Building Positive Relationships with Young Children Eric has been a Head Start teacher for 10 years In that time, he has built a reputation as the teacher for the tough kids This year, Bill is assigned to Eric’s class because of Bill’s long history of hyperactivity, negativity, and aggression toward adults and peers Two months into the year, the Center’s administrator sheepishly asks Eric how things are going with Bill Eric replies, “Great, boy were folks wrong about In each of the foregoing scenarios, adults were successful in achieving improved behavior change in contexts that many individuals might predict would lead to continuing, even escalating challenging behavior However, in each case, children were obviously attuned to adults, focused on their communication, and prone to value and seek-out adult approval In each case, the adults had invested time and effort prior to the events in question, communicating their noncontingent affection and unquestioned valuing of these children We submit that this prior history of positive relationship building is a prerequisite to effective intervention practices for challenging behavior and thus goal one for adults and caregivers button being pushed—he or she may Beyond the specific strategies References consistently become frustrated and enumerated above, we suggest avoid the child We recognize that Huffman, L., Mehlinger, S.L., & that adults can speed the process building positive relationships is far Kerivan, A.S (2000) Risk factors for of relationship building by: from simple with some children It academic and behavioral problems at should be noted that the protective It Takes a Lot of Love Carefully analyzing each takes a frequently renewed the beginning of school Bethesda, factors promoted during relationship compliance (e.g., “time For many children, task developing commitment and consistent effort MD: National Institute of Mental building can and function to reduce go to paints”) and, where positivetorelationships with adults is a Because this is easier said than done, Health many challenging behaviors As such, shifting thathistory difficultpossible, task Prior negative we have provided some practical Lally, J.R., Mangione, P.L., & Honig, taking the time to relationship compliance task to a choice and interfering behavior often conspire strategies for building positive (e.g., “Do you A.S (1988) The Syracuse building may save time that would be to makefor thechildren task of relationship relationships with children want to paint orarduous Bill.” Somewhat flabbergasted, the wishing to prevent University Familychallenging Development spent implementing more elaborate Gail E Joseph, Ph.D., & Phillip S development long and On throughout the preschool day puzzles?”); administrator decides to see for behavior and enhanceLong-range children’s Research Program: and time-consuming assessment and Strain, Ph.D Center on Evidence occasion then, adults should consider Practical Strategies himself What he observes in less that sense of well-being and social Carefully considering if some impact of an early intervention intervention strategies Second, as Based Practices for Early Learning that they will need to devote extensive for Building Positive 10 minutes is as follows Eric says to competence How does one go about of “challenging” with low-income children and their adults buildofpositive relationships University Colorado at Denver with effort toforms relationship building The everyone, “Look at Bill, he is sitting the task of relationship building? Relationships behavior can be ignored (e.g., families In D.R Powell & I.E children, their potential influence on easiest, most straightforward way to children’s Distribute interest surveys that parents so quietly invoice)—this circle; too cool Bill!” is not Sigel (Eds.), Parent education as behavior grows achieveloud a high level of intervention fill out about their child When Bill answers a question about planned ignoring for behavior early childhood intervention: exponentially That is, children cue in intensity in the relationship-building Building Positive on the Greet every of child at the door by name the story, Eric says,elicit “Bill,attention that’s right, Emerging directions in theory, presence meaningful and domaindesigned is to thinktoabout embedding Relationships Building positive relationships with you arebut really concentrating today.” caring Follow a child’s lead during play ignoring in the sense of research and practice (pp 79-104) adults, they attend differentially opportunities throughout the day (see he fundamental importance of young children is an essential task and When transition is about to occur, Eric making wise and limited and Have a conversation over snack Norwood, NJ: Ablex Publishing selectively to what adults say and list below for specific suggestions) building positive relationships with a foundational component of good says, “Bill, can about you show choices wheneveryone to pick do, Conduct home visits Corp and they out ways to ensure While there is feet no magic number that children can seek be best illustrated by teaching All children grow and thrive good walking to snack?” At battles over behavior; and more positive attention from Luthar, S.S (1993) even Listen to a child’s ideas and stories and we know of, we have seen teachers the following scenarios in the context of closeAnnotations: and child dependable Undoubtedly teachers and care snack, peer asks Bill for juice, and aSelf-monitoring one’s own adults & Honig, Methodological and conceptual be (Lally, an appreciative audience Helen and herMangione, 30-month-old daughter, who can easily provide several dozen relationships that provide love and he passes the container Eric, being providers strive to build positive deposits and withdrawal It is this positive relationship issues in research on childhood Lucy, have a long-standing morning 1988) Send positive notes home positive, affirming statements to nurturance, security, responsive vigilant,behaviors says, “Bill, relationships with all and of the children in andthanks settingfor sharing allowed Helen with resilience Journal of Child tradition ofthat going to a neighborhood foundation Provide praise and encouragement children each day For children who so nicely.” interactions A positive adult-child their care Typically, we have the best behavioral agoals accordingly to leave the park early and have Aftermostly completing functional Psychologybuilt and Psychiatry, 34 (4), parkShare andeffort playing with about other parents heard criticism, it takes, minimal information yourself relationship trust, who relationships withon children Some teachers have easily with Lucy, forThey Eric in to experience Billthe behavior Erin,toanthe ECSE 441-453 andfind children spend anywhere we feel,done aassessment, lotthis of messages something common with understanding, and caringlike willus, foster respond to us, seemingly and by using wrist golf in a child much positive way