself (in safety) For me, in contact improvisation the dance is the deepening exploration of contact in relationship with another Although the inherent agreement in a contact improvisation session is not to work with the emotional material that arises, my experience is that in order to dance in contact with another the emotional issues will need to be acknowledged and moved through As for being both a therapist and a teacher at different times, I find the therapy role more strenuous, more work As a teacher I am lighter, I participate more equally and move more freely I still am integrating the two roles, allowing the spillage, the mixture The one clear difference that is consistent for me is that the monetary pay for the teacher is less than for the therapist As a teacher the pay takes other forms; joy in students, thanks, hugs, smiles I also feel that there is a clear difference in the intention of the work, the contract and the weight that I take on differs in each role I continue to learn this balance E Personal Contact improvisation and dance have been a major part of my healing journey I truly love the physicality, spontaneity, and play of this dance It feels risky yet nurturing There is not a right nor wrong I feel free to explore my own movement while I receive physical support and contact from a partner I have learned to trust my partner and more importantly to trust myself and my dance It continues to feel fulfilling I continue to grow more aware This has brought me more in touch with myself and with others My dance has grown more sensitive The phases and stages of my journey are similar to the stages that I have described earlier in this paper in relation to Anna and Susan Mine are somewhat different I never had an issue with being touched I did however hide my personal power by intertwining with another Being seen and out in the open while making contact with others is the most difficult stage for me I have worked with this more intensively by performing contact improvisation The journey continues Contact improvisation has been healing for me I continue to deepen into contact with myself, the outer layers peel off This enables a deeper contact with my partners, students, clients I feel the process for me is an awakening into my body and myself I continue to come to the phase of trust, and explore what this now means It is really about trusting myself and my choices as a dancer, a teacher and as a therapist I need to be honest and in the dance There are times that I am uncomfortable in a dance or times that I cannot trust a person or a situation I need to acknowledge this I need to trust that I can bring myself into a group and trust the group enough to be myself; trust myself with who I am in front of people What is safe changes with each dance, with each partner I know my limits and I need to honor them in each dance I find that I am drawn to working with a partner in a duet establishing a dance relationship that has trust and history We allow ourselves to be vulnerable in the dance and to be present We are equals in this dance We witness not only each other but also ourselves The touch in this dance continues to heal me In one of my journals I wrote, "At the moment of physical contact, even though I had resisted it, stubbornly - I felt instantly 'at home' in myself, my body - I felt myself more fully, truly than in a very long time." Touch enlivens my body and liberates it to 'be touched.' I feel a deepening into my body when I am touched and a deepening into my feelings I feel the possibility of new pathways It seems to clear the channels from the surface of my body and move into the core of my being To dance contact improvisation I allow someone to touch me I need to trust the intention, the basic goodness of my partner, to be open and yet, I need to discriminate allowing myself to move towards or away from a particular touch I need to trust my intuition and body knowledge to know what is safe and appropriate and to communicate this clearly to my partner I continue to need the support of my partner or of the group that I am dancing with It has changed over the years As I become the teacher/facilitator I feel confident to be dancing, teaching, supporting Yet as I move with my peers in the dance I still notice my shyness, nervousness It is the emotional support that I now seek with a partner After a dance the anxiousness is not present It is present during the inertia before I enter a dance Once in, I trust the dance The physical support, however, is still healing It translates In taking some of the weight off of my body I feel different possibilities in relation to gravity I feel lighter What are the risks now? I have conquered most of the physical fears of the dance The 'tricks' no longer entice me I not fear falling A risk for me now is to stay with moments in the dance that feel awkward which might lead me to new territory Another risk for me is to stay with the dance as emotions surface It is vulnerable for me to bring this to performance without hiding I allow the spontaneity to spill from the dance into my life How I bring all of myself to the dance and the dance to my life? This continues to be a question for me As I enter each dance I bring the freshness of each moment to it and allow the dance to change This practice seems invaluable to me Endings and beginnings are very pertinent in my life right now Also the transitions of change feel important to me To stay true to myself and to take the ride feels difficult and necessary It is important to let go Sometimes things are still good and no longer useful I learn to trust that the next dance will begin In studying improvisation I have learned to trust the process Holding onto an agenda may narrow my focus and negate many possibilities There are often moments in a session or a class that I cannot predict It has been invaluable for me and sometimes difficult to not know what might be needed or what