10 conversation decoded

  Table of Contents INTRODUCTION INITIATING THE CONVERSATION: OPENERS & TRANSITIONS BUILDING ATTRACTION 21 BUILDING RAPPORT 30 GETTING HER TURNED ON 37 PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER 42     Introduction Welcome to this Dating Solution on What To Say In this Dating Solution, I’m going to decode an area that many men struggle with, and that is what to say when interacting with women As with all the Dating Solutions, I will make this as simple and easy as possible I’ll break down the basic structure of what you need to say in each situation you may find yourself in, and then I’ll give you tried and tested examples of conversational techniques or lines that work Please remember though, nothing beats natural conversation The purpose of this solution is to give you a basic structure for having effortless conversations and to decode what makes effective conversations with women DO NOT turn into a robot and deliver these as lines Lines are hard to remember and it is obvious to a woman when you are using them, so use these as a guidleine buy ultimately develop your own style and most importantly have fun Right, let’s get stuck in Objectives When you meet a woman for the first time your job is to evaluate whether you want her in your life and if you do, you must then go about getting into a significant relationship with her It is very important that though all of this that you remember, YOU are the selector You are always the prize and through the dance of conversation you will make her prove herself to you She has to earn your approval and have the chance to be part of your life   So, in every interaction, there are only a few objectives that you will have when trying to create a significant relationship with a girl that takes your fancy Objective – Initiate A Conversation Objective – Build Attraction Objective – Build Rapport Objective – Get Her Turned On I’ll dedicate a chapter to each of these objectives, and then give you conversation examples of what to say in each scenario I recommend that if you’re just getting started, you can use the examples as they are, but your goal is to develop your own style and simply use the examples as guidelines or templates for what you should be saying You will find much more success once you add your own personality to the techniques I’m giving you     Initiating The Conversation: Openers & Transitions For many men out there getting the conversation started seems like an absolute mountain to climb and it’s one of the areas that I get asked about all the time Figuring out a way to broach the seemingly huge distance between strangers is something that plenty of guys struggle with The amount of effort and focus on figuring out how to start a conversation is actually doing things backwards, because it really doesn’t matter what you say to start a conversation How you open is somewhat irrelevant because usually the girl won’t really pay attention to the first few words that come out of your and even if she does, she will barely remember what you said anyway So I don’t want you to spend too much time thinking about how to start a conversation I’ll give you some resources if you get stuck, but honestly going up to a girl and simply saying “hi” and then introducing yourself will work the majority of the time Once you have delivered your initial opener, the very next step is to transition into a normal conversation Your transition will be much more important than how you actually open because by this point you will actually have the girls attention and she will be actively listening to what you are saying This, my friends is where the magic actually starts to happen The transition is the bridge between complete strangers, into a couple of people starting to get to know each other   In this chapter I’m going to break down the types of openers that I want you to use I will then give you a game plan for the main situations that you will be meeting women; during the day and at night Types Of Openers There are types of openers that you need to be aware of, direct openers and indirect openers When you use a direct opener you are signaling your intent and interest the moment you open your mouth A direct opener can range from something like “You’re cute, what’s your name”, all the way up to very direct openers like “You have an amazing ass, I want to bad things to you on my kitchen floor” An indirect opener is the opposite, where you don’t signal your initial interest in the girl you are initiating a conversation with A lot of dating coaches teach guys who are just starting out to use indirect openers because it is a way of hiding your intent and allowing the conversation to progress without the girl having to make a decision I never want you to that Honesty and integrity is much more important than getting a girl to have a conversation with you, so I NEVER want you to hide your intent There are ways of displaying your intent in a socially savvy way that doesn’t freak the girl out and I will give you examples of these as we go on Just because I don’t want you to hide your intent, it doesn’t mean that there is no place for indirect openers As you transform yourself into a King, and you start to adopt the philosophies in The King’s Game, you will naturally start having higher and higher standards Women you would have dated before The King’s Game will barely even grab your attention anymore This will mean that often you