teacher, determines that Jessie’s longfrom to 2more hours each day at than the park contrary Webster-Stratton, C (1999) children’s cooperation and go along with our plans Butmotivation asHow you counters to self-record or by teachers, andtofor Erinin tofamily alter an tantrum behaviors in the ThisAsk day, however, Helen receives to promote children’s social and prior children bring photos standing and increase theirdifficult positive moving a plastic chip from know, it is more tooutcomes build Jessie’s tantrums in such short order class are designed to acquire adult emergency call and needs to return to Making Deposits emotional competence London: and give them an opportunity to share it at schoolrelationships (Webster-Stratton, 1999) In one pocket to the next A positive with some attention Erin apositive plan to theirwith home She and Chapman Publishing Ltd youimmediately and their peers A metaphor strategically forinstitutes building posted visual aPaul review of empirically derived riskall children than with others We have ignore Jessie’s tantrums to spend to atKnow Lucy have been the park You for about Getting Post children’s work reminder can teachers relationships that we help findand particularly and experience protective factors associated had with children whowith as muchremember attention when 10order minutes, and Lucy is week playing adults to the build meaningful makebank numerous In Havefor a “Star” of who brings inhelpful istime that and of ato piggy academic and buttons.” behavioralMaybe problems push our “hot theyat Jessie is not having a tantrum After “cooks” with her best friend Tito positive relationships with children, it relationship deposits special things from home and gets to Whenever teachers and caregivers the beginning of school,than Huffman demand more attention others,etare four days increased tantrums, Helen says to gain Lucy, I’m is essential to a “Honey, thorough share them during circle time engage in of strategies to build positive al (2000) identified that oppositional, having a disruptive, unmotivated, Jessie’s behavior has improved sorry, but you and Mommy have to go understanding of children’s Acknowledge a child’s effort relationships, it is as if they are positive preschool experience and a aggressive, or not give us the dramatically home right now Everything is O.K., interests, background, “making a deposit” in a child’s warm and open relationship with their preferences, Give compliments liberally positive feedback we get from others but we have For to go.” Lucy begins to culture young children teacherour or hot child care provider are we When buttons get pushed, and Call a child’svery parents to say what a greatrelationship piggy bank Conversely, whimper and says,special “But, Ineeds, was this and children important protectiveand factors for young may feel frustrated discouraged, day she orwith he having in front of the childwhen adults make demands, nag, or playing withisTito.” Helen reaches by information most often accessed children These protective factors or bad about ourselves as teachers, Find out what a child’s favorite book is criticize children, it is as if they are down and what hugs children Lucy, saying, “I by know observing and making a relationship withdrawal For operate to direct, ameliorative causing us produce to get angry, raise our and read it to the whole class Let’s calldirectly Tito’s mommy when get speaking to parents andwe other some children, because there has been effects for children in at-risk situations voices, criticize, or actively avoid home Have daysover to play andsharing invite caregivers With him this information, (Luthar, 1993).Yet, Next, describe these children thewe very children later.” Make “all about me” books andand share no prior effort to make deposits in Lucy says, that “O.K.,” adults can ensure theirand playshe with their relationship piggy bank, nagging, some of the key ingredients for we find the most difficult to build circle time her them momisat hurry home children fun, that the content of criticism, and demands may be more relationship building relationships with are the ones who theirWrite all of the is special things conversations relevant, andabout a akin to writing bad checks! It may be need positive relationships with adults on a T-shirt and let him that child they communicate respect foror her helpful to reflect on the interactions First Things First the most! It is a natural reaction to feel wear it children’s origins Whenever possible, you have with an individual child and emotional when a hot button is Utilizing a relationship-building this Play with a child kind aofgame information exchange think to yourself, “Am I making a pushed However, rather than feeling model, proper sequencing of adult should Playbeoutside with a child as reciprocal as possible deposit or a withdrawal?” Or, “Have I frustrated, or Simply guilty about it, it behavior isangry, critical put, adults That is, adults should be sharing their made any deposits in Bill’s piggy is more think of thewith need to productive invest time to and attention own interests, likes, backgrounds, and bank today?” Figures and emotional as ato warning sign children asresponse a precedent the origins with children as well represent example deposits (Figure 1) that you will to work extra hard optimum usehave of sound behavior in the relationship bank or to proactively buildThere a positive change strategies are two withdrawals (Figure 2) from the bank relationship this child.isIfsothe adult reasons that with this sequence is simply reacting important First, itto a hot Rev 5/06 The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign csefel.uiuc.edu H 1.5 Conclusion Ride the bus with a child Go to an extracurricular activity with the child Learn a child’s home language Give hugs, high fives, and thumbs up for accomplishing tasks Hold a child’s hand Call a child after a bad day and say “I’m sorry we had a bad day today – I know tomorrow going beorbetter!” Tell a child is how muchtohe she was missed when the child misses a day of school Most of this article has focused on what children get out of positive relationships with adults However, we contend that adults get something valuable out of the time and attention they expend to build these meaningful relationships too First, as was mentioned earlier, the children we build relationships with will be easier to teach, more compliant, and less likely to engage in challenging behavior Second, teachers will feel more positive about their skills, their effort – and we think may like their jobs even more Third, adults will begin to see the “ripple effect” of relationship building As children learn in the context of caring relationships with adults, they will become more skilled at building positive relationships with other children Finally, providing a child with the opportunity to have a warm and responsive relationship with you means that you have the pleasure of getting to know the child as well