Chapter 22 Ten Errors to Avoid at All Cost In This Chapter ᮣ Mistakes that ruin your writing ᮣ Relying too heavily on computers W hat did you forget? Your lunch? A parachute? I ask these questions to point out that some mistakes are worse than others. If the plane is going down, I personally am willing to forgo the peanut butter and jelly, but not that handy little life-saving device. Your writing can crash also, especially if you err in a few specific ways. Ten ways, actually, which I explain here. Everyone makes mistakes, but this chapter shows you how to avoid the big ones. Writing Incomplete Sentences Unless, of course, you want to make a style point. I pause to acknowledge that the preceding sentence is incomplete. That’s my attempt at irony and also my way of pointing out that sometimes breaking the rules is a good thing. In a forest of complete sentences, an occa- sional incomplete statement calls attention to an important point. However, a forest of incomplete sentences is not a style; it’s just poor English and calls into question whether you know how to fashion a complete sentence. That’s a bad impression to give your reader. Be sure that each of your sentences has a subject-verb pair, an endmark, and a complete thought. (For more information on complete sentences, take a look at Chapter 4.) Letting Sentences Run On and On A run-on sentence is actually two or more sentences stuck together without any legal “glue” — a word such as and or a semicolon. The worst form of run-on is what grammarians call a comma splice, in which a comma attempts (and fails) to attach one complete sentence to another. Be especially careful with words that resemble legal joiners (consequently, how- ever, therefore, nevertheless, and so forth). Use them for the meaning, but not for glue. (Chapter 4 explains run-ons in greater detail.) Forgetting to Capitalize “I” Nothing screams louder than a sentence like Do you realize that i am yours forever? I’m not even going to discuss i M yours 4ever. If you write this way, fine. I wish you a happy life. Ditto if you put a little circle on top of the i instead of a dot. You and I will have to agree to go our separate ways. But even if you don’t go that far, you risk alienating the reader by breaking so basic a rule. The personal pronoun I is always capped. Period. 31_599321 ch22.qxp 4/3/06 11:24 PM Page 273 Being Stingy with Quotation Marks Whether you’re writing for school, work, or personal reasons, honesty requires you to credit your sources. Lifting someone else’s words, dropping them into your own writing, and omitting the quotation marks is as dishonest as passing the teller a note demanding all the money. In school such practices earn “F” grades; in work or public life, you may be sued. The solution is simple. If it’s not yours, credit the source, as I have in this example, in which I cite a nonexistent author: As Martin Sherman writes, “Plagiarism is a fatal wound to the body of knowledge.” Using Pronouns Incorrectly Pronouns — noun substitutes such as he, they, all, other, neither, and the like — are gov- erned by more rules than the citizens of a fanatical tyrant. Even if you don’t know every fine point, you should never neglect the basics: Pronouns should replace one and only one noun, and that noun should be clearly identifiable. Don’t use an object pronoun in a subject- pronoun spot. Singular pronouns should replace singular nouns, and plurals match with plurals. (Check out Chapters 3 and 10 for details on these issues.) Placing New Words in the Wrong Context New words seep into your vocabulary gradually. First, they begin to look familiar when they show up in something you’re reading. Later, you recognize them as old friends. Later still, you feel comfortable using them in your own sentences. Don’t skip any of these stages! Every teacher, including me, has received papers from someone who memorized the “100 words most likely to show up on standardized tests” and who is determined to get as much mileage out of them as possible. The problem is that the nuances of a word’s meaning are hard to grasp from a list or a couple of encounters. Let me assure you that premature use of vocabulary can be really embarrassing. You may find yourself, as one of my students did, writing about “New York City’s government suppository of documents.” (Hint: A suppository is a way of getting medicine into the body without a needle or a spoon. Look it up.) Letting Slang Seep into Your Speech It ain’t that slang is a total bomb. In fact, slang can be bad — the real bee’s knees. But if you don’t have the 411, you may miss the boat. That paragraph contains a mixture of slang from several different eras. You may have rec- ognized one of the slang expressions and missed another. Therein lies the problem. Slang changes fast, so fast that no one can possibly keep up. If your reader understands that bad in the sentence above is slang for “good,” fine. But the reader who grasps that concept may not realize that bee’s knees is a term for the latest, best fashion. By the way, 411 means “information.” Ain’t is a corruption of “isn’t,” and total bomb conveys “failure.” Bottom line: A writer who uses slang risks confusion. Also, slang sounds informal; if you want to impress a boss or a teacher, it’s not the best vocabulary to employ. 274 Part VI: The Part of Tens 31_599321 ch22.qxp 4/3/06 11:24 PM Page 274 Forgetting to Proofread Even if you finished the paper or project only ten minutes before you have to cram it into the mailbox, take the time to proofread your work. Yo maye ffind tat som latters are nut where they sould be, not to mentione. punctuation, Relying on Computer Checks for Grammar and Spelling You can’t cash them in, but computer checks are popular anyway, and you should remem- ber to glance at them as you write. (I’m referring to the red and green lines that show up on the screen to alert you to a possible mistake.) I have to admit that sometimes they actually help, but they’re not 100 percent accurate. First of all, plenty of eras slip through. (See what I mean? That last sentence should read plenty of errors.) Secondly, the computer often iden- tifies a mistake when the sentence is actually correct. I get little wavy lines lots of times, and as you have figured out by now, I’m prefect. Er . . . perfect. Repeating Yourself In conclusion, at the end of this chapter, I would like to state and declare that saying the same thing more than once repetitively is a real drag, an annoyance, and a pain. Don’t — do not — repeat, because repetition isn’t a fun or enjoyable way to pass the time. Repetition will send your reader away fast and quickly, not to mention rapidly. Shall I reiterate the point? Once is enough. 