might see a girl and you may like the look of her, but you’re not quite sure if you want her in your life yet, you’re still on the fence Indirect openers allow you to begin a conversation and then make your mind     up as you go along This continues to keep you in the position of selector, which is the default mindset that you need to have to be successful Additionally, if you are being the awesome, social guy that talks to everyone, indirect openers will just happen naturally, because you will simply get used to observing your environment and situations, then making comments about them Openers During The Day We need to make a distinction between daytime openers and nighttime openers You have to adopt slightly different tactics because there are mindsets and patterns that are specific to each situation During the day, women feel more exposed and they are not expecting to be approached by a high-value charming guy like you With some women, the very act of approaching during the day in a confident assured manner actually builds a large amount of attraction This however drops off slightly with the true top shelf beauties that are used to getting approached all the time wherever they are Either way that shouldn’t affect whether you decide to approach her and start a conversation You’re approaching her because something about her caught your attention and you are curious to find out more This is the mindset that you must adopt whenever you approach a girl for the first time Ideally we want her to approach or be introduced to you, but when that can’t happen, you need to demonstrate your role as the selector as soon as possible During your daytime approaches, you will be using a lot less energy due to the nature of the environment At night there is a lot going on and you will   generally have to match the same fun exciting vibe as her surroundings or you will come across as someone who is too serious During the day however, nighttime distractions will not exist, so calming down your energy and using a chilled relaxed vibe is essential Finally, another major thing to pay attention to during the day is that you will often have to break her out of her “pattern” A pattern is the brains way of saving energy by using guesswork to predict what is going to happen next Imagine you drive a car to work and you take a certain route The first time you take that route, the brain is engaged because it has to figure out all the nuances of the route because you have never seen it before The novel stimuli keep the brain engaged and active Now imagine that you drive along the same route every single day and that route never ever changes The lack of new stimuli makes the brain start to expect what is coming next and everything begins to fade into the background That route has now become a pattern in your brain We have dozens of these patterns in our brains, and they are a way of the brain taking shortcuts to figure out what to expect by basing it on what has come before During the day, women are often in a certain pattern She has been shopping; she is walking to see her friend; she is in her own world thinking about what she will be wearing tonight, whatever In order to engage her in conversation you need to break her pattern so that her mind has to actually work to perceive what you are saying and she actually hears you Examples Of Direct Daytime Openers: “Hey you, I was just [insert whatever you were doing] but I saw you and I'd be     kicking myself if I didn't come over and introduce myself Hi, I’m Greg.” “Hey, I just saw you as I was walking out of the shop and I absolutely love what you’re wearing Hi, I’m Greg.” “Hi…[pause]…I have to say, you look fucking amazing today What’s your name?” Direct openers in the day aren’t rocket science There are multiple variations of the opener but the context is always the same Something about her caught your eye and you were just compelled to come over and talk to her The last example I gave you was a very direct version, which is high-risk high reward With a direct opener such as the one I gave you, you’re going to get a lot of very strong reactions from women She likely has never had anyone initiate her so boldly and so upfront before As long as you’re not rude and you deliver it with a smile, she will receive it very positively Even if she isn’t interested she will likely comment on how confident you are Examples Of Indirect Daytime Openers: There are many different types of indirect openers The best way to use them in a natural way is to be aware of your surroundings and your situation, and then make comments about what is going on If you are being social, then it will seem like the most normal thing in the world to A good opener to use when you are in a coffee shop or a supermarket is to make a comment about an item nearby “Hey, this [coffee, food item] looks cool Have you ever tried it?” Or you could tease her about her order or what is in her shopping basket Lets   say she puts a ton of sugar in her coffee: “Hey, I think you need to put more sugar in there.” An opener this playful must be delivered with a smile as you must make it obvious that you’re joking Let’s say she has a ridiculous amount of carrots in her basket You could say: “Are you sure you have enough carrots there darling?” I like to always use darling and sweetie to address girls I haven’t met yet When used properly girls find it quite endearing, and it immediately sets the parameter that