JANUARY 10 The earth is my sister I love her daily grace, her silent daring, and how loved I am How we admire the strength in each other, all that we have lost, all that we have suffered, all that we know We are stunned by this beauty, and I not forget, what she is to me, what I am to her —SUSAN GRIFFITH The earth will help us There is such strength in the ground, the trees, the water The air we breathe washes over us with new life Water is drawn into the atmosphere and returns to fill rivers and streams The mountains rise up, are worn away, and rise again On the high tundra tiny flowers bloom unseen The cycle of the seasons is alive with the promise of rebirth Creation is a mystery, and so is death But there are clues, and promises We are children of God In life, as in death, we draw our power from the same source JANUARY 11 You could put the meaning of original sin this way: given a choice we would rather sulk than rejoin the party —ROBERT FARRAR CAPON Often with loss, especially if it has been sudden and untimely, we are tempted to dig in our heels at the last moment before the loss occurred We will resist We not consent It is a way of trying to hold on to the loved one, the person we knew before tragedy struck It is also a form of denial To rejoin life is to accept what has happened But it is unacceptable We will hold our breath, living in a suspended state of noncompliance, until the universe relents, changes its mind—or at least apologizes, acknowledging its crime This will not happen It is we who will be bypassed Better, as soon as possible, to realize that the terms are different now, and begin to live in this changed reality Anger is okay Denial will hurt no one but me and those I love JANUARY 12 In the months after my daughter’s death, I filled four notebooks with entries—writing sometimes daily, sometimes several times a day, sometimes only once in several days I described feelings, the events of the day, occasions of recall, of sorrow and hope It was a means of moving the grief away, getting it down somewhere else, siphoning it off —MARTHA WHITMORE HICKMAN It may not be writing that is helpful to you Perhaps talking with friends will have a similar effect Or painting, or sculpture The artist Käthe Kollwitz made a whole series of drawings in the aftermath of the death of her son The important thing for most of us is not that we have made something of artistic value, but that we have taken a grief that lies like a lump against our hearts, and moved it away from us The value of having some pages on which we have recorded our feelings—as opposed to talking with friends—is that we can go back to the pages if we want to We may never want to, but it relieves us of the pressure of having so much unresolved turmoil in our heads Try putting it on paper It may help you sort things out, and you will be free to move on into the next moments of your life I will be open to new ways of resolving my grief JANUARY 13 I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever —ISAK DINESEN It is a costly wisdom, and God knows we would not have asked for it But it is also true that coming through a great sorrow can make us stronger, teach us what is really important But to survive the death of a loved one is no guarantee of greater wisdom We can also become embittered, reclusive, grasping That’s when we need friends, communities of faith, even professional help But if we can weather the storm, we will have a better sense of who we are and what we want most in life And we will learn to savor and cherish cool water, sunshine and wind, the smell of roses—and the love and friendship we have now I will take time to notice the gifts life gives me, and be thankful JANUARY 14 Weeping is perhaps the most human and universal of all relief measures —DR KARL MENNINGER Guess what? What women have known for a long time and maybe men are beginning to discover—crying really does make you feel better And for good reason Now we are learning that crying has helpful physiological as well as psychological effects Researchers at the University of Minnesota have found that emotional tears (as opposed to those shed from exposure to wind, say, or a cut onion) contain two important chemicals, leucine-enkephalin and prolactin, and that the first of these is thought to be related to one of the body’s natural pain-relieving substances Tears are, they tell us, an exocrine substance—like sweat, or exhaled air—and one of the functions of such processes is to help cleanse the body of substances that accumulate under stress Then why are we embarrassed by our tears? Why are we fearful they will make others uncomfortable? Often, when people can cry, the work of healing can begin No more apologies No more uneasiness My tears are for my healing Perhaps, too, my tears will give others permission to cry when they feel the need ... party —ROBERT FARRAR CAPON Often with loss, especially if it has been sudden and untimely, we are tempted to dig in our heels at the last moment before the loss occurred We will resist We not consent... one but me and those I love JANUARY 12 In the months after my daughter’s death, I filled four notebooks with entries—writing sometimes daily, sometimes several times a day, sometimes only once... others uncomfortable? Often, when people can cry, the work of healing can begin No more apologies No more uneasiness My tears are for my healing Perhaps, too, my tears will give others permission