275 Chapter 22: Ten Errors to Avoid at All Cost 31_599321 ch22.qxp 4/3/06 11:24 PM Page 275 276 Part VI: The Part of Tens 31_599321 ch22.qxp 4/3/06 11:24 PM Page 276 Appendix Grabbing Grammar Goofs H ow sharp are your eyes? This appendix is the grammatical equivalent of an optometrist’s chart. If you can see it with 20/20 vision, you’ll spot 30 mistakes in each of the four exercises. Of course, after you spot the errors, your mission is to correct them. The errors may involve faulty structure or word choice, punctuation, capitalization, and anything else the English Grammar Workbook For Dummies covers. Exercise One Sneak a peek at the college catalogue (from a university that exists only in my mind) in Figure A-1. This course description has many faults — 30, by my count. Your count may differ slightly depending on how you group your answers. Don’t worry about numbers — your mission is to search and destroy the mistakes. 6901 World Domination (3 credits): Professor Peck, Mr. Lapham, Ms. Austin. One two-hour lecture period per week is required. Three periods of fieldwork per week is also required. This course on world domination and dictatorship involve both lecture and that they put into practice what students will learn. A student will report to their faculty advisors once a month. Everyone must keep a journal of revolutions started, governments overthrown, and peasants’ oppressed. Readings include Karl and Groucho Marx’s masterful essay, “Laughing All The Way to The Throne”, and Chairman Mayo’s autobiography, Hold the Bacon. This is sure to interest students who’s career plans are to be an emperor; tsar; dictator; or reality-show winner. By the time the course concludes, students have gathered all necessary information about what it takes to rule the world. We will be discussing topics like propaganda, media manipulation, and telegenic coronation clothes (including crown-jewel selection). Working in the field, spy networks will be set up, this will count as a quarter of the grade. The students’s task is to outmaneuver everyone in the course by becoming the first to conquer a hostile country that is required for graduation. Exams also emphasizes real practical skills, and theoretical ideas. Students only write two papers. Admission to this course and it’s sequel (Universal Domination) are by permission of the Department of Politically Science Irregardless of age or class rank, applicants should be as motivated than the average freshman and should try and visit the departmental office for an interview. Figure A-1: A scary sample course description that needs some work (in more ways than one). 32_599321 app.qxp 4/3/06 11:05 PM Page 277 Exercise Two The letter from a made-up publisher, in Figure A-2, is full of errors. Try your hand at cor- recting all 30. Higgen Publishing Company 459 elm Avenue Bronxton, VT 05599 October 31, 2006 Mr. Chester Slonton 33 Warwickville Road Alaistair, CA 90990 Dear Mr. Slonton: Thank you for sending us your novel, “The Lily Droops at Dawn.” To read over 1,000 pages about a love affair between plants is a very unique experience. In your talented hands, both of the plants becomes characters that are well-rounded and of great interest to the reader. Before Mr. Higgen, whom you know is our founder, commits to publishing this masterpiece, I must ask for some real minor changes. Most of the editors, including Mr. Higgen, was confused about the names. You are absolutely right in stating that each of the lovers are in the lily family, scientifically they have similar characteristics. Calling the lovers Lila and Lyle would not of been a problem if the characters were distinguished from one another in personality or habits or appearance. Unfortunately, your main characters resembles each other in petal color and height. True, one of the lilies is said to be smartest, but the reader doesnt know which. A second problem are the love scenes. You mention in your cover letter that you can make them more lengthier. Mr. Higgen feels, and I agree, that you write vivid; nevertheless, we think you could cut them alot without losing the reader’s attention. After all, once a person has read one flower proposal, he or she has essentially read them all. Finally, the ending needs work. When the lily droops, the book ended. Are you comfortable with a tiny change. Market research shows that books with happy endings appeal to the readers, whoever he or she may be. These volumes sell good. Instead of drooping, perhaps the lily could spread it’s petals and welcome the dawn. Or become a rose. Higgen Publishing would like this novel for their fall list. I hope that you are open to the changes I had outlined in this letter. I cannot help but mention that Higgen Publishing is probably the only publisher with experience in plant romance volumes I look forward to having talked with you about the editing process. Sincerely, Cynthia Higgen Figure A-2: A sample letter from a publisher (with a lot of mistakes, so you know it must be fake). 278 English Grammar Workbook For Dummies 32_599321 app.qxp 4/3/06 11:05 PM Page 278 . 30. Higgen Publishing Company 4 59 elm Avenue Bronxton, VT 05 599 October 31, 2006 Mr. Chester Slonton 33 Warwickville Road Alaistair, CA 90 990 Dear Mr. Slonton: Thank you for sending us your novel,. enough. 275 Chapter 22: Ten Errors to Avoid at All Cost 31_ 599 321 ch22.qxp 4/3/06 11:24 PM Page 275 276 Part VI: The Part of Tens 31_ 599 321 ch22.qxp 4/3/06 11:24 PM Page 276 Appendix Grabbing Grammar. than one). 32_ 599 321 app.qxp 4/3/06 11:05 PM Page 277 Exercise Two The letter from a made-up publisher, in Figure A-2, is full of errors. Try your hand at cor- recting all 30. Higgen Publishing Company 459