MAY 30 Grief melts awayLike snow in May, As if there were no such cold thing —GEORGE HERBERT We thought it would never happen—that this grief would never ease, let alone melt away Yet grief, like the snow, does melt slowly away, until one day, perhaps to our surprise, we realize the landscape has changed—the snow has gone Grass and stone and flower beds are visible again Similarly, our grief seeps slowly away, until one day we realize we are feeling better—almost like ourselves again To extend the metaphor—the melting snow, which became water, has gone on to nourish this or other ground, depending on how the land lies and where the earth is thirstiest Or perhaps the moisture is caught up in the clouds, to drift over the sky and then to descend again to water other lands In the same way our grief becomes transmuted into other forms of energy and life It will continue to be part of the system of our life and the lives of those around us, depending on circumstances and where the need is greatest It will not be lost It will be transformed I will entrust to the processes of life this grief which lies so cold against my heart MAY 31 There is not one life which the Life-giver ever loses out of His sight; not one which sins so that He casts it away; not one which is not so near to Him that whatever touches it touches Him with sorrow or with joy —PHILLIPS BROOKS Particularly if we have been care-givers for the one who has died, it is hard to be free of the irrational question, “Who is taking care of him or her now?” Who we wonder, is befriending our loved one? Who is standing close by to comfort and assure, to show a newcomer to The Other Side what to do, how it all works? These questions are especially persistent and troubling if the one who has died is a child or a young person—someone who has needed our care, someone who’s likely to feel insecure in new situations On one level these are irrational, needless questions But death is often not rational at all, and certainly the questions that swirl around the subject trigger our most primordial and elusive anxieties and hopes We grope for images to calm our fears Phillips Brooks’s figure of the Life-giver rings true—and is just what we need! Into your hands—You, ever-present, ever-caring power of life and love—I commend my loved one JUNE We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God —DIETRICH BONHOEFFER Who is ready? We have our plans, things we’re looking forward to—life going on at its sometimes unpleasant but nontheless predictable pace Then something happens—like an accident, or a death, or an illness—that changes everything, forces us to reappraise our priorities and, often, reset our lives People who have come close to disaster and been able to wheel free have shown a renewed appreciation for the simple pleasures of life, for the gift of each day, and a resolve not to put off pleasures or acts of kindness until “another day,” because “another day” may not come We who have lost loved ones have also learned the value of simple gifts, of not putting off kind words or actions, because we never know when events will change our world, the expected developments of our lives, and the intended recipients of our kind words and actions may be gone The preciousness of this day is its own gift JUNE Our joys as winged dreams fly; Why then should sorrow last? Since grief but aggravates thy loss, Grieve not for what is past —THOMAS PERCY Does grief aggravate our loss? There is a delicate balance at stake here On the one hand, we need to pay attention to grief, to grieve our way through the valley of loss, or we will never be able to assimilate the loss, to be whole people again On the other hand, we need not linger overlong on the way, or we may get stuck and never come through If we find ourselves repeatedly dwelling for a long time on how bad we feel, we might try instead to dwell on some of the joys that fly “as winged dreams”—wonderful times we have shared with our loved one Or times that have nothing to with him or her but have brought us joy We have some control over how long we let our attention linger So let’s not allow the joyous subjects to get away too soon We need them! From time to time I will step into my rooms of joyous memories—and close the doors! JUNE How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick, Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself, In the mystical moist night air, and from time to time, Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars —WALT WHITMAN How readily we can identify with Whitman’s restlessness Sometimes it seems as though nothing can hold our attention, nothing is worth doing for long Life seems flat, without sparkle, almost without meaning Then how reassuring it can be to go out into the quiet night and look up at the stars Surely in a world of such vast beauty and order, such unfathomable reaches of time and space, there must be meanings beyond our understanding There is a sense of intimacy to the night, too That nearest star, bright in the heavens—is it a sign? The mystery remains But somehow we are comforted Even in my loneliness and sorrow, the world holds me in its embrace ... Why then should sorrow last? Since grief but aggravates thy loss, Grieve not for what is past —THOMAS PERCY Does grief aggravate our loss? There is a delicate balance at stake here On the one... need to pay attention to grief, to grieve our way through the valley of loss, or we will never be able to assimilate the loss, to be whole people again On the other hand, we need not linger overlong