you’re in control It has to be said in a matter of fact way, as if that was actually her name I love fashion so I often go shopping for outfits in designer stores A good thing about designer stores is that you will find high quality women who value their appearance and take care of themselves Also because of the slightly higher price of the clothes, if she’s single, it will usually mean that she has her own money and isn’t looking for a sugar daddy A great opener I always use in fashion stores is: “Hey, you look like you’ve got good style What you think of this shirt?” Always lead with a compliment about her style to ground the opener and you can easily transition into a normal conversation immediately afterwards If you want to really be ballsy and show her just how comfortable you are around hot women, you can make a critical comment about something she is thinking of trying on 10   Building Rapport There are types of rapport Social Rapport and Emotional Rapport When you have created Social Rapport with a woman, she feels comfortable around you and enjoys your presence socially Emotional Rapport on the other hand is much more personal; much deeper When you have Emotional Rapport with a woman it’s a meaningful connection on a much deeper level Social Rapport is all about demonstrating that you have social skills and then with Emotional Rapport you take things much deeper As I mentioned earlier Social Rapport will come easier to most guys because if you are able to function normally in society, then you already have some success creating Social Rapport It is absolutely critical that you can make girls feel comfortable, because without a degree of comfort, she will never sleep with you It simply will not happen The difficulty is that plenty of guys spend too much time in the Social Rapport zone They never anything to spark attraction or create an emotional spike, and they rarely ever delve into the realms of Emotional Rapport That is the reason I gave you the attraction chapter first, so that even when you’re creating Social and Emotional Rapport, you’re constantly thinking about building attraction and tension Social Rapport To generate good Social Rapport, it’s not so much what you say, but more what you and how you conduct yourself There are main components, which I will show you here Social Awareness and Social Adaptation are the basis for making people comfortable Social Adaptation refers more to getting people to introduce you to their friends and invite you to cool events, so I won’t cover 30     that in this guide You can get a copy of The King’s Game for deeper insight into Social Adaptation and improving your social skills For the purposes of this guide I’ll run you through what you need to know about social awareness So let’s talk about Social Awareness It’s pretty self-explanatory in the title You need to be socially aware I remember a while ago, I had been invited to a house party around Christmas time It was your typical house party where you have lots of different groups of people in their own little clusters, conversing, drinking laughing etc As I was doing my thing, going around and introducing myself to the different groups, I came across a group of bubbly energetic people in the kitchen As the group in the kitchen was chatting and getting along a guy comes into the kitchen and you could tell that he was either new to the party, or didn’t know that many people He asks: “So guys, I heard something crazy happened in Berlin What happened in Berlin?” The minute this individual asked what happened in Berlin, you could just see the tension in the room change It was so tense in there that you could feel it Instantly, I was aware of the fact something weird happened in Berlin, and it was obviously a touchy subject But the guy, who brought this up, couldn’t pick up on this He wasn’t being socially aware He asked again: “Hey, so come on, spill the beans What happened in Berlin?” When he asked again, everyone became even more uncomfortable, people shifted their gaze, and nobody really wanted to look at him No one really spoke about it, but eventually he left the kitchen The moment he left, 31   everybody was saying things like: “Oh, what a fucking dickhead.” “That guy is such a tool.” “Who invited him?” All because he wasn’t being socially aware He wasn’t aware of what was going on He wasn’t aware of what was happening at that time in the environment in the kitchen That’s just an example to illustrate what can happen when you’re not socially aware, and how important it can be Women are a lot more attune to this than men are Do you think that guy left with any of the girls from that party? Nope Word spread very quickly that there was a tool in the house and that he needed to be avoided at all costs And guess who spread the word? WOMEN!!! You see girls have a code Once they have identified who the douchebag guy is; the fuckwit; the total numptee They tell all the other girls around to ignore that guy as well It’s like they look out for each other, and if you are not paying attention to social awareness you’ll end up being that guy who the girls are telling each other to avoid To improve your social awareness, you need to pay attention to discomfort signals, especially from women When a woman is uncomfortable, it’s going to come out in her body language She’s going to avert her eyes; she’s going to shift around; she’s going to tense up She will try and give you as many signals as