... back to the Jobs Jet and
get the hell out of there. But the plant manager insists I go on a
tour of the dorms where the workers live, so I can see how great
the conditions are. I tell him there’s ... be
ashamed of yourselves.”
Rule Number One when talking to people who think they’re
powerful is this: Insult them. Tell them they’re stupid. Challenge
them. Unlike the rest...
... here at Apple
45
03068 158 42-01.qxd 8/9/07 2:16 PM Page 45
them. Let them believe they survived for a few days. Then, when
they’re relaxed, call them in and fire them. It’s all part of creating
and ... hypnotized. They’ll forget all about these options.
I’ll have them skipping out of the building and shrieking because
they imagine the guy in the UPS truck is Britney Spears jum...
... through the
cafeteria and the iGym, past the climbing wall and the aquarium
and the Zen center, then outside to the skateboard halfpipe and
the mountain bike trails and the rifle range, back into the ... center, past the smoothie bar, the transgendered support
group meeting, the aromatherapy room and the massage center
where a squadron of therapists are rolling out...
... are the worst of all. I try not to look at them. But there is
no avoiding the sound of their fans, whirring and droning.
The assistant lawyers introduce themselves. They can barely
conceal the ... But there’s another
way to look at these objects, and in this other way of looking at
them, which is the way we look at them in Cupertino, well, let’s
just say you could kind of st...
...
oPtion$
the secret life of steve jobs
a parody by fake steve jobs
DA CAPO PRESS
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
03068 158 42-FM.qxd 8/9/07 2:13 PM Page iii
contents
Prologue 1
Part One 5
Trouble ... gleeful send-up of the real Steve Jobs set amid the recent stock
options backdating scandal. . . . Tech industry watchers who
know (or know of) the player...
... informed
my design of the room, and how much time I spent working
out the size of the windows and the size of the space between
the windows so that the ratio would be perfect. I told him how
the board ... create the impression that the boul-
ders and stream had been there all along, and that the building
had been set up around them.
The rest of the campus is...
... him and told him he had the job. The
poor bastard called the San Jose Mercury News and told them
he’d been hired to be the CEO of Apple. Then the Merc and all
these other newspapers did stories ...
watering. The next time he offers I say okay and he hands me
one of the hash brown things. It looks like a scab that came off
the back of a horse’s balls. But I have to admit...
... them.”
“You take their money.”
“They give only what they want to give.”
“They won’t give much after I go back down there and tell
them the truth.”
“Yeah, see, that’s the beauty of it. They won’t believe ... seat. “They played Sonya and Zack
off each other. Told them one of them was going to go free and
the other was going to go to jail, and it was up to them to decide,
but whoever r...
... Definitely. The CEO is the guy who runs
the company. The chairman is just a figurehead.”
“But the chairman’s above the CEO, right?”
“Not really.”
“Well why did Sinatra call himself the chairman of the
board? ... Green is the head of Poseidon Films.
They’ve made some of the biggest movies in Hollywood history,
50
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This...
... ride in the jet?”
By the time we touch down in Scottsdale the details have
been worked out. Ja’Red will get a billion dollars, plus the Jobs
Jet and the Jobs Domicile, and of course the Jobs jobs, ... Did
illegal activities occur? Yes. Was Steve in charge at the time? Yes.
Did Steve authorize the illegal activities? Yes. Did Steve benefit
from them? Yes. Therefor...