might happen This continues to be a practice for me; to breathe and let the 'not knowing' be present There is freedom and life in this place After eight years of practicing contact improvisation, I know there are infinite new places to go VII TOOLS FOR THE THERAPIST I have found the skills of contact improvisation invaluable in my training as a dance/movement therapist They have helped me both personally and in my therapeutic relationship with clients It has affected my body awareness and sense of confidence in myself I have learned to trust myself and my spontaneous impulses through experience and practice on a physical level I have learned to feel a deep level of intimacy with others that is not sexual I have become aware of what I need to be present and ready with myself and with another I have learned to be comfortable with disorientation This allows me to see the world from many angles and sides while continuing to be aware of myself and another while still moving My peripheral vision has expanded This enables me to see and include what is occurring in the entire room while still being in touch with myself Most important in practicing of contact improvisation I have learned to play and to create and to move spontaneously while being in relationship with another The benefits of contact/movement therapy for a client have been stated throughout the paper The paradigm expresses clearly the way that I utilize contact improvisation and movement therapy That which works for the client will also work for the therapist I feel it is essential for anyone working with movement and therapy to explore his/her own comfort and edge in the area of contact with another Because of the level of intimacy in contact improvisation, it is necessary for one practicing this dance to explore one's own issues and fears around physical intimacy, relationships, one's comfort and boundaries with touch, with one's own weight, in supporting and in being supported, in trusting, in taking risks, in being spontaneous Since the nature of the work is improvisational one is always involved in one's self in this relationship The therapist can practice these skills on a physical level These tools are useful for the dance/movement therapist The individuality inherent in contact improvisation allows for personal process This is important work for the therapist seeking better understanding of client/therapist relationships and seeking clearer more direct communication with another person The physicality of the duet gives immediate direct feedback to each partner If one is not present in the dance the partner or oneself may fall, one can feel the support and the attention through the body It is also a way of communicating that necessitates sensitivity and honesty in the interaction The practice of contact improvisation is informative It very quickly teaches you what you need to learn Not only has the form of contact improvisation been healing for me but also a great teacher VIII CLOSING Coming to the closure/warm down, I find myself slowing down I am preparing to leave this partner, this paper This place feels vulnerable Completing this paper is a big step for me We have been partners for over a year There is much left unknown with this dance ending Beginnings and endings have always been difficult for me As in a contact improvisation dance, I know the practice of letting go of this one and trusting the next dance I trust the ambiguity, the space and still it is scary I feel the aloneness and not know what the next dance will be, but I am beginning to feel the attraction into the unknown next dance It is time to move forward My work feels clearer I feel confident that it is important work, powerful for me and for others As my dance grows, and as this process grows, so does contact/movement therapy The paradigm and perspective in this paper will shift and change as I continue working with it and with myself It is the nature of the work that it grows with me My personal style is prevalent in the work I know each person brings the accumulation of oneself into his/her work I have brought my love, my passion for dance, play, Tai Chi, yoga, breath, my love for mountains and lakes, my personal belief of wholistic healing and of macrobiotic living Living in balance is a life practice At one point I wanted to combine all these interests into one paper They seem integrally related within me and important to mention as I am continuing to bring them into my work I am exploring connections with nature and the environment and with contact/movement therapy Contacting the earth has felt like the greatest healing for me I recently co-led a workshop in an area surrounded by 14,000' mountains We moved with the land, with each other and with the deep core of ourselves This work feels like a direction that I'll continue to move in I will continue exploring my personal relationship with contact improvisation and its use as a tool with dance/movement therapy I find the process of this dance/work exciting and inspiring Even though the shape of the work may change, the hypothesis remains intact The therapist/client interaction in a dance/movement therapy session in many ways parallels the interaction in a contact improvisation duet The contact form provides a rich source of resources for the dance/movement therapist The dance/movement therapist can learn about her/himself in relationship to another through this work There is more to discover As I leave this paper, I stand alone The next dance is unknown My present dance is awkward in spots, yet full, vulnerable, genuine I am moving on "If you want to get to a new place, you can't know where you are going." 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Toronto, Canada, 1982 Woodman, Marion, The Pregnant Virgin, Inner City Books, Toronto, Canada, 1985 Converted from Microsoft Word text to HTML August 1997 by James R Davis I apologize for any errors introduced in the translation