possible without actually voicing her discomfort because the moment she does that, then it’s gone too far And if you consistently go to far, women are not going to want to be around you period 32     The Conversation Matrix Now what I’m going to show you is something called The Conversation Matrix This is a conversational tool that I have only ever taught my Inner Circle clients It’s not in any of my books, or in any of my other programs If you have been to one of my live workshops, then you would have heard me teach it then, otherwise this will be your first experience with it The Conversation Matrix is a tool for building both emotional and social rapport and is based on the main areas of connection: Background Friends & Family Past & History Passion & Purpose Hobbies Think about it from your own personal experience You may have a number of people in your life who know about or of these areas, but only the people closest to you would have information on all So when you’re talking to someone and you share this type of information with each other, you create instant rapport and if you go even deeper into the topics, especially Passion & Purpose, you really start to connect on an emotional level I’ll show you the technique in just a moment, but I want to reiterate that point If you want to build real emotional rapport and connect on a deeper level, then most of your conversation must be geared to making the two of you connect People connect on similarities not commonalities You can have lots of things in common with someone, but if you both view the world in the same way, if you understand why she is who she is or why she does what she does, that’s the pre-cursor to a deeper connection Women want to feel seen and understood and they feel strong bonds to guys who can provide that feeling 33   So if you want to go down that road, the topics of conversation have to revolve around who you both are as people and how the of you connect together Now if you were to meet someone and just ask them questions about each of the areas, it would come across very boring and try hard which is the exact opposite of what you want To pull this off in a natural way you have to use a blend of assumptions, statements, transitions, disclosures and questions Sounds complicated, but it’s very simple in practice At some point during the conversation, you make an assumption or a statement that ties into one of the areas The easiest topic to make an assumption about is background She may have an accent, she may be dressed like she’s from a certain part of the world, she may even have a “look” to her that makes you think she’s from one place or another Once you’ve made the assumption or statement, you transition into one of the topics by either asking a question, making a disclosure, or making another assumption Here’s an example: Assumption - “You’ve got this real laid back relaxed vibe about you I bet you’re a Cali girl…” Say she responds that she is indeed from California and you’re having this conversation in New York Your transition could be a question about her purpose Transition: “Wow, you’re really far from home Must have been a big decision to move out here You working or studying?” Now she will tell you about what she’s doing If she goes into great depth and starts talking a lot, you’re in a good position and you can immediately tease her and transition into her background… 34     Tease: “Damn girl, you’re a bit of talker I like it though; I love a girl who’s got a good mouth on her I bet you drove your parents nuts as kid, yapping away all the time haha.” Now in there you have a tease, a sexual innuendo, and a transition into her past She’ll likely laugh, give you some shit about making fun of her, and then tell you about her background At some point you need to make a disclosure You can let her talk about herself all night, but many times you will need to take up the conversational duties So if she’s not giving you really in depth answers, or she’s been talking a lot, it’s time to disclose some information or a story about yourself that’s based on the current topic you’re talking about So she tells you a bit about her childhood, and then you can transition into a disclosure about one of your childhood stories that you wrote down before in the previous chapter Disclosure Story: “Haha I knew it! You’re here looking all innocent, but I could see that troublesome glint in your eye You actually remind me of this crazy girl I used to hang with in high school, you won’t believe the trouble she would get me into…” And then you go into your story Go back and read this a few times over to really understand what has happened here, but as you can see in just a few minutes and very easily you have had a conversation about her background, her purpose and her family life You can keep the conversation going like this forever and as you gain experience you will see that some topics transition well into others If you’re talking about background, it’s easy to transition into family and friends by 35   making statements about how her friends tie into her background If you’re talking about family and friends it’s easy to transition to past and history by talking about which friends she still hangs out with or what people are like in her hometown compared to here (wherever here is) If you’re talking about past and history you can transition into passion and purpose by asking if her experiences shape her current passion in life Make an assumption about a certain aspect about her, transition into of the topics with a question; disclose a story about yourself that’s related to that topic; transition into another topic To really get this technique down you need to practice and practice a lot Talk to people every opportunity you get and in no time you’ll have this skill completely mastered 36     Getting Her Turned On The final objective when talking to women is to get her turned on using your words If you’ve successfully made her comfortable, and you’ve created attraction to the point that she’s potentially interested in you, it’s time for the actual seduction A woman’s arousal is primarily driven by their mind, so the images you can paint in her head using your words are going to hold the key to your sexual success All the techniques I show you are geared to making the girl chase, but with the majority of the girls, here is where you have to take over With some skill, you can make a girl actually get herself turned on and become the sexual aggressor but that’s a very advanced technique which I give you the blueprint for in The Sex On Demand System You can upgrade to that course at anytime by going to the Dashboard in The King’s Game members area There are a couple of rules that you need to be aware of before attempting to get her turned on using your conversation skills The first rule is that you only want to attempt to get her turned on when you are in a position to have sex with her shortly after So if you’re on your couch or a date near yours or her places that is ideal Nightclubs and restaurants are ok as long as the logistics are prime for a speedy exit if things get hot and heavy If she’s the designated driver or it’s 10pm and she just got there; that is an example of really bad logistics If you get her turned on too long before you can actually have sex with her, she will experience what is called buyers remorse, especially if you’ve just met When a girl meets an awesome guy like you who can show her fun adventure, excitement and make her horny, it blows her mind away Her emotions go on a rollercoaster and she’s not used to having a guy make her 37   feel that way In the moment, she is happy to run with it, but as soon as she has had time to stop and think about it for too long, then her social conditioning will kick and and she will start to have negative feelings about allowing herself to get turned on I go into much more detail about this in The Sex On Demand System, but for now all you need to know is only get her turned on when you can have sex with her shortly after The second rule is that you must isolate her away from her friends or the main group you guys are with, before getting her turned on You need to create a bubble that is just the of you when you are turning her on In the “7 Ways To Make Her Fuck You” bonus that comes with Conversation Decoded, I talk about consuming her world This is an extension of this rule You want to isolate her away from prying eyes so she can concentrate on you and not feel guilty or ashamed or anything negative from getting turned on by a complete stranger Verbal Escalation If you have the full set of Dating Solutions, you can refer to the “Getting Physical” guide where I talk about kinesthetics (kino for short) When discussing kino there is an obvious progression of physical escalation This saw kino start in the Blue Zone of her body, and then move all the way into the Red Zone of her body When talking to a girl you have to verbally progress through the same style of escalation to have the best results Occasionally you can start talking dirty to her from the outset, but that is an advanced technique that I teach in The Sex On Demand System For most of you however, you will want to progress up the ladder of verbal escalation The major difference is between verbal and physical escalation, is that with physical escalation you want to release the tension sporadically otherwise the 38     girl will freak out Think steps forward, step back With verbal escalation doing that will actually damage your chances because it demonstrates a huge drop in value For example, if you grabbed her ass but then held her hand afterward, nothing is wrong with that If however you went from talking about sex to then discussing what your dog did that morning, you are killing sexual arousal During your verbal escalation, every statement or question you can make will fall somewhere on the personal and sexual spectrums Statements escalate more than questions, and a sexual topic escalates more than a personal topic The goal is to move your way to the top of the verbal escalation ladder Once you are at the top, if you are mixing this in with physical escalation then the girl will be extremely turned on and it’s time for the both of you to leave and handle your adult business Examples: Question involving neither you nor her: “What’s a good name for my friend’s puppies?” Statement involving neither you nor her: “American Beauty is a great movie…” Question involving her impersonally: “What’s the occasion tonight?’ Statement involving you/her impersonally: “You have a southern accent/that’s a cool hat.” Question involving you/her personally: “What made you decide to move to Los Angeles?” Statement involving you/her personally: 39   “You would love this book I’ve been reading.” Question about her sexually: “What is it that a guy does that drives you wild?” Statement about her sexually: “You have the sexiest ass.” (Note that body parts in the Red zone escalate more than body parts in the Blue Zone) Question about both of you personally: “Why does it feel like we know each other so well?” Statement about both of you personally: “I can tell there’s a genuine connection between us It’s really rare.” Question about both of you sexually: “Can you imagine what kind of naughtiness would happen if the two of us were left alone together?” Statement about both of you sexually: “I can see the two of us on a beach naked just going at it in the sand.” In my experience, there is no more sure-fire way to ruin the seduction and kill any tension or arousal than to de-escalate down the ladder This will happen when you can’t take the tension, when you’re scared or if you’re feeling insecure Even if that’s not how you may feel and you may think you have a valid reason for de-escalating, the girl will see it that way and your value in her eyes will drop dramatically An obvious example would be, she says “I love it when guys touch my neck” and you get scared and say “Haha, yeh Hey are you going to that party on 40     Saturday?” Cringe! I used to that a lot before I got good with women and now you know about it, please don’t ever make that mistake Now obviously you’re not going to talk about sex forever, so in natural lull points of conversation you can transition into one of the topics we discussed in the previous section But when you come back to verbally escalating, you must be at the same level or higher on the “ladder” as when you left off So if you were talking about sex, and then switched to her hobbies just to take a bit of a break, you could re-introduce the escalation by saying something like: “Damn it girl I’m trying to have a normal conversation with you and all you keep doing is looking at me with those seductive eyes I’m scared to imagine what you would to me if we were alone right now.” In that example I even threw in a re-frame of her as the aggressor Resuming at the same escalation level will actually build your value and increase her attraction to you 41   Putting It All Together There is no set in stone order how to this, but any successful conversation that leads to sex will have a mixture of everything that we talked about You will initiate a conversation, at some point there will be attraction, you absolutely have to make her feel comfortable and you must turn her on This is a guideline of what to say for each objective, but your own personal style and each situation you come across will dictate the direction you take so don’t be a robot and stick to any one game plan rigidly I want to finish of this Dating Solution however, with putting all of the elements together into an example interaction so you can get a feel for how the whole system fits together Opener: “Hey, I saw you from the other side of the bar and you caught my eye I wanted to come over and say hi I’m Greg.” Transition: “You’ve got this awesome edgy dress sense about you I love a girl who pushes the envelope with her fashion I meet too many hot girls who play it safe and that’s so boring You must something creative for a living.” She says no, she’s a medical rep Tease / Build Attraction: “Medical rep? So wait…Like a drug dealer? Sweetie How you even sleep at night?” 42     Girl laughs… Assumption On Background: “I think I hear an accent Are you from the East Coast?” She tells me I’m a good guesser that she’s from New York City… Reframe her as the aggressor: “Paying me compliments already? I might just have to keep you around a little bit longer.” Transition into Background (and keep teasing): “So what brings you to LA? Aren’t there enough kids to sell drugs to in NYC?” She starts telling me about how she came here to study fell in love with the place and then got offered an amazing job of a lifetime Statement about her passions and statement to start talking about relationships: “Wow, you seem really driven and ambitious I bet you intimidate the life out of most guys.” She agrees… Verbal Escalation “I fvcking hate that Why are so many guys such pussies and can’t take a woman being dominant and ambitious Personally I love a girl who can keep up More fun in the bedroom too.” Ok, I’ll stop there It wouldn’t make sense in giving you an entire conversation from start to finish, as that would be unrealistic However, what you can see is a natural flow from the opening to a conversation that is getting progressively 43   more sexual There are elements of rapport, attraction and sexual escalation in almost every sentence, and that is the point of the conversation Use all of the tools I have given you in this guide to effortlessly string together a natural conversation that leads to sex with any girl you meet Go out there practice, and start making having awesome conversations Live the dream… Greg C Greenway 44 ... of conversational techniques or lines that work Please remember though, nothing beats natural conversation The purpose of this solution is to give you a basic structure for having effortless conversations... Initiate A Conversation Objective – Build Attraction Objective – Build Rapport Objective – Get Her Turned On I’ll dedicate a chapter to each of these objectives, and then give you conversation. .. personality to the techniques I’m giving you     Initiating The Conversation: Openers & Transitions For many men out there getting the conversation started seems like an absolute